Part Of Your World
by LauraHilary
Summary: Bella, 21 year old college student, meets Edward Cullen, an Amish man exploring the outside world. Will Bella's love be able to keep him around? Or will it all be too much? Larger summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

**Seattle, WA**

**BPOV:**

I inhaled the crisp air of fall as I walked to my Thursday nine o'clock class. I had my coffee in hand of course. Leaning my head back, I took in the overcast sky and admired the variation of leaves that slowly floated down from above. It was my kind of day. That is until I failed to notice the uneven part of the sidewalk, and went flying to the ground face first.

_Bella Swan, the klutz. _I would never lose that nickname for obvious reasons.

I slowly picked myself up and checked for damage. My coffee had gone flying about five feet down the path, and the knee of my jeans had torn just a bit. I looked myself over more and noticed that my hands were a bit scraped. _Good thing I keep a first aid kit in my backpack._

I pulled my bag off my shoulder, and dug around in it until I found the kit. _Aha! An antiseptic wipe will work perfectly for this job. _I finished cleaning the scrapes, and put away the kit before picking up my bag and walking towards the spilled coffee. _Of all the times for my coffee to spill… I __really__ needed it today!_ I shook my head and threw the empty cup in a nearby trashcan. Class was going to be just brilliant today without my liquid focus.

"Oh shit, class!" I hurriedly pulled the little cell phone out of my pocket and looked at the time. 9:05 a.m.

_Dammit! _I didn't dare run, so I settled for a brisk walk. I was never late for class, so when I walked in and saw that my usual seat in the front row was taken, I sighed audibly.

_Oh, was it that loud? _The whole class turned around to face me as the professor glared. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. I quickly grabbed a seat at the very back and buried my face in my hands. I looked up and tried to get comfortable with the new view for the day.

How was I supposed to pay attention up here? There were way too many distractions in front of me. Like that girl two rows down, her hair towered upwards at dangerous heights. _I wonder what kind of hairspray could hold that well. _

And then there was the guy sitting directly in front of me. He texted into his phone furiously, and I could read every word. Poor guy, I hoped his mother would be able to pick up his hemorrhoid cream before his date with Ashley tonight.

My eyes wandered to the guy three rows over to the right. I'd never seen such a strange shade of hair before. Fiery bronze and perfectly messy, as if he'd run his hands through it furiously. I bobbed my head around until I saw his face. I gasped. He was, without a doubt, the most beautiful guy I had ever seen. His jaw was sharp and masculine, and his nose was straight but rounded softly at the tip. I wondered briefly what he looked like from the front.

How had I never noticed him before?

Ah, that's right, front row seat, usually on time, and leaving after everyone else was gone. For once, procrastination seemed like a great idea. I spent the remainder of class staring at him. I longed to watch him longer, but Professor Andrews dismissed the class.

Everyone closed their notebooks and grabbed their things hurriedly, with either better things to do, or another class to rush towards. I slowly gathered my things and prepared to leave. A throat cleared down in front.

"Miss Swan?" Professor Andrews quirked an eyebrow at me before gesturing that I join him down in the front.

I made my way to down the steps, paying close attention to every move my feet made.

"I'm sorry, Professor. I fell down on the way to class and my things went flying, and I scraped my hands. I won't be late again." He smiled and shook his head.

"That's alright, Miss Swan. I just wanted to ask how you were coming on the short story for the Young Writers of America contest?"

I shrugged. "It's coming along, but I have to admit I'm stuck at the moment. I guess I just need a bit of inspiration to strike."

He nodded. "Very well. I know you're determined to get that scholarship money. I have faith that you'll be able to pull it off. You and one other student are the only ones that are registered to enter from UW. You should be very proud."

"Thanks Professor Andrews." I turned to leave but I ran into something hard.

"Oomph!" I looked up and realized that I had just run face first into the bronze haired god.

_Oh my God, his eyes. _

They were the most vivid shade of green that I'd ever seen. I gazed stupidly into them. A breathtaking, crooked smile slowly crept onto his perfect face.

"S-sorry." I muttered. My cheeks burned as I moved around him quickly.

"Professor, I just wanted to turn in my short story. I finished editing it last night." _Ah, the other contestant. Impressive. _I listened to his voice as I climbed the stairs. There was something about the way he talked. I couldn't put my finger on what seemed different about it. I kept listening to try and figure it out.

"Edward, I notice that it isn't typed."

Edwardsighed lightly. "Yes sir, I try not to use the computer if possible." _Really? Was he as terrible with technology as I was with walking?_

"Look, I know about your background. If you feel uncomfortable using a computer, I have a typewriter in my office that you can check out." Edward answered sounding relieved. "That would be great, sir. Thank you." I began pondering everything I had just heard. I may have been able to give it more thought if I hadn't collided with the door.

I exited the classroom as fast as possible after that.

_Thank God for Friday's._

After my shift was over at the bookstore, I headed home to get ready for a night at the bar. It was my usual thing. I didn't go with anyone, but I almost always left with somebody. Looking in the mirror, I brushed through the thick strands of my chestnut hair. I sighed, wishing that it stood out more.

I applied a bit of a makeup to my dark brown eyes, and then a touch of Chap Stick to my lips and that was it. Tonight my outfit consisted of a long-sleeved black top and dark skinny jeans, paired with my tall black boots. It was simple yet sexy, and it was enough to get me laid. It wasn't that I was easy per se. I just liked to keep my "relationships" casual. Nobody gets hurt that way.

I decided that tonight I would hit up a small pub. I hadn't been to this particular location in a month or so. Walking in, I inhaled the smell of beer and cigarettes.

_Ah, time to relax Bella. _I grabbed an empty barstool and set my clutch on the counter. The bartender turned around and asked me what I wanted.

"Whiskey on the rocks, please."

He smiled and then winked, "That's my kind of woman."

He was hitting on me, awesome. I guess he wasn't too bad to look at - tall and muscular, dark hair and dark eyes. I rolled my eyes as he slid the glass to me. I tipped back the glass and let the drink warm my throat.

"So, what's your name, Mr. Bartender?"

He refilled my glass and smiled. "Jacob. And what's yours, Whiskey Girl?"

I snorted then downed my drink. "It's Bella. Nice to meet you." Jacob licked his lips and turned around to look at the clock.

"Here's the deal, Bella. I get off in five minutes. So what do you say?"

I laughed, "Really? Sorry, I don't do five minute men." He blushed and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Okay, Jacob. Pour me another drink first and then we'll get out of here."

_Wow, this was going to be easy tonight._ Five minutes later, I was feeling tipsy and hanging on Jacob's arm. We headed to another bar where a local band was playing. It was loud and crowded. I usually didn't like places like this but I had a feeling we wouldn't be here long.

"I'm gonna go get us some beer, I'll be right back." I nodded and turned towards the band playing on stage. I heard a high pitched "Bella!" and turned towards the sound.

A blonde hair girl approached me. "Rose! Hey, how are you?" We hugged quickly and she pulled back smiling. "Bella, I haven't seen you in forever! I've missed you," she squealed.

"Rosalie, you've been hanging out with Alice too much. She's rubbing off on you." I elbowed her and smiled. Alice was Rose's boyfriend Emmett's sister.

"What have you been up to, girl?" Rose asked eagerly.

"School, work, writing. Same old story. What about you?"

She shrugged. "School and hanging out with Emmett as much I can. Alice and I go out occasionally."

Alice. I'd only met her a few times briefly, but she was perhaps the most talkative girl that I'd ever met. She hugged me each time like we were the best of friends. I had frequently wondered if she was on something.

"How's Emmett? I miss the big oaf!"

Rose laughed. "He's good. Just really, er, preoccupied lately. Oh! Tomorrow there's a huge party at his place. You should come. Alice and Jasper, Emmett and I will be there of course. And his cousin."

I smiled. "Uh, I might. Text me the time and address. Okay?" She grinned widely and her blue eyes filled with excitement. "Oh Bella, I hope you decide to come! I know it's not really your thing but I've missed you and so has Emmett!"

I nodded, "I'll really try and come Rose. I've missed you too." She gave me a hug and then we said our goodbyes.

I was glad she left before Jacob returned. Rose knew about my casual affairs and didn't approve. We were the best of friends in high school but after leaving Forks, she met Emmett and we grew apart. She just couldn't understand why I wouldn't settle down with one guy. If only I had told her about what had happened with James, she might get where I was coming from. But I had never told her, and I didn't know why.

I should be ashamed of my behavior, but I just couldn't let go of how carefree it felt. I was a good girl who had been hurt, and I never wanted to feel that pain again.

Jacob returned with the beer and we both sipped casually. He noticed that I'd become somber and grinned widely, hoping that I'd catch on. I was starting to feel sick from all of the thoughts bouncing around in my head. I chugged my beer, much to Jacob's surprise, and then grabbed his arm.

"Are you ready to get out of here or what?"

His eyes darkened and he nodded. He flagged down a taxi and whispered into my ear. "My place or yours?"

I swallowed noisily. "Yours."

We climbed into the taxi and he gave the cab driver his address. His apartment was on the third floor, so we took the elevator. I was pretty drunk by the time we reached his door, so while he fumbled with his keys I began kissing his neck and jaw.

The door opened and he groaned as I pushed him into the apartment. We hit the couch and I straddled him. After several minutes of making out, I stood up and began taking off my clothes. His eyes roamed hungrily over my body while he removed his own clothing. Jacob lay back on the couch with his rather *cough* large erection in tow.

He pulled a condom from the coffee table drawer. _Slick. _I grabbed it away from him and tore it with my teeth. _Let's just get this over with already. _

I rolled the rubber over his length, and then took a deep breath before raising myself over him. I plunged down and relished in the half pain, half pleasure that shot through my body. Jacob moaned loudly and began to rock us slowly. I shook my head and pinned his arms to the couch.

"Let me."

He looked up at me and I had to shut my eyes to avoid his gaze. I wanted to see the green eyes that I had stared into yesterday. I pictured that it was Edward buried deep inside of me. I began pounding up and down furiously, picturing _his _hands running all over me.

"Mmm… Bella," Jacob grunted.

I scrunched my eyes as tight as they would go and thought of Edward calling out my name. My stomach twitched as my inner walls clenched around Jacob.

"Oh God, yes. Ungh." I felt him fill the condom and I immediately pushed myself up.

He laid breathing heavily for a minute, before his snores filled the room. I sighed with relief at the fact that I wouldn't have to stick around and pretend to care. Pulling on my clothes and boots, I took a deep breath and headed for the door. I had gotten what I wanted and I was satisfied. The whole way home, I tried to ignore the empty feeling that resided in my chest. Why was I starting to feel this way?

I'd never had a problem with these flings before. It disturbed me and I slept restlessly, dreaming of green orbs, and red flames. Tomorrow was a new day.


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own any part of the Twilight Franchise. Honestly, I'm just a bored housewife/mother who loves to write and play with these characters. So sue me! Okay, please don't sue me…**

**BIG Shout out to my beta wheather79! Thank you for helping me make this story something to be proud of! You're awesome! **

**Chapter 2: Rumspringa**

**Seattle, WA**

**BPOV:**

I woke up Saturday morning with a slight thumping in my head. I wasn't sure if it was due to the lack of sleep, or my previous night's alcohol consumption. I sat up slowly and then climbed out of my bed.

I walked across my studio apartment and flicked on the coffee maker before making my way to the bathroom. I undressed and hopped in the shower, hoping to wash away the feelings of regret. The hot water beat down on my skin soothingly, making me feel sleepy. I scrubbed my hair with what Rosalie called "my signature Bella shampoo." It was strawberries and cream scented, and I'd been using it since junior high.

Mike Newton once told me that he'd like to taste my hair. I avoided him like the plague after that.

After towel drying my hair and getting dressed in a fluffy blue robe, I decided that it was time for a giant cup of coffee. When I say giant, I mean giant. This cup was a big as a cereal bowl, and it had a big huge smiley face on the side. It always took me to my happy place.

The aroma of coffee pulled me to the kitchen area. Pouring my liquid joy into the giant cup, I mmm'd and sighed longingly.

Since I lived in a studio apartment, I had my couch against the end of the bed and the TV a few feet away. I flipped through the channels until something caught my interest. It was a local news station, and they were talking about the "it" places for college students on a Saturday night.

The pub where Jacob worked appeared onto the screen and I quickly shut the TV off. My stomach clenched tightly.

Why did I keep getting this feeling? Was my body trying to tell me that I should have feelings for Jacob? I didn't think that could be it. I couldn't even look at him while we had sex last night. I had pictured someone else, someone that I didn't even really know.

I sighed and tried to dissipate the feelings of guilt for the random hookups that I frequently had. Maybe I just needed to do it again. It had to have been something about Jacob that messed me up.

I decided then that I would go to Emmett's party and find myself a way to forget about these feelings. I couldn't let these feelings take over, it was dangerous and it meant pain.

**oOoOoOoOo**

Later that evening, I started getting ready for the party. Rose had texted me earlier in the day and given me the time and address. I felt the need to look extra nice tonight. I picked out a navy, wool v-neck sweater, paired with denim leggings and black flats. I pulled my hair back into a loose bun and left tendrils hanging around my face. I decided that some mascara and a simple red-tinted lip stain were all that I needed for the whole look.

It was about nine o'clock when I left for the party. Emmett's place was about seven miles from my house so I took a cab. He lived in a big Victorian that had been restored completely. Rose had said before that his mom was an interior designer; she must have been in charge of this project.

When I arrived, people were everywhere. Some were smoking, others were texting. I made my way to the door and pushed past the crowd. Inside the home was a bachelor's dream. Between the crowds of people I could see stylish furniture and sleek electronics, and modern black and white photos adorned the walls. It was definitely Emmett, but if Rose ever moved in it would have to be redesigned completely. She would want warmth to exude from the walls, probably in shades of red.

I started looking around for a familiar face, but it was hard to see anyone through the throngs of people. Over the bumping of the music, I could hear a booming laugh. I headed towards the sound, confident that I would know the owner of that laugh. In the kitchen I found Emmett and Rose standing by a beer bong. Some poor guy was trying his best to drink all of that beer but he was failing miserably. It was spewing from his mouth and all over his clothes.

Emmett looked over and saw me and I waved shyly. "HEY! Look, it's Bellaroo!" He ran over and scooped me up into a huge bear hug and spun me around. I heard a squeak behind me and turned around to see Alice bouncing on her feet.

"Bella! It's nice to see you again!" She hugged me and I patted her back while clearing my throat.

"You have to go shopping with Rose and me tomorrow. It'll be a girls' day. Please say yes." She puckered out her bottom lip and looked up at me pleadingly.

I sighed and shrugged. "Maybe Alice. That sounds…fun." She squealed again and I winced. A guy with curly blonde hair and big dimples came up behind her and locked his arms around her waist.

"Jazzy! You have to meet Bella." He extended a hand towards me and smiled. "I'm Jasper, nice to meet you Bella." I shook his hand and nodded, "Nice to meet you too."

Alice and Jasper excused themselves and went off to mingle with the other party guests. Rose came up and hugged me from behind.

"I'm so glad you came, Bella. I've really missed our friendship."

I suddenly felt terrible. I had become way too self-involved over the last few years. I vowed then and there to change that. Rose had never been anything but a great friend, and I had written her off because she didn't agree with my choices? What a wonderful person I was.

"I've missed you too, Rose. I promise I won't go so long without talking to you. I've just had things going on…"

She smirked knowingly. "I know you weren't alone last night, Bella. I saw you with Jacob Black as I was leaving." I looked at her questioningly.

"I've seen him around at some of the frat parties. Look Bella, I'm just concerned about you. This behavior isn't you, and I don't know why you started doing it, but I'm here for you and I love you. So please don't shut me out okay?"

What could I say to all of that? I really was a shitty friend.

"I promise Rose, I won't shut you out anymore. And I want to tell you things. I just…"

She shook her head and smiled. "Let's get you a drink."

We ended up just grabbing a couple of beers and then went to find Emmett. When he saw us walk in the room he exclaimed, "Rose! C'mere, I need you to be in this contest. If you can tie a cherry stem into a knot then I'll win fifty bucks." She rolled her eyes and stalked off towards the crowd that had gathered.

Looking around the room I curiously wondered what the rest of the house looked like. Nobody would miss me for now. I found the staircase and climbed up, holding onto the banister tightly. When I reached the top of the stairs, I came to a hall with three doors. The walls were painted a taupe color and all of the trim was painted a crisp white. I went to the first door on the left and peeked inside. It was a stylish bathroom, with a linen closet, a granite countertop, and I moaned at the sight of the large steam shower.

Closing the door behind me, I went to the next door and immediately knew it was Emmett's. There were clothes strewn all over the floor, and a pair of underwear was thrown onto the ceiling fan above the bed. I didn't want to think about how that had happened. Cringing, I closed the door and headed to the next. It creaked a little as I pushed it open and stepped inside quietly.

There were books lining the shelves that surrounded the four poster bed. It looked so comfortable. I looked to the other side of the room and gasped. Someone was sitting in the window seat reading by the moonlight.

"I am _so_ sorry! I didn't realize that anyone was in here. I was just looking around the house and…I am _so, so_ sorry."

He chuckled and quietly whispered, "That's all right. Would you flip on the lights for me?"

I turned and flipped the switch by the door and gasped again when I saw who it was sitting before me. _Edward. _He recognized me as well.

"You're in my creative writing class, is that correct?"

I swallowed thickly. "Mhmm. I'm Bella."

He nodded tentatively. "I'm Edward Cullen."

I went over and sat next to him on the window seat. "Were you not having fun at the party?"

Edward replied, "Partying isn't my thing. I mostly stay up here when Emmett invites people over."

My brain caught up suddenly. "It isn't my thing either. So, you're Emmett's cousin?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

I lifted up the book that he was reading before. "The Crucible? How are you liking it?"

Edward looked into my eyes and smiled, "It's interesting to see how assumptions and accusations can ruin lives so easily." I bit my lip and my eyes raked the room. I spotted a shiny silver typewriter on the desk on the other side of the room.

"What did Professor Andrews mean when he said that he was aware of your background?"

Edward chuckled. "You heard that, huh?" I blushed lightly, thinking back to the door-to-face incident that followed.

"Uh, yeah. I just wondered what he meant by that and why you said that you weren't comfortable using a computer?" He was silent for a few minutes before answering. I wondered if I had asked too much. After all, he didn't know me. How was it any of my business?

Edward sighed. "Where I come from we don't really use technology - not if we don't have to anyway."

I laughed. "What are you Amish?"

He didn't laugh with me, but his face held amusement on it. "That I am, Bella." Our eyes met and I realized that he wasn't joking at all.

"B-but you don't look Amish. How did you end up here? What about Emmett and Alice? They aren't Amish." Even as I finished spluttering out the questions, more came to the surface in my head. I opened my mouth to speak but he held his hand up.

"What exactly does an Amish guy look like in your mind, Bella?" Edward smirked.

I shook my head. "I just meant the clothes. And don't they usually have beards?"

He laughed harder at that. "Bella, only the married men have beards. And I would stand out a little too much if I walked around in normal Amish attire."

I was suddenly very grateful that Edward didn't have a beard. "You're very stylish. I'd say those are designer clothes."

He shrugged. "Alice insisted I let her shop for me. It seemed easier than arguing with her." I didn't know her all that well but I definitely took what he said to be true. She was a feisty one.

"You didn't answer the other questions. How did you end up here? I mean, Seattle isn't exactly the Amish capital of the world."

Edward ran his hands through his hair. _Yep, I so called that the other day_.

"I decided to do what some of the youth in our lifestyle do. It's called rumspringa." I raised my eyebrows, more questions forming in my brain.

"It's something that youth do in our lifestyle before you're baptized and married. Most do it at a younger age, around sixteen. Where I'm from though, it's very uncommon. The last person in our family to do it was my Uncle Carlisle."

Wow. "Emmett and Alice's dad? He's Amish?" Edward nodded once. "_Was_ Amish. He met Esme while he was exploring and he never turned back. Back home, he's what is known as shunned."

I swallowed thickly. "So what made you decide to, um, sow your wild oats now? You said most of them are younger."

Edward's jaw clenched. "I was told that I would be married soon. This was my last chance."

My stomach clenched. "You're engaged then?"

He shrugged. "I guess, but that's what all of this is for - to see if it's what I really want." I didn't know what to reply. I had so many questions yet I wasn't sure if knowing all of the answers would satisfy me. Curiosity did kill the cat, right?

"Did you not like her? You know, the girl you're supposed to marry." Why did it hurt to ask these questions? I barely knew Edward so I shouldn't care.

"She's okay, I guess. The Stanley's are a nice family. I doubt they know everything that Jessica has done though. She has gone through a wild spell herself but she never left."

I smiled. "No offense Edward, but you don't really seem wild. From what I can tell, you're just the opposite." Edward's crooked grin appeared and my heart began to race. I bet my face was bright pink as well.

"You're right. I'm not wild per se, but my leaving is considered rebellious. It's all just a bit…overwhelming. I'm not sure how to go about this. Emmett and Alice have tried to be helpful. I don't honestly believe that partying and drinking are going to help me decide whether I want to accept the Amish lifestyle though."

I sighed with a smile. "Edward, if you really want to make a decision that big you're going to have to try harder here. You could start by typing up that short story on the computer. Heck, you should get a cell phone, and drive a car everywhere. Turning on the lights while you read would be a great start too." He laughed and butterflies erupted into my stomach. His happiness was a joyous sound.

"I actually do have a cell phone. Aunt Esme gave me one when I got here, but I haven't used it at all. I don't really know how to turn it on." I giggled.

Edward was so…good. I wished wholeheartedly that I could be better like that. It made me want to rethink all of my choices. It also made me feel guilty for thinking sexual thoughts about him before. He didn't seem like that type of guy at all. I could see myself having a good friend in him.

"Bella, tell me about yourself. We've talked about me long enough."

I blushed. Talking about myself wasn't my favorite thing to do, but I guess I owed it to Edward. "Well, I'm an English Lit major, sort of a loner, I'm addicted to coffee, and I'm single." I took a deep breath after my word vomit. He probably thought I was an idiot.

"I'm sure there's more to you than those things, Bella. You seem very complicated."

I shrugged. "I guess. I try to keep things simple. Not as simple as you though." I grinned widely at him.

"Good point. So, you are single? Why don't you have a boyfriend? Most girls here seem to worry about that a lot."

Of course they do. I'm sure I did back in the day before James ruined it all.

"I haven't had a boyfriend in years. They complicate things, and relationships only cause people to hurt."

The space between Edward's eyebrows scrunched up. "So you don't, er... date then?"

How was I supposed to respond to that? He was so honest with me; I guess I should extend the same courtesy as well.

"I keep my, uh, relationships casual. You know…" He tilted his head up and I'm sure he was probably thinking about how much of a slut I was.

"What made you decide to choose that lifestyle?" Moment of truth, was I supposed to be _that _honest? I guess so.

"I, uh…I dated this guy James in high school for a couple of years. I was in love with him and I was sure that someday we would get married. He graduated the year before me, so while I was a senior he went to a local college so that we could be closer. It was the night of graduation and we had gone to a party together, and I had no curfew. We, uh, we went back to his parents' house and one thing led to another. He convinced me that since someday we were going to get married, that it would be okay to, ya know, sleep together. So we did and it was awful. It hurt and I cried. He acted really standoffish afterwards. I thought maybe he just felt bad for making me hurt, but the next day after he had gone back to school, I got a call from him. He said _it _wasn't good for him and that we must not be sexually compatible. Well, he ended it saying that he couldn't see me anymore. I was devastated and I felt used. I vowed to never go through that again."

When I looked over at Edward, his jaw was clenched and his fists were balled.

"Bella, you're better than that. Don't let some guy make you feel like that." I felt my eyes begin to water.

I had never told _anyone_ about what had happened with James. The emptiness and pain from the night before began to creep into my chest. I needed to change the subject and fast.

"So are you going to try harder, Edward? I can help you turn on your cell phone or help you learn to type." I forced a smile, but when Edward smiled back it wasn't forced anymore.

"I will try Bella, but you have to promise to try harder too."

I nodded and gave him a look that told him I would try.

"So, where is that cell phone?" He stood up and walked over to the desk.

I couldn't help but gawk at him. He was tall and thin but muscular. His skin was pale but sun kissed. He pulled a simple silver phone out of the drawer and walked back to the window seat. I took the cell phone and couldn't help but notice the feel of his hands. They were rough on his palms, obviously from hard work.

I flipped open the phone and pressed the green button and the screen lit up.

"See? It's easy." Edward took the phone from my hands and looked at it as if it was the most alien thing in the world.

"Now what do I do?" _Oh Edward._

"To call people you go to the address book here and scroll down with this button, and then click their name with that middle button. See? Oh, and here I'll put my number in here so you can practice calling and hanging up if you'd like. Maybe someday I can show you how to text."

Edward rubbed his face and then of course ran his long fingers through his hair. "Sure. Well, thanks Bella. I'm glad I have someone to help." It was then that the door busted open.

"Jesus, Edward. Sorry, we were just looking for Bella." Rosalie had a sheepish grin on her face. Emmett just looked confused.

"Have you been up here talking to him all this time?" Rosalie quirked an eyebrow.

"Uh, yeah. I was just looking around up here and ran into Edward. We have a creative writing class together. We got to talking and I guess the time slipped by." My cheeks flamed. Rose probably thought I was up to my usual antics. I hope she knew that Edward wasn't like that at all.

Emmett laughed. "Man, I hope you didn't bore her to death. No offense Eddie, but you're a snore sometimes."

I rolled my eyes. "Not everybody has to fill silence with jabber, Em."

Rose smacked him on the back of the head. "See - that's exactly what I'm talking about Emmett! Think before you speak!"

Emmett pouted, his bottom lip jutted out slightly. "Ow Rosie, that hurt!"

After a few minutes of listening to the two of them go back and forth, I turned to Edward.

"Well, I should really get going. It's late." I stood up in front of him.

He looked up and his emerald eyes pierced through me. He stuck out his hand and I put my hand in his.

"Good evening, Bella. I'll see you soon." Edward squeezed my hand and let go. I took a deep breath and turned to Rose and Emmett.

"Well, good night guys. I'll see you and Alice tomorrow, I guess." Rose hugged me and promised to text me when they were ready to meet up. I said goodbye to Emmett and waved to Edward once again before exiting the room.

The ride home felt slow and even the elevator to my floor seemed languid. I went to bed feeling lighter than before. I slept better than I had in a really long time and I owed it all to Edward Cullen.


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own any of the Twilight Franchise. I do however own a cardboard cutout of Edward Cullen…just kidding. But no…really.**

Beta'd by the wonderful: wheather79

My Twitter is LauraHilary. There is a link on my profile. Check it out!

**Seattle, WA**

**BPOV:**

_You're doing this to be a better friend to Rose. She's a great friend. Besides, you deserve this torture for pushing everyone away. _I repeated those thoughts over and over in my head as Alice herded us around the mall.

"Bella, are you listening? Do you think Jazzy would like me better in the black thong or the black lacy boy shorts?" She looked at me like her life depended on my answer.

"Um Alice, how am I supposed to know what type of underwear that Jasper would prefer you in?" She sighed in exasperation.

Rose picked up a silky blue thong and threw it at me. "You'd look great in that color, Bella, but I guess it depends on the lover."

I blushed and threw the thong back at her. "What's that supposed to mean, _Rose_?"

"It means, I saw how you were looking at Edward last night, _Bella_." The mocking tone in her voice made me want to stick my tongue out at her.

"Edward? Bella likes Edward?" Alice questioned excitedly.

"I don't like Edward, guys. It was a coincidence that we even started talking last night. Anyway, he's a nice guy; it will never be like that."

Alice giggled. "Why? Because he's betrothed to some chick thousands of miles away?"

I sighed. "No, because I don't do relationships, and he and I are way too different. I can; however, see him being a great friend. So drop it."

Rose crossed her arms and scowled. "Fine, but I still say you like him."

Alice's eyes widened. "Bella, you haven't bought all that much. I can't let you go home with so few items." She was as serious as dog dirt.

"Alice, I live on a part time income. I can't afford to go on shopping sprees whenever I want. Besides, I really don't need that much. Let's just finish up here and then grab some food, okay?"

I could tell that it really bothered her that I had less than half the amount of shopping bags as she and Rose. "Let me buy you one outfit, and I swear we'll be done after that. And you get to pick where we eat. Deal?"

I sighed in defeat. "Okay, but nothing too fancy or expensive. Let's make this quick." She threw several different outfits at me to try on before deciding on a blue, long sleeved, pleated jersey dress. It was casual and comfortable so I didn't complain too much. I couldn't hold my tongue when I saw her throw in the silky blue thong with a matching bra. In true Alice fashion, she began humming a song and walked ahead of us. Rose smirked at me as I just shook my head.

**oOoOoOoOo**

I decided on Olive Garden for lunch. I was gaga for their breadsticks and salad. Rose decided to push her luck and bring up Edward again. "Edward's favorite color is blue, you know. I heard him tell Esme when she was asking him about bedspreads."

I rolled my eyes. "And just what am I supposed to do with that information, Rose?"

Alice snorted. "Well, duh, Bella. You have a new blue dress and beautiful blue lingerie. What do you think you're supposed to do with that?"

I slammed my salad fork down on my plate. "What did I tell you guys about this earlier? _I. Do. Not. Like. Edward._ Besides, did either of you notice that he's Amish? I'm pretty sure that his morals include no sex before marriage. There's no way he's ever going to see me in lingerie, so cut the bullshit!"

Alice laughed again. "Isn't the whole point of this exploration thing to go a bit wild?"

I scoffed. "I don't think that's what it's about at all. If he wanted to go wild, he could have done that back in…well, wherever he came from." I picked my fork back up and stabbed at my poor, defenseless salad.

"Missouri. That's where he came from. But okay, Bella, we'll stop teasing you about it." Alice quietly slurped her soup. Rose; however, had a smug look on her face as she chewed on her breadstick. I didn't even want to know what she was thinking. They were evil. Pure evil.

We went our separate ways after lunch and I was more than excited to get back to my apartment. I collapsed onto the couch and pulled off my shoes. I had just closed my eyes when I heard the chime from my phone signaling that I had a message. _Hmm, I must have forgotten something in Alice's car. _I clicked around on my phone until I reached the text message inbox. I didn't recognize the number.

_**Bella- Emmett taught me how to text message. He says it's way better than calling. I don't agree. However, I thought I'd impress you with my new texting skills. -Edward**_

I smiled and quickly texted back a reply.

_**Edward- I am very impressed! However, I do agree that calling is much better. -B**_

After what seemed like forever, I hadn't received a text back. I threw my phone onto the bed and started to walk away, but before I could get too far it began ringing. I ran back to the bed and grabbed my phone, pressing the accept button eagerly. "Hello Edward."

He chuckled lightly. "Hello Bella. This is much better than text messaging. I'm very slow at it."

I laughed. "Don't worry, everyone is at first. You'll get the hang of it soon."

Edward sighed. "I hope so, but the reason I was calling is, well, I remembered that you said you liked coffee. I wondered if maybe you would like to join me for a cup tomorrow afternoon?"

My heart began to race with excitement. "Sure, of course! What time were you thinking?"

He hummed before answering. "I have a class at two. How about 3:30?"

"Sure, I work until 3:30 at a bookstore. There's a really cool coffee shop across the street if you want to meet there."

"Okay that sounds great, Bella. Just, er, text me the directions if you will?"

I giggled. "No problem, Edward. I can do that."

We said our goodbyes and then hung up. I flopped onto the bed and smiled, that is, until I got a text from Rose telling me to wear blue tomorrow. I pictured her and Emmett standing outside Edward's door eavesdropping. Poor Edward, no matter what he does or where he lives, all of his actions are scrutinized. I decided to clue him in.

_**E- You might want to check for eavesdroppers at your door, just saying. -B**_

I waited for his reply and smirked at his response.

_**B- Emmett and Rosalie apparently think the house has mice. They are currently standing against the wall claiming that they can hear them. -E**_

_**E- That's a pretty creative story for those two. Tell them that you caught one earlier and didn't know what to do with it so you set it free. They will flip. -B**_

_**B- You were right. Rosalie screamed. Emmett said a few choice curse words, and is standing on the bathroom counter. -E**_

_**E- LOL (laugh out loud). See you tomorrow, Edward. -B**_

_**B- See you then. -E**_

I laughed for a good five minutes after that. It felt amazing and it made me all the more excited to see my new friend tomorrow.

**oOoOoOoOo**

Monday morning was a blur to me. I had woken up late due to sleeping right through my alarm. I was glad that I had showered the night before or else I might have been meeting Edward with greasy hair. The day was slow with so few customers. Yep, Monday's at the bookstore sucked. When 3:30 finally rolled around, I took off my Books N' Nooks apron and quickly smoothed down my long sleeved green shirt and dark wash jeans. I breathed a sigh of relief and headed across the street to Foam.

Upon walking through the door, I was hit with the aroma of delicious coffee and blueberry scones. _Heaven. _Looking around, I spotted Edward at a table in the back corner of the café. He was reading The Crucible again. I smiled and headed towards him.

Edward looked up and gave me a warm smile. "Bella, it's nice to see you again." He stood up and pulled out a chair for me.

I raised my eyebrows at his gesture. _Was that something that all Amish boys are taught to do? It was nice. _"It's nice to see you too, Edward. I see you're reading more of your book. Are you still enjoying it?"

Edward shrugged and shook his head. "Not really. The characters are so naïve. It disturbs me how a whole town, or world, can just base their judgment on a person from what someone else says." His forehead creased and I wanted badly to smooth it out. I started to understand a bit more of what Edward may be going through. Maybe I would never truly understand, but I could see that he was having an internal struggle.

"Edward, tell me more about yourself. I want to hear more about your life before coming here."

He held a finger up and grinned. "I will, but first we need coffee and dessert." I agreed and watched happily as he went to order. Edward returned shortly with two black coffees and two blueberry scones.

"Has anyone ever told you how awesome you are, Edward? I mean, it's like you read my mind about what I wanted."

Edward flashed me a crooked grin. "So, where should I begin? Do you have any questions?"

I pondered that for a moment. I had so many questions, but what were the main ones that I wanted him to answer? "Okay, question number one. What is a day in the life of an Amish man and woman like?"

Edward took a sip of his coffee before answering. "Typically, the man of the house gets up around five in the morning. He goes to the barn to feed the animals and milk the cows. After that, he joins the family for breakfast. Depending on the time of year, the fields are prepared, planted, or harvested. Supper is had, and the cows must be milked again after that. The women awaken around the same time and usually assist with the milking, as it can be a big job depending on the number of cows a family owns. They prepare breakfast and clean the home, and laundry and such is done. Occasionally, they help with the fields. Then there are the responsibilities of taking care of the children, which is a whole other job within itself. Oh, and sewing is something I see my mother doing often."

I shook my head in awe. "Most people I know wouldn't last a day in that life. It must take a lot of strength."

Edward shook his head as if he disagreed. "It's just our normal life, Bella. There is no other option."

To be honest, it sounded like hell. _Maybe I was just lazy. _"Tell me about what the children do."

He smiled. "Well, we go to school like everyone else. Of course, we're only required to go until the eighth grade. We also have chores and duties around the farm."

I took a bite of my scone and thought about everything he'd told me so far. It was a lot to take in. "What do you do after the eighth grade? Just farming and stuff?"

He tilted his head to the side. "Not really. I mean, there's that but we also learn other trades and apprenticeships. I, uh, I like carpentry. If I go back, then I'll make furniture and sell it on the side of farming." Edward cleared his throat and played with the lid on his coffee.

"Are you any good? I'd like to see your handiwork sometime." A frown played at the corners of his mouth, and I wondered what was going through his mind.

"Bella, do you enjoy having casual relationships?"

My chest became heavy with the subject change. "I used to, at first. It made me feel powerful, like I was in control, and I felt invincible. After awhile though, I just became numb." My head lowered. I didn't want to look Edward in the eyes because I knew I would feel ashamed.

"You should stop. It's not good for your soul. You're only fooling yourself if you think that you're not hurting." The silence between us was thick. I finished the rest of my coffee and began chewing my lip. Edward sighed and then put his hand out, where it hovered over mine for a second before lowering on top.

"I'm sorry, Bella. It's not my place to say anything or to judge. I barely know you."

I felt warm tears filling up my eyes as I looked up at him. He was right and it hurt. "No, Edward, you're right. I don't want to do it anymore. I'm not going to."

He squeezed my hand. His touch was warm and rough, and oh so comforting. It made me want to tell him all of my deepest, darkest secrets and fears. _Why did Edward have this effect on me? _

I sighed and smiled. "So Edward, how would you like to start crossing things off your list? It looks like there's an open computer over there. I could show you how to use the internet."

He nodded and gave me a brilliant grin. "Sure, but I'm still holding out for the driving lesson."

I widened my eyes in mock horror. "Are you sure that you want _me _to be the teacher in that lesson?"

Edward stood up and grabbed my hand. We made our way over to the computer, where we ended up spending the rest of the evening.

**oOoOoOoOo**

That night, I lay in bed thinking about all I had done over the years. I thought about all the changes I wanted to make in my life. I wanted to open up to Rose like I had with Edward. I would tell her everything if I needed to, because she deserved the truth. In order to do that though, I'd have to relive the details of that night. As a naïve teenager, I didn't think it was so bad at the time. I was used to James' behavior, but I knew now that the way he treated me wasn't okay. I squinted my eyes and thought about how that night started.

_We were at Tyler Crowley's party on the beach. The excitement of freedom hung over all of us and I felt the need to really let loose. Always the good girl with great grades, I was never late for curfew even though I'm sure Charlie wouldn't have been too angry if I had been. James was the only thing in my life that didn't match. He was popular and considered a bad boy. He wanted me though, out of everyone. I was so lucky. _

_"Hey Rose, have you seen James?" _

_She danced around me and shook her head. "Nope! Some of the other college guys were huddled over there drinking. Maybe that's where he is." _

_I thanked her and walked towards the crowd of guys. They were laughing loudly and I spotted James standing with a beer in his hand. It didn't bother me that he was drinking. I knew he did while he was away at college and I didn't have a problem with it. But he was crazy if he thought I was going to let him drive tonight._

_I put my arms around his waist and looked up at him. He looked down at me and glared. "What do you want, Bella? I'm busy." _

_My cheeks flushed. "I just wanted to come and see you. I missed you over there." _

_He rolled his eyes. "How about we just get out of here and go back to my house? Mom and Dad are gone for the weekend." _

_My stomach erupted into butterflies. We usually had to be really careful where we made out. His mom and dad were really conservative. A little privacy would be nice. "Um okay, sounds good. I'll drive." He smirked in response. _

_As soon as we arrived at his house, he pulled me by the wrist to his old bedroom. I bit my lip, feeling anxious. We'd never been in his room without his parents being there before. James pushed me onto the bed and I hit my head on the wall. "Ouch! That hurt, James." _

_He lay down on top of me and began kissing and sucking on my neck. "You like that, Bella baby?" _

_I nodded as he made his way down my chest. When he reached my breasts and pulled my shirt up, I grabbed his hands and shook my head. "What are you doing?" I asked him breathlessly._

_"Don't you want to do a little more than just kissing for once?" His tone was irritated. I let go of his hands and tried not to flinch when he bit down on my nipple. "J-James." I felt something hard on my leg, and my eyes widened when I realized what it was. "James. James." _

_He looked up at me, clearly annoyed. "WHAT, Bella?" _

_I meekly replied, "Are you wanting to, you know?" He smiled. "Don't you Bella?" I shook my head. "I thought we would wait until we're married, James. It's important to me." _

_James scoffed. "Dammit Bella, what's the difference between now and then? We're going to be together forever. It shouldn't matter." _

_I thought about it briefly and nervously answered. "But James, we could get married soon. If you want to do this, can't you wait a little longer?" _

_He shook his head. "No, Bella, I can't. I'm the only guy that's not fucking his girlfriend. I look stupid. Do you not want me or something Bella? Huh, is that it? Maybe we should just take a break." _

_I started to panic when he stood up. "No, no, no, James. Please don't, I love you." _

_James laid back on top of me and kissed me roughly. I didn't try to stop him when he pulled my pants off. He took off his own and moved in between my legs. Pulling me closer, he thrust inside of me forcefully. I cried out in pain as he moved in and out. I bit my lip and held back my tears. I knew it was supposed to hurt the firs time, but this was horrible. I tried to sit up but he pushed me back down and pinned my arms to the bed. "No, let me." I stopped struggling and let him continue. After another minute, he moaned and collapsed on top of me. He sighed and pulled out abruptly, causing another twinge of pain to shoot through me. _

_James pulled on his jeans silently and walked out of the room. I heard the TV flip on shortly afterward. Dressing quickly in my own clothes, I wobbled on unsteady legs into the living room. "Uh James, I'm kind of tired. Do you want me to stay the night? I can call Charlie…" I trailed off hesitantly._

_He didn't even look up from the TV when he answered. "Nah, I'll take you home." _

_I didn't object to his driving even though he had been drinking earlier. I just wanted to get home and go to sleep. Once I was in my bed, I cried until my pillow was soaked, grieving for my innocence and wishing away the burning pain between my legs._

I forced my eyes open and realized that my face was covered in tears. I felt so cold and longed for someone to hold me and tell me that they loved me. I didn't want to be used anymore. I didn't want to use anyone else anymore. I wanted a real relationship.


	4. Chapter 4

**S.M owns all Twilight related characters/storyline. I just play with them! Copyright infringement not intended.**

Authors Note: Join me on Twitter. My username is LauraHilary, or the link is on my profile.

**Chapter 4: Confusion**

**Seattle, WA**

**BPOV:**

The next afternoon I found myself at Edward's place. We'd sat next to each other in class, and since neither us of had anything else going on after that, brunch was on the agenda. I made a quiche and cut up some fruit and cheese on the side. Edward was quiet while he ate, but every once in a while he would look up and our eyes would meet. I tried to tell myself that the blush that colored my cheeks was due to the embarrassment at being caught staring, but I couldn't look away. The way he slid his mouth over the fork for each bite, and the sounds he made when he liked the way something tasted, mesmerized me.

After we ate, I washed the dishes, while he stood against the counter and dried them. We continued talking about his life and his family, which once again completely captivated me.

"So, tell me about your mom. What's she like?"

A smile played at the corner of his mouth. "My mother's name is Elizabeth. Everyone says our eyes are exactly the same. She likes to sew, and she makes the best bread out of anyone in our community. My mother is fair, and does everything by the book, but she's forgiving." He sighed and continued. "She balances out my father."

I bit my lip and thought about that. "So, what's your dad like then?"

Edward swirled the dishcloth around a plate before speaking. "Edward Senior is generous, keeps to himself most of the time, brutally honest, and set in his ways."

It seemed Edward had some beef with his dad. I guessed that he wasn't too pleased that his only child had traveled thousands of miles away to possibly never return. After all, his brother Carlisle had done the same thing. According to Edward, he'd never even talked to that part of his family until he decided that he was leaving.

"So, he wasn't happy when you left, huh?"

Edward laughed darkly. "I've never seen him so angry. He said he was ashamed of me and that if I chose to live a different life, that I would be shunned just like his brother."

I turned to Edward and pulled the plate and cloth out of his hands. Placing my hands on his arms, I looked up at him sadly. "You feel guilty. That's why it's so hard for you to change, or to experience change."

He looked down at me and I tried to ignore the butterflies flying madly inside my body. "Bella, imagine being the only child your family has, and then deserting them because you want more out of life. It's a hard feeling to escape."

I nodded. "I can't say that my situation is as extreme, but I do know how you feel. I grew up with my mom, who moved us around like gypsies. Nothing was ever permanent. She left my dad when I was four, and I missed him terribly. When I was ten, I told her that I didn't want to do it anymore and I went to live with my dad in Forks. My mom was so angry. She told me that I was being selfish. To this day, she barely speaks to me."

Edward put his hand underneath my chin and lifted my face to meet his eyes. "You're not selfish, Bella. You felt like you were suffocating, and you did what would make you happy."

I stared determinedly into his eyes. "Ditto." He quirked an eyebrow at the word and just as I was going to explain, the kitchen door flew open. Edward and I jumped apart.

"Yo Yo Yo, what's happenin'?" Emmett yelled. Jasper walked in behind him and waved. Emmett went straight to the fridge and began pulling out the leftovers from brunch. He set out two plates and started loading them up with the food.

"You're washing those," I said, as he piled more food onto the plate.

"Nah, that's what the dishwasher's for."

I looked over and noticed the shiny, silver dishwasher on the right side of the sink. "Oh. Well, I like doing things the old-fashioned way." Edward gave me a crooked grin and said softly, "Me too."

**oOoOoOoOo**

Over the next month, Edward and I became the best of friends. When I wasn't working at the bookstore or we weren't in class, we were together. I taught him how to operate a car - Emmett's car, to be specific. My favorite part was when he turned the key and heard the power behind the engine as he pressed the gas pedal. His eyes lit up and I was almost positive that I saw a little drool drip from his mouth. I teased him about the "horse-power" in his buggy back home. He just elbowed me and shook his head. We also typed up his short story on the computer, and even turned ours in together to a surprised looking Professor Andrews. When I was at work, Edward would drop by and I would suggest different books that he should read next. He was quickly becoming my favorite customer.

I had also been doing a lot of thinking about the dating thing. I decided that I would just let it happen when it happened, which ended up not taking a lot of time at all. Edward and I were walking to class one day. It was raining so I had the hood of my sweatshirt up. Edward only wore a jacket, and the rain clung to his unruly bronze hair, giving it a rainbow effect. We were so busy talking, that I didn't notice Jacob Black approaching our way. I almost ran into him but Edward quickly pulled me out of the way. "Sorry!" I squealed. Jacob turned around to look at me, his eyebrows knitted.

"Oh! Hey Bella!" He smiled warmly.

I waved and awkwardly returned the smile. "How are you, Jacob?"

He tugged on his hood and shrugged. "A little wet, but I guess that's nothing out of the ordinary for here, huh?" I laughed nervously. "Yeah, you're right." Jacob gave Edward a steely glance and then looked back at me. "So, Bella, can I talk to you for a minute?"

I sighed and sent Edward an apologetic look. "I'll meet you in class?" Edward responded with a curt nod while glaring at Jacob. _What in the world was that about?_

Once we were alone, Jacob put his hand on my shoulder and his face became serious. "I'm so sorry about that night, Bella. I fell asleep and you probably thought I was a huge ass. I would've called you but I didn't have your number. I just want you to know that I don't usually do those kinds of things. There was just something about you, though."

I smiled. "It's partly my fault, Jake. I didn't have to just leave. You probably think I'm a huge slut."

He waved his hands around as his eyes widened. "No, no, not at all, Bella. In fact, I've been hoping that you would come back to the pub. I want to take you out on a real date. You know, dinner and a movie. All the clichés."

I couldn't help but grin. He was nice and I felt bad that I had used him the way I did, that was why I agreed to go on a date with him. Jacob Black was sweet, and very good looking. It would be fun and maybe I could fall for him.

**oOoOoOoOo**

It wasn't long before Alice and Rose found out about my impending date with Jacob. Alice, of course, used it as an excuse to go shopping. She apparently had the perfect outfit in mind, and rushed out to get it before I had time to object.

Rose pulled me into Emmett's room and closed the door. She crossed her arms and scowled. "Bella, you're not just going out with Jacob to sleep with him again, are you?"

I crossed my arms against my chest, offended at her question. "No, Rose. Jake asked me out on a legit date, and I thought it sounded fun. That's all this is, nothing more than a date. You make it sound like I'm a sex addict."

She held her hands up defensively and said, "Okay, okay. I was just asking."

I wanted to tell her about what happened with James, and I would have, but Emmett being himself, interrupted. "Ladies! How goes it?" Rose smacked him on the chest and rolled her eyes. "The door was closed, Emmett. We were having a private conversation!"

They bantered back and forth as usual while I slipped away in the direction of Edward's room. I knocked gently and opened the door after I heard a quiet voice say "Come in." Edward was sitting on the window seat with his eyes closed.

"Am I disturbing you?"

He opened an eye and grinned. "No, I was just playing scales in my head."

"Playing scales?"

"I play the piano, Bella."

"Okay, good. For a moment there, I thought you were some freak with a sick obsession pertaining to reptiles."

Edward snorted and shook his head. "Bella, you say the most peculiar things sometimes. Did you know that?"

I just nodded and made my way over to the window seat. I sat down beside him and nudged him. "Play me something?"

"On what?" I chewed on my cheek until I could think of something. I extended my leg over his lap and smiled. "Here, pretend my leg is the piano."

Edward's cheeks flooded with color. I internally slapped myself over making what was probably an extremely inappropriate suggestion. _The Amish are really conservative people, right? _I wondered briefly if our being alone together was thought of as "wrong." I was about to pull my leg back and apologize, but Edward reached his hand out and tentatively tapped his fingers on my leg. He began to hum as his fingers stroked against my leg. The melody began to change and Edward picked up the pace. When his fingers hit my upper thigh, I felt the heat rip through my body. My breath caught in my throat as I watched him. Just as soon as his fingers had touched me there, they were gone. The song began to wind down until Edward's voice was barely audible. When it ended, I wanted to cry. I wasn't sure if it was from the loss of contact from his hand on my leg, or from the beautiful melody he had just played.

"That was beautiful, Edward. What's it called?"

He ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath. "It's just something that I've been thinking up in my head while I've been here. I guess if I ever wrote it down, I would call it 'Confusion.'"

"You need a piano. Hm, maybe your Aunt Esme could find you one?"

"That would be nice, but it would have no use once I left. If I leave…" He trailed off.

He knitted his eyebrows and I could see just how confused he was. But what really confused me, was the heavy feeling that appeared in my chest when I thought of Edward leaving. Sure, we were great friends, but I didn't need to have my friends around at all times. Maybe it was just the fact that Edward knew things about me that nobody else knew. _Yeah, that was it._ He was my best friend and I had become dependent on him.

Downstairs a door slammed, followed by a high pitched, "I'm back!" I looked at Edward and sighed. Picking myself up off the window seat, I left the room, waiting for Alice at the top of the stairs. She danced up each step eagerly. Her spiky black hair bounced with her, her silvery blue eyes sparkling.

"Oh Bella, I found the perfect outfit for your date with Jacob. He's going to just fall in love with you when he sees how beautiful you look in it!"

"What are you, a personal shopper?"

Her tinkling laugh filled the hallway. "Actually, that's what I'm planning on doing! Anyway, I'm not going to let you see it until the actual day of the date. That way you can't say no. Isn't that great?"

"Uh sure, Alice."

"What day is the date again?"

"Saturday."

I turned around with the plan to go back to Edward's room, but he was standing right behind me. He looked troubled. I looked into his eyes and smiled, trying to cheer him. He gazed at me intensely and I felt myself shudder.

"Edward! Do you need any new clothes? Esme and I are going shopping this weekend. Oh, oh! I know! You're going to need sweaters, yes, that's it!" Alice began mumbling things about skin tone and eye color while retreating down the stairs. She was a lovely girl but had an overwhelming amount of energy. How could someone so small and pixie-like fit all of that personality inside? I wondered where she inherited the trait from.

As I started to walk towards the stairs, Edward grabbed my arm gently. "Bella?" He swallowed thickly.

"Yes, Edward?"

"I-I'll see you later." With that, he turned around and walked back into his room, shutting the door. _Weird._


	5. Chapter 5

**All characters and Twilight storyline belong to Stephanie Meyer. I'm just having fun over here.**

Authors note: Beta'd as always by the lovely wheather79. Join me on Twitter if you'd like. My username is LauraHilary or you can find the link to it on my profile.

**Chapter 5: Edward**

**Seattle, WA**

**EPOV:**

I was struggling here in this new environment. The guilt from my father's words chipped away any excitement I'd had about coming here. Every time Emmett or someone else in the family suggested we go out to do something, I introverted myself and pushed them away. I felt like a different version of myself here, like I was breathing and functioning, but I wasn't living.

That was until I met Bella Swan. I remember so clearly that day she walked into class late. Her big, brown doe eyes were wide and contemplating, and her cheeks were flushed a dark shade of pink. She was the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen. When she'd run into me, I couldn't help but grin at the look of embarrassment on her face. Ever since then, I'd had feelings for Bella that were indescribable.

The time we spent together was almost healing for me. I felt less guilty about leaving, and more grateful about having the chance to experience a new world. She listened to the things I said, and smiled at the things I was good at. Bella was funny and extremely smart. She knew all of the right things to say to make me feel at ease with myself - that is, until I would think about her casual relationships.

It bothered me that she thought so badly of herself. She exploited her body to escape her own insecurity. I knew that sex was often used that way in this world. I may be Amish, but I wasn't naïve. There were other youth in my community who had experimented. Jessica Stanley was one of them. She had been close with my best friend Riley on her seventeenth birthday. It should have bothered me, seeing as I am supposed to marry her, but it didn't and doesn't, and I knew why. I had no feelings for Jessica at all, which wasn't really surprising. Many of the other Amish marriages began the same way. It was a prearranged courtship done by the families. I'd managed to escape the marriage for a bit since Jessica was a few years younger than me, but when her father had spoken to mine about it, they decided that we shouldn't wait much longer. That was when I decided to leave. After being baptized into the Amish faith and marrying Jessica, there would be no turning back. I couldn't just settle down without knowing what else was out there in the world. I wanted to have a little fun and learn some things.

Bella was helping me do that. She taught me how to drive, and how to use a computer and a cell phone. I liked the feelings that using those things gave me. Maybe it was the way Bella acted excited when I finally figured out how to do it perfectly. I was having a good time for the first time since I'd gotten here. I had a feeling of euphoria when I was around Bella. That is, until she agreed to go on a date with Jacob Black.

When we ran into him that day, I got the feeling that Bella had known him in an intimate way. The fierce jealousy that ripped through me was a new and unfamiliar emotion. I didn't like feeling that way, but it was something I couldn't control. I wanted to be the one to know her in that way, to hold her close and know all of her, and for her to know all of me. I knew it would be unfair for me to do so. I wasn't sure of my decision yet, and though I was doing better here, I couldn't just abandon my family. Bella deserved someone who knew exactly what they wanted, and who they are in life. I had no idea where my path would lead.

I almost lost it when I played the piano scales on her leg. I'd never touched anyone so intimately before, and the fact that it was Bella made the experience even more gratifying. I almost told her how I felt in the hall when she spoke with Alice about her outfit for Saturday, but the look in her eyes stopped me. She trusted me like she'd trusted nobody else in a long time. I couldn't take the chance of hurting her. It wouldn't be fair. I would keep my mouth shut, and I would endure in silence.


	6. Chapter 6

**I do not own Twilight. I merely play with the characters!**

**Authors Note: **Well folks, here is the next chapter! I really enjoyed writing it, and hope that you enjoy reading it!

Songs used for inspiration: Obsession-David Crowder Band; Show me what I'm looking for-Carolina Liar

**Chapter 6: Show Me What I'm looking For**

**BPOV**

"Well? How do I look?" I asked as I stepped out of the bathroom. Alice clapped excitedly while Rose whistled.

"You sure do clean up nicely honey." Alice said."Yeah it's a far cry from those Spongebob pajama pants you were wearing when we first got here." Rose teased.

I shook my head and went back to the full length mirror beside my bed. Alice had picked out a vintage, dark blue cardigan with white polka dots on it. Underneath I wore a white camisole with lace around the chest, and then a pair of faded straight leg jeans. It was simple and it was comfortable. Alice really did do a good job. I wasn't going to tell her that though. I applied a bit of mascara to my eyes, and Chapstick to my lips, and then smoothed my hair down.

"Jacob should be here any minute. Are you guys staying?"

"Nah, we're gonna head over to Emmett's." Rosalie said as she raised up from the couch.

"But first we get to take a picture of you! Our little Bella is all ready for her date!" Alice noted in a sing-song voice. I rolled my eyes and stood still while Alice held her Iphone up to take a picture.

"You could at least smile Bella!" Rosalie stated. I half smiled to appease them and Alice clicked the 'take' button.

"Perfect! Okay, we'll get out of your hair now. Have a good time!" I hugged both Alice and Rose and they wished me a wonderful date.

A few minutes after they were gone, there was a heavy knock at my door. I looked through the peephole and saw a nervous looking Jacob standing on the other side. I opened it up and he gave me a warm smile, his white teeth sparkling against his dark skin. "Hey Bella, you look nice. Ready to go?" I blushed and nodded. "You look nice too Jacob." And he did, in his hunter green button down and blue jeans. We went to the movies first and watched a macho, gun infested, action movie. It was okay I guess, from what I heard of it anyway. The whole movie, Jacob kept saying things like "OH WOW that's AWESOME!" Or "Oh man, you know what's gonna happen next? He's gonna jump from that building and land inside the getaway car." The film clearly excited him. I on the other hand, never wanted to watch a movie with him again.

For dinner we went to a restaurant on the pier. I poked at my tuna steak while Jacob told me all about his fantasy football team. Of course I nodded in all the right places and what not. But my mind started to wander, and I begin wondering what Edward was doing. Was he hanging out with the rest of the gang? Or was he in his room, reading or playing piano scales in his head? I pulled out my phone and typed a quick message before hitting send.

_"Hey what are you up to Mr. Cullen?" -B_

A couple of minutes later my phone buzzed with a new message.

_"Hello Miss. Swan. I'm watching Emmett and Jasper play video games. Aren't you on a date?" -E_

_"Yes, but I was wondering what you were up to. Why don't you try to play a game with them?" -B_

_"Ah I see. Well from the picture Alice showed me, you looked very beautiful for your date. Jacob is a lucky man. And I would play but I think killing zombies is kind of gross. Maybe later." -E_

I blushed when I read that he'd seen the picture. I wondered briefly why Alice had shown him the picture. _She must have been excited about her outfit purchase. _

"So what do you think about it Bella? Great idea or what?" Jacob questioned. I stuttered trying to figure out what he'd been talking about. "Uh uh yeah sure, great idea." He grinned excitedly. "Awesome! Well remember we start tailgating early. So I'll pick you up around nine o'clock." I sighed internally. Crap, I'd signed myself up for another date with Mr. Talky. I guess it served me right, seeing as I'd been texting another guy during the date. "Um okay Jacob. Sounds like a good time." Jake then left the table to use the restroom. Head meet table. _Bang bang bang. _

We finished up and after Jacob paid the bill, we walked out in front of the restaurant. "Uh hey I think I'll get my own taxi. I'm going to go visit my friend Rose for a bit." He shrugged and flagged down two cabs. "Well, I guess we'll say goodbye here. I'll see you bright and early Bella!" He leaned in quickly, mashing his lips against my lips. My eyes widened in shock. I pulled away and jumped into the cab. "See you in the morning Jake."

I gave the cabby Emmett and Edward's address. And then I texted quickly into my phone.

_"Want some company?" -B_

Edward replied quickly with a "yes please." Good thing too, as I had just pulled up to the house. I walked inside and heard a chorus of 'dude, dammit, and are you kidding me.' Emmett must not be doing so well on his game. I turned the corner and saw all three guys on the tan sectional sofa staring at the TV. I sniffed the air and it smelled like beer and pizza. Emmett was the first to see me. "Hey Bellaroo. Rosie and Al left already. You just missed them." Edward sat up quickly. "She's here to hang out with me actually." Jasper and Emmett exchanged a look. "Do you want something to drink Bella?" I nodded and followed Edward into the kitchen. I pulled out a stool at the island and sat down. He opened the fridge door and looked back at me."What can I get you?"

"A beer please. I don't care what kind it is." I sighed. He quirked an eyebrow at me and pulled out a can of beer and a bottle of water."So how was your date?" Edward asked softly. I popped the beer open and took a swig before answering. _Hm good beer._"It was good. We're going to a football game in the morning."

I took another drink of my beer and wished like hell it weren't true. Edward's face fell. _Was he…disappointed?_

"Oh I see. I'm glad you had fun Bella." I bit my lip harshly before changing the subject.

"How about I kick Em and Jazz off and I teach you how to play a little Mario Kart? It's way more fun and definitely not gross."

He smiled brilliantly and agreed."Okay guys get your asses up! I'm going to teach Edward how to play Mario Kart!" Emmett laughed and slapped his leg. "Good luck with that B!"

It took about two hours, but finally Edward was getting to be pretty good at the game. He even went up against Emmett and Jasper, holding his own the whole time. That's why I decided to make the evening a little more interesting. "So how about we make this a little more fun? Let's make a wager on the next game." Edward squinted at me, "What would we be betting?" I tapped my chin. An idea came to me and I smiled wryly. "If I win, you drink one beer." He shook his head and smiled. "Okay, and if I win?" I waved my hand towards him. "You pick." It was silent for a minute while Edward mulled over his ideas. I wasn't really worried, seeing as he was pretty conservative.

"If I win, you have to give me a large discount at the Book N' Nook next time." He smiled.

"I'll do better than that Edward. I'll just buy you a book, how about that?" He shot me a crooked grin and agreed.

"Wow you guys are lame. All bets should consist of someone getting naked. A free book? You've gotta be shitting me." Jasper chimed in, "Ed-man, bets are the easiest way to see boobs. You've gotta learn that, if that's the one thing you learn while you're here." Edward's face flushed a bright shade of red. Jasper and Emmett left when they realized that there would be no nudity happening. I'm not really sure where they went. Pervs.

We started the game and Edward was doing really well. He was slightly ahead of me the whole time. At one point I looked over and he was leaning side to side, and his tongue peeked out at the corner of his mouth. _So cute._ I blushed as that thought seeped into my brain. _Concentrate Bella! _We were almost to the finish line, and just before he could make it through, I pushed passed him. I threw my arms up and cheered.

"Woohoo! I am THE best!" Edward groaned playfully. I stood up and put my hands on my hips. "Well come on, time for your first beer." We went into the kitchen and I headed to the fridge. I dug around until I came across a dark brown bottle. "Aha! Here is the good stuff." I waved around the Miller Light and grinned. He stood against the counter with his eyebrows raised. As I walked towards him, I tripped over myself, and Edward caught me before I could hit the floor. "Whoa there. Are you alright Bella?" I looked up into his eyes and felt the way his arms were wrapped around my waist. My shirt had raised slightly, and his fingers grazed my skin.

He was warm and my body tingled at his touch. I liked it, a lot. He looked at me questioningly and I shook my head to clear the fog. "Y-yes. I'm fine, thanks for catching me Edward." He took the beer from me and I grabbed the bottle opener from the counter. After prying the cap off, he slowly lifted the bottle to his mouth and started to drink. I watched as his Adam's apple bobbed as he sipped. I wanted to run my tongue over it and…_what the hell am I thinking about? _

"Hm not too bad. Not the most wonderful thing I've ever drank before though." He took another pull from the bottle as I stared dumbly. Trying to distract myself, I pulled out my phone to check the time. Almost midnight. I was tired but I didn't want to leave yet."Are you needing to go?" He asked almost sadly. "Not yet. Want to just talk in the living room for awhile?"

We ended up staying up until four o'clock in the morning. Our conversation went from the types of music I liked, to how to tame a stubborn horse (which at three a.m. was hilarious for some reason). With each word he spoke, I enveloped myself into his voice. It was so velvety and smooth. Each time he said my name my heart rate would increase. I caught myself staring at his mouth and couldn't stop the images that popped up into my mind. And I didn't feel guilty because I knew it wasn't just about the lust. I realized that I had feelings for him, serious feelings. It scared me, but I didn't feel unsafe. I knew that I wouldn't force myself onto Edward. He was too good for me and I wouldn't put myself into the equation unless he put me there himself.

**oOoOoOoOo**

At seven o'clock I woke to the sound of thunder. I looked around and took in my surroundings. I was still on the couch at Edward's and Emmett's. Crap, I was going to have to hurry and get home in order to get ready for the game in time. I looked down the couch and noticed that Edward had fallen asleep in his place last night. I smiled as I watched his chest rise and fall slowly. He was so beautiful. I reached out my hand and ran my fingers through his messy hair, running them over his cheek as well. He opened his eyes and looked up at me. I swallowed noisily as he gazed up at me with his emerald eyes.

"I need to go soon Edward. Jacob will be at my place to pick me up in a couple of hours."

"Do you have time for breakfast? I can't let you go to the game on an empty stomach." I smiled and nodded.

"Alright, that's fine. Let's go see what I can whip up in a hurry."

I ended up making us some bacon sandwiches and scrambled eggs. We ate in silence, the only sound made was from the pitter patter of rain, and an occasional rumble of thunder outside. He took our plates and put them into the sink when we were done. I stood up and headed towards the front of the house. He followed behind me still silently. I figured that he was probably very tired.

"I hope you'll be able to go back to sleep Edward. This storm is enough to lull me to sleep standing up." I joked. "Edward?"

The look on his face was so serious and sullen."You'll freeze in just that small sweater. Let me get you one of my sweatshirts to wear home." He said dully. I watched as headed down the hall, and heard him race up the stairs to his room. A minute later he was back with a blue hooded sweatshirt. "It was the smallest I could find. It'll still swallow you I'm sure. But I guarantee it will be warm." He stated.

I unbuttoned and took off my cardigan handing it to Edward while I put on the sweatshirt. "You're right much warmer. Thanks." A honk outside let me know that the cab I requested had arrived. "Well, I guess I'll see you later. Thanks for the sweater." I turned to the door and put my hand on the knob, ready to immerse myself into the rain.

"Don't go Bella." Edward's voice wasn't more than a whisper. I turned to look at him, making sure that he really said it. The lightening flashed, brightening the beautiful face in front of me. His expression was dark and sad. "Edward, I'm going to be late. The cab is waiting." The thunder clapped loudly, and it sent shivers down my spine. I turned back to the door, but Edward put a hand on my shoulder.

"Don't go out with Jacob Black." He sounded desperate and pleading. _What?_

"What? Why? What's wrong Edward?" It looked like he were struggling to come up with the right words to say.

"Just _please _don't go with him."

"Tell me why Edward. I need to know why." I asked him, my own voice sounding desperate. Just hoping and wishing that he'd tell me what I wanted to hear.

"Because I…I don't think you should." I wanted to stamp my foot like a little girl.

"Tell me why Edward. Say it. Say it!" The thunder rumbled even louder that time, like it was dying to know why he demanded me not to go too. "Say it."

"I…I care about you Bella." Shock and pleasure rolled through me. Did I hear him right? The things I wanted to reply with seemed to sink below the surface.

"How do you care about me? In what way?" He didn't answer. But he stared so deeply into my eyes that he didn't have to. Butterflies invaded my stomach as I stepped towards him. I wasn't going to kiss him, I didn't know if he'd want that or not. I had to touch him in some way though. My heart raced as I reached out and took his hands in my own. But it wasn't enough. I wrapped my body around his and held him tightly, as if he would vanish into thin air. I whispered, "I care about you too Edward." He coiled his arms around my body and sighed as if there was a pain finally leaving his body. As soon as he'd done it though, he pulled away and walked towards the door. He ran outside as I stood there in confusion. Though a minute later he was back with a smile.

"I didn't want to run up the meter on the cab so I paid him and told him he could go ahead and go." _Oh, he was making sure that I was staying. _

I pulled out my phone and looked at the time. "Crap it's eight thirty. Uh can you hang on a second?" Edward nodded once and I walked into the living room. What was I going to tell Jacob?  
_Sorry Jacob, I went to hang out with another guy after our date last night, and realized that I like him a lot. _

I clicked his number and pressed send while pacing back and forth.

"Yellow?" A bright and cheery Jacob answered.

"Hey Jacob." I rasped.

"Bella? Are you okay?"He asked.

Cough, "I kind of woke up sick. I think it's a cold." Cough Cough.

"Oh damn that sucks. So are you canceling?"

"Well it's just the rain. I don't know if it'd be that healthy for me to go out in it." Cough

"Right right. Okay well I hope you feel better soon. I'll text you later."

"Bye Jacob. Sorry."

The line went dead. Huh. Dude must not like to be cancelled on. I turned around to find Edward standing directly behind me. "Everything okay?" I wrapped my arms around his middle and sighed. "Mhm. Now it is." He chuckled. "So what are your plans for the day Edward? I don't want to get in the way." I pulled away and ran to the couch and plopped down. "I know one thing. There will be a nap at some point today." Edward sat down close to me, but not close enough in my opinion. I wouldn't push though.

"I agree wholeheartedly. But it definitely won't be on this couch." Usual Bella would have made some comment like "Your bed will do me just fine," But I knew he didn't mean it the way it sounded. I would most likely be on this couch or in my own bed. "Actually tonight though, I do have something. Esme is making dinner for the family." That sounded nice. I pictured Alice and Emmett with Rose and Jasper flanking them, with Carlisle and Esme at the heads of the table.

"It must be nice to have a real family dinner like that. I'm sure it's loud with Alice and Emmett." Edward laughed.

"There's definitely more activity than the family dinners I grew up with. But that's not hard to beat."

I agreed. "Same here. My dad and I are both pretty quiet people so our family dinners conversations are pretty scant."

Outside the rain hammered down harder than before. It was so comforting.

"Bella?" Edward asked tentatively.

"Hm?" I replied groggily.

"Would you like to go with me tonight? I'm sure Esme wouldn't mind." I looked up at him and smirked.

"Is she a good cook?"

"Amazing. I'm pretty sure tonight she's making a pot roast with mashed potatoes. Is that something that you like?" He asked.

"Are you kidding me? It's one of my favorites. And if I don't have to be the one to make it, that makes it even better."

His laugh was one of the last things I heard before I dozed off. The rain, a warm sweatshirt that smelled like Edward, it was like the perfect lullaby.

**oOoOoOo**

Later that evening, after I'd gone home to shower and change, Edward and I were headed to The Cullen's house. It was still drizzling, so we were both bundled up in warm sweaters. As the cab pulled up to the drive, I noticed that Emmett, Alice, and Rosalie's cars were already there. Edward and I ran to the door, splashing through puddles the whole way. He pushed open the door, and it was a relief to be inside the cozy warm house. I looked around in awe. The house was modern, but warm. Esme had definitely put a lot of thought and money into the design. It was decorated with reds and golds, browns and cream. A middle age couple strolled around the corner and greeted us warmly. "Edward! I was starting to wonder if you would make it out tonight!" Esme cooed.

"And who is your guest?" She asked with a warm smile.

"This is Bella. I hope it's alright that I invited her to dinner."

Carlisle extended his hand forward and I took it shyly. "Nice to meet you Bella. Alice has told us a lot about you as has Rosalie."

I joked, "None of it's true, I swear." They all three laughed.

Edward then glanced down towards my hand for like the millionth time, and I wondered why. We walked into the dining room to where a large conference sized table sat. On the far side sat Alice, Rosalie, and Jasper. Emmett sat on the other side directly across from Rose. They all looked up at us when we walked in. The look of surprised on their faces was apparent. Alice stood up and came around the table to hug me. "To what do we owe this surprise honey? It's good to see you." She smiled. Emmett laughed. "Nice to see you awake Bellaroo. You and Ed over here were snoring pretty loudly when I came in this morning. Not to mention this afternoon too when I woke up." Rosalie narrowed her eyes and gave me a heavy stare. _What's wrong with her?_

Esme set me a place in between Emmett and Edward. When all of the food had been laid out, everyone began passing around the dishes. "As I was spooning some mashed potatoes on to my plate, Edward whispered, "Those are my favorite." Then he winked. I passed the bowl onto him with a smile. Esme asked Carlisle about his work schedule for the week, and then asked each of us how our day was going. I was in the middle of devouring a particularly delicious roll when Rosalie began to question me.

"So how was your date with Jacob last night, Bella?" I nearly choked on my bite of roll. I sipped my ice water down before answering her. "Uh it was fine Rose." I looked at Edward out of the corner of my eye and noticed he was playing with his potatoes.

"Emmett said he heard you say that Jacob invited you to a football game and that you were going. What made you decide not to?"

My cheeks burned as tried I hide my anger. "It just didn't seem like much fun to me. Esme, the pot roast is delicious. You'll have to tell me how you get it so tender."

She smiled brightly and agreed to give me her secret. I excused myself to the restroom. Locking the door behind me, I walked over to the basin and splashed my face with cold water. What the hell was Rose's problem? I couldn't keep up with that girl. There was a small knock at the door followed by an "it's me." _Speak of the devil._ I let Rose into the bathroom. She crossed her arms and scowled at me.

"So are you going to tell me what the deal is?"

I blew out an angry breath. "What deal? I don't know what you're upset about Rose!"

She shook her head. "Did you sleep with Jacob Bella? And then as soon as that was done, you head straight to your next conquest? Is that it? Is Edward your next fuck?"

I gritted my teeth before answering. "I did not sleep with Jake! I had a freaking terrible time on the date, and went to hang out with Edward after. What's so wrong with that?"

Rose rolled her eyes. "So Edward _is _your next conquest. Hmph."

"Rose if you weren't my friend I would freaking slap you. I went to hang out with Edward because the whole time on my date, he was all I could think about. Jake talked about himself and dumb sporty things the whole time, and while I tuned him out, my brain wondered what Edward was doing. And well when I went over there, we stayed up until four in the morning just talking about everything. Then this morning, he asked me not to go out with Jacob, because he said that he cares about me. I care about him too Rose. I'm sorry if you don't like it, but I honestly don't give a damn."

She huffed and went to sit over on the toilet, closing the lid first. "I just don't get why you even became the way that you did. The old Bella was so good and cared about herself more. The old Bella would never have slept with random person after random person. I'm aware that college changes people, but you just never seemed to be the type of person who needed to do all of that stuff."

I shrugged at her statement. "Well you don't know everything do you Rose?"

She sighed, "Then tell me what I'm missing out on so I can understand." I took a deep breath and prepared myself to relive graduation night once again.

I told Rose everything. Every tiny detail was included. She remained quiet throughout it all, and I wondered what she was thinking.

"Bella you told him no, more than once. But he kept going. That's…" I held up my hands.

"It was not rape. I told him no at first, but the last time I didn't. Though I didn't really want to do it, I allowed it. He was very uncaring with me however. That's what really fucked me in the head. He made sex seem like such an emotionless task. I felt used and disgusting, like trash. I thought if maybe I were to go out and do it the same way, I could cure myself. I could be in control, and feel powerful. I never wanted to feel so vulnerable again."

A few tears leaked from Rosalie's eyes. Shaking her head, she reached for me. I walked over to her and let her put her arms around me. She held me tightly, like a mother would a frightened child.

"Bella, I don't want to make the memory any worse for you. But do you really think that was his first time? That he really wasn't getting any like he made it seem?"

I shook my head. "I think he was getting it in several other places. Honestly I think he was really just bothered that I wasn't giving it to him as well. Which makes his act all the more vile, since he didn't even use protection. I could have gotten something from him."

She gasped, "Oh please tell me you've been tested since then." I nodded and smiled weakly. "I get tested every two months."

Rose hugged me tighter. "Good, I'm so glad you're okay. And…I'm so sorry Bella. I wish I could have been there for you."

I whispered, "I wish I would have let you Rose. Things might have been different."

She kissed my head and took my hand.

"C'mon let's get back to the dining room. Esme made peach cobbler. That's not something worth missing." We left the bathroom hand in hand, and I felt lighter once again.

_I need people._

**oOoOoOoOo**

Esme's peach cobbler was pretty damn amazing. We all sat in the living room with a bowl full of it and vanilla ice cream talking. Carlisle and Esme were both interested to hear about my life and asked several questions.

"Bella where are you originally from? Rose said that you didn't always live in Forks?" Carlisle asked softly.

I swallowed a bite of peach cobbler before answering.

"I guess I am from Forks, but I moved around so much between age four and ten that I can't really say for sure. I lived in Phoenix for a bit, then Jacksonville. Dallas, Tulsa, and um I don't really count Saint Louis, we were only there for a couple weeks."

"That must have been tough for you, with no real stability." Esme said concerned.

I nodded, "Yes it was. That's why I went back to Forks to live with Dad at age ten. It still wasn't a normal family, I had to grow up rather quickly. But it was stable and I was much happier." I smiled thinking about my Dad.

"What does your Dad do for a living Bella?" Jasper asked interested.

"He's the Chief of Police for Forks. Nothing too exciting ever really happens though." Emmett laughed loudly.

We all looked at him in confusion. "Hey Edward. Better watch out, Bellaroo's dad carries a gun! Better keep it in your pants!"

Edward smiled darkly at Emmett and replied, "Back where I'm from _everybody _carries a gun. Isn't that right Carlisle?" Carlisle smiled and Emmett's face became serious. I wondered what sort of thoughts were running through that thick head. I nudged Edward with my elbow and he looked down at me and gave me a beautiful smile that melted my heart.

We left Carlisle and Esme's later on with promises of returning soon. Emmett offered to drop me off so that I wouldn't have to take a cab. On the way there, Edward sat in the backseat with me. I sat as close as I could to him, hoping that he didn't feel uncomfortable with it. It was so cold still, and he always made me feel warm inside and out. Thinking about the evening, I wasn't ready for it to end. I laid my head on Edward's shoulder unthinkingly, and looked up at him to see his facial expression. He looked down upon me, with a peaceful expression. With more courage than before, I buried my head deeper into his arm and breathed in his scent. Happiness filled within me, but it was nothing to how I felt when Edward slowly but surely latched our hands together. I looked at our fingers intertwined and sighed with contentment. _Home._

**A/N: **So what did you think? Leave a review and let me know. _  
_If you wish to follow me on Twitter, my username is **LauraHilary**


	7. Chapter 7

**I Do Not own anything Twilight.**

**Authors Note: SO it's a new chapter! I hope that you all weren't put off with my pause in updating (since I was doing it almost every day). But I've been sick with a yucky cold, and my head could only hold so much in it, which kind of pushed out all inspiration. But it came back thankfully :) Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I've got a longer authors note at the bottom btw!**

**Chapter 7: Thanksgiving & Kissing Questions**

**BPOV**

Over the next few weeks, Edward and I got to know each other as a couple. We still talked and act liked best friends, but we sat a little closer and held hands. It was like a cute middle school relationship. I hadn't even gone this slow with James, but I wasn't bothered. When we walked to class, our hands were clasped tightly, and the way he would look at me, made me feel utterly happy. Sure I wanted to kiss him, but I thought it would be better to discuss how he felt about it first. Obviously I was sensitive to rejection, and I don't think my ego could take him turning away.

Thanksgiving was approaching within a week, and I was to be Forks bound to spend time with Charlie, my Dad. Edward was of course going to be with the Cullen's, and I sort of wished I could be there too. Maybe someday that would happen. I briefly pictured us all around the table laughing and sharing stories with each other, while Edward and I held hands underneath the table. That thought also led me to question if I would even get to spend a Thanksgiving with Edward. He had never said whether he was staying or not.

I was working at the Book N' Nook while these thoughts consumed me, and I tried not to let them disturb me. Now was not the time to worry.

The bell on the door rang, letting me know that someone had entered. I looked up and saw Edward approaching me with a smile. The blush creeped into my cheeks and I had no choice but to smile back.

"Hello Bella. You look beautiful today, I like your hair up like that." he said.

"Thanks. What are you up to?" I asked as I twisted my fingers through the pony tail.

"I just finished up with a paper for class and thought I'd come see you. I haven't seen you since last night." He grinned. _Aw he missed me._

He followed me as I walked over to a shelf and started straightening up books and even began helping. We came to a section with cookbooks and he picked one up and flipped through the pages."I want to learn these things." Edward said simply.

"To cook?" I asked.

"To cook, how to do laundry. All of it." He said.

I nodded and smiled. "I can teach you how to cook Edward. And I'll teach you how to do your laundry. I'm curious though, whose been doing it since you've been here?"

He sighed, "Esme comes over to do it most of the time. But occasionally Alice will do it for me if it's bad enough. I feel…bad about that."

"Well, I can understand that. I mean it's not like you've ever used a washer and dryer before." I shrugged.

"Back home the women do the laundry. I wouldn't even know where to begin. Since I've been here, I realize how pathetic that is." He gave me a frustrated look. I grabbed his hand and shook my head at him.

"Edward, don't be ashamed of where you come from. That's how you were raised. It's what your family believes. It may not seem right to the rest of the world, but then again the rest of the world has its issues too." He looked down at me and I bit my lip. It was the only thing that kept me from puckering my lips up and throwing myself against his face. All I wanted to do was make him smile.

"How about if tonight, you come over to my place. We'll make dinner together. Sound good?" Edward grinned, and all was right in my world for the moment.

**oOoOoOoOo**

For dinner that night, I decided that we'd start out simple, and make spaghetti and garlic bread. I walked down to the market before Edward was to arrive, to get all of the food items that we'd need. The sun hadn't set quite yet, but the light around me was dim in the shadows of the large buildings. I started to feel uncomfortable as if I was being watched, but immediately wrote it off. There was no reason to feel paranoid. My body shivered as I stepped inside of the store.

I put everything I needed into my basket, and paid the cashier quickly. The sun was now set, so I hurried home with my grocery bags in tow. As I was putting the key into the lock, a hand grabbed my shoulder. I jumped wildly and turned to see a startled Edward.

"Jesus Edward you scared the crap out of me!" I said, putting my hand over my rapidly thumping heart.

"I apologize Bella. I should have spoken first." He smiled apologetically. I finished turning the lock and opened the door, grabbing a bag as Edward picked up the other two.

"So how would you like to learn how to make spaghetti tonight?" I said still a little breathless.

"That sounds delicious. Esme has made it a few times. I really enjoyed it." Edward said.

"Great! Let me just go change my clothes and then we'll start." I said. I hurried into the bathroom and dug through my closet. Most normal girlfriends would probably try to look sexy for their boyfriends. I was just the opposite, and I was afraid to look sexy around Edward. Sexy clothing wasn't something that he'd grown up around and it was bound to make him feel uncomfortable, wasn't it? I grabbed a pair of grey sweatpants, and a Goo Goo Dolls band t-shirt, and put them on. Edward was sitting on the couch in front of my bed staring at who knows what.

"Are you bored yet?" He turned around to look at me, and I couldn't help the smile that moved onto my lips.

"No not at all. I was just admiring the space. It's small but cozy. I like it." He nodded once.

"Thanks. It is small, but it's just me so it's enough space." I shrugged, looking around the apartment.

We walked into the kitchen area together and I dug out a pot for the spaghetti, the strainer, and a deep skillet to make the sauce in. Edward watched over my shoulders curiously.

"Okay Edward. First things first. To cook the spaghetti you'll need to fill up that big pot with water, and bring it to a boil on the stove. Can you help me with that?" I took the pot from the counter top and moved towards the sink to fill it up. After that, he set it on the stove and gave me a questioning look.

"Uh now what do I do?"

"Oh right! Sorry I forgot." I said smiling as I scooted the pot on the biggest burner on the stove.

"You turn on this knob here, and it will heat this burner, to boil the water. Make sense?" He nodded and turned the knob until it pointed to the highest setting.

"Perfect Edward! Now when that comes to a boil, you'll want to take a handful of the spaghetti and break it in half. This makes twice as much, and makes the noodles shorter which are easier to eat. Got it?"

Edward did just that when the water was boiling, and seemed rather proud of himself by the grin upon his face.

"Great! Now come over here and I'll teach you how to make the best sauce ever."

Forty five minutes later, we sat at my little dinette table with a spread of delicious Italian food in front of us. Edward ate ravenously.

"Delicious Bella. Thank you so much for doing this." He said while stuffing a piece of garlic bread into his already full mouth.

"Whoa Edward. You act like you've never eaten before!" I said surprised. He swallowed his large bite of food and replied, "Well if you lived with Emmett you'd understand. It's pizza and other junk usually, unless you or Esme make dinner."

I laughed. "I can imagine. No wonder you wanted to learn to cook. I guess I'll have to start making meals and freezing them for you guys. Eating out all of the time is really bad for you."

Edward smiled, "Yes. I enjoyed it in my first couple of weeks here. But now the thought of it makes me feel sick." I twirled my spaghetti around the fork while I thought about that.

"So Edward how long have you been here exactly? I asked casually.

"About four months." He said picking up another piece of bread from the basket.

"I see. And how long do you think you'll be staying?" I shoved the spaghetti into my mouth and looked off to the side, trying to look nonchalant.

"Up to a year. So I guess eight months or so. I may go back when school is over." He shrugged with one shoulder.

My stomach dropped a little at how casually he said it. It sounded as if there were no consideration to stay in his plan. Right then and there I knew I had to do something. There it was, eight or less months to make him want to stay, and I had to work fast. "Edward, what are your thoughts on kissing?" I asked looked up at me with his piercing eyes, and I felt my face flood with color.

"I'm not really sure. I've only ever kissed except on the cheeks." Edward said quietly.

I bit my lip down hard. There were so many things running through my mind. He had never really kissed anyone before. Was that because he didn't want to? Or because he wasn't allowed to? I knew I had to ask, because I wanted to kiss him so very badly.

"Is that because you just haven't or because it's against your morals?" I asked set his fork down and took a drink of ice water before answering.

"I suppose it's both. I'm sure there are others my age who have and who continue to do so. But really I didn't see a point to it before. In the past there hasn't really been anyone that I've cared enough about to do that with. And I'm not really sure what I believe as far as morals, as I'm sitting here now. I guess that's what I'm doing here, trying to figure what believe and all that." He said.

I could only nod my head. My brain was formulating a plan. I was going to kiss Edward. It wouldn't be tonight though. We'd both just eaten a ton of garlic bread. His first kiss, our first kiss had to be perfect. So for now, I would wait.

**oOoOoOoOo**

The day before Thanksgiving had arrived, and I was getting ready to head to Forks. Rosalie would have been my ride, but she was staying in Seattle this year. So instead I was hitching a ride with my friend Angela from high school. Edward and I decided to say our goodbyes while I was at work since I would be leaving directly afterwards. He walked in the door and the familiar bell clanged above his head.

His cheeks were rosy from the cold out, and his hair was even more wild than usual from the wind outside. "It's getting cold out there. I wonder if it'll snow." He grinned.

"Don't get your hopes up. It'll probably just rain and make everything cold and sloshy." I said while scrunching my nose. He walked towards me and I breathed out slowly, wondering if it were the right time for our first kiss.

"So when will you be back?" He asked.

I elbowed him playfully. "Why, are you going to _miss_ me Edward?"

He took my hand and threaded our fingers together, his hands were freezing.

"Of course I'm going to miss you Bella. Are you going to miss me?" Edward asked.

I released his hand and wrapped my arms around his waist, laying my head down onto his chest.

Looking up at him I replied, "Very much so."

We looked into each others eyes, and feelings coursed through my body that I'd never felt before. This was the perfect moment for our first kiss. I stood on my tiptoes and made my way to his face. But just then, the bell on the door clanged as a customer entered, and I pulled away from Edward.

"I guess I will see you soon Bella. You'll call me when you make it there right?" Edward asked.

"Sure. I'll see you soon Edward." I said sadly.

He turned around and walked out the door. A cold breeze from outside blew in the store, blowing my hair gently around my face. "I'll miss you."I whispered.

**oOoOoOoOo**

On Thanksgiving Day, I awoke very early to the aroma of coffee. I made my way downstairs to find Charlie sitting at the table with a coffee cup and a piece of toast.

"Mornin' Bells! I hope I didn't wake you." He said cheerfully.

"No that's okay Dad. I actually needed to get up so I can start the food." I said roughly as I poured myself a cup of coffee.

"Bells that reminds me, I invited a couple of guests over for dinner. I hope that's alright." He said not looking me directly in the eye.

"Sure of course Dad. Who did you invite?" I asked.

"Er, Sue Clearwater and her son Seth. They were going to be alone, so I just figured why not invite them over." He brushed his fingers through his mustache nervously.

Sue Clearwater's husband Harry and Charlie had been great friends for most of their lives. He died last year of a heart attack. Ever since then, Charlie had stepped in to help out a bit with anything needed. And he often took Seth fishing. He felt that it was the right thing to do.

"How old is Seth now? Isn't he going to be graduating soon?" I asked.

"Yep, he's seventeen. He'll graduate this Spring." Charlie said as he scanned through the newspaper.

"Great, well I'll just get started on everything. Um…" I paused.

He looked up at me then around the kitchen. "Oh right right. I'll just be in the living room watching TV."

He hurried out of the kitchen leaving me to do my thing.

Around five that evening, Charlie, Sue, Seth, and I sat around the kitchen table with a plethora of foods placed in front of us. The conversation had started off light and pleasant. Although I could have done without the foot nudges from Seth underneath the table. He gazed at me through his eyelashes. I could tell he was trying to come off mysterious and sexy, but really he just looked like an axe murderer.

"So Bella, do you have a boyfriend?" Seth asked in a husky voice, then running his hands through his shaggy black hair.

"Uhh yeah I do." I answered back annoyed.

Charlie put down his bite of mashed potatoes and looked at me."You have a boyfriend Bells?"

"Yeah Dad. His name's Edward, he's Rosalie's boyfriend's cousin actually." I said quietly.

Sue smiled and patted Charlie on the back. "That's wonderful Bella, isn't it Charlie? What's he like?" she asked as Seth glared at her with his dark eyes.

"Well, he's into literature like I am. Kind of quiet. He's um Amish…" I said quickly.

Everyone at the table looked up at me strangely. Then Seth burst out laughing, sending a piece of chewed turkey onto my plate. I glared at him and silently watched the clock, waiting for the awkward dinner to be over so that I could call Edward.

Finally after dessert and coffee had been eaten, Sue and Seth bade their goodbyes and went home. I cleaned up the kitchen and then headed upstairs to my room for the night.I hadn't spoken to Edward since last night when I'd arrived. I was curious to how his Thanksgiving was going. It was sure to be different than how he would have celebrated it back home, but I knew that no matter what he would enjoy the food.

I clicked on his name in my recent phone calls, and pressed send. The butterflies assaulted my stomach on the first ring. He answered immediately.

"Bella. Good evening." He breathed.

"Happy Thanksgiving Edward. How did everything go?" I asked.

"It was good. Esme outdid herself as usual. Emmett ate a whole pumpkin pie." He chuckled.

"Sounds like you had an entertaining dinner. I wish I could have been there." I said with a sigh.

"Did everything go well there Bella?" He asked in a concerned voice.

"Everything went fine. My dad invited his friend Sue and her son Seth over to eat with us. It was interesting. I definitely could have gone without Seth's shameless flirting and terrible table manners though." I said before yawning. Edward just laughed.

"It sounds like I missed out on a show as well."

"Not really. Seth's an obnoxious freak sometimes. It's awkward." I said. Neither of us said anything for a few minutes. It was a comfortable silence though.

"So what are you doing now Bella?" He asked quietly.

I walked over to the window in my bedroom, and sat in the rocking chair next to it. I looked up into the sky and wished that for once that the sky was clear.

"Nothing, just looking up and wishing that I could see the stars. It's always so cloudy. And in Seattle there are too many lights." I mused.

"Back home you can see the stars almost every night." Edward said quietly.

"I'd like to see that someday Edward. With you." I said while pulling an old afghan over my body.

"I'd like that too Bella." He said sleepily.

"You sound really tired. I'll just talk to you tomorrow Edward. Okay?"

He didn't answer, but I could hear him breathing slowly. I listened to it for a few minutes, wishing I was laying next to him with my head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat. Then I wondered what Edward looked like when he slept. Did he snore? Was he a cover hog? In that moment I hoped that someday I would be able to find out. I knew that I was getting in deep with Edward. And although it scared me, I couldn't turn away. Suddenly, two more days without seeing him seemed like forever. _Sigh._

**A/N: So although nothing HUGE happened in this chapter, it definitely did a lot of foreshadowing. Why do you think Bella felt paranoid? And are you curious to what was running through Edward's head during the kissing discussion? If you really want to know, leave a review and tell me what you think about an EPOV chapter. It wouldn't be exactly the same, because of course for half of it he's not even with Bella. I don't want to turn this into a BPOV/EPOV constant story. But I think sometimes we need to hear what he's thinking. Edward (especially in this story) is hard to read. Anyway, the new chapter will be out within a week guaranteed. All I ask is that you REVIEW! It really helps me to get on track with the readers! :) Thanks for staying with the story so far! -Outofyourmind**_  
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	8. Chapter 8

BPOV

I'd never really had a problem with sexual tension in the past. I was getting laid regularly enough that I kept myself pretty satisfied. I wasn't having mind blowing sex or anything, but it was enough to keep any feelings of sexual frustration at bay.

Now that I was with Edward however, I was completely high strung. I hadn't had sex in months. I was glad for that though, being with Edward was amazing. We had great conversations and laughed a lot. I enjoyed teaching him new things about living a modern life. We were very compatible, or as close to it as two people coming from such different backgrounds can be anyway.

But Edward was gorgeous, and everything about him made my heart accelerate to an embarrassing rate. The way his body pressed against mine when we would hug hello or goodbye. Or the way his thumb caressed mine while our hands were interlocked. And we'd never even kissed. Not a peck, not on the cheek, nothing.

Needless to say, I'd been taking things into my own hands. I always wondered if Edward would be disgusted with me by what I was doing. But I felt that it was better than me throwing myself at him. I was still waiting for the perfect moment for our kiss. But it seemed that we were always interrupted, in front of an audience, or busy studying together. I was beginning to get desperate.

Don't get me wrong, going slow was perfectly fine. But this was excruciating. I wanted to feel connected to him in some way, even if it were just a peck. I often caught myself staring at his lips. They looked like two pillows, that would be so soft to fall face first into. Settle down Bella.

It was now two weeks before Christmas, and I'd started thinking about having to be separated from Edward again. Last time it was just a few days, but this time I'd be gone for a week or longer. I was half tempted to ask him to come back to Forks with me. But I wondered if it would be selfish to ask him to be away from his family for the holidays. So I swallowed that idea down and tried to concentrate on studying for finals.

OOoOoOo

We sat on the couch at my house, with books and papers sprawled between us. The only noise made was from the scratching of pens on our study guides, and an occasional sigh on a particularly hard question. I was in the middle of studying for my Literature class when Edward spoke up.

"Bella, can I talk to you for a minute?" He asked.

I nervously answered, "S-sure Edward. What is it?"

He cleared his throat before speaking, and then moved his books and papers to the floor.

"Bella, I'm not looking forward to Christmas break." He said.

Okay. That's not what I was expecting.

"Why not? Do you not like the holidays?" I asked confused.

He sighed and moved closer to me. I grabbed his hand out of habit, and held it tightly.

"I do like the holidays. It's just, I don't want to be away from you Bella. I thought a few days at Thanksgiving was rough, but that's nothing compared to a week or more." Edward ran his gloriously long fingers through his tousled hair.

"I know it'll be hard Edward. I've been dreading it too. But there's nothing we can do about it you know? We'll just talk a lot on the phone and we'll text so much that you'll be sick of me!" I said with a giggle.

Edward took my other hand and pulled me closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him close.

"But what if we could spend it together." He said with a spark in his voice.

"Edward, I can't not go to Forks. I'm all my Dad has. He'd be all alone." I said sadly.

"Well I'll come with you then. Problem solved." He said happily.

I looked up at him and he gave me a brilliant smile filled with some emotion I couldn't name. No boy had ever looked at me like that before.

"I would love that Edward I really would. But what about your family?" I asked.

Edward looked down at me, and traced a finger down my cheek slowly.

"You are my family Bella. There's nobody else that I want to spend Christmas with." He said.

"Then I guess it's settled. You're going to spend Christmas with me in Forks." I said cheerfully.

In that moment, I felt at peace. Edward was coming home with me. Now I just had to tell Charlie. That should be interesting.

oOoOoOoOo

The next two weeks were filled with work, studying, class, and more studying. Edward and I didn't get to spend that much time together but the fact that he was coming home with me for Christmas made it all okay.

Edward had let the Cullen's know that he wouldn't be with them for the holidays. When he'd told them, we were over for dinner, so I was definitely nervous of their reaction. They were great though, saying that even though they'd miss him, they were supportive of his decision. Charlie on the other hand wasn't so easy. Talking to my dad about emotions and feelings had never been easy, so the phone call conversation was awkward.

"Hey Dad it's Bella. How are you doing?" I asked.

"Doin' fine Bells. Everything okay there?" He asked casually.

"It's great. But er Dad I need to talk to you about something." I said nervously.

There was a moment of silence before he slowly asked, "Yeah?"

"Um well I just wanted to tell you that I'm bringing someone home with me for Christmas. My, my boyfriend Edward is going to spend the holidays with us." I blurted quickly.

There was a pregnant pause before he answered.

"I see. Well, tell him to bring a sleeping bag. He's sleeping in the living room."

I rolled my eyes at Charlie's statement.

"Sure Dad. Talk to you later." I said, and hung up after his goodbye.

I relayed the conversation to Edward later on, and his cheeks flushed at what my Dad had said. But he smiled wryly too. I'd never seen him react that way to something of that nature. I guess time here really had broadened his horizons.

It was just a few days before Christmas Eve, and I had yet to buy any gifts for anyone. So after work I headed to the mall hoping to find some last minute deals. Luckily, Rose had let me borrow her car, so I wouldn't have to haul everything home in a taxi.

The mall was decorated accordingly with garland, red bows, and grandly decorated trees. People were rushing around, arms full of bags and facial expressions emitting stress and worry. It made me want for a simpler life. Something without all of the fuss and expectations of the world.  
I went from store to store, gradually buying my gifts for everyone. I found a beautiful necklace for Rose, and a bottle of perfume that I knew Alice had been wanting. For Emmett and Jasper I got a few video games that I knew they would love. And for Charlie I bought a brand new tackle box, containing the best lures there were. But for Edward, I was stumped. What do you buy for the guy you love?

Whoa whoa whoa, what?

Did I love Edward? Was it possible to love someone after only a few months? My heart fluttered thinking about the newest revelation in my life. I was in love with Edward. Wow.

With this new information, I became even more stumped at what to get him. I mean, what do you get an Amish man for Christmas anyway? Do they even exchange gifts in the Amish tradition? I then remembered his love for carpentry.

It took me awhile but I finally found a really nice carpentry kit. It didn't contain an electric saw or a power drill, but I figured that Edward wouldn't have ever used those before anyway. I was excited about giving him the gift, and seeing the look on his face.

When I'd finally finished shopping, it was already dark out. The air was cold and smelled frosty. Thankfully I'd found a front row parking spot before, so I was able to get to the car without issue. I got the same paranoid feeling just as I had before Thanksgiving. It was the feeling that someone was watching me. With that in my mind, I hurried into the vehicle and locked the doors. I drove off trying to shake the unsettling feeling.

I called Edward on the way home asked him to meet me there soon. I hated to admit it but I felt a little scared. I pulled into my apartments' parking area and sat there for a few minutes, reluctant to get out. Plans changed though when Jacob Black knocked on the car window.

Rolling down the window, I greeted Jacob.

"Hey Jake. What are you doing here?"

"I uh, was visiting a friend that lives in this building. I thought I saw you sitting in here as I was leaving." He said.

"Oh that's cool." I said awkwardly.

"Do you need some help taking your stuff inside?" He asked.

"How did you know I had stuff to take inside?" I asked suspiciously.

"Your dome light is on, I can see it piled in the back." Jacob said, pointing to the back of the car.

"Oh sorry. Um that's okay. I can get it all." I said as I got out of the car.  
I opened the backseat and started loading my arms up with the bags of gifts. Jacob came up beside me, leaning against the car.

"I haven't heard from you since that morning Bella." He said in a clipped voice.

"You said you would text me, and you never did." I said obviously irritated, even though I didn't care that he hadn't contacted me.

"I'm sorry. I just thought you didn't feel the same way. You not calling it confirmed it for me." Jacob said with a shrug.

I grabbed the last bag out of the backseat and turned to face him. He looked really bothered that I hadn't called him.

"Look Jake, I'm really sorry. But I'm actually seeing someone now."

Anger flitted across his features.

"Well I guess I should be going. I'll see you around Bella." He said bitterly and stalked off. I thought I saw him kick a car tire on his way by.

Temper much?

Edward's cab pulled up right after that and he hurried over to me.

"Everything okay Bella?" He asked concerned.

"Yep. Just fine. I just felt a little…off." I said, still looking in the direction that Jake walked in. Edward helped me take all of the shopping bags inside, and I was glad to have him there. I felt safe.

oOoOoOoOo

On Christmas Eve morning, Rose, Edward and I piled into her car and headed to Forks. We blasted Christmas music the whole way, and it even started to snow lightly. We made it into Forks by lunch time, which Edward was happy about.

Rose pulled in the driveway and we grabbed our bags and pulled all the gifts from the trunk before heading inside. I opened the front door, taking in the familiar smell of home.

"Dad? We're here!" I shouted.

Charlie walked in from the living room looking sleepy.

"Hey Bells! Sorry I fell asleep watching sport replays." He said groggily while hugging me.

"Dad this is Edward, my boyfriend. Edward this is my dad Charlie." I said looking back at forth between the two. Charlie stuck out his hand towards Edward.

Edward took it and shook it, looking Charlie in the eye the whole time.

"Firm hand shake and direct eye contact. I like that." Charlie said with a grin.

I laughed and shook my head.

"Have you eaten lunch yet Dad?"

"Not yet, I figured I'd wait for you guys to get here." He said.

"Do you have stuff for sandwiches? I could make one for each of us." I offered.

Charlie scratched the back of his neck and looked away.

"Well I haven't exactly gone grocery shopping for awhile." He said sheepishly.

"Dad! Shopping for Christmas dinner is sure going to be fun." I said sarcastically.

"Let's just head to the diner for lunch. Edward you'll love it." Charlie said excitedly.

I just sighed and led the way out to the cruiser. I didn't understand his excitement towards the diner. I was sure that he ate there at least once a day. Gross.

After an unhealthy lunch at the diner, we stopped at the grocery store to get a few things for Christmas dinner. Charlie waited in the car with the excuse of not wanting to get in the way. But I really think he just didn't want to deal with the crowds of people.

Edward and I walked hand in hand inside the store and then grabbed a shopping cart. It was like a mad house with people running around, grabbing last minute things here and there. We headed over to the meat section, dodging carts the whole way.

Thankfully there was one last ham. I grabbed it and threw it into the cart and we made our way around the rest of the store, grabbing everything I'd need to make dinner.

We made it to the check out lane while there were just a few people in line. Edward stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my body, then resting his chin on my head. I tilted my head to look back at him and see his face.

"I'm really glad to be here with you." He said with a smile.

"Me too. What do you think of my Dad?" I asked, returning the smile.

"He's a good man. Sure loves you a lot." He said.

Before I could reply, somebody called out my name.

"Bella? Bella is that you?" The voice questioned.

I turned around to see Mike Newton approaching me, his hands full of sweet potatoes and marshmallows.

"Hey Mike, how are you?" I asked.

"I'm great, just picking up a few things for my mom." He said while eyeing Edward.

"Mike this is my boyfriend Edward. He's spending Christmas with my dad and I." I said.

Edward nodded at Mike in greeting and vice versa.

"Bella, I saw James at the bar last night. He's doing great. He was wondering what you were up to." Mike added.

I saw Edward's jaw tighten at the mention of James. Mike Newton, the smoothest and classiest guy of the year. This was going on the list of "reasons to avoid Mike."

It was our turn to check out so I began loading the groceries onto the counter.

"That's nice. I guess I know where to avoid while in Forks now." I said humorously.

Edward laughed and Mike's eyes narrowed. Yes that's right, you're an idiot. I paid for our purchases and we both grabbed a few bags and headed out to the car.

OOoOoOo

When we got back to the house, it was time to decorate for Christmas. Charlie and Edward went out into the woods to get a tree, while I dug around in the attic for decorations.

I was excited to set up the tree with Edward. He'd explained to me before that in Amish tradition, there is no tree in the home. He said that some families will put out garland, and candles in the window, but that was about the extent. For me, a great part of Christmas was the decorations and the atmosphere it created. The twinkling lights of the tree, and the bright star on top just set the tone for the holiday season.

Downstairs I heard Charlie's gruff voice as he and Edward set up the tree in the living room. He always had to get the biggest and heaviest tree possible. Harry Clearwater always had to help him in the past. I was sure that he was grateful to have Edward to help this year. I wouldn't want him to suffer with such a small tree. I snorted to myself at that thought.

I walked into the living room and the smell of pine instantly assaulted my nose. I inhaled it and smiled. Edward noticed me standing in the entrance and grinned widely.

"So what do you think Bella?" He motioned to the tree proudly.

It was a beautiful tree, large and full. I hoped that we had enough lights and ornaments to cover it, because I wasn't going back to the store.

"It's beautiful. Are you guys ready to decorate it?"

Charlie held up his hands and shook his head.

"Hey I'll leave that up to you. I already got the tree." He said.

"Ah Dad, you're no fun. Well I guess it'll just be you and me Edward." I said as I stepped forward and took his hand.

Charlie retreated to the couch and turned on the TV. I rolled my eyes and gave Edward a playful smile.

We wrapped the white lights around the tree and hung each ornament on a branch. When all was said and done, the tree looked beautiful. All that was missing was the star.

"Edward, would you like to do the honors of placing the star on top? You're a lot taller than me and it's easier than dragging a chair in here." I shrugged.

I handed him the star and watched as he placed it carefully on top. He stood back and smiled. "My first English Christmas."

I looked at him curiously and he chuckled.

"That's what we call everybody that's not Amish." He clarified.

Charlie pulled his attention away from the game and joined in the conversation.

"So Edward, how do the Amish celebrate Christmas. You've got me curious." He furrowed his brows, and really did look interested.

Edward put his hands inside his jean pockets and thought for a moment.

"Well as I said before, we don't do the trees or any heavy decorating. There's not really any talk of Santa Claus. There's a lot of cookies and sweets. My mother makes the traditional snowflake cookies every year. They're delicious." He said fondly.

" Oh and we also get together and have a huge dinner with the community, but before that there's a Christmas program done by the children still in school. Lots of singing. And uh, we celebrate on both the twenty-fifth and the twenty-sixth." He finished.

"That doesn't seem too different Edward. There are differences, but we're all celebrating for the same reason right?" I said.

Charlie and Renee had never really instilled any religious values into our regular life, but it was there for me. I prayed, not habitually, but I prayed. I was no saint, but I still liked to think of myself as a good person. Of course I was no Edward.

"Just wait 'til tomorrow Edward. Bella makes a killer Christmas dinner. You won't miss home at all." Charlie said happily.

My stomach twisted. I hoped like hell that it was true.

OOoOoOoOo

On Christmas morning, I awoke to find that the view from my window had turned into a winter wonderland. I quickly dressed and ran downstairs to see if Edward and Charlie were awake. It was only about six, so I wasn't surprised when they weren't. I decided I'd go ahead and start making breakfast, hoping the smell would awake the guys.

The coffee had only started brewing when Edward walked into the kitchen. I gave him a big smile and wished him a Merry Christmas.

"Merry Christmas to you too. It smells good in here." He said with a sniff of the air.

"I'm making cinnamon pecan pancakes. Sound good?" I asked.

"That sounds delicious Bella. Do I have time to clean up before their done?" He asked.

I told him he had plenty of time, and he grabbed his things and headed up to the bathroom. Charlie came down shortly after and walked directly to the coffee pot.

"Edward in the shower?" He asked.

"Yep. I'm just making some pancakes, it'll be ready in a couple minutes." I said.

"That sounds good. Thank you Bells."

Charlie sat down at the table drinking his coffee, staring at the floor in silence. I started setting the table when he spoke.

"Bells, I'm glad you found Edward. He seems to be a pretty good guy." He said.

"He is Dad. He's…different." I bit my bottom lip at my statement.

"I was concerned about you when you dated James. There was just something off about him. I was afraid to let you go with him sometimes. But I can see that Edward is good. I trust him with you." He said confidently.

"Me too Dad." is all that I could get out before Edward came down the stairs.

I tried to keep myself from drooling over him as I took in his outfit. He was wearing a deep green crew sweater, and a pair of dark wash jeans. His hair was still wet, and his cheeks still pink from the heat of the shower. Merry Christmas to me.

We all sat down to our pancake and coffee breakfast. Edward and Charlie both mm'd with each bite, and I just smiled smugly.

Afterwards we headed to the living room to open gifts. I piled everyone's gifts in front of them, and we decided to each take a turn opening them.

Charlie told me to go first, so I grabbed a small square package and tore the paper slowly. I didn't need a paper cut first thing in the morning. The gift was from my Dad. It was a one hundred dollar gift card to Bed Bath and Beyond. He obviously knew I loved the place. I thanked him and told him to go next.

He ripped the paper and opened the box, revealing the tackle box. His face split into a wide grin.

"Thanks Bells! This is great!" He said excitedly.

"You're welcome Dad. I hope you get a lot of use out it." I said happily.

Edward opened a gift that Carlisle and Esme had sent with us. The box was small, and contained a picture and a set of keys. The picture was of a silver Volvo.

His jaw dropped and his eyes widened. "They bought me a…"

"A car! They bought you a car!" I said hugging him excitedly.

He smiled and looked at the picture unbelievably.

Charlie fawned over the picture, telling Edward he had some great relatives looking out for him. I agreed wholeheartedly. He vowed to call and thank them after we were done opening gifts.

It was now Charlie's turn to open a gift again, and he picked up a long rectangle shaped package. It was from Edward.

He put his hands inside and pulled out a small wooden fishing rod rack. The wood was blond and shiny. It was beautiful.

"Wow Edward. This is something." Charlie seemed lost for words.

"Bella told me that you liked to fish, I only had time to make a small one. I hope that's alright." Edward said quietly.

Charlie ran his hands over the wood and I could see he was pleased.

"You're very talented. These things could go for a lot of money."

Edward's face lit up, "Thank you Sir. That means a lot."

Next it was my turn to open again, and it was from Edward.

I open up the small box and gasped at what was inside. It was a beautiful, freshwater pearl bracelet, with a silver heart tag dangling from it. The heart said it was from Tiffany & Co.

"Edward you shouldn't have. It's so beautiful. How did you…" I stopped when he put his hand up.

"You deserve to have the best Bella. You deserve something that's lasting, not cheap and forgettable." He said looking straight into my eyes. I knew what he was saying and I loved him for it.  
I quickly handed him his present from me, and continued to admire the bracelet. Nobody had ever given me anything so beautiful. It was simple, and I knew it cost a lot, but I loved it. Edward wanted me to feel deserving. But instead, I felt grateful. For him.

Edward groaned appreciatively when he saw what I had gotten him. The smile on his face was brilliant, and I could see the happiness radiating off of him.

"This is great Bella. I can do so much with this. Thank you." He hugged me tightly.

It was the best Christmas morning of my life.

OOoOoOoOo

Later in the day I'd put the ham on to cook, and set out the yeast rolls to rise.

It had started to snow once again, and only added onto the other mounds of snow that lay beneath.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd played in snow, so I decided that I wanted to go out and play in it.

Edward and I bundled up in our coats, mittens and scarves, and headed outside. The snowflakes fell around us, sticking in our hair and on our clothes. We walked hand in hand through the drifts, eventually making our way into the woods.

We talked and laughed until we came upon a clearing that reminded me of a shaken snow globe. It was breathtakingly beautiful. I detached myself from Edward and began to walk around, lifting my face to the cloudy sky. The snow fell onto my face, and I poked out my tongue, letting the flakes fall onto it. A sigh escaped my lips as I spun around slowly.

I brought my face down, searching for Edward, but he was nowhere in sight.

"Edward?" I called out curiously. A twig broke somewhere behind me, so I quickly shifted my body in that direction. As I was about to walk towards the area where I heard the twig, something cold and soft hit my back.

I turned and found Edward standing there with a huge grin on his face. He looked happy with himself and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh you've done it now!" I shouted as I bent down to scoop up snow in my gloved hands. I formed a perfect ball and threw it at him as he ran from me, scooping up more snow in the process.

Snowball after snowball was thrown, until it was an all out war. When Edward stopped to take a breath, I ran after him with a snowball in each hand, intending to pummel him with both. But my sneakers had other ideas and I slipped onto my butt, causing the snow to fly into the air behind me. Edward ran towards me quickly.

"Are you alright Bella?" He asked concerned.

"Oh I'm fine. Just clumsy as usual." I said with a sigh.

He extended his hand towards me and I gingerly took it, wondering if he was going to smash a snowball in my face.

"You're not hiding a snowball behind your back are you?" I asked suspiciously.

Edward gave me a smirk and pulled his hand from behind his back that held a snowball. He dropped it to the ground and it disappeared into the snow.

"Truce?" He asked.

"Truce." I agreed.

He pulled me up onto my feet, and we were face to face. Or as much as possible with our height differences.

Edward looked down at me with his piercing green eyes, and my heart picked up speed. I moved into him and raised myself up onto my tiptoes. This was it.

I moved my face towards his, my breath shaking and unsteady. After what seemed like a lifetime, I softly pressed my lips to his. He stiffened at first, but then molded his lips to mine. Edward's lips were soft and warm, and they moved with mine gently. It was the best kiss I'd ever had.

I pulled away slightly and looked at his face, his eyes were closed and a smile graced his lips.

"Bella." He whispered.

"I love you Edward." I whispered.

"I love you too Bella…so much." He said quietly.

We moved our faces back together, and he pressed his lips against mine once more. The kisses were tender and soft. I felt sparks of electricity shoot through my veins. I was kissing Edward. Edward was kissing me. And I knew from that moment on, I never wanted to kiss anyone else besides him for the rest of my life. 


	9. Chapter 9

**I Do Not Own Twilight, I just like to make the characters do what I want. Muahahaha.**

Authors Note: So it's been a week since I last posted! This is probably going to be about the normal schedule from now on. Since the holiday season is approaching and because I am starting a new business venture, getting ready for a new baby and what not, things are getting busy! But don't worry, I'm going to update regularly unless noted otherwise. I hope you enjoy this chapter-I enjoyed writing it! Oh and if you want the links to the outfits worn in this chapter, PM me! I have no idea how to correctly post them on here...let me know how please! lol.

**BPOV**

Edward and I sat by the fire after Christmas dinner. Charlie had retired to bed early since he had to get up for work in the morning. I made us a couple mugs of hot chocolate, and we sat with our legs intertwined in front of the glowing hearth. Ever since our kiss earlier in the day, there was a permanent smile on my face, and it seemed Edward's as well. We hadn't been alone since arriving back to the house, so there hadn't been anymore lip locking. We sipped our hot chocolate and got to talking about Carlisle and Esme. Edward had called them earlier in the day and given them a heartfelt thank you for his car. They had waved off his offers to help pay for it, saying that it was just a way to make him feel more at home. Not too mention that taxi cabs were smelly and expensive. It got me curious as to what type of relationship Edward had with his aunt and uncle. So of course I asked him.

"Edward, had you met Carlisle and Esme before you came out here?" I asked in between sips of my hot chocolate.

"No, I had rarely even heard my Father speak of them before. He only spoke of Carlisle to set an example usually." He said dryly.

"So they never showed you pictures of them or anything?"

"We don't take pictures of ourselves in the Amish tradition. It's prideful." Edward said mockingly.

"Wow. Did Carlisle ever try and contact your family?" I asked.

"Carlisle and Esme sent gifts every Christmas. But I was never allowed to keep them, or even open them." He said. Before I could ask anything else, he continued.

"But one year…one year I got a hold of a card that they sent. I opened it, there was money inside. The card was really nice. It was the first time I heard about Alice and Emmett. I kept it hidden for years. Then when I decided that I was going to leave, I used the address on the envelope to contact Carlisle." Edward said with a smile.

"Luckily they still lived at the same address. Carlisle wrote me back, and he included a telephone number. I used the community phone and called him immediately. He set me up with a plane ticket, and that was it. I left a week later." He said.

I smiled at his revelations and pulled myself closer to him. "I'm glad you have them Edward." I said.

"So am I." He stared into each others eyes for a few moments, before our faces were once again moving towards each other. Our lips met and the same electrical current ran throughout my body. His lips moved against mine in the most innocent of ways, but I'd never been so turned on in my life. I pulled away and buried my face into his chest. He hugged me closer and I lay listening to the beat of his heart. It was the most wonderful sound in the world. That night I lay in my bed, replaying the kisses like a movie until I fell into a deep sleep.

A few days later, I awoke to my cell blaring on the nightstand. I picked it up and glared down at the caller ID. _Alice._ I flipped it open and sighed dramatically before speaking.

"What do you want Alice?" I croaked out.

"Bella! Good morning, how are you?" She asked cheerily.

"Alice it's…" I looked at the clock on the wall. "It's six o'clock in the morning. What could you possibly want this early?" I asked.

"Well I just wanted to call you while I had a free moment. I'm putting together a huge New Years Eve bash and wanted to see if you and Edward had made plans." She said quickly.

I thought for a moment, trying to figure out if we had. The only thing I was certain of is that we had planned on staying until after New Years Day.

"I don't know if we have plans per se. But I do know we _had _planned to stay here." I said.

"Oh but you guys have to come! It's going to be amazing! It's going to be a glamorous New Years Eve Ball!" She said with a squeal.

I sighed and rubbed my face in irritation.

"Alice I don't have time to get anything formal to wear and neither does Edward. I just don't think we can…" I said grasping at any way to get out of it.

"No problem! I already have an outfit for you and Edward. Yours is so beautiful, you'll love it. Now just tell me you'll come. Puh puh puh-lease Bella." She said sadly. I pictured her pouting.

"Look I'll talk to Edward and we'll get back to you." I said."Great! Okay talk to you then!" She said excitedly.

"Bye Alice." I said dryly and then ended the call.

I looked towards the window and noticed that it was getting lighter outside. The chances of falling back to sleep were slim, so reluctantly, I rolled out of bed. Deciding a hot shower sounded amazing, I grabbed my things and headed to the bathroom. Once the water had heated, I stepped under the hot spray and felt a sigh immediately leave my body. I took my shampoo and lathered it into my hair, feeling the suds expand beneath my fingers. After I'd washed and shaved everything, I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, grabbing my towel off the hook.

As I was bent over towel drying my hair, I heard the knob on the door start to turn. I was pretty sure I'd locked it though so I didn't stop what I was doing. But then the door swung open, and I raised up throwing the towel over my body, to find a very pink Edward staring at me with wide eyes.

"I-I'm so sorry Bella. I…" Edward stuttered before turning around and running down the stairs. I was shocked but not really embarrassed. I was sure that Edward was mortified though. A naked woman was something I was positive he'd never seen before. Apart of me was smug that I was the first he'd ever seen, and the other part felt bad for him. He was probably beating himself up right now.

I hurriedly ran to my room and threw on a pair of black sweatpants and a grey t-shirt. With a glance in the mirror and a shrug at my appearance, I went down the stairs. Edward wasn't in the kitchen, so I went into the living room and found him sitting stiffly on the couch.

"Morning." I said softly to Edward. I was trying really hard not to smile.

"M-morning Bella." He said quietly. I sat down beside him on the couch and kissed his cheek.

"Bella I'm really sorry about what happened. I was still half asleep and didn't think to knock. I apologize for being so careless." Edward said dejectedly.

"It's okay Edward really. I should have locked the door, so that makes me the careless one. It's no big deal really. Aren't you glad it wasn't Charlie in the bathroom though?" I said trying to lighten his spirits. He looked at me and let out a small chuckle.

"Yeah I suppose that could have been worse. I'm just so sorry that I embarrassed you." He said.

"You didn't Edward. I'm not embarrassed at all." I said.

He looked at me, his cheeks flushing again. His mouth opened as if he wanted to reply, but before he could, Charlie walked in.

"Embarrassed about what?" He asked

"Nothing. Are you hungry Dad?" I asked trying to redirect his attention.

"I was thinking of heading to the diner actually." Charlie said with a grin.

Half an hour later we sat at the diner eating our breakfast. I poked at my eggs while Charlie rambled on about fishing and what not. Edward seemed interested so I didn't interrupt.

"So what do you say Bella?" Charlie asked me.

"Huh?" I asked, clearly giving away that I wasn't paying attention.

"I was saying that we should all go fishing tomorrow morning." He said with an eyebrow raised.

"Ah..uh no Dad. But you and Edward could go?" I shoved a piece of bacon into my mouth.

"Sounds good eh Edward?" Charlie asked with a grin. Edward nodded, chewing his food through a smile.

"That reminds me. What are your plans for New Years Eve Dad? Anything going on?" Charlie wiped his mouth with a napkin and set it down before looking at me.

"One of the guys at the station invited all of the officers over to play cards. I figured I'd just do that." He said.

"Oh. Hm, no parties?" I asked.

"No, why? What are you guys doing?" Charlie questioned."Alice called me this morning and apparently she's throwing a New Years Eve Ball." I said while eyeing Edward.

"That sounds fun, you guys should go."

"But Dad…are you sure that you don't want us to stay?" I asked almost pleadingly. Charlie waved his hand around and furrowed his eyebrows.

"No no you guys go have fun. I'll be fine." He said. Edward cleared his throat.

"I've never been to a ball before. It sounds like it could be…fun." He said.

Suddenly I felt like a bitch. I hadn't even asked Edward what he wanted to do. I just picked what made me most comfortable. When I first met Edward, I told him he needed to experience the life here, to make the most of it. Yet here I was holding him back from that, all because I felt uncomfortable.

"Sure Edward. That's cool. We can uh go. Alice said she already had our costumes." I said trying to sound excited.

"Great, I'm looking forward to it." He said with a crooked grin. Later that day I texted Rose, asking her if she was attending the party. She replied with "duh" and said that she was leaving the day after next for Seattle. _Awesome._

**oOoOoOo**

When we arrived back in Seattle, Edward and I picked up his car and then headed to the license bureau so that he could take his drivers test. He passed with flying colors, and excitedly drove us back to his place.

On the morning of the ball, Edward drove us over to the Cullen's to get ready. I didn't understand why Alice wanted me over so early. It was hours until the party started. What could possibly take so long? Later I had my answer as I sat in a chair, receiving a manicure from one of the employees of a local high end salon. Apparently Alice had hired the whole team to do our hair, makeup, manicures, pedicures, and facials. The green goop on my face worried me a bit, but Rosalie assured me that it would rinse off, and I would not look like an alien.

The three of us chatted casually while being worked on. And if I was being honest, it was pretty relaxing.

"So Bella, you and Edward seemed pretty cozy in my backseat on the way home." Rose said with raised eyebrows and a smirk. I couldn't help the smile that bloomed upon my face.

"We got a lot closer over Christmas." I said shyly.

Alice squealed in delight."Oh my God did you guys, you know…" She asked excitedly.

My eyes widened and I shook my head."No! We just you know…kissed." I said with a shrug.

Both Rose and Alice's mouths dropped open and they stared at me with surprise.

"You guys only just kissed like…a few days ago?" Rose asked.

"We thought you guys kissed ages ago! I mean don't most couples kiss when they first get together?" Alice asked.

"Look guys you know his background. He never initiated it, so I finally did. There's nothing wrong with waiting awhile to kiss." I defended.

"Of course there's nothing wrong with it. It's just really different. I mean, Edward _is _a guy. You're a beautiful girl Bella and you're both here in the modern world. It just seems like he should be excited to experiment." Rose said.

"Yeah I mean, you think he'd be starved for physical love!" Alice threw her arms up, earning her a glare from the manicurist.

"Well he told me before that he's not really sure what he believes in as far as morals. Maybe that's just what he feels is right deep down." I said, almost like a question."

Or maybe he just doesn't know how to initiate Bella. It's not like he's seen it around him or on a TV or movie. I think you'll have to be more upfront with him." Rose said with a nod.

"Maybe…" I said thoughtfully.

"Well has he said anything else about his decision on whether he's staying or not?" Rose asked. I frowned, it was something that I didn't like to think about.

"No, not really. Have you heard anything Alice?" I asked.

"No." She sighed. " But my Dad stayed when he met Mom. I mean that says a lot. Maybe it'll be the same with Edward." Alice said with a hopeful smile.

I chewed my lip, knowing that I'd have to ask Edward what he was choosing. Sooner rather than later I'd have to talk to him. It was going to eat at me until I knew. And the question in my mind still asked what I would do if he did go back. Would that mean it was over? Or could I go with him? I didn't want to become Amish, if that was even allowed. But if it meant being with Edward, could I do it? I was starting to think I'd do anything for Edward Cullen.

That evening, the three of us were finally ready for the ball. Alice was dressed in a long and silky silver gown. The back plunged dangerously low, and she looked stunning. Rose wore a deep blue halter gown that reached to the floor, but was cut short in the front. With her golden blonde hair and blue eyes, she looked like an angel. I was dressed in a deep red, almost maroon strapless gown, with a sweetheart neckline. The detail and design on the top was exquisite and expensive looking. I had to admit I felt beautiful with the dress and with my hair in long waves. Once again, Alice had succeeded.

We all checked ourselves once more in the mirror before leaving the room. I of course made sure than none of my dark red lipstick had rubbed onto my teeth. That would be a terrible first impression. Rose, Alice, and I walked to the grand staircase and peered down into the scene below us. The house had been transformed into a sort of dance hall. There were golden twinkle lights everywhere, long tables filled with large assortments of food, and different ice sculptures here and there.

"Nice job Alice." I said as I elbowed her.

"Thanks hun!" She nudged me back. Just then, three men in suits gathered at the bottom of the stairs and gazed up at us.

"You ladies are looking quite stunning tonight if I do say so myself." Emmett said.

"Alice, would you care to join me for a drink?" Jasper requested with a grin. Rose and Alice skipped down the stairs gracefully. How they did it in heels I don't know. The two couples parted ways disappeared into the crowd. I on the other hand, took each step one at a time, holding tightly to the railing. When I reached Edward, he stepped toward me and took my hand in his.

"You look…stunning Bella." He breathed.

"You look extraordinary as well Edward." I said. And he did in his charcoal grey suit, and black button down shirt. I'd never seen him look the way he did. I pulled him closer and pressed my lips against his gently.

"Shall we?" Edward asked, offering his arm to me.

"We shall." I said smiling as he led us toward the other guests. Surprisingly, I recognized more than a few of the people around. They were all people that attended the university, or that I'd met at an occasional party. There were older guests as well, that I assumed were friends and acquaintances with Carlisle and Esme.

"Are you hungry Bella? We could eat if you'd like." Edward said.

"I'd actually just like a drink right now if that's alright." I said and Edward ushered me to the area designated for the bartender.

"What can I get you?" The young bartender asked politely.

"One champagne please." I requested.

"Make that two." Edward interjected. I looked at him with wide eyes and a grin.

"It's New Years Eve. It's a celebration." He said, answering my silent questionings.

The bartender handed us our glasses of champagne, and we made our way through the crowds to where our friends were. We all chatted and had a great time for awhile, enjoying each others company. Emmett told funny jokes, and I couldn't help but smile at the look on Edward's face when a dirty one was told. The expressions he wore were a mix between amusement and horror.

"Ah you guys haven't heard nothin' yet! Listen to this one! How are women and tornadoes and alike?" Emmett asked with a smirk. Everyone looked back and forth at each other, some shaking their heads in confusion.

Jasper spoke first, "None of us know! Tell us!" He said patting Emmett on the back.

"They both moan like hell when they come and they take the house when they leave! AH!" Emmett roared with laughter along with the other men around us. Edward chuckled lightly but looked at me almost apologetically. Rose rolled her eyes at Emmett, and threatened to take away his "priveleges." All signs of humor disappeared from his face.

After awhile, the music started playing. The DJ played all of the hits and favorites. The lights dimmed and the bass of the music reverberated off the walls creating the perfect party atmosphere. Everyone danced and swayed to the beats, and even I couldn't help but move my body side to side. I'd drank a few glasses of champagne, so I felt brave enough to dance against Edward a little. The whole time he kept his hands on my waist, lightly pressing his fingertips into my flesh.

When "Yellow" by Coldplay started playing, I pulled Edward into the rest of the dancers and wrapped myself around him. We swayed side to side and I looked up into his eyes, losing myself in their depth. He stared back at me, a crooked grin forming on his lips.

"What?" I asked curiously.

"Nothing." He said still grinning.

"Tell me!" I demanded looking through my lashes.

"I'm just really happy Bella." He said, and then lowered his head down and placed his lips firmly against mine. It was the first time he'd ever initiated a kiss and I reveled in it. The only thing my body could respond with was kissing him harder. Edward pulled away slightly breathless and then gently kissed me again.

"Edward have you decided yet? About whether you're staying or not?" I blurted suddenly. He looked taken aback and a crease appeared between his eyebrows.

"Bella, it's a big decision to make I…I don't know." Edward replied with a small shake of his head. My heart dropped.

When the song ended and I pulled away from him, missing his touch as soon as I did. As stupid as it sounds, I felt a bit rejected. I wanted him to say that he knew for sure and that it was because of me.

"Are you ready to eat? I can go get us a couple of plates?" I questioned, hoping to change the depressing subject.

"Sure. I'll go get a couple of new drinks and meet you at the table." Edward said quietly. I watched him walk away, until I couldn't see his bronze hair through the crowd anymore. Walking to the buffet table, I grabbed two small plates and began scanning the different foods available. Spotting some melon, I began forking a few pieces onto both of the plates. My mind was still soaking up Edward's words, when someone pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Bella?" the male voice asked. I looked up and stared into the face of a familiar young man with blond hair and blue eyes.

"J-James?" I asked with a tone of surprise.

"Bells! It's been a long time. You're looking…" He ran his eyes over my body. "Amazing."

"Uh thanks." I replied, trying to swallow the bitter taste in my throat.

"It's great to see you." James said in a deep voice.

"Uh huh. What are you doing here?" I asked.

"My date is friends with Alice Cullen. What about you? How'd you end up here tonight?" He asked.

"Alice is a good friend of mine." I said with a sigh.

"Look I'd like to talk with you more. Want to sit with me?" James questioned.

"I'm here with someone James, and he's waiting for me. Goodbye." I turned on my heel and headed to the table surrounded by my friends.I sat the plates down on the table and Edward quirked an eyebrow at me.

"You only got melon?" He asked with a smile. "Shoot. Sorry I got distracted and.." I huffed.

"No worries Bella. I'll go get us more. You sit down and relax." Edward said.

When he was a good distance away from the table I leaned into Rose and whispered. "James is here." She glared back at me. "What?"

"Um yeah. He invited me back to his table. He wanted to talk." I said bitterly.

"What the hell? I'm gonna find that fucker and teach him a lesson." She spat.

I sighed and shook my head. "As much as I'd appreciate that Rose, it's unnecessary. I've moved on from how he treated me. I'd rather not give him the pleasure of knowing how much he hurt me."

"Let me know if you change your mind." Rose said as she looked around, obviously hoping she'd spot him somewhere. Edward came back with our plates, this time they were filled with all sorts of food. We ate quietly, only exchanging glances periodically. I didn't trust myself to talk to him without sounding hurt. When our plates were empty, I stood up and smoothed out my dress. "I'm going to go get some air. Excuse me." I announced to everyone.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Edward asked. I shook my head.

"No that's okay. I won't be long." I said, and then turned and headed towards the front door. Outside, I walked around the house until I found a bench to sit on. I realized that I was in a small garden, with a beautiful stone fountain in the middle of it. The trickling of the water was very soothing to my current state of mind.

"Bella." I closed my eyes and shook my head at the voice that called my name."What do you want James?" I asked in irritation.

"I just want to talk with you. It's been so long since we've seen each other." He said, sitting down beside me on the bench. I shivered.

"No offense James but I came out here to think."

"You're feistier than you used to be. More confident." He said amused.

"A lot has changed James. I grew up that's all." I said.

"I've really missed you Bella. I regret our breaking up." I hissed.

"_Our _breaking up? You broke up with _me _James. Right after you so coldly took my virginity."

"Come on Bella you can't blame me. I was in college you know? I wanted to experiment a little. It wasn't a big deal. I'm sure you've come a long way since then too." He said in a way that was full of implications.

I chuckled darkly, wishing I'd taken Rose up on her offer."Fuck you James." I stood up and made to walk away. But he grabbed my arm and pulled me back to him.

"I'd like to Bella. I'd like to see how much you've improved since then. You've surely learned how to please a man by now." He said in a husky tone. It made me want to throw up.

"That's enough." a velvet voice said sternly. Edward appeared out of the shadows, anger apparent on his face.

"Who the hell are you?" James spat."Kindly remove your hands from _my _girlfriend. Or I'll be forced to do it for you." Edward warned. James released his hold on my arm and walked towards Edward. The way he moved his body gave off a cocky vibe.

"She may be your girlfriend now. But I took away her precious flower. Deep down she_'_ll always want _me__._" James said.

"I don't want any part of you James! Stay the hell away from me!" I yelled.

"Mm Bella I do love your feisty side." James growled.

I looked over and saw Edward grit his teeth before grabbing James by the arm. It all happened so fast, and the next thing I knew, Edward had punched James in the nose.

"If you EVER come near her, or say anything disrespectful to her EVER again. I'll do more than break your nose. Is that clear?" Edward seethed.

James stood with his face buried in his hands. When Edward turned to me, James made his move and tried to jump him from behind.

"Edward!" I screamed. He turned around and ducked just as James' fist flew towards his jaw. Edward grabbed James by the collar and plunged his fist into his stomach. James curled into a ball on the ground, moaning pitifully.

"Stay. Away. From. Her." Edward said slowly. He looked at me and his face softened.

"Are you okay love?" He asked. I nodded, tears stinging my eyes.

"Take me home please. I don't want to go back in there." I said swallowing thickly. Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me into an embrace.

"Let's go." He said. We walked to the Volvo and I climbed in as best as I could with the ball gown. The ride back to my place was quiet. Every once in awhile Edward would glance at me, a worried expression on his face. When we arrived at my door, I expected to go in by myself, but he followed me inside trailing close behind.

"Did I scare you Bella? With my behavior, did I scare you?" He asked with concern.

"No Edward it's not that. It's just been a really long day. Partying is the last thing I want to do right now." I said quietly.

"Me too. I'd rather be with just you anyway." Edward said with a small smile. I found myself moving towards him unconsciously, wrapping my arms around him tightly.

"I love you Bella." Edward said and then kissed the top of my head.

"I love you too Edward. That's what makes this hard." I sighed.

"It makes what hard Bella?" He asked in confusion.

"I'm afraid your going to leave."

"Let's talk about this Bella. Please." Edward said.

"I'm just going to change first, make yourself comfortable." I said as I walked towards my bathroom. Inside I began to extricate myself from the dress and then stepped out of it carefully. I pulled out my cotton pajamas and quickly dressed. Stepping out of the bathroom, I found Edward on the couch. From the smell, I could tell that he'd made us coffee. I also noticed that he'd removed his jacket and tie, even unbuttoning the black undershirt a bit. He looked extremely sexy.

I sat down beside him, not knowing what to say. The look on his face told me that he was struggling with his words as well. Suddenly my whole body filled with butterflies. The unknown began to scare me.

"Bella, I'm so sorry that I'm making you feel so bad at my indecision. It's not that I don't want to stay. Every day with you makes me want to stay. But you have to see how hard it is for me to make a solid choice. I have to consider every little thing. What I'm gaining, but mostly what I'd be losing. I would lose my family. My mother would be…heartbroken. I'm her only son. The guilt is excruciating." Edward said with a pained expression.

I was so selfish. I wanted him to give it all up for me. How could I take away Edward from his mother? I'd done the same to my mother, and she'd never forgiven me. Did I really want Edward to go through that as well?

"I want you to choose what makes you happy Edward. What you think is right is what's best for you." It was hard to say, but I said it to comfort Edward. He didn't need anymore guilt on his shoulders. I wouldn't do that to him.

"You're everything Bella. You must know that." He said. I looked at him, and when our eyes met I couldn't help but believe him. The honesty shone through so clearly.

"I've never felt this way about anyone. What James said is not true. There's nobody else that I'd ever want again." I said grabbing his hand for dear life.

"When James said that, about your…flower. I wanted to hurt him. I wished that I'd taken it from you. To have made you _mine_ in that way." Edward said. It made my stomach clench.

"I'm yours Edward. James is nothing." I climbed onto his lap and faced him. "The rest of them mean nothing." I said with my hands on each side of his face.

I leaned forward and kissed him gently. He responded immediately, pressing his lips fervently against mine. Our lips moved together at a fast pace, hot breaths blowing in between each kiss. I stuck my tongue out and traced his lips, earning a groan from Edward. Slowly I slid it into his mouth. He stiffened slightly, but slowly returned the favor by reaching his tongue into my mouth. As our tongues danced together, heat spread like wildfire throughout my body.

Unthinkingly I began grinding my lower half against Edward, and running my fingers through his hair. He groaned once again, and then pulled away gasping for air.

"Bella….Bella! We-we have to stop." He said with urgency. I pulled away, my face flushing as oxygen finally reached my brain.

"I'm sorry Edward. I didn't mean to push!" I said removing myself from his lap. Edward grabbed the nearest pillow and pulled it over his lap. _Oh._

"It's not your fault Bella. I'm just not…ready for that. I just can't." He said looking ashamed.

"It's alright Edward. We don't have to do anything you're not ready for." I said with a reassuring smile. I walked to the kitchen area and poured two cups of hot coffee. Looking at the clock I noticed that it was one minute until midnight.

"Hey it's almost the New Year! See?" I said pointing at the clock. Edward removed the pillow with a sigh and walked over to me taking a cup of the hot liquid. When the clock struck midnight, he leaned forward and gave me a gentle peck on the lips.

"Happy New Year Bella." He whispered.

"Happy New Year Edward." I said and clinked my cup against his.

**A/N: So what did you think? Leave me a review and tell me your thoughts-they're just as amazing as Edward in a sexy suit. **


	10. Chapter 10

**As per usual, I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. I just like pretending that I do.**

**Authors Note: **_Hey guys, so this is a little earlier than I expected it to be. I'm leaving town for the weekend so I had to do this now. It's a pretty short chapter in comparison to the others, but I hope it will be just as satisfactory. Also, this is unbeta'd this week, so forgive any minor issues! Please enjoy :-)_

**Ch. 10: Drunken Confessions Are Sober Thoughts**

**BPOV**

Life after the holidays was getting back to normal. It was a new normal for myself though. I was enjoying how intimate Edward and I had become. Though it was true that it was only making out, and that itself was pretty restrained as well. Ever since the New Years Eve lap incident, I'd avoided getting _that _close. We were both busy with school and I was busy with work and wedding planning. That's right, wedding planning. Alice's wedding to be exact. Jasper had proposed to her on New Years Day. That being said, she immediately asked Rose and I to be the bridesmaids, and Jasper had asked Emmett and Edward to be the groomsmen. They'd decided to get married on Valentine's Day, so that meant she had virtually no time to plan. But Alice being Alice could pull it off if anyone could, and she wasn't skimping on any of the details either.

Needless to say, Alice had organized many "meetings" at Emmett and Edward's place. At first I was annoyed, since wedding planning was so not my thing. But then I discovered it just meant my seeing Edward more.

"Earth to Bella!" Alice's voice rang out around me.

"What?" I asked dumbly.

"Bella there is no time to daydream! We are short on time here." She said in a panicked voice.

"Calm down Al, Bella tends to space out a lot. It's nothing new." Rose added with a smile.

"I'm sorry Alice, what was it that you said?" I asked shaking my head a little.

"I asked you if you thought the centerpieces for the tables should be red roses or pink roses?" She asked.

"Well maybe you should do a mix of red and white roses. I'm not an expert on this sort of stuff though so I'm really not the person to consult." I said apologetically.

"Actually I really like that idea Bella. Pink is so last year." Alice said as if it was obvious.

Just then Edward walked by the living, hands in his pockets. Our eyes met and he smiled warmly. My cheeks flushed and I bit my lip, trying to hold back a ridiculously big goofy grin. He walked by several more times in the next hour, Rose looking between us all the while.

"Is there something we can do for you Edward?" She finally asked with a smirk. He shook his head with a smile and retreated back up the stairs until there was the faint sound of his door closing.

"Dear Lord you two are sick." Rose said with amusement.

Alice was still very much involved in writing down details, so she had nothing to add.

"Get out of here Bella. You know you'd rather be somewhere else anyway." Rose pointed to the ceiling.

"Are you sure? I don't want to abandon you guys." I said, feeling guilty.

"Go, we've got this. Go!" She said with a playful nudge.

I exited the room and slowly ascended the stairs leading to Edward's bedroom. When I reached the door, I turned the knob and let myself inside. Edward was laying on his bed, hands propped behind his head casually. He looked very comfortable. I walked over to him and lifted one knee onto the bed.

"Hey, relaxing are you?" I asked, trying to reel in the goofy smile taking over my face.

"Just thinking about things." Edward said with a faint smile.

"Rose cut me loose, so I thought I'd just come up and say hi." I said timidly.

"Bella?" He asked.

"Yes Edward?"

"I've been thinking I want to try more things." Edward said, a crease forming between his brows.

"Like what?" Curiosity filled my voice as I spoke.

"What would you do for fun before you met me?" He asked.

I shrugged. Before Edward, my life had been pretty boring. I'd pretty much kept to myself most of the time except when going out to meet a guy. Occasionally I'd hit a college party, but even those just ended in a random hook up. It's not something I was proud of, which was why I didn't want to really talk about it with him.

"I guess sometimes I'd go to parties or a bar. But a lot of times I stayed home. I'm sort of a loner." _I had sex for fun, want to try that?_

"I want to go to one with you. A party. It's something I need to experience." Edward said in such a way, that seemed like he was trying to convince himself."Are you sure that's what you want? College parties can get pretty wild." I told him."Yes. I'm sure." He said with a nod.

The next night, we found ourselves in the Volvo on the way to a party. Emmett had told us that he knew one of the guys throwing it, and that we were welcome to come along. The party was at an old two story house a few miles from my place. As we walked in, the smell of cigarettes, beer, and sweaty people filled my nostrils. Somewhere in the room a stereo played loud rap music, with tipsy girls swaying to the familiar beat. It was a typical college party.

Just then a tall, leggy blonde made her way towards us. "Hi you look so familiar! Aren't you in one of my classes? I'm Tanya!" She said fluttering her fake eyelashes at Edward.

"Possibly. I'm not sure. I'm Edward and this is Bella." Edward said awkwardly.

Tanya's eyes ran over me and then firmly planted them back onto Edward.

"Nice to meet you Edward! Do _you_ want to join me for a drink? I've got the good stuff!" Tanya said as she waved a silver flask back and forth. I rolled my eyes and grabbed Edward's hand, pulling him towards a doorway.

"Thanks but he's sort of busy with me! Have fun." I said in a sickly sweet voice. Behind us I heard Tanya huff loudly.

We entered into a kitchen and there we found Emmett with Rose in tow. He handed Edward and I a beer and we watched the others as they played beer pong. An hour later, I was a bit tipsy. I'd had a few beers, but I was pretty tolerant of my alcohol. Edward however, was drunk. I couldn't remember him having anymore than myself, but of course he'd never really drank before. I'd never seen him so outgoing or talkative. The whole time he kept a firm grip on my waist and I would be lying if I said that I wasn't enjoying it. For once, he was no different than anyone else and I could see that it effected him positively. Edward was one of the guys. He even played a few rounds of beer pong against Emmett.

We were having a great time, and so when someone shoved a red plastic cup into Edward's hand, we didn't question it. We should have though. Because after quickly drinking the liquid, Edward became extremely intoxicated. With eyes glazed over, he slurred my name.

"Mmm Blella?" He asked, pulling me into the front room as a new song started in the background.

"Yes Edward?"

"You're so pretttty."

Edward leaned closer to me, pulling my chin up with his fingers. An unfamiliar emotion filled his eyes as he softly planted his lips upon mine. His mouth became eager, and he kissed me passionately. I was hesitant at first, not wanting to take advantage of his state of mind. But the way his mouth moved with mine started a fire within me, and I felt myself pulling him even closer. I pulled his lower lip into my mouth and sucked on it. Edward moaned into my mouth and moved his lips down to my jaw. He moved down my neck and sucked gently. There was sure to be a mark left after that. The thought of it turned me on even more. I _wanted _him to mark me.

"Oh God, Edward." I said, forgetting about the people around us. Nearby I heard a _click _and then someone cleared their throat loudly. I reluctantly pulled away and looked around for the disturbance. Jacob Black stood a few feet away with his eyebrows raised.

"Hello Bella." He said clearly pissed off.

"Hi Jacob. Um what are you doing here?" I asked.

"I live here. Do you mind if I talk to you?" Jacob asked quickly.

"Uh sure. Edward I'll just be over there okay?" I said. He nodded, but I didn't miss the stare down happening between Edward and Jacob.

Jacob pulled me to a corner and then crossed his arms defensively.

"So that's the guy huh?"

"Look Jacob I'm sorry. I didn't know this was your house. We just came here with Emmett and…" He cut me off with the wave of his hand.

"Whoa wait, Emmett Cullen?" He asked with wide eyes. I nodded.

"Edward is Emmett's cousin isn't he." Jacob said, more as a statement than a question.

"Yes. Edward Cullen." I confirmed. Jacob started laughing hysterically, leaving me confused.

"Why is that funny Jacob?" I asked warily.

"You're dating the Amish guy? Are you serious?" He continued laughing.

"Yeah so what? Look I'm sorry that we came. I didn't mean to rub anything in your face." I was starting to get really pissed off. He was _still _laughing. Then abruptly he stopped. Jacob slapped his hand onto the wall beside my head, causing me to jump.

"Do you really think that _he _can give you everything you want Bella? Wouldn't you be happier with someone who can give you _everything._" Jacob said, his voice full of implications. He lowered his large body against mine, brushing his other hand down my side softly. I quickly moved away from him, my blood boiling hot.

When I got back to where Edward had been, he was gone. My eyes searched around the room until I looked over to a couch pushed against the wall and saw him sitting stiffly as Tanya moved her body provocatively in front of him. The bitch was totally giving him a lap dance. He looked uncomfortable as she crawled onto him and lifted her flask to his lips. My body moved at lightning speed across the room and yanked her off of him."Are you fucking kidding me right now?" I asked exasperated.

"You were occupied, he looked lonely. I was just showing him what it's like to have a _real _woman. I mean look at you, your body is nothing compared to mine." Her hands floated over her body with pride. I wanted to hit Tanya more than I'd ever wanted to hit anyone in that moment. I could have too, but instead I pulled a very drunk Edward off of the couch and led him to the front door. I supported him as we stumbled towards the Volvo, and took his keys from his back pocket.

There was no question of my sobriety at that point. Jacob and Tanya's actions had completely sobered me up. I drove us back to my place, craving the quiet and familiarity. Thoughts of Tanya's words echoed in my head. _Your body is nothing compared to mine. _I tried not to let the stupid insecurities take over. I would not let it happen.

Edward was slumped against the passenger window, humming an unknown tune. When we arrived at the apartment building, I ran around to the other side and helped Edward out. He leaned on me as we walked all the way to my door. Once inside, I led him over the bed and sat him down. His green eyes were so glassy and slightly bloodshot.

"Edward?" I called softly.

"You're so beautiful Blella." He said with a goofy smile. But then his eyes widened and I immediately recognized the look. He was about to hurl. I led him to the bathroom and he fell to his knees, heaving forward to the toilet. I stroked my fingers through his hair in comfort while he emptied his stomach. Poor Edward.

He finally stopped retching after a couple of minutes, and I led him back to the bed. Before laying him down, I removed his jacket and shoes. Not a sound came from either one of us as I lay down beside him. He rolled over to face me, and I reached out to push a stray lock of bronze hair from his face.

"Blella. I have a confession to make." He slurred.

"What is it?" I asked with a sigh.

"I sometimes think about you without clothing. Ever since that morning. I'm so sorry." Edward whispered.

"That's okay Edward. It doesn't bother me. Really."

"But it is inappropriate and lustful. I shouldn't…you deserve better." His voice cracked, and I knew he was so close to passing out. He took another deep breath, and looked straight into my eyes. They were surprisingly lucid. The intensity of his stare sent chills down my spine, and in that moment I felt like the only girl in the world. I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"It's not wrong Edward. To show someone you love them, it's not wrong." I breathed. He didn't answer me.

"Edward?" I asked quietly. My ears were met with the sound of his steady breathing, and his eyes had drifted shut.

"Goodnight, I love you Edward."

The next morning, I woke up stiff and aching. Sleeping on the couch had sounded like a good idea the night before, but my body protested that very thought. I could have slept on the bed, but I thought that it might freak Edward out a bit.

While I was making pancakes, Edward began to stir over on the bed. He sat up slowly and moaned, obviously in pain. His hair stuck out in every direction possible, it was sort of cute."Good morning sleepyhead." I said with a grin.

Edward responded by groaning and falling back to the bed. He mumbled a bit before sitting back up."I feel…I feel _horrible._" He croaked.

Biting back a laugh, I replied, "That's what a hangover feels like."

"I have no desire to ever feel this way again." Edward said as he moved from the bed towards the kitchen.

"Are you hungry? I have coffee and pancakes. It's pretty much the perfect food for a hangover." I said cheerfully. The look on his face told me that food sounded like a terrible idea. But after some assurance that it would make him feel better, he sat down at the table.

When he was halfway through his pancake, he looked up and it seemed like he wanted to say something. I wondered if he was thinking about the events from the night before, or if he even remember anything at all. I myself hadn't been able to stop the happenings from playing like a movie in my head. How sexy Edward had looked when the liquid confidence had taken over, the passionate kissing, Jacob's suggestive words, and Tanya's cruel words about my appearance. Then there were the things that Edward had said in his drunken state right before falling asleep. He hadn't said very much, but what he did say told me a lot about what was going on in his head. The things he'd been taught growing up, while some of the other youth in the Amish tradition ignored it, it stayed instilled deep within Edward. He was ashamed of the things he felt. And that in turn made me wonder if I was like his dirty little secret. The insecurities were planting themselves in my brain and I couldn't stop it. I was trying my hardest not to second guess everything.

"Bella, did anything…happen last night?" Edward asked timidly.

I thought about the passionate kiss and decided not to mention it.

"I slept on the couch. Nothing to worry about." I said forcing a smile. He nodded, and thankfully the conversation ended there.

**oOoOoOo**

The weeks passed by and it was only a week before the wedding. Alice was of course in full on freak out mode, but surprisingly decided on a day of relaxation, aka hell for me. She and Rose had planned a shopping excursion in Portland. I didn't understand the need to drive three hours away when Seattle offered more than enough choices. Though apparently I was wrong. We all stayed the night at Alice and Jasper's place since we'd be leaving very early in the morning. When the five o'clock alarm went off, I was dragged out of my sleeping bag and thrown into the bathroom by a blurry figure that resembled a pixie.

We left at promptly at six, and headed towards Portland, stopping only to pick up some breakfast at a café along the interstate. I texted Edward around ten, letting him know that we made it and were just about to head into some stores. He didn't answer at the time, but I figured he was still asleep. Finally around one the girls agreed to go to lunch. We chose a little pizza joint located next to the store we had just left. It was nice to be able to sit down a rest for awhile. I sighed in contentment as we sat down in the booth.

"So Alice, are you getting anxious for the big day?" I asked as I nudged her in the ribs.

"A little. But I'm more _excited _for the big night!" She said wiggling her eyebrows. We all laughed as the waiter brought our sodas out.

"I wonder when Emmett will propose to me." Rose said smiling dreamily.

"Eh I'm sure it'll be soon. You guys have been dating long enough anyway. Hell maybe you should propose to him!" I said laughing.

"What about you and Eddie boy? Think it'll ever get to that?" Rose prodded.

I shrugged, wishing I knew the answer. I didn't even know if he was staying for crying out loud.

"That reminds me! Can you guys believe his little Amish fiancée chick wrote him a letter? Honestly I'm dying to know what it says. Did he let you read it Bella?" Alice blurted.

"What? What letter?" My stomach dropped down to the floor.

"You didn't know?" Rose asked suspiciously.

"No I…this is the first time I'm hearing about it." I stuttered.

"Well apparently when he got it, he was upstairs in his room for hours afterwards." Alice told me. They both cast concerned glances at me.

"It's just a letter. It doesn't mean anything." I waved off their looks and put a smile on. I wouldn't let them see how much it truly did bother me. We polished off our tray of pizza and left to a little more shopping. When it was around three, Alice called it a day and proposed that we head back home. I breathed a sigh of relief and plopped into the car. My phone beeped to let me know that I had a text message. It was from Edward.

_"Hey Bella. Has Alice killed you yet?" -E_

_"Nah, we're headed back now." -B_

_"Great. Hope you had fun. Will I see you tonight?" -E_

_"Sure, where at?" -B_

_"My place?" -E_

_"Okay, we should be back by six." -B_

_"Emmett and Carlisle are taking me to eat at five. Just meet me there?" -E_

_"Will do. See you then." -B_

_"I love you Bella. See you then." -E_

I closed my phone while trying to swallow the huge lump in my throat. Worry and panic took over my body. What did that letter say? What could she possibly want? I needed to know and I needed to know soon.

When I arrived at Emmett and Edward's, I noticed that nobody else was there. It was quiet, too quiet for me. My exhaustion from the day was pulling me down, so I headed upstairs to lay down while waiting for Edward. His room was tidy as always, but his bed unmade. I lay down on top, inhaling his scent. It was pure Edward. Sighing, I happened to look over towards his desk. There lay a letter, obviously written on handmade paper. The print was neat and tidy and feminine. I picked it up knowing that I shouldn't read it but I couldn't help myself. I had to know.

_ My Dearest Edward, _

_ I hope this letter finds you well. It's a relief to be able to write you finally. I won't elaborate on how I managed to get a hold of your address. Edward, I hope you are doing well, but at the same time I can't help but wish you were miserable. I want you to come back to your home. This is where you belong and your life is waiting for you. Things are as well as can be around here. Nothing has really happened, but that is why I am writing to you. My life is on hold here Edward. I'm waiting for you to return so that we can start our lives together. I live each day wondering if you'll ever come back, and it pains me. We all have that time in which we try and discover ourselves. But you have gone above and beyond, and I just cannot approve. Nobody here does. There are many things you could have tried here, with me. Don't you understand how many people you have hurt Edward? Everyday without you is empty, please come back so that we may do as we are supposed to. To live as man and wife, to have a family, and to live to serve God. Before you left, you told me that you'd be back within a year. You promised there would be no more waiting after that. Please do not break your promises Edward. God Bless, _

_ Your Jessica_

I dropped the letter and fell backward onto the bed. Squinting my eyes tight, I tried to forget the words that I had just read. _You told me that you'd be back within a year._ Edward had never planned to stay. He planned on going back to be with her. My heart clenched, and I couldn't stop the hot tears that fell from my eyes. Eventually I cried myself to sleep, but still not escaping the words that were seared into the inside of my eyelids. _Your Jessica._

**A/N: SO what did you think? We'll pick up where we left off in the next chapter. It should be posted around Thursday! Thanks for reading! Leave me a review please :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**I own nothing Twilight**

**Authors Note:** Hey guys, I'm posting right on schedule :) You almost got a double posting this week but I unfortunately caught a stomach bug...and well the last few days have been no fun! This chapter is in Edward's POV. These are few and far between, but I felt that we needed to see things from his perspective this time. Next time we will be back to Bella's POV. I hope you all enjoy this-and in case you don't read the bottom note, thank you so so much for reading. I so appreciate it! Enjoy!

Chapter 11: Choices Choices

**EPOV**

You know that feeling of happiness, where everything just seems brighter? That feeling of when you wake up in the morning, and you can't help but smile? That was how I was feeling every day since Bella and I had finally realized our attraction to one another. And when we kissed, I felt like nothing could touch me. It was all because of Bella. She kept my mind sane, when my situation was anything but. Just as Isaac Newton stated, "what goes up must come down." When I received a letter from Jessica, the feelings of happiness dissolved around me. Emmett had retrieved the mail and given me the letter with a quirked eyebrow. The way he said, "It's from Jessica" reminded me of mocking tones of a young child, chiding another child about liking someone. I rolled my eyes, something I'd picked up from Bella, and ripped open the letter.

As I read the letter, my hands gripped the paper tightly, as if it were the only way to keep them from ripping it to shreds. The things Jessica had said disgusted me. She made it seem like I owed her something, that I promised her things. _"My life is on hold here_." It was all lies. I knew that she was still canoodling around with Riley, not that I cared. As to why she would write a letter like that, I had my suspicions. It was as if someone asked her to say those things.

Jessica was a manipulative person, but I would be shocked if she really cared when I came home. The only person I could think of that would have convinced her to write such a letter would be my father. I internally cursed him. It had to have been him. _"I won't elaborate on how I managed to get a hold of your address_." Curious indeed.

My father was insane if he thought Jessica's petty manipulative abilities would sway me. In fact, the little stunt pushed me closer to the choice I'd already made inside. And I decided to tell my father this. I rushed up to my room, and sat for an hour, contemplating everything I wanted to say. And when I began to write it all down, I spewed for two hours, telling my father how I felt. My chest felt lighter than it had in years.

A couple of days later I found myself on my way to dinner with Emmett and Carlisle. I was looking forward to seeing my uncle, but in all honesty I couldn't wait for the dinner to be over. I wanted to see Bella very badly. I hadn't seen her since the afternoon before, and I was feeling antsy. I wanted to kiss her and hold her close, very manly I know.

Carlisle, Emmett and I, all sat at one of the high standing tables at a nearby sports bar and grill. They casually discussed the scores of their favorite sports teams, while I zoned out thinking of Bella. Emmett excused himself to the restroom, leaving Carlisle and I alone. It was silent between us at first, until my Uncle decided to ask some questions.

"Edward how are you doing these days? Are you getting more comfortable with your surroundings?" He asked, genuinely caring about my answer.

"Things are very well. I'm happier than I thought I would be here." I said honestly.

"Have you…you know have you made any decisions yet?" Carlisle asked, scrunching a napkin between his fingers. I looked down at my plate, poking around at the leftover fries. It was something I didn't like to discuss, but this was Carlisle. He understood.

"I'm thinking that I'd like to…stay." I said hesitantly.

Carlisle's face broke into a wide grin."That's wonderful son. But you know we will support you in whatever you decide." He said.

And that right there was the difference between Carlisle and my father. They were brothers, yet they not only looked different, but acted completely different as well. Carlisle was eternally supportive, no matter what it was that I wanted. My father however, thought I was only to do what was set out in front of me by the Amish tradition. He wanted nothing to do with any alternative choices. If anything else was chosen, disownment was necessary in his eyes.

"Have you told Bella yet? I'm sure she'd be thrilled." Carlisle asked happily.

"I haven't yet. I'm afraid to." I said quietly.

"Why are you afraid son? Bella is a wonderful girl. I can see that you mean the world to her." He said.

"Because if I tell Bella that I'm staying, then that makes it real. And that means that I have to accept the fact that I'm going to hurt my mother very badly." I admitted while swallowing the huge lump in my throat.

"You don't have to do that Edward. Elizabeth is a good woman, and she loves you. I don't think she could disown you."

"My father can make it happen. He's had practice." I looked at him, trying to get across the meaning without saying it.

Carlisle sighed and nodded. At that point Emmett returned from the restroom, and the conversation was over. All I had to do was tell Bella and that would be it, although it was going to hurt me badly, I had to tell her. I drove quickly back to the house, knowing that Bella would be there waiting for me. I ran inside and up the stairs to my room. The door was closed, and it was quiet. I carefully opened the door to find a sleeping Bella in my bed. I noticed that her cheeks were flushed, and the area around her eyes was splotchy and pink. It looked as if she'd been crying.

I walked around the bed, confused as to why she was upset. But then I saw it, the letter was laying on the floor beside the bed. She'd read it. _Oh no_.

I picked up the letter and crushed it into my hand. Bella's eyes fluttered open, and when she looked at me, hurt and anger filled her face. I didn't know what to say to her or what she wanted me to say. She shook her head, and hot tears began pouring down her face.

"You…you are a liar Edward. You never planned on st-staying." She spluttered. Her pink lips formed into a pout, and I could visibly see how hurt she was. There was disappointment there too.

"Bella, you mustn't believe what you read, I…"

"No Edward! You didn't even have the balls to tell me about the damned letter. So how am I supposed to believe anything you say? Jessica seems pretty convinced that you made her promises!" Bella said with anger lacing her voice.

In that moment I hated Jessica and my father. They were ruining my happiness because of their selfishness. For the first time in my life, I felt like I would explode with anger.

"I don't give a rats ass what Jessica is convinced of!" I shouted, shocking Bella with my cursing. Her eyes widened and her mouth opened and closed several times before she spoke.

"B-but why would she say those things if they weren't true Edward? I don't understand?" The hurt was back on her face. I sighed as I sat down on the bed, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Bella, I'm pretty sure that my father is behind most of that letter. I never said any of that to Jessica. That is just her way of manipulating me to come back. Which honestly I don't think she cares much. Someone else had to be prompting her to write it. And the only person I can think of doing that is my father." I said through gritted teeth.

Bella bit her lip in thought, and I tried to keep the inappropriate thoughts from invading my mind. It was hard with her though. She was so beautiful and I couldn't help imagining what her body would feel like against mine. _Focus Edward._

"Why would your Dad do that? Doesn't he want you to be happy?" She asked innocently.

I shook my head, "Bella he only wants me to do what he thinks is right. I've told you about his relationship with Carlisle. It's no different."

Bella's big brown eyes seemed to melt as I spoke. I could see the compassion in her eyes. So caring.

"Edward I want you to know that…whatever you choose, well I'll accept it. Even if it doesn't involve me. I will be happy if you're happy." She said shakily.

And I could tell it was one of the hardest things she'd ever said. It gave me the courage to do what I had to do.

"Bella I've _made_ my decision." I said with a slight shake of my head.

Her eyes widened, and I could see the fear and curiosity in them. It hurt to see her look that way.

"Okay…" Bella said in a high pitched voice.

"It's going to kill my mother. When she realizes that I'm not coming back, it's going to hurt her. But I choose you Bella. I can't be away from you, that hurts more than anything." I said quickly. She stared at me, not saying a word. At the moment I wished I could read minds.

"Bella?" I called to her.

Suddenly she launched herself at me and wrapped her arms around my body. I could feel the silent sobs wracking her body. I pulled her tightly to me and laid us down on the bed. Just as Bella had done for me before, I ran my fingers through her hair soothingly.

"Sh sh sh baby. I'm here." I said in her ear. Bella looked up at me with tear filled eyes and gave me the most magnificent smile that I'd ever seen on her face. Then I found myself kissing her, hard. She pulled my hair gently at the roots, and my body responded accordingly. I wanted so badly to go to the next level, but I knew that I couldn't do it yet.

"Bella. Bella we have to stop now." I said, unable to hide the lust in my voice.

"Edward." She breathed. It almost made me change my mind.

"I'm sorry Bella. I just can't, yet." I said.

"We can though sometime?" She asked shyly.

"We can try…soon." I stated, but I knew that I'd have to disregard the feelings of guilt about doing it. It was something that I'd been taught to feel ashamed of. It would be hard to get over it. She leaned into me, and kissed me softly before her tongue poked out, searching for permission to enter mine. I opened up to her and took her in, reveling in her taste. Our kisses became passionate, and I pulled apart breathing deeply.

"I love you Bella forever."

"And I love you Edward Cullen. Whether you like it or not." She grinned.

**oOoOoOoOo**

It was two days before Jasper and Alice's wedding. Emmett said that we were going out to celebrate. Apparently it was what was called a bachelor party. I'd never been to one obviously, and had never heard of one. I had no idea what to expect. And I was more than nervous about the evening ahead, especially since Bella wouldn't be there.

Emmett, Jasper and I left the house around seven thirty in the evening to go eat. We pulled up to the establishment, and I immediately noticed the big orange letters stating its name. We walked inside and at first glance it looked like a regular restaurant. Then the hostess approached us and I couldn't help but drop my jaw. All around the restaurant, the women were dressed in tiny orange shorts and revealing white tops. I couldn't help but be appalled. It wasn't something that I was used to.

"So what do ya think Eddie man?" Emmett asked excitedly as he rubbed his hands together. Jasper smirked at my shocked face.

"Actually I…" I started to reply, but the hostess interrupted.

"Alright boys. Follow me, we've got a special table for you over here." She flipped her black hair and motioned for us to follow her. When we were seated I quickly grabbed a menu and buried my nose into it. Our waitress then came to the table and took our drink orders. I muttered that I wanted water without looking up.

She brought out our drinks and began asking for our orders. Even though my face had been shoved into the menu since sitting down, I hadn't looked at any of the food items available.

"So what can I get you boys?" The waitress asked.

"Well _Tasha_, I'll have the 20 piece plate of wings, make the sauce samurai." Emmett said with a wink.

"And I'll have the Western Barbecue Burger, everything on it." Jasper stated.

All eyes were now on me, and I began to sweat."What can I get you honey?" The waitress purred.

"Uh I'll have…I'll have the uh…hot wings." I said quickly, and looked up at her. She licked her lips and smiled.

"How hot?" She asked.

"Er hot?" I said like a question. She finally walked away and I blew out a breath. Jasper clapped me on the back lightly.

"C'mon man relax. Have a good time." He said.

"Yeah man what's the deal?" Emmett asked.

"Look at how they're dressed! It's degrading." I hissed.

"Ah it's all in good fun Eddie man. Hot chicks, beer, wings, sports. I mean what more can you ask for in a restaurant?" Emmett said leaning back looking relaxed.

"I'd be disrespecting Bella if I ogled any of them." I said with the wave of my hand.

"I wouldn't call it that. But if it bothers you that much, pretend it's Bella wearing the outfit." Jasper said with a shrug.

I shook my head, but when the waitress came back with our order, I couldn't help but picture Bella in the tiny outfit. She would look magnificent. Suddenly I found myself getting a little too excited, and realized that I'd been looking at the waitress for too long. Images of Bella kept bombarding my mind and would not stop. I was a pervert.

Jasper nudged me and whispered, "Hey man you might want to cover that up. Just saying." He gestured towards my crotch.

I looked down at my lap and my cheeks flamed red. I quickly threw my napkin down over my problem and dug into the hot wings. I was more than relieved when we paid and left. I never wanted to return to that place of torture and humiliation ever again.

Unfortunately, the night wasn't over. Half an hour after leaving the restaurant, we pulled up outside of a business called Spanxxx. I had no idea what it was so I asked Jasper and Emmett.

"Guys? What is this place?" I asked nervously.

They both looked at each other and grinned like naughty children.

"It's a dance club. Where girls dance." Jasper shrugged. I narrowed my eyes at them.

"Then why are we here?" I asked.

"We are going to watch the girls dance. And occasionally you tip them for their gratuitous dancing." Emmett said wiggling his eyebrows.

We all got out of the car, and I trailed along behind them feeling suspicious. We walked in and I was immediately assaulted by bright colored lights flashing in an other wise dimly lit room. The music was fast and upbeat. All around there were men sitting at tables, some smoking, others drinking. I looked closer and noticed a woman dancing provocatively on a pole-like structure. She was barely wearing any clothes. It was basically undergarments.

With a frustrated growl I turned around and walked back out of the club.

"Wait Edward!" Jasper grabbed my arm and turned me around. "Are you okay man?" He asked genuinely concerned.

I sighed and ran my hands through my already untamed hair.

"Yes, it's just too much. I can't do this." I said in a panicky voice.

"Look man, I know you're a prude…" Jasper started. I glared at him but he continued.

"I know you're a prude, and I know it's not your fault. It's just what you know. But you've got to loosen up okay? I mean how are you ever going to be close to Bella if you can't handle seeing a little skin?" He asked.

understood what he was telling me, but I couldn't agree with him. It would be different with Bella. She wouldn't be exposing herself in a vulgar manner. It would be for me, and only me. But I knew Jasper was right to an extent.

"I hear what you're saying Jasper. I really do and I do need to lighten up. But this is too much too soon." I said trying to sound calm. He sighed and gave me a half smile.

"Okay, I'm sorry Edward. Do you want us to leave?" He asked.

"No, it's your party. Go.. enjoy yourself. I'll just call Bella to come get me." I answered.

Jasper went back inside and I leaned up against the building, breathing in the cold air. I wanted to call Bella but my voice still felt shaky. So I opted for texting instead.

_"Hello love. Would you mind coming to pick me up?" -E_

_"Of course Edward. Where are you guys at?" -B_

_"A place called Spanxxx. Do you know where it is?" -E_

_"I've heard of it. I'll have Alice take me to get the Volvo. Be there soon." -B_

_"Thank you. See you soon." -E_

I put my phone inside of my jacket pocket and sighed. Now that I had spare time, my brain began processing all of the events that had just transpired. Shame crept inside of me and it frustrated me. No matter where I went or the life I lived, I felt ashamed of who I was. Thoughts of these things swirled around in my heading, leaving me dizzy.

In the distance I heard a faint click and then followed by another and another. The sound confused me. Where was it coming from?

"Hello?" I called out. No answer. I thought I heard the crunch of gravel underneath a shoe, but it stopped as soon as it started. "That's strange." I mumbled.

Just then headlights flashed in front of me, and Bella pulled up in the Volvo beside the entrance. I walked to the passenger side and quickly got entry of the car, Bella's scent hit me. Strawberries and something else that I couldn't name. She looked beautiful, hair pulled back and a sweatshirt on, my sweatshirt. _My Bella_.

"My Edward." She grinned. _Shoot did I say that out loud? _I leaned forward and gently brushed her lips with mine.

"Thank you for coming. I hope I didn't interrupt any plans."

"Not at all. I was just relaxing before my night out with the girls tomorrow. Luckily Alice had come over to drop off my outfit so I was able to hitch a ride to your place." She smiled.

"Will you girls be doing something similar?" I asked as we drove along the highway.

"A strip joint? No way. We're going to the spa and then to a really fancy restaurant. Keeping it classy." She said.

I sighed, feeling relieved that Bella wouldn't be exposing herself to half naked men all night.

"Edward are you okay? You seem really sad." Bella said.

"I just…no matter where I go Bella I don't fit in. I…" I shook my head, trying to erase the confusion and hurt from my mind. We pulled into the driveway at my house. She put the car into park, and then turned it off. Bella turned to me and took my hands.

"Edward. You fit in here. Just because you're not out enjoying what Em and Jazz like to do doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. A lot of guys feel uncomfortable with that sort of thing." She sighed and then caressed my cheek before continuing.

"You haven't been around this sort of thing very long Edward. It's okay to be overwhelmed and to be freaked out." Bella said.

I stared into her deep brown eyes and searched for the right words to say. I felt too many different things in that moment to choose the right thing to say.

"Bella I'm ashamed. Back home…back where I'm from I'm thought of as the bad guy now. The things I'm doing would disgust them. But here I'm this prude freak that can't even touch his girlfriend without feeling guilt. I can't even enjoy a restaurant with half naked women like most men in this world do. It's maddening!" I exclaimed.

To my surprise, Bella giggled. I looked at her questioningly.

"I'm sorry Edward I don't mean to laugh it's just…you're the perfect boyfriend really. Here you are freaking out because you don't want to look at other women in that way. You want to spend time with your girlfriend. And then you don't even pressure her into doing anything. You're a woman's dream!" She said with a smile and a shake of her head.

Again, I was at a loss for words. No matter what I did she failed to see my flaws. She only ever saw the best in me. Right then and there I knew she was it. The guilt about what I knew was coming soon between her and I lessened considerably. I loved Bella with all my heart, and the next step was to show her just how much.

It was only a matter of time.

**A/N: So how was it? I won't beg for reviews because that's just annoying, but I do enjoy them oh so much. It really inspires me to do better for you all! Next up, the wedding! I look forward to posting soon! Probably next Wednesday :) See ya then!**


	12. Chapter 12

**I Do Not Own Anything Twilight**

**A/N: EPIC FAIL ON ME. I'm so sorry this took so long to get out. In between illness and the holidays, going out of town, this chapter just did not get finished when it should have. So I'm sorry if I kept you waiting. Annnd basically from now on I won't give you an exact posting date, but I do promise that it won't be too long in between updates. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm sure many of you will have questions/comments for me afterwards. Bring it on :) Oh and if you would like, follow me on Twitter. My username is LauraHilary. I often talk about the story, occasionally give teasers, or update on the status of the chapter being written. I think that's all... Enjoy!**

Songs that I listened to in this chapter (everything is in order): Away From Me by Puddle of Mud; The Only Exception by Paramore; Rush by Ferras

**Chapter 12: Wedding**

**Somewhere in Seattle:**

Bottles littered the floor, and the smell of old pizza boxes reeked throughout the room. There were papers and notes scattered everywhere, containing both useful and useless pieces of information. A young man sat in a well worn recliner and tried to force himself to sleep. He knew that he'd be more comfortable in his bed across the room, but it felt cold and lonely. He picked up one of the pictures nearby and felt like throwing up. The way she let _him _touch her, it was disgusting.

Looking at another picture nearby, his stomach felt heavy. The way she looked at _him _when she picked his prude ass up from the strip club. She looked at the guy with reverence and so much love. The young man wished that he were on the receiving end of that love. But it was impossible with that fool around. All women were the same. They wanted something different and foreign to them. And Amish was as different as you could get around here.

So that's why he had to do what he was currently doing. Across the room his cell phone rang. As usual he wished that it was a certain brunette calling to say that she wanted to see him. But alas, it was not. It was just a girl that he allowed to warm his bed every once in awhile. She didn't necessarily want him romantically either which was good. And it didn't seem to bother her that the whole time he kept his eyes closed, picturing himself inside of someone else.

Up to this point in time he'd been working at this all alone. But as the time went by, he knew that he'd have to work harder to get what he wanted. He needed a partner in crime. So he answered his phone, hoping that the girl could help him get what he needed.

"Hello." He stated flatly as he flipped open his phone.

"Yeah. I could use some company later I guess." He said with a sigh.

"I need you to do me a favor though babe. No. Yes. Of course there will be something in it for you. Okay look we'll discuss it more when you get here. Mhm. 'Ight. Bye."

He hung up the phone, a smile gracing his tired face. Things would be much easier now. In no time, she would be his…finally.

**oOoOoOoOo**

**BPOV**

"Ouch! Fuck Rose that hurts!" I shouted as she yanked the zipper up on my red bridesmaids dress.

"Well maybe _somebody _should lay off the Twinkies." Rose said giving me a stern look.

"Pft, Twinkies? No I just cook a lot with Edward. He enjoys his food." I said crossing my arms.

"Maybe you should join the gym with all of that heavy eating. I know you're used to having a skinny ass without work. But you know Edward is going to see you naked eventually and…" I held up my hand before she could finish.

"Rose, butt out. I'll start running or watching what I eat or…something." I sighed.

At that moment, Alice entered the room in her silky white robe with her dress in hand.

"It's time!" She squealed.

Rose and I exchanged smiles and walked over to Alice. I unzipped the bag and pulled out her beautiful white gown. The top was a halter, sequined to perfection. The bottom was layered with a poofy white fabric. I was sure the dress rivaled something out of a fairytale.

"Are you ready to transform into a snow princess?" I asked jokingly.

"Ha ha Bella. I'll have you know that this dress was one of my own designs. I didn't make it of course. But isn't it just perfect?" Alice gazed at the dress fondly.

Esme walked in just as we were getting Alice dressed. She blew out a heavy breath and her eyes filled with tears. It was then time to zip the back of the dress, and Esme did the honors. The photographer walked in and took a few candid shots of the special moment. Rose placed the tiara on Alice's head, and tucked the veil into the hair combs attached. I'd never seen a more beautiful bride.

After a few more pictures, and some last minute primping, we all made our way to the foyer area of the church. Carlisle gave Alice a tight lipped smile, and his eyes became glassy.

"Alice, you look lovely." He whispered.

Alice shuffled over to her father and gave him a gentle hug.

"Oh Daddy don't cry. If I start then it'll ruin my makeup!" She said in a shaky voice.

Rose and I exchanged a smile at the moment between the two. Esme patted me on the shoulder as she walked by, and was then whisked away on the arm of one of the ushers. When a few minutes had gone by, the music changed, signaling that it was time for the bridesmaids to enter the sanctuary. Rose went through the doors and made her way to the front of the church. When I counted to fifty, that meant it was my turn to go.

As I entered the room, the eyes focused on me and I felt the blush creep into my neck and face. Attention was never my favorite thing. To avoid tripping, I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. My eyes then focused on the front of the church and I spotted Edward standing behind Emmett. He gave me a crooked grin, and I felt a chill race up my spine. Our eyes were locked, and stayed that way even after I was standing beside Rose.

Edward looked beautiful in his white tux, and his bronze hair shiny and wild. His eyes sparkled in the light, hypnotizing me. We stayed in that trance until a different tune began to play loudly on the organ. I reluctantly pulled my gaze from him, and watched the doors as they opened slowly revealing Carlisle and Alice on the other side.

The guests all stood at once, and turned to face the back of the church. I watched as Alice entered on her father's arm, and they both looked very emotional. I looked over at Jasper as he reacted to the love of his life approaching him. The happiness on his face shone like the sun, like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. In that moment my vision shifted the scene before me, and I watched as I walked down the aisle instead of Alice. Edward now stood in Jasper's place. I gasped realizing that I wanted that, to get married. I wanted it with Edward. It had never been something I'd put much thought into. But after that vision, I saw myself going down that path.

My daydream ended when the music stopped and the minister spoke.

"Who gives this woman to this man today?" He asked.

"Her Mother and I do." Carlisle said as he jointed Alice and Jasper's hands.

The bride and groom looked at each other and grinned, then continued towards the minister. They shifted into a stance where they faced each other, and the ceremony began.

The service continued on beautifully and soon the minister announced the couple as husband and wife. First Alice and Jasper kissed, and then walked up the aisle, stopping occasionally for a picture from the photographer. Then Rosalie and Emmett met in the center of the aisle, linking arms before walking towards the doors. Finally it was time for Edward and I to go. We met in the aisle and he gave me a kiss on the cheek before we began our walk to the back of the church.

A few hours later we were all at the Hilton Hotel for the wedding reception. The ballroom was decked out in red and white everywhere. It was like Cupid threw up, but in the most expensive, extravagant manner possible. We sat at the Bridal Party table, which was decorated with a white table cloth, a crystal vase with red and white roses as the centerpiece, and red cloth napkins. Even the ceramic plates were white with little red hearts. The food from the buffet was delicious and very French. I could tell Edward was hesitant to try it at first, but after a little prodding he gave in. He became very excited about what he was eating, claiming that "they don't make food like this at home."

"Mm I just cannot get enough of this food. Bella do you think we could make this sometime?" Edward asked with a mouthful of food.

"Thanks Edward! I thought it was very Valentine's Day appropriate. I mean who knows love better than the French?" Alice said with a grin.

I sighed, "Edward seriously I'm sure we could make this…but I barely fit into my dress this morning. We've _got_ to cut down on the rich food!" I said dramatically.

"I think you look beautiful Bella. I love your body." Edward whispered into my ear. My whole body reddened at his words.

Before I could answer, Emmett decided to steer the conversation a different direction.

"So Jazz, you excited for all the action you're gonna get tonight?" He asked while wiggling his eyebrows.

Jasper uncharacteristically blushed and looked lovingly at Alice who grinned like the Cheshire Cat. "Yes big brother. You should _see_ all the naughty pieces of lace I bought for tonight!"

Emmett made a gagging noise and shook his head."Shut up Alice I don't want to hear that shit about my baby sister!"

"You're the one that started talking about all the action he was going to get tonight!" Alice exclaimed.

"Yeah but that could mean from any ol' chick." Emmett shrugged. Rosalie slapped him upside the head and shook her head.

"You big idiot. _Someone_ obviously doesn't want any action for themselves tonight!" She said. Emmett stuttered at first but then turned his attention onto Edward.

"So what about you man? Are _you_ guys getting a room?" He asked with a sly grin. I started to protest, "Emmett shu-"

"Maybe." Edward said with a shrug. Everyone at the table went quiet, and the shock on Emmett's face was comical. He'd obviously tried to turn the heat onto Edward. We all stared open mouthed at Edward for a few moments.

"Bella would you like to dance with me?" Edward asked with his hand held out to me.

"Of course." I smiled and took his hand.

"The Only Exception" by Paramore began to play, as Edward pulled me onto the dance floor. He pulled me as close as possible, our noses were even touching. Stuff like that, to me, was just as good as sex. It was so intimate and so out of Edward's comfort zone. I couldn't ask him for more, but I was curious about his earlier comment.

"So Edward?" I gnawed my lower lip and looked up at him.

"Yes my love?" He asked.

"What you said to Emmett at the table. Were you serious? You know, about getting a room?" I asked timidly. His smile surprised me. I expected him to act embarrassed by my question.

"I thought I would tell Emmett exactly what he wanted to hear. I knew it would shock him, and quite possibly shut him up." Edward said wryly.

"Oh. Um well I think you did just that." I said with a giggle.

"We could though you know…get a room." Edward said not looking me in the eye.

"Wh-what?" I stuttered like an idiot.

"I've never stayed at a place like this you know. It would be a cool experience." Edward said quickly.

"Of course. Yes, you're right. Cool experience." I said thickly.

The rest of the evening continued nicely. The speeches were made, the garter was tossed, the bouquet was thrown, and the cake had been cut. We did a mock-rice throwing goodbye to Alice and Jasper. They were staying at the hotel in the penthouse overnight, and would leave for Hawaii in the morning. So instead of taking off in a car, they took a night ride in a white horse drawn carriage around downtown Seattle. All of us filed back inside to the lobby of the hotel. Some of the wedding guests went back to party a little more, but Edward and I lingered behind. He looked nervous and I wasn't sure why, until he grabbed my hand and walked towards the front desk.

"Yes I'd like to book a room for the night?" Edward said it like a question. His palms were a little sweaty too. The woman behind the desk eyed me curiously and then began typing on her computer.

"How many will be in the room?" She asked.

"Two." Edward said.

"One room, two queen beds?" She asked again, still typing.

"Just one. King sized if you have it." Edward said. I looked up at him with shock. One bed? Was he serious? I started to wonder if he didn't intend for me to stay with him.

"Okay one room, king sized bed. Anything else?" The attendant asked.

"That'll be it." Edward said with a smile as he handed her a shiny silver credit card.

"Thank you Mr…Cullen. Your room number 314 is on the fourth floor. It's ready for you now." She said, sliding two keys over the desk.

"Thank you." Edward said taking the keys with a confused look. He then took my hand and led me toward the elevator.

"Edward wait a second." He stopped and looked at me questioningly.

"I have a bag in Esme's car. I brought it just in case I didn't go home." I explained.

"Right. I'll run out and get it for you. Wait here." He said with a smile.

Edward returned a few minutes later with my duffle bag and we continued into the elevator up to the fourth floor. When we reached the door to our room, he flipped the card back and forth in his hand, trying to figure out how to use it.

"Here let me." I said while taking the card. I slid the card into the lock, and quickly pulled it out. The little green light lit up letting me know that it had worked. I opened the door and took a shaky breath as I walked inside. I immediately spotted the bed, and a lump formed in my throat. There wasn't a couch in sight. Edward stood silently behind me. When I looked, he was staring at the bed too. I walked over to one of the chairs by the window and sat down. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. He walked farther into the room and sat my duffle bag on the floor.

"You know Edward, if you call down to the desk, we can request a cot. I don't mind sleeping on it."

With a slight shake of his head, he replied, "Don't be silly Bella. There is plenty of room in that bed for two people." He tried to sound confident, but I could hear his voice quiver slightly. I stood up and walked towards him.

"I think I'll get changed into my pajamas. I'm really tired." I said quietly as I grabbed my bag. Inside the bathroom I slipped of the red dress and then washed the makeup from my face. As I looked through my bag, I mentally berated myself for not packing cuter pajamas. I put on the pink and yellow striped boxers and a white tank top, and with a sigh, exited the bathroom.

Edward was standing by the window, looking at the view. He had removed his jacket and tie, and had even unbuttoned part of his shirt. He was stunningly handsome and it sent butterflies straight to my stomach. I cleared my throat and he looked at me nervously.

"I uh, didn't bring any extra clothes." Edward said so quietly that I could barely hear him.

"If you want to sleep in your boxers or whatever…it won't bother me Edward." I said.

He nodded and seemed to contemplate my words before slowly unbuttoning the rest of his shirt and sliding it off. I held in the gasp that whooshed through my body. I'd never seen Edward without a shirt before. His skin was pale and smooth, and his body was nothing short of perfect. His muscles were toned, and you could tell that it was from actual hard labor, and not from gym equipment. Then he slid of the tuxedo pants and I bit my lip. He was wearing cotton blue boxers, simple but so incredibly sexy. When he looked at me, I licked my bottom lip instinctively. _Settle down Bella. You're going to freak him out. _

Trying to distract myself, I walked over to the bed and turned down the covers. I climbed in and shimmied underneath the covers. After a moment, I felt the other side of the bed lower down. Edward scooted under the covers, but the bed was so big that we weren't touching. I reached over and shut off the lamp, and prayed that I'd be able to sleep knowing that Edward was right beside me, in only his boxers. The thought of him in his boxers, right beside me in the bed made me shiver.

"Are you cold Bella?" Edward whispered.

"K-kinda." I whispered back. I heard the blankets shuffle around, and then Edward was right beside me. His skin was hot against mine and I shivered again.

"You _are _cold." He said putting his arms around me.

I turned my neck and looked at him. Our eyes met and I couldn't help myself as my face went towards his. We kissed softly at first, but then I turned towards him. My breasts pressed against his hard chest, and everything changed. Our legs tangled together as our mouths moved feverishly against each other. I waited for Edward to pull away, to stop us, but he didn't. Instead he moved over top of me, and our eyes connected once again. One kiss. Another kiss. He begged for access into my mouth, drawing his tongue across my lower lip. Without thought I wrapped my legs around his waist, drawing him closer. That's when I felt it. _Oh my God, he's hard. _Instinctively my hips thrust towards his erection, trying to create friction with my center. It had been so long, and I'd wanted this with Edward for so incredibly long. It surprised me when he began meeting my thrusts with his own. A familiar feeling began to build in my lower abdomen. I moaned at the sensation.

The sound of my voice awoke something in me, and then my mouth was saying "Stop!" while my body screamed "Keeping going!"

"Bella? Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" Edward asked, sounding concerned.

"N-no Edward. I-" I shook my head, not knowing how to respond. I wasn't sure why I'd stopped him.

"Are you sure I didn't hurt you." Edward asked unsure.

"Not at all. That…that was amazing Edward. It's just, are you sure that you're ready for that step?" My breathing was still uneven and ragged.

He didn't answer right away. I knew that he must have felt conflicted, and I could practically hear the guilt pouring from his brain.

"I'm…I think I'm ready Bella. How can I know for sure though?" He whispered.

"Edward, if there is any question in your head about whether you're ready or not, then that's your answer. You'll know for sure when you're ready. I don't want you to regret anything. It would hurt…both of us." I wasn't sure where the words were coming from. But I knew they must be true.

Edward blew out a breath and then ran a hand through his disheveled hair. "I don't want to stop. But at the same time…like you said…I want to know for sure. I don't want to ruin anything."

He was clearly frustrated, so I lifted up and kissed him softly on his pillow-like lips. Then he kissed me back, and we once again found ourselves moving together. Edward groaned and I knew that if I didn't stop soon, it would be too late. Gently pushing on his chest, I broke the kiss and turned onto my side facing him. Edward moved to his side as well, and wrapped his arms around me. His chin rested on my head, while my head rested on his chest. His heart thumped wildly, and I smiled knowing that I was the reason for its fast pace. Edward sighed as I nestled against him."I love you Isabella Swan."

"I love you Edward Cullen. Goodnight." I breathed.

**A/N: So what did you think? If you would like to, leave a review or PM me with questions. **


	13. Chapter 13

**I Do Not Own Anything Twilight Related**

**Authors Note: Well well well, I got it out within a week :) Yay! I hope you enjoy this chapter...I enjoyed writing it! Thanks!**

**BPOV**

"Look, I'm telling you that she's up to something. You've just got to trust me on this." I said to Edward for the millionth time.

He shook his head and ran his long fingers through the wild mess on top of his head.

"Bella, she came to me and…the look on her face. She seemed serious." Edward sighed.

We'd been having the same discussion all weekend. Edward had agreed to be Tanya's partner on a project in their shared psychology class. Of all people she asked Edward. He told me that he'd planned on doing it alone at first, but Tanya begged him. Apparently she didn't feel comfortable working with anyone else in the class, and knew that Edward wouldn't take advantage of her. _Bullshit._ In my opinion, it was her way of manipulating Edward into something else. The bitch had a plan, and I was adamant to find out what it was.

I sat down in Edward's window seat and looked down at the houses below. There had to be some way to convince him of her ulterior motives. I didn't see how he was being so damned naive though after her behavior at the party. Although it did cross my mind that maybe he didn't exactly remember. I decided to remind him.

"I mean do you not remember how she acted at that party?" I asked throwing my hands above my head.

"I remember her Bella. I also remember that I wasn't exactly acting like a saint. Alcohol makes people do things that they wouldn't normally do." Edward said. He lay down on his bed and threw an arm over his eyes. I rolled my eyes at his statement. I'd seen enough drunk people in my day to know that she hadn't been even close to wasted. The rude things she'd said to me, well her words were clear and definitely not slurred. She knew exactly what she was doing and saying.

"Let's just drop the subject okay? I'm getting a headache." I declared and left his room.

Downstairs, Emmett and Rosalie were cuddled on the couch watching TV. I sighed dramatically and plopped down beside them.

"Something wrong Bella?" Rose asked, smirking.

"Nah. I think I'm just going to go home. I've got homework anyway." "

Edward's not taking you?" Emmett asked.

"He's busy." I said quickly.

Rose raised an eyebrow, and looked at Emmett. I stood up from the couch and walked to the front door. I would call a cab and have it meet me in a couple of blocks. The fresh air was nice, and a walk was definitely needed. When I had walked a little while, I pulled out my phone intending to phone the taxi company. But before I had even dialed pressed one, a car pulled up beside me.

"Bella, hey what are you doing?" Jacob asked with enthusiasm.

"Walking Jake." I said with a huff.

"Do you need a ride? I'm heading in the direction of your apartment anyway. I don't mind." He said in a rush.

"I don't think it's a good idea."

"Look I'm sorry about what happened at the party. I had been drinking and I get sort of…aggressive when I'm drunk." Jacob said. Once again, someone was blaming bad behavior on alcohol. _Whatever. _

"Okay, you can take me home. But that's all this is…is a ride home." I stressed.

I got into his car and buckled my seatbelt. We had driven a little ways, and Jacob was surprisingly quiet. He had a contemplative look on his face. There was an almost childlike quality to it. My attitude softened at that thought.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" I asked curiously. He sighed and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel.

"I've just got a lot on my mind. I always do." His voice was sad.

"Talking about it helps. You could always talk to a friend." I offered. Jacob laughed a humorless laugh.

"I don't really have any friends Bella. I'm kind of a loner." He shrugged.

"But you live with two other guys. You go to parties a lot. I distinctly remember you were going to be with friends at that baseball game Jake. That doesn't seem like loner behavior to me." I said pointedly.

"Well that's the mask isn't it? I mean, it's easy to have a thousand acquaintances. But to find a real friend…someone that you can confide in. That sort of thing is rare." He said.

I looked down at my hands and absently picked at my nails. Apparently Jacob and I were way more alike than I thought. I understood exactly what he meant. Luckily in the past few months I'd made some really good friends, but before that I was completely alone, though it was mostly my own fault.

"You can talk to me Jacob. I'll uh…I"ll be your friend." We pulled up outside of my apartment and Jacob was once again very quiet. I reached for the door pull, attempting to get out. But he put his hand out and stopped me.

"Wait…do you want to get a drink with me? Friends do that right?" Jacob asked. He looked hopeful.

"How about coffee? I don't do much drinking these days. Apparently it leads to really bad decisions." I shrugged.

"Okay coffee it is. When is good for you?" He asked.

"Text me or I'll text you. We'll figure it out." I opened the door and stepped out of the car. "Bye Jake, thanks for the ride." I said with a wave. He winked at me and I closed the door, rolling my eyes.

**oOoOoOoOo**

Three times in the beginning of the week, Edward and Tanya met to work on their project. Thankfully Edward had insisted that they either work in the campus library or the coffee house across from my work. He was pretty busy, and I was lonely. Luckily Alice and Jasper were on their way back from their honeymoon. That meant a girls day with Alice and Rose.

I still hadn't texted Jacob about coffee. He hadn't tried to contact me either. I'd also failed to mention anything about my exchange with Jacob to Edward. I didn't think he'd be too happy about it. He really seemed to dislike Jake. I stood behind the desk at work, thinking about everything that was going on in my life. Looking at the clock I realized that closing time was five minutes away. I did all of the last minute tasks, and then finally shut down the lights, and went outside, locking the door behind me. When I turned around, Edward was pulled up to the curb in his car.

He saw me and quickly jumped out of the vehicle and ran over to me. When he reached me, he tilted my chin up and kissed me gently.

"Hey." Edward grinned.

"Hey yourself." I replied. "What are you doing here?"

"Tanya and I just finished a few minutes ago at the coffee house and I thought I'd wait for you." He said as he opened the car door.

I got in and settled into the seat. I loved the way his car smelled. Edward and leather. Edward jogged to the drivers side and got in beside me. He gave me another chaste kiss and then pulled away and began driving through town.

"Are you hungry?" He asked?

I nodded, "Yeah I could eat." I smiled.

"What sounds good?"

"Take a right up here. There's a really good pizza place a few blocks from here." I said.

He drove us in the direction of the restaurant. We parked and went inside and sat down at a booth. After the waiter took our order, I asked Edward about his project.

"So how is your project going with Tanya?" I asked while sipping on my Pepsi. Edward took my hand from across the table and played with my fingers.

"Eh it's going pretty good. We're getting close to done. We might actually _be_ done if Tanya didn't talk so much about off topic things." He said with a shrug.

I giggled and replied, "What does she talk about?"

The waiter brought out a basket of breadsticks and set them in between us. Edward picked one up and took a bite off the end. He chewed quickly and then swallowed before answering.

"Herself. Guys that she has dated. Guys that _want_ to date her. Her favorite flowers…" Edward trailed off.

"Seriously? Why does she tell you all of this?" I shook my head. Tanya was really starting to annoy me.

"I don't know. It seemed like she was trying to impress me. But really it did the opposite. What's so impressive about dating that many guys?" Edward shrugged.

My cheeks warmed at his question. I was really no better than Tanya in that department. I couldn't even really say that I had dated all of those guys. Staring down at the table, I grabbed a breadstick and began nibbling on the end.

"Edward does it bother you…that I've you know, _been_ with more than one guy?" Shame was rising in the form of bile into my throat. I looked up slowly and studied his face. He looked contemplative. Fear crept into my brain, and I involuntarily began to shake.

"Bella, how many men have you been with?" Edward asked quietly. I frowned.

"Edward I-" I started to protest. But then I thought about the other night in the hotel room. If we were going to be together, especially like that, then he deserved to know.

"I've been with twelve people." Staring at my lap, I traced shapes on my blue jeans. Edward was silent, and the whole room seemed quiet except for the juke box playing an old rock song.

"Bella…" Edward said. I unwillingly looked up and met his penetrating gaze. His piercing green eyes held no disgust or judgment, only warmth.

"Bella. It doesn't bother me. I mean, yes it bothers me that you've been with other guys. But I cannot judge you for what you've done in the past. You were hurt before, and sometimes that does something to a person. It causes that person to rebel just to fill in that void." Edward said.

His words surprised me. It almost felt like we weren't even talking about the same thing anymore. Edward was comparing what I did to what he was going through with his life.

"But…you said you weren't impressed with Tanya." I added.

"Because she was bragging about it…as if she was proud of it." He said. _And I am ashamed. _He must have heard my internal thoughts.

"Come over here love." Edward motioned across the table. I slid out of the booth and slid in beside him on the other side. He put his arm around me and whispered into my ear.

"All that matters is that you love me and I love you. Right?" I nodded, and smiled. He was right, but the shame still didn't go away.

Our pizza came out and we both stuffed our faces until we were full. I _really_ needed to join the gym.

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

It was Thursday and I had plans with Rose and Alice that night. We were all getting together at my apartment, and I had no idea what those two had in store. At five thirty Alice burst through the door and ran towards me with a squeal.

"Bel-la!" She pulled me into a tight hug and I couldn't help but return it.

"Alice! How was Hawaii?" I asked.

"Amazing. It was so beautiful. I can't wait to show you all of the pictures!" Alice said.

"One of you better open the damned door before I fall over!" An angry voice said outside my door.

"Rose?" I called out as I swung the door open.

She was carrying three bags in each hand, her face was flushed. Half of her hair had blown to the front of her face, and was stuck to her lip gloss. Alice and I quickly took the bags from her and set them down. Rose stomped in dramatically.

"Mary Alice Cullen! You were supposed to take half of those bags. Once I got them out of the trunk you were gone!" She exclaimed setting her hands on her hips.

"I'm sorry Rose. I was just so so so excited to see Bella!" Alice jumped up and down.

"Yeah yeah yeah. Let's get on with the night shall we?" Rose sighed.

Alice gave us both our gifts from Hawaii. For Rose she had gotten her an authentic Hawaiian grass skirt. And for me she got a cookbook with real Hawaiian recipes from the locals on the island of Oahu. Apparently there were only a few made, and the recipes were ones that had been passed down through several generations. It was something that I would have to keep from Edward. Unless I wanted to be subjected to trying Hawaiian foods for the next month that is.

We sat on my couch and ate Chinese takeout and talked about anything and everything. Alice of course shared all of the details of her honeymoon, and I mean _all _details_._ Rose then talked about how she would like to get married to Emmett soon, but that she was above hinting to him. She wanted him to figure it out all on his own. _Good luck with that sweetie._

I sat quietly, my mind on Edward. He said that he was working on his project alone that evening. Apparently he just wanted it to be done, and the only way to get it that way was to do it himself. Rose and Alice noticed my silence though and began questioning me.

"Everything okay Bella boo?" Alice asked.

"What is with you and Emmett calling me weird nicknames?" I asked.

"It's a Cullen thing." Alice shrugged.

"What's going on Bella?" Rose asked, her eyebrows furrowed.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek because I had to really think about what _was _actually going on. There were a million thoughts in my head.

"Well Edward is working on a school project with Tanya." I said, picking at my food with the chopsticks intertwined in my fingers.

"Are you serious? Ha, poor Edward is probably doing all of the work by himself. Not the brightest crayon in the box that one." Rose laughed.

"Wait who is Tanya?" Alice asked, looking between the two of us.

"Strawberry blonde bimbo, skinny legs, fake boobs, nasally voice. She's at every frat party." Rose said.

"Oh is that her name? I always just referred to her as skank in my head." Alice laughed.

"Yeah well. I don't think she's as dumb as people think. She pretty much manipulated Edward into doing this project with her. And I just think that her intentions have nothing to do with getting a good grade in Psychology. She has ulterior motives." I said.

Rose and Alice glanced at each other with matching smirks.

"What do you two look so smug about?" I asked.

"Are you sure that you're not just jealous Bella?" Alice asked with one eyebrow raised. I looked at Rose and she shrugged her shoulders.

"You guys think I'm jealous of her? No way." I said.

"I mean even though she's a skank, Edward is a guy. I wouldn't want Emmett around her alone either." Rose offered.

I sat down my carton of food and threw my hands up."Look, contrary to what you two believe, I am not jealous. I really think she's up to something. You didn't see the way she was rubbing all over Edward at that party. And there is no reason to be jealous. I can't see Edward accepting any of her advances at all. He's totally not like that."

But the wheels in my head started to turn. And my mind began to invent things and I began to doubt my words. How had I gone from being so sure of something, to completely unsure so quickly? I pictured Tanya's perfect body in lingerie, standing over Edward. He looked up at her with lust, and whispered, _"God I've been waiting for this." _He had wanted it with me that night at the hotel, but I turned him away. Maybe he had been more ready than I thought. Maybe he _would_ accept what Tanya was offering.

"Bella?" Rose asked. I shook the images from my head and looked at her. Her expression was a mix of concern and humor.

"Didn't you bring ice cream Alice? I'll put it in some bowls." I said in a monotone voice. I got up off of the couch and walked into the kitchen. My thoughts were everywhere, and I wanted to drown them in cookie dough ice cream.

**oOoOoOoOo**

Friday came and with it came cloudy skies, threatening to break open at any moment. I felt as if it reflected my mood, and went into work with a sour attitude. Luckily there were few customers, and I was able to keep to myself. I straightened shelves, unpacked boxes of newly shipped books, checked the store email, and vacuumed the carpets. At around three in the afternoon my phone buzzed and I grabbed it off of the desk, hoping for some sort of good news. It was a text from Edward.

_B- I'm going to work on the project with Tanya. Not sure how long it'll take, but we are almost done. Want me to come over tonight? -E_

_E- Sounds fun. Where are you working on it at? I always want you to come over : ) -B_

_B- We are working on it at the library. And I will be over as soon as I can. I miss you. -E_

_E- I miss you too. See you later. -B_

My mood tanked even further after speaking with Edward. The only good thing about him going to work with her, was that this could possibly be the last day they would be working on it. At least they were working on it in the library. Just then my phone buzzed again.

_B- Hey, I'm in the mood for coffee, and perhaps some friendly chatter? What about you? -Jacob_

I thought hard about my reply. I wanted to be friends with Jacob, but it felt like he was always pushing the boundaries. Getting coffee with him might have some consequences. But then again, Edward was off with Tanya, and I didn't want to be alone with my stupid thoughts.

_Jake- Coffee sounds great. I get off work in an hour, meet me at Foam? -B_

_B- Cool, see you then beautiful! -J_

I walked into Foam after I got off work, and looked around for Jacob. He was sitting at a table in the very back. The lighting in that area was dim, the perfect spot for a romantic couple. _Ugh Jake. _Slowly I walked over and sat in the U-shape booth. There were no chairs at this table, so I was forced to sit right beside him.

"This is an odd spot to sit at Jake." I said frowning. A huge grin spread across his face and his eyes roamed over me.

"Hey Bella! Thanks for meeting me. I've really been needing some _friend _time." Jacob said.

"Mhm. I'm going to go order some coffee." I said and started to get back up.

"No no I'll get it. It's all on me today. After all, I invited you." He winked.

"Okay…well I guess I'll just take a regular coffee. Black." I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. It was a habit that I'd picked up from Edward.

"Coming right up." Jacob said as he walked away.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out, wondering what the heck someone wanted now.

_B- The pipes in the library burst. We're going to work at Tanya's place. I'll still see you in a little while. Love you. -E_

My stomach clenched. He was going to her place. They would undoubtedly be alone. Ideas of calling the library to see if the pipes had really burst came to mind. Or running out of the coffee shop and going straight to her house, demanding to know what her intentions were. But then I remembered I had no idea where she lived, and that Edward would feel as if I didn't trust him.

Jacob came back with the coffee and two chocolate chip bagels. I greedily snatched my cup and took a swig of the delicious black liquid.

"God bless you." I said to the coffee. Jacob laughed and casually rested his arm behind me.

"So how are you and your _boyfriend_." Jacob asked with a roll of his eyes.

"We're great. Super. Amazing." I said glaring back at him.

"Aren't you at all worried that he's going to go super crazy. Fuck every chick in sight?"

"W-what? Why would I worry about that?" I asked, now completely pissed off. My face had to have been turning all shades of red.

"You know, I mean isn't that what Amish kids do when they go out in the real world for awhile? You don't think he'd take up any offers?" Jake took a long drink of his coffee and didn't look directly at me. His questions were eating at me. It was almost as if he knew what was going on in my head at the moment.

"You know what Jake, I better get going. I have some homework to do that just can't wait. Thanks for the coffee." I said and stood up.

"Do you need a ride or something? I can take you home Bella." Jake said in a deep voice.

"No I'm fine. I'll talk to you later." I said quickly and rushed away before he could speak again.

Outside the clouds had darkened, and were moving swiftly through the sky. A cool breeze blew, and then the sky flashed, and a loud rumbling followed behind shortly. I flagged a cab, and got in just as raindrops began to drip down one by one. The car stopped at my apartment and I threw money to the driver before opening the door. I pulled my jacket tightly around my body and headed inside as the rain began to pour down heavily. I sat on my bed and thought about everything from my night at the hotel with Edward, to our recent arguments over Tanya. I knew that I had been overreacting to the whole situation. Though I didn't trust Tanya, I trusted Edward. He would never go down that road with her. He wasn't James. I shivered at the thought of my old boyfriend.

The insecurities that plagued me were because of him. He made me afraid to love. I once again thought about the night at the hotel with Edward, and how I had stopped him. In my mind, and out loud I had said that I wanted Edward to be ready before it happened. But now I knew that I stopped him because _I_ hadn't been ready. In all of the times that I'd had sex, love was never part of it. It was all lusty, quick, and the point was just to get off. I knew that with Edward it would be completely different and that was scary and exciting at the same welled up into my eyes as I contemplated my latest revelations. I was so lost in thought that I nearly missed the knocking at the door. Getting up from my bed, I dried the wetness from my face and headed towards the door. I slowly opened it and gasped at the sight.

Edward stood in front of me soaking wet. His skin almost seemed to sparkle in the light and I found myself staring intently at him, with no words forming in my mouth.

"Bella" Edward whispered. He then gently grabbed my waist with one hand, and captured my cheek with his other hand. His mouth found mind and he kissed me slowly, our tongues dancing together in a steady rhythm.

Edward picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his body. We moved inside, Edward kicking the door behind us. I pulled back a little and looked at his face. His eyes, his beautiful green eyes were on fire, and what I saw was love, lust, excitement, and fear. Our lips met once more, and the intensity between them told me that tonight, Edward would not be going home.

**A/N: Thoughts? Leave a review and let me know what's going through your head! The next chapter should be out within a week :) See you then!  
Oh and don't forget you can follow me on Twitter for updates announcements, teasers, and more. My username is LauraHilary. **


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: This chapter contains lemons, just so you know. It's the first lemon I've ever written, so I'm nervous as to how it turned out. This chapter is also much shorter than the rest. I just stopped it where I felt it needed to be stopped. :) Thanks for reading and I really hope you enjoy it. **

**Songs recommended for this chapter: Here With Me-Dido; Iris-Goo Goo Dolls; Civil Twilight-Letters From the Sky; I Bruise Easily-Natasha Bedingfield**

_"Edward stood in front of me soaking wet. His skin almost seemed to sparkle in the light and I found myself staring intently at him, with no words forming in my mouth. __Edward whispered my name, and then gently grabbed my waist with one hand, and captured my cheek with his other hand. His mouth found mind and he kissed me almost frantically. _  
_Then he picked me up, and I wrapped my legs our his body. Edward moved us inside and kicked the door closed, closing us off to the rest of the world." _

**BPOV**

Edward walked us over to the bed and I slid down his body until I was standing in front of him. I pulled my mouth away from Edward and lifted my shirt away from my body, tossing it to the floor. I then reached around and unclasped my bra, revealing my breasts. I looked up at him through my lashes, feeling almost shy. What I saw in his eyes encouraged me though. He was pleased with what he saw.

I tugged at the hem of his shirt and he pulled it off, throwing it behind me. I couldn't help but run my fingers over the muscles of his abdomen. Edward shivered in response and I reached for his jeans, unbuttoning the fly. He pulled them the rest of the way down and I slowly undid my own jeans. I pushed them down, taking my underwear with it. Completely naked in front of Edward, I took a deep, rattling breath.

I watched him take in the sight of my body, his chest was rising and falling rapidly. Edward whispered something like "beautiful." He kissed me softly before pulling his boxers down, exposing himself to me. I laid down on the bed, with Edward crawling over me. We kissed and caressed, reveling in the feeling of being skin to skin. Every defense was down, flaws exposed, souls bared.

"Bella…" He said my name like a desperate prayer, and a moan escaped from my mouth.

"I don't know what I'm doing here." He whispered.

I gazed up at him and ran my fingers through his hair.

"Touch me." I whispered back.

Edward pulled back a bit, and his eyes roamed over my body before he brought his hand down to my chest. He lightly moved it from my neck, the valley between my breasts, over my naval, and then he was _there_. He hesitated at first, but then he slowly trailed a finger over my center, eventually dipping a finger in between. I shuddered as he grazed my clit. I knew that he had no idea what he was doing, but I couldn't find it in me to care. Having him close, touching in any way possible was enough.

He began kissing up my body, breathing his hot breath on my tingling skin. When Edward reached my breasts, he kissed each gently, paying close attention to both. I moaned quietly and then lifted his head and brought him to my mouth. I reached my hand down and grabbed him, sliding my hands over the velvety smooth skin of his arousal.

Edward shuddered and his eyes rolled back in his head.

"Oh…God. Bella." He said, and then bit his lip.  
I stroked him gently, letting him get used to the feeling.

"I want to be closer." Edward said panting.

I nodded and our mouths connected, our tongues sensuously moving together as I lined him up with my entrance. He took a deep breath and we locked our eyes on each other as he slowly thrust into me. We both moaned at the contact and I wrapped my legs around his waist.

Edward made gentle, but pleasurable thrusts, and I closed my eyes.

"Open your eyes for me baby." He whispered. I did as he asked, and found him looking at me with so much love in his eyes that it took my breath away.

"I love you Edward." I said, feeling as if my heart would burst through my chest.

"I love you-" Thrust. "Too Bella." Thrust.

His movement picked up and I began to feel the pleasure building. I could feel him pulsating, telling me that he was almost there as well. After a few more thrusts, an orgasm burst through me, and I couldn't help but moan out his name. He followed a few seconds later, crying out my name, and then kissing me hard on the mouth.

Edward collapsed on top of me, and I wrapped my arms around him, and casually running a hand through the hair on the back of his head. We were both gasping for air, and covered in sweat.

He pulled back and looked at me, a smile on his face. It was beautiful. His head fell back to my chest, and we lay listening to the rain hitting the windows of my apartment for a few minutes until our breathing had slowed. But I wasn't done with him yet. I pushed him on his back and climbed on top of him, straddling his waist.

Leaning down, I captured his lips and tried to put a lot of meaning behind the kiss. He responded by wrapping his hands around my waist and squeezing gently. I brought one hand down and felt for his erection, and sure enough he was hard as a rock again.

I smiled at him and lifted myself over him, then I lowered myself onto him until he was completely inside of me. We both gasped at the new angle. Edward lifted himself up onto his elbows and I moved in closer to him. His arms wrapped around me, making me feel safe and secure.

Edward groaned and his breathing became erratic. Pleasure once again built into my core and I moved faster.

"Love I'm going to…I'm going to…" Edward stuttered before crying out.  
Hearing him feel so good caused my body to shudder, and brought me to my own orgasm.

That time I collapsed onto his chest, and I listened to his rapid heartbeat. It was beating for me, for us. A drop of sweat dripped down from his forehead, evidence of our lovemaking. With the sheet, I dried his face, as he watched me lovingly.

I knew that the sex would be different than anything I'd had in the past. But I hadn't been prepared for such extreme emotions. My eyes filled with tears, thinking about how we had connected. When Edward was inside of me, I felt complete. The way he held me exuded love.

"Love, what's wrong?" Edward asked, pushing strands of hair away from my face.

He cradled my head in his hands and I saw true concern on his face.

"It's n-nothing. I-it's just.." I sobbed. "I love you Edward. If I would have known it could be like that I would have…" I choked out through the sobs.

"Sh sh sh baby. I'm here." He comforted me, and held me closer.

After a few minutes, he pulled out of me which made me cry a little more at the loss. Finally I got a handle on my emotions and wiped the moisture from my face.

"I'm sorry Edward. I didn't mean to flip out like that. This was just so much more than I had ever expected it to be. I mean I knew it would be different, but this was just…amazing." I managed to say, though my voice was rough.

"Bella, it _was_ amazing. But don't regret the past because it's what makes you who you are now. And I love you Bella. Everything about you." He kissed my forehead and smiled.

A couple hours later we finally got out of bed and cleaned ourselves up. It was late, but we were both hungry so I made pancakes and bacon. I listened to the comforting sound of the sizzling bacon and thought about my day. It had gone from absolutely horrible, to completely and utterly wonderful. I briefly thought of Jacob and sighed.

"Edward, I just wanted to let you know that I went for coffee with Jacob this afternoon." I said to him. He sat on the couch in a men's sweatshirt that I owned, along with a pair of baggy sweats.

"Really. How was that?" Edward asked. I could tell that he was trying to mask any emotions that he felt.

"Annoying. He doesn't get the picture that I'm just not interested. I thought I could be friends with him but…" I shook my head.

"You have too much faith in Jacob Black. I don't think he's good enough to be your friend." Edward smiled.

"He just made it seem like he had nobody in his life that cared. I've been down that road myself." I sighed.

While pouring pancake batter into the skillet, Edward cleared his throat. It seemed like he wanted to say something else.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked, eyeing him nervously.

He shook his head, but I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something on his mind. Something that was bothering him. I flipped the pancakes, and then put them on our plates when they were done. We both sat at my little table and began to eat. There was a heavy silence.

"Edward, you don't regret what we did, do you?" Just the thought of it made me feel nauseous.

Edward was in the middle of drowning his pancakes in syrup, slowly swirling the sticky liquid all over his food.

"No. I don't regret it, any of it. It's just, well I got to thinking about my afternoon, since you brought up Jacob." He said hesitantly.

"Yes?" My stomach dropped. He'd been with Tanya all afternoon, at her house.

"You were right about Tanya. She uh, she _did_ seem to have ulterior motives." He said before shoving a large bite of pancake in his mouth.

I didn't know what to respond with. I hadn't expected him to say that.

Edward sat his fork down and took my hand, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles.

"We went to the library, and the pipes had burst as I told you. She'd suggested that we go back to my place, but I just didn't feel like that was a good idea. So then she said, okay then her place it is. I gave in, I just wanted to get the project completed. We went back to her house, and got started working on the last of what we had to do. Tanya went and got a couple of glasses of water for us. After a few minutes, her glass slipped out of her hand, soaking her and most of the couch in water."

"Wow. And I bet she was conveniently wearing a white t-shirt." I huffed. Edward shrugged.

She suggested that we move to her room to work on it since the couch was wet. Again, I just wanted the stupid thing done, so I didn't argue and just followed her in there. Once we were in there…" Edward sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

My eyes widened and my heart began pounding loudly. I was sure that Edward could hear it.

"When we got in there, she said she wanted to change into some dry clothes. I thought that she would go into the bathroom to do it. But she started pulling her clothes off right there. I turned away, but she told me I didn't have to. When she said that, I started to get angry. I told her to get some clothes on and to hurry. Eventually I heard her opening some drawers, and then some shuffling around. She told me that she was dressed, so I looked back at her. Tanya had put something on…but I wouldn't call it clothes." He pushed his hands through his hair, tugging at the ends.

"She was wear some sort of sheer outfit." Edward continued.

"Lingerie." I huffed again.

"I told her that I would finish the project myself, and started to leave. She stepped in front of me and took all of my stuff and threw it on the floor. Before I knew it, she was pushing me onto her bed and crawling on top of me. I of course pushed her off saying that I have a girlfriend. She uh, she just laughed saying that I needed a real woman. That obviously you weren't doing your job if I was still acting so _virginal_. She wanted to show me what I was missing." Edward spat angrily.

"Were you tempted? Is that why you wanted to try it with me?" I asked. My voice sounded defeated.

"No! No, she kept trying to get me to doubt my feelings for you. And as I was defending you, defending us, I realized that I was still holding myself back from you. When I think about it, I know that it seems like I did this in reaction to her but…I swear Bella that's not it. I've been thinking about this a long time actually. I just never had the courage to give myself to you like that. I drove here and before coming in I just stood outside hyperventilating like a coward. One side of my brain telling me that it's wrong to feel the way I do for you, and the other side telling me to make you mine. I am tired of defending everything I feel in life."

Neither of us said anything for a few minutes. It was a contemplative silence.

"I finally just pushed everything I've ever known out of my mind. It was like taking off foggy glasses. Everything was clear. I can't even tell you how good it feels. I feel free." He smiled.

I really could see the change in him. Before I could see the moral values of his Amish heritage weighing him down like a physical strength. Whereas now, he looked sure of himself, and happy. His tortured mask was removed.

"I'm glad that you've reached this point Edward, that we've reached this point. I love you." I said, smiling genuinely.

I finally took a bite of my pancakes, and they were cold. I swallowed before continuing.

"But if Tanya ever comes near you ever again, she'll be walking on one leg the rest of her life." Edward laughed a beautiful laugh.

His crooked grin made an appearance and I knew my cheeks were reddening. How was it that he could always make me feel like a shy little girl?

"Next time, not that there will be a next time...try not to be so er naive? I mean it's Tanya for goodness sakes. _I_ wouldn't even go in her room." I said with a shake of my head.

"It was stupid I'll admit it. I guess I was hoping that you were wrong, and that she did have some good in her." He sighed.

"She and Jacob would be perfect for each other." I laughed.

I noticed that he was done with his food, so I scooted out from the table and went around and grabbed his plate. I took it into the kitchen and began rinsing it off, scrubbing it gently with a dish rag. I felt warm arms envelope my body and light kisses on my neck.

"Edward what are you.." I began.

He shut off the faucet and turned me around to face him. His stance reminded me of a predator, about to attack its prey. A split second later, he picked me up and through me over his shoulder.

"Edward!" I said squealed my giggles.

His own laugh echoed throughout the room as he ran us over to the bed and plopped me down. The dishes were completely forgotten, and we didn't leave the bed for the rest of the night.

**A/N: Thoughts? Concerns? Comments? Leave a review and I'll message you back most definitely :) If you would like, follow me on Twitter. My username is LauraHilary, there should be a link on my profile page however. Thanks!**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N Oh my gosh I know...it's been forever. I'm so sorry about that. I have an explanation at the bottom. I'll let you get to the story first :) **

Chapter 15: Night & Day

**BPOV**

Except for school and work, Edward and I had stayed in my apartment almost constantly. The connection between us when making love was addicting. I'd never felt so alive and complete, and I knew that Edward felt it too. The look in his eyes during and after was clear. One evening, I decided that maybe we should leave our bubble and include a little reality.

Edward collapsed onto me after a particularly steamy lovemaking session.

"Mm Edward?" I said while running my hands through his sweat-soaked hair.

"Yeah?" He asked, raising his head from my chest.

"We have friends…" I giggled.

"Mhm…"

"And we've been ignoring them." I continued.

"I've been enjoying myself. I hope it's not smug to assume that you've been enjoying yourself too?" Edward smirked.

I leaned up and kissed him and my mouth turned up into a big grin.

"I've definitely been enjoying myself. I just…don't want to avoid people. That's the kind of thing that I've done in my past and I don't want to do it again." I answered, thinking about how lonely I was after the James debacle.

Edward nodded and then sighed, his breath fanning across my chest.

"You're right Bella. Friends are important." He said.

"We should start now." I added.

He groaned and rolled off of me onto the other side of the bed.

"We could go hang out at your place. Maybe have dinner?" I offered.

"Well I am pretty hungry." Edward shrugged.

I rolled over to him and lay myself across him, straddling his waist.

"Me too. It'll be nice to see everyone." I smiled. "But first…"

We finally made it out of my apartment an hour or so later.

**oOoOoOoOo**

"BELLARINA! EDMAN" Emmett shouted when we walked into the living room of the boys' house. He jumped up and ran over to where we were standing and swept me up into a big bear hug.

"Hey Bella, hey Edward." Jasper calmly waved from the couch.

"Where the hell have you guys been?" Emmett asked, crossing his arms across his broad chest.

"Yeah, I haven't seen you here in awhile Edward. We started to think that maybe you moved." Jasper chuckled.

Edward and I exchanged a glance with each other. And of course I blushed as I thought about where we had been, and what we had been doing. Emmett let out a big guffaw and punched Edward in the shoulder.

"Atta boy Eddie! I knew you had it in you!" He said excitedly.

Edward's face flushed ten shades of red. I slid my arm around his waist and looked up at him, letting him know that it was okay if they knew. He looked back down at me, and his lovely crooked grin appeared. Then he looked back at Emmett confidently and nodded. Surprisingly Emmett changed the subject.

"Rose and Alice are in the kitchen trying to figure out dinner. You guys staying to eat?" He asked.

"Yeah we figured that we would. I'll go see if they need any help." I said and headed off to the kitchen. I walked through the hall and into the beautiful kitchen, finding Rose and Alice sitting at the island chatting.

"Aren't you two supposed to be figuring out dinner?" I said with a smile. They turned to look at me and both of their mouths dropped.

"Bella Swan? Is that you?" Alice asked while squinting her eyes at me.

"I-I can't tell. It's been too long!" Rose said dramatically. I walked over to them and leaned against the island.

"Alright you two. Enough sarcasm, I realize that I haven't kept in touch lately." I said rolling my eyes.

"Pft Bella, it's been freaking forever!" Rose said.

I shrugged, "Well, Edward and I have been…busy."

"OH MY GOD." Alice exclaimed, clapping her hands to her tiny little face. I just shrugged again, and tried not to grin like a big goofball.

"It's about damn time." Rose said. "The sexual tension between you two was maddening." She said, shaking her head. Alice jumped off of her stool and squealed before attacking me with a strangling hug.

"So how was it?" Alice asked excitedly.

"No way. Nuh uh. I'm not going to discuss this with you two." I said, folding my arms across my chest.

They both pouted, clearly disappointed. In the past, I would have told them every detail. But with Edward, I just felt I should keep the details private. He after all, was a very private person and I knew that he would never share any such information with Emmett or Jasper. Besides, it was nice to keep this one thing just between us. Some things about the Amish traditions were nice. The Amish didn't go around bragging about their sex life, or the other morbid details of their relationship.

Rose raised an eyebrow at me, and then smiled softly. To me it said "I'm happy for you. I'm glad you're back." All I could do is grin more.

"So what's for dinner girls?" I asked.

"We ordered a bunch of pizzas. They should be here soon." Rose replied casually.

"Speaking of dinner Bella. My mother wants you and Edward to come over one evening soon. You guys haven't been over in forever. Jazz and I will be there of course. I'm guessing Emmett and Rose will as well." Alice said while casually picking at her nails. She was still acting miffed over my lack of information sharing.

"Sure, just have her call me or Edward with the time and date and we'll be there for sure." I said with a nod.

Just then the doorbell rang, signaling that the pizzas had arrived. Rose went to the door to pay the delivery boy, but it was Emmett who returned with the fives boxes of steaming hot pizzas. He sniffed the air appreciatively and shook his head.

"I sure do love a good pizza. I'll take this box." Emmett said, picking up a box and carrying it off into the living room. "Rosie can you bring me a drink? Thanks!" He shouted.

"Sure sweetie!" Rose replied as she walked into the kitchen. But her facial expression didn't match her tone. "I'm not getting that idiot anything to drink." She spat. Alice and I laughed lightly, but Rose only shook her head.

"Alice, I love Esme to death but she spoiled the shit out of you two."

"You do have your work cut out for you Rose. I raise my glass to you." Alice grinned.

Edward and Jasper made their way into the kitchen. They got several cups and plates out of the cabinet and set them out for all of us.

"What kind of pizza do you want? I'll fix your plate for you." Edward asked me.

Rose groaned and threw her hands in the air. She grabbed a plate and left the kitchen, with the obvious intention of stealing some pizza from Emmett. Edward looked at her with a confused expression, but shrugged it off.

"Two slices of pepperoni please." I smiled.

Edward fixed one plate and piled several pieces of pizza on it, then grabbed two bottles of Coke from the refrigerator.

"Mind if we just share a plate?" He asked. I shook my head and smiled. I felt a little silly, but I was thrilled that we were sharing a plate. It just seemed intimate to me, eating off of the same plate. It really showed how far we'd come in the last few weeks.

We walked into the living room, where Rose and Emmett were arguing over the last slice in the box. I sat down on the couch, and Edward sat down directly beside me. Edward put his feet on the coffee table, and I curled my legs up underneath me. The plate sat on one of my thighs, and one of Edwards. Every once in awhile we would share bites of our pizza, followed by a kiss. It was cheesy, but I loved it.

"Earth to the lovebirds!" Alice sang out loudly.

"Huh?" Edward and I both said at the same time.

"Are you two going to eat anymore pizza? Emmett wants to know if he can have the last box…" She asked.

I looked over at Emmett and the expression on his face was hilarious. He looked like an overgrown child with his eyes wide and his cheeks full of pizza.

"No I think we're good." I said, and Edward nodded. Emmett practically ran into the kitchen.

For the rest of the evening, we played Taboo and then a few rounds of poker. It turned out to be a pretty fun time, and we all made promises to get together and do it again soon. Operation Spend Time with Friends was successful, and I was appeased.

Alice and Jasper went home, and Rose and Emmett decided that they were going to watch a movie. Edward and I were pretty tired so we decided just to head up to his room.

"It feels like it's been forever since I've been in here." Edward mused as we sat down on his bed.

"We could stay here sometimes if you want." I said. "I mean that is if you want me to." I added quickly.

Edward smiled and pulled me back on his bed until we were laying down.

"I'd love that Bella. I like having you in my bed." He whispered into my ear.

I shivered and he pulled me into his arms.

"Edward, what's your room like at home?" I asked as I stared up at the ceiling.

"It's pretty basic I suppose. Just a bed and a dresser." He said. "There's a window though, on the wall opposite of my bed. The view is…it's one of my favorite things. You can see the rolling hills, other houses scattered here and there. In the summer it's just...it's so simple but I love it."

I looked over at him, and the expression on his face was full of longing. We hardly ever discussed his Amish life anymore, but I knew that he missed it. Sometimes when I baked cookies, he would say "My Mother would love these." Or we would pass a horse and carriage downtown and he would smile and comment that they were nothing like the horses at home. I often wondered just how much he was really giving up by staying. I just had to keep the hope in my heart that I was enough to hold him in my world.

"Do you think that you could ever show me your room? That I could you know, meet your mom?" I asked hopefully.

His eyebrows furrowed and the corners of his mouth turned downward.

"No. That can't happen." His words held a finality.

"Will you ever go back. To see your mom and dad?" My voice cracked, giving away all of my insecurities.

"Bella, if I ever went back, I wouldn't be returning." He sighed.

I must have had a look of panic on my face, because he quickly continued.

"But I won't ever be going back. I'm staying." His hot breath tickled my ear, and I closed my eyes.

Feather like kisses covered my face until I eventually fell asleep, safe in Edward's embrace.

**oOoOoOoOo**

The weeks went by, and winter turned into spring. The days were getting longer, bright bulbs began to peek up from the ground, and chirpy animals began appearing from their sleepy hideouts.

I'd gotten a call from Esme just days before, and she'd invited us for a family dinner for Saturday. Though I knew Esme would have protested if she knew, I made a blackberry cobbler and homemade vanilla ice cream for dessert. It was something I'd never made for Edward before, but I'd heard him mention that he liked when his mother made it.

For dinner, I slipped on a knee-length jean skirt and a purple blouse. It felt nice not to have to dress so bulky as I had through the cold months. Edward knocked on the door at six thirty on the dot, and I opened the door to find him smiling. He wore dark jeans, and a black button down shirt. It was casual, but on Edward it was sexy. I pulled him into me and he quickly put his lips upon mine.

"I missed you. I feel like I haven't seen you in days." He said, pouting his lips a bit.

I giggled and replied, "Edward, I saw you four hours ago."

He shrugged and gave me a sly grin accompanied with a wink. A moment later his eyebrows furrowed as he sniffed the air.

"You've been…baking?" He asked.

I nodded and beckoned him over to the counter where my dishes sat prepared and ready to go. Slowly and dramatically I pulled back the lid on the Tupperware, and showed him what was inside. His eyes widened and for a moment it was like looking at a young boy. An appreciative groan fell from his lips.

"Can I have some now?" Edward asked excitedly.

"No! Esme would kill me if I spoiled your dinner. You'll have to wait like everyone else." I grinned.

He pouted once again and sighed.

"Well let's go then so we can get through dinner quicker." Edward said, urging me toward the door.

I grabbed the dessert and we headed out the door.

We arrived at The Cullen's home right at seven, but we were the last to get there as usual. Esme opened the door and greeted us excitedly, giving Edward and I a warm hug. Carlisle, on the other hand, seemed troubled. His forehead was wrinkled up into a worried expression. The glance that he gave Edward was bothersome.

I gave him a quiet "Hello Carlisle."

He nodded at me, and gave me a tight smile. Most definitely forced. The insecure part of my brain started to work in overtime. Had I done something? Had Edward done something? The both of us looked at each other, with confused expressions. But neither of us said anything as we followed Esme towards the dining room.

Dinner was loud and talkative as per usual with the Cullen clan. Alice, Rose, and Esme discussed ovulation kits and the best diets for conceiving. Apparently Alice and Jasper were rather eager to start a family. Emmett and Jasper talked about a new game that they wanted to buy. Carlisle was however very quiet, and gave Edward hard glances periodically. It took all I had to answer anyone that would ask me a question.

After dinner, Esme announced that she would be right back with dessert for everyone. I stood up and offered to help her, and she accepted. While on our way out of the dining room, I heard Carlisle speak to Edward.

"Edward, would you mind stepping into my office for a minute before dessert?" His voice was low and it held no warmth. Icy knots formed in the pit of my stomach.

Ten minutes later, Esme and I had scooped up eight bowls of cobbler and ice cream. We set them on two trays and carried them back into the dining room. Edward and Carlisle appeared in the room at the same time we did. The look on Edward's face was all wrong. Something about his expression made my whole body ice over.

Esme passed out the bowls and spoons, and everyone began to dig in, except Edward. He picked at his dessert with his fork. Every once in awhile he would take a small bite, but it was nothing compared to how I thought he'd be eating it.

"Um Edward? Does it taste okay?" I asked quietly.

He nodded curtly. "Tastes fine Bella." His voice was gravelly.

I swallowed thickly, feeling as if there were a hand around my neck, squeezing.

An hour later, we said our goodbyes to everyone. The drive back to my place was quiet and ominous. After we walked through the door, I made my way towards the couch, expecting that Edward was following behind me. But I never heard the door close. I looked back and saw him standing in the doorway, his face blank and unreadable.

"Edward? Aren't you going to come in?" I asked.

He looked up at me, and his eyes were dark. Something was seriously wrong.

"I think I'll go home tonight…" His voice barely above a whisper.

"Please stay?"

Edward shook his head.

"Please?" I asked once again, though my voice held no hope.

"Bella I...Okay." His answer was quiet and it hurt very badly that I had to beg him to stay.

We both slipped on more comfortable clothes, and ended up on the couch. I turned on the T.V. though neither of us seemed to watch what was on. It was supposed to be funny, but neither of us laughed. It was all wrong.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I finally asked when I couldn't take the silence anymore.

His jaw clenched and his Adam's apple bobbed shakily as he swallowed.

"It's nothing Bella. Don't worry about it."

"Edward…" I began in an exasperated tone.

"I said it's nothing Bella!" He said angrily.

I couldn't help the tears that filled up my eyes. Edward had never spoken to me that way before. I couldn't think of a time that he'd ever even been angry with me. My heart beat furiously, and a chill tickled my skin uncomfortably.

"E-Edward. You were fine until, until before dessert when you went to Carlisle's office. T-then you barely touched your dessert, which you'd been excited about all evening." I sniffled and stuttered.

Edward's severe expression softened slightly as he looked at my pathetic face. He reached a thumb out and wiped away a few tears that had begun to stream down my face.

"Don't please. Don't cry." He shook his head.

Panic threatened to take over my body, and my breaths began to come out slow and shallow.

"K-kiss me Edward. Please." I begged, needing to feel him in some way.

He hesitated at first, seeming to think about what he wanted. But then he moved so fast that I barely had time to register that he was coming towards me.

Edward pulled me against him, and roughly kissed me. Our tongues collided, our hot breath mingling. We pulled off each others clothes and then collapsed onto the couch. I straddled Edward's naked form as we continued kissing. A minute later he entered me. The sex was raw, angry and unlike anything we'd done in the past weeks. Before, where our intimacy was slow, passionate, and full of love this was just the opposite. It was unbridled and fast.

Our skin slapped together as I moved up and down over and over. His hands at my waist, squeezing tightly, almost painfully. The pain added to the pleasure though, and soon we both reached our peak. My orgasm was powerful and debilitating. Edward's must have been too, for he cried out louder than I'd ever heard him.

My head fell to his heaving chest, as we both came down from our highs. We moved to the bed, climbing underneath the sheets and covers. Though he held me close, I'd never felt farther away from Edward. Though we had just had sex, and my sexual needs felt satiated, my heart still clenched painfully. I felt almost..._lonely._

I barely slept. The whole night I concentrated on how Edward's skin felt against mine. I memorized his heartbeat and his breathing patterns. I contemplated what Carlisle had talked to Edward about. I would start to think that it was about me, and then apart of me would think about how conceited that was. But if it wasn't me, why was he suddenly so distant? And if it wasn't me, why did I feel like he was slipping through my fingers? Once again, tears poured from my eyes. I bit my lip to keep the sobs from echoing throughout the room. Before the panic could overtake me I whispered "I love you Edward…" And then I closed my eyes, and fell into a restless slumber full of nightmares.

**A/N: Uh oh! What in the world is going on? What did Carlisle tell Edward? Leave a review and give me your thoughts and theories!  
**

Hey guys, thanks so much for sticking around and waiting for this chapter. I know that it took a long time for me to update, but I have my reasons. Before Christmas, I started having extreme pains in my right side of my back, and ribs. I'm pregnant by the way if you hadn't known before. I had to have several tests run and I spent a bit of time in the hospital. It turns out that I was having gallbladder attacks. Let me tell you, it was/is horrible. I could barely do anything without having an attack, so therefore, no computer. Finally after completely changing my diet, relaxing more, and a few other things, my attacks ceased and rarely happen now. I'm finally getting back to the computer, and was able to get a chapter out to you all! Now, I hate to say it, but the updates will still not be regular for awhile. I'm to be induced on Wednesday and will have my new baby girl in my arms finally! While with one child, writing and getting on the computer was a somewhat easy task, it will not be easy from now on. I will be the mother of a 19 month old and a newborn! So please understand that updating will be a bit difficult. I will however write whenever I can, the best I can, and try to provide you with an entertaining story. Thanks again for sticking with this story. You have no idea how much I appreciate it!


	16. Chapter 16

**I own nothing Twilight sadly. I just wish I did!  
**  
**A/N: Enjoy folks :) there will be another chapter VERY soon. It was supposed to be in this chapter, but I really needed to split it up. Thanks for waiting for my guys! You all are amazing :-) **

Since the night of the dinner at the Cullen's, Edward had been distant. Before, we spent every moment possible, together. And after that night, I rarely saw him. _I_ had to go to his place. _I_ had to text or call him._ I_ was giving it all I had, trying to resolve whatever issue he had, all on my own. But the days kept passing, and things weren't getting any better. One night I had even gone to his place late in the evening, in hopes of spending the night. I did, but he was so far away from me in the bed, I was sure that he had to be close to falling off.

It all got to be too much. It felt all too familiar to the James situation. Though I was much more afraid of what losing Edward would do to me. So at that thought, I decided that I would confront Edward once and for all. He wouldn't have a choice. He would be telling me what was wrong. I just had to figure out how to do it.

I decided to text Edward and invite him to dinner. It would have been better to call him, but I was a coward.

_Dinner at my place? -B_

_I'm not sure. I have a lot of homework… -E_

_I'm making spaghetti just the way you like it. Please? -B_

_Um, well I guess I can come over for a little while. See you then. -E_

I could almost hear the sighs and hesitations in his texts. It hurt to have to beg, but I would do anything to get past whatever was making him avoid all contact with me.

At six o'clock, Edward knocked at the door gently. It was another blow to my insecurities, because he hadn't knocked in forever. This had been like his home before that awful dinner.

I opened the door and found a solemn looking Edward standing in the doorway. I gestured towards the dinette table and mumbled a quiet 'come in'. He took his jacket off and hung it on the back of the chair. Before he could sit down, I stepped in front of him and stood on my tiptoes to reach his face. I cupped his face into my hands and pressed my lips softly to his. There was little response from him, but he didn't pull away, for which I was grateful.

We sat down at the table and both began to pick at our food. I watched Edward twirl his spaghetti around his fork like I taught him to, but he never lifted it to his mouth.

"How was your day?" I asked in cheerful facade, complete with a smile.

Edward lazily shrugged his shoulders and mumbled "Fine I s'pose."

I nodded, not that it mattered because his gaze was trained onto his still full plate.

"Is your homework hard?" I asked dumbly.

"Not really…" He mumbled quietly again.

Anger slowly crept up through my body, and I could feel the heat building, flushing my pale face. I was so sick of the completely undeserved silent treatment. _I just wanna know what the hell is going on God dammit! _

Edward looked up at me with wide eyes. I'd accidentally spewed my internal thoughts out loud. Crap.

"What?" Edward asked, looking shocked.

"I…What did Carlisle tell you at dinner the other night?" The words came out quickly, like they'd been on my tongue for a long while.

The look on his face wasn't unreadable. He didn't want to tell me, and it was evident.

"He didn't tell me anything of importance Bella." Edward said, and finally took a bite of the spaghetti.

I shook my head in anger. If I'd been standing, I might have stamped my foot like a little girl who wasn't getting her way.

"That is such…such bullshit!" I spouted furiously.

Edward's piercing green eyes closed slowly, and he inhaled deeply. His cheeks began to redden.

"Bella just don't okay? For once just don't." He stood up from the table and picked up his jacket. When he began putting it on, my heart threatened to pound out of my chest.

"Wait you're leaving?" I asked as I quickly stood up.

"It's just better if I do Bella. I really don't want to argue with you." Edward shrugged.

He retreated towards the door and as he opened it I grabbed his arm, desperate to keep him from leaving.

"Please just tell me. Was it about me? Does Carlisle have a problem with me?" Internally I cringed. All I heard out of my mouth was me me me. I hated that I kept assuming that it was about me. But the way Edward had been acting towards me, and the way Carlisle's troubled gaze wandered over to me at dinner the other night, I couldn't help but think that way.

Edward sighed and turned back to me, his irritation was quickly replaced with a pitied expression.

"Bella…Carlisle doesn't have a problem with you."

"Then what…" I began to ask again, but Edward cut me off.

"Someone sent Carlisle some photos Bella. Several photos. Of us." His mouth formed a grim line.

"Photos?"

"Personal photos, photos that paint an unflattering picture." He said quietly.

"What were they of?" I asked, racking my brain for anything that we could have done that would make us look bad.

Edward's voice was shaky when he responded. "There was a picture of me outside of a strip club, a picture of Tanya on top of me, a picture of me drinking, and there were pictures of you and I together…intimately. I can't even remember everything that was in there. But we looked bad. _I_ looked really bad."

I blanched at the thought of someone capturing private moments of Edward and I together. It was embarrassing, but I didn't feel as though it was something to be completely ashamed of. The other pictures didn't sound that bad. They just made Edward look like a normal, everyday American guy.

I blew out a breath and rubbed my hands over my face before answering. "Okaay. I mean it's embarrassing but it's only Carlisle right? It's no biggie Edward, really. I'm sure if you explain each picture he'll understand. He knows that pictures can be made to look worse than they really are."

He shook his head, and his face nearly matched the shade of his hair.

"That's just it Bella! Carlisle did understand. But my parents don't! Whoever sent Carlisle these photos, sent copies to my family. I can't even begin to fathom how terrible I look to them now Bella!" Edward practically yelled. It shocked me, as I had never heard him raise his voice in our time together.

"They sent copies to your mom and dad?"

"Yes and now they're disgusted with me. I look like a whore-an alcoholic-a sex addict!" He spouted.

I moved closer to him and tried to reassure him with a smile.

"They'll understand Edward. They're your parents, and they love you." I said in a calm voice.

"They don't understand Bella. My mother wrote back and she's…she's disgusted and heartbroken. I'm ruined in their eyes." His voice was raspy and I could tell he was starting to break.

I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off.

"And before you try and convince me otherwise, just..just don't. In the letter my mother said that my father is sick. Too much stress. It's all my fucking fault Bella. First I left, which caused enough stress for both of my parents. But I left everything up to him. Running the farm, all the chores, dealing with the rest of the community. All because of me!" He pulled at his hair, making it stick straight up.

"I'm so sorry your dad is sick. If you could just explain to them…" I started.

"Explain what? That their son is a huge disappointment?" He scoffed. "They already know that."

In an effort to calm Edward down, I tried to redirect the subject a bit.

"What's going on with your dad? What exactly is his health issue?" I ask, genuinely concerned.

Edward released a breath that he'd been holding and shrugged.

"He's been having chest pains, nausea, shortness of breath, a lot of dizziness. He can't work." He shook his head.

"Has he seen a doctor?" It seemed like such a simple thing to me, seeing a doctor. The symptoms sounded so solvable.

"I don't know…probably not." Edward said.

It was silent for a few minutes as I watched Edward stand in front of me looking contemplative. No words came to mind that would comfort my boyfriend. The only gesture I could come up with, was physical. Stepping forward, I put my hands on his chest, then slowly slid them down to his waist and wrapped myself around him. While hugging his middle, I waited for him to return the embrace, but he never did. I pulled back to look at his face. But there was nothing there except a blank and withdrawn expression. It was that point that I knew I was losing him.

"So what's going to happen?" I asked shakily. I wasn't sure to what situation my question applied to.

His mouth opened and closed a few times before he answered. "I'm…I'm leaving."

It was as if someone were holding an invisible gun to my heart as his words sunk in.

"You're leaving? Leaving my apartment or…" I trailed off.

"I've got to go, my father is sick Bella. I've made a mess of things." He shrugged.

"Are…are you coming back?" I stuttered. "Ever?"

Edward sighed and cleared his throat. It sounded wrong, and something about it made my gut wrench.

"That's the last question I would be asking me right now Bella. I've got enough to worry about. My life here is the last thing on my mind." He said as he yanked a fistful of his hair once again. "I'm gonna go."

"So that's it? You're just leaving…just like that?" The shrillness of my voice caused me to cringe.

He turned to open the door, and as he opened it he replied, "Bella…my family needs me."

My breath left my body as he walked out the door.

"But I need you too." My words were quiet and lost. I wasn't sure if he'd actually heard me. But he kept walking. He was gone.

I collapsed onto my knees in the doorway. I was alone, all alone. The loneliness felt similar, but the excruciating pain was a new and unwelcome feeling. I wanted to curl up and die without Edward. But I wouldn't. I could not allow myself to do that again.

I pulled out my phone and pressed send on the number that I wanted. It rang three times before I heard a faint "hello?"

A sob broke free from my body and I panted as I spoke. "Rose? I need you."

oOoOoOoOo

When Rose found me, I was curled up in my bed, clinging to a t-shirt that Edward had left.

Her soft voice broke my trance, bringing me back to a world that I wanted so desperately to disappear from.

"Bella? Bella, what happened?" She asked as she took in my red, tear-streaked face.

Rose pulled me into a hug. I leaned into her and held on for dear life.

"He left Rose…he's gone." I sobbed.

I told her everything that had happened. I replayed my side of the story of dinner at The Cullen's, and Edward's behavior afterwards. When I told her about the pictures, panic flitted across her beautiful face.

"Bella, did Edward say anything about who took the pictures?"

"No, he was just so upset…they sent them to Carlisle and his parents. He was…distraught." I said as I recalled the look on Edward's face.

"Are you both stupid?" She asked harshly. "Sorry Bella it's just…isn't it obvious? Someone has been following both of you. Aren't you the least bit worried about that?" Rose asked.

Her words sunk in and I realized just how blind both Edward and I had been today. Someone had taken very personal pictures of us. They would have had to get very close to us to get those shots.

"God Rose, what do I do? About everything?"

I was scared, but above all else I was heartbroken. Edward was gone.

She pulled out her phone and began pressing buttons.

"Look Bella, first we're going to deal with this picture thing. We're going to go to Carlisle and look at those pictures. If someone is stalking you, we need to figure out who and what the point of the pictures were. You could be in danger. Maybe if we can figure it out, we can bring Edward back."

I shook my head and wiped away a few tears that had escaped while she talked.

"That's just it Rose, he won't come back. It wasn't just the pictures. His dad is sick and he…he blames himself. I don't think I'll ever see him again." Hysteria began to roll through me as my last statement sunk in. The thought of never seeing Edward again hurt far worse than anything that some crazed stalker could do to me.

"You and Edward are great together Bella. He loves you. There is no way he'd just completely walk away from that. Just give it a little time. But right now, we need to go see those pictures and figure out what we're going to do."

"I can't tonight Rose." I whispered, wrapping my arms around my midsection. It felt as if I would shatter.

She mumbled something unintelligible before grabbing her keys from the end of the bed.

"Please don't leave me. I don't want to be alone." I begged pathetically.

She set her keys down with a sigh and smiled.

"I was just going to go get us some food. But never mind that now." Rose pulled me into a hug and I mumbled a quiet 'thank you.'

oOoOoOo

"What the hell…" I said. "Edward wasn't kidding about the photos. They make us look bad."

Carlisle gave me a tight lipped smile. The pity and concern on his face were evident.

"Bella, do you have any idea who could've taken these? Do you have an clue as to would want to hurt you and Edward?"

I flipped through the photos again, stopping when I came to the photo of Tanya straddling Edward on a couch.

"I would say it was Tanya, but really I can't see what her motive would be. I can't see her being the brains of an operation like this." I sighed.

Rose, who had been silent up until that moment, cleared her throat. "Carlisle, I'm worried that someone is following Bella. She could be in danger."

Carlisle nodded his head in agreement. "Have you noticed anyone following you Bella? Has anyone around you exhibited any strange behavior?"

I was about to shrug and say no. But then I thought about the times that I'd felt uneasy. The feeling that I was being watched. I remembered a faint clicking sound going along with some of those instances. The color drained from my face when it finally hit me that someone had been following Edward and I for months. Our private and intimate moments hadn't been private at all. We'd been in such a state of bliss while with each other that the rest of the world had faded away.

Thoughts of Edward made my chest feel heavy and achy. Was it all a sham? He left so incredibly easily. Was I just a distraction? Something that eased the homesickness? Would he come back, or would he stay in his former world? Would he marry Jessica? My heart gave a painful squeeze at that last thought.

"Holy shit." I whispered, and clutched my neck. It felt like my throat was closing up.

"Bella?" Rose called out, concern lacing her voice.

"Did he ever _really_ love me? I asked rhetorically. Everything became shimmery around the edges, the voices speaking to me were indistinct. It all seemed to hit me at once. Someone was watching us. Edward left. He may not love me.

"Bella, are you alright? Can you hear me?"

I swallowed noisily, "Someone's definitely been following me…following us."

Carlisle asked, "Have you seen them?"

I shook my head quickly. "No I just…I could sense that someone was watching. I thought I was being silly and paranoid though. And sometimes I heard a clicking noise, but I could never place it. I'm so stupid I…I should have realized that it was a camera!" I gasped for air, feeling as though my lungs were closing up.

"Breathe Bella, breathe." Rose chanted as she put her arms around me. She turned to Carlisle shook her head.

"Someone needs to keep an eye on her at all times. If someone is following her…" She trailed off.

"I agree. Would you go and fetch Emmett?" Rose hastily exited the room.

When she was gone, Carlisle stepped over to me. He put his hand lightly on my shoulder. I tilted my head and looked into caring his caring face. "Are you okay Bella? You don't look well at all."

I clasped my hands together and then sighed. "I didn't sleep well. It's just, well yesterday and today have been really hard." I muttered.

There was a knock on the doorframe. Rosalie stood waiting with Emmett. I'd never seen him look so solemn. Gone was the humor in his eyes, and his usual dimples were out of sight. Carlisle cleared his throat and gestured for his son to enter. Emmett walked over by the tall bookcases and leaned back, folding his arms across his broad chest.

"I'm assuming you know what is going on son?" Carlisle asked. Emmett nodded his head and quickly glanced at me.

"What do you need me to do pops?" He asked.

"Someone needs to keep an eye on Bella at all times. Whomever sent these pictures has been following her for months. I won't chance her safety."

I wanted to feel happiness at the protectiveness that Carlisle was showing towards me. He was treating me like family. But it hurt to accept it, because at one point I thought I really would be family. The vision I'd had before of us all around the Cullen's dining table floated by in my head. I realized then, just how deep I'd gotten in with Edward. It had been so effortless, that I'd never even noticed.

Carlisle continued, "I want you to walk her to and from her classes. Accompany her to work and home. Jasper can help too. Rose, do you think that you and Alice might stay with her for a few nights?"

Rose smiled at me and nodded. "Of course. She could even come stay with us too."

"That's ridiculous." I spat.

Everyone turned their attention on to me. I felt the heat rise into my cheeks.

"What?" Rose called out.

I sighed in exasperation. "Don't you guys see? _I'm_ not in danger. The person behind this was clearly only targeting Edward. The only pictures of me, are the pictures that have Edward in them. And none of these were sent to my family. To me it seems like sort of a hate crime more than anything. Or maybe even just a sick prank."

"But someone has been following you Bella. You said it yourself." Emmett said.

"Yeah. Probably because they wanted me to lead them to Edward. They'd obviously picked up on our relationship early on."

With a slight shake of my head, I continued.

"Look it just…none of it matters now. He's gone. They accomplished what they wanted." My voice broke as I spoke.

They all looked at me with pitied expressions.

"Better safe than sorry?" Carlisle offered.

"Guys.." I whined.

Esme appeared in the doorway. "Bella dear, could I have a moment of your time?" Her warm eyes locked with mine, and I couldn't say no.

I stood up from my seat and followed Esme's retreating figure. On the way out, I heard a mumbled "There's no way in hell we're letting this go." from Rosalie.

Esme led me into the kitchen and gestured for me to sit at a barstool at the island. I pulled out the stool and slipped in. She then pushed a plate of large chocolate chip cookies in front of me. I wasn't hungry at all. Food was the last thing on my mind at the moment.

"Take one dear. They're delicious! I got them at this wonderful bakery downtown today." She said with a smile.

I snatched a cookie from the plate, and held it in my hands.

"Bella I know what you're going through. Or rather, what you've been going through in the past months. I don't know if anyone ever told you, but I met Carlisle during his own Rhumm-Springa."

I nodded, "Yes, Edward told me about that."

Esme leaned against the counter with a dreamy expression on her face.

"I remember the first time that I saw him. It was at the grocery store, by the produce. He was dressed in his traditional Amish clothing. Though he was dress oddly, his handsome face took my breath away. I stood there and watched him for a good five minutes. I could tell he had no idea how to grocery shop. He stood there try to figure out the difference between the plantains and the bananas." She laughed at the last part.

"Curiosity got the better of me, and I approached him. I ended up inviting to my house for dinner. I could see on his face that it was a struggle to decide whether to say yes or no." Esme reached for a cookie and lifted it to her mouth for a bite.

"Then I told him that I liked different, that it was exciting. He smiled at that, and accepted my invitation."

"That's a nice story." I said giving her a small smile.

"It is. But I do assure you that things weren't always perfect. I struggled with the fear that he would leave me." She gave me a knowing look. "I wondered what would possibly make him want to stay. I was one girl compared to his whole family. His whole life was in a different world."

I closed my eyes, trying not to let my emotions get the best of me.

"But _he_ did stay. _He_ never left you." I said, my voice no more than a whisper.

"Bella, Edward loves you. He knows that what you two share is rare and special. A person doesn't forget that overnight." Esme said reassuringly.

I wanted to hug her, or cry, or something to convey how much I appreciated her words. Appreciated, but didn't necessarily agree with. So instead, I took a bite of the cookie.

"Mmmm these _are_ delicious." I moaned.

"Yes they are." She replied as she grabbed two glasses from the cupboard, and proceeded to pour milk in them.

"Honey, just remember his background. Think about his upbringing, and the way he was taught to think. Think about what's going through his head. His father is sick, which I know he blames himself for. And then these pictures happen, he's humiliated for you and him both enough. But then his mother and father, the most conservative of conservatives see these pictures. In his head, it seems like a punishment for his supposed sins. And just maybe he thinks that he deserves it. Don't you see? It's all stacking up. His head has got to be an overwhelming place right now."

Esme placed a warm hand on top of mine and squeezed gently.

"I remember the confusion that Carlisle often felt. There was always the choice between myself and his family. Though he ultimately chose me, there's a part of him that will always long for his family."

"But that's just it Esme. Edward didn't choose me." I wiped a few stray tears that had escaped. Taking a deep breath, I continued on. "He told me that he didn't know if he was coming back. To me that says 'I'm not picking you.' And as much as I want to be mad at him for it, I can't. His family needs him. If my dad needed me, I'd be there in an instant."

Esme opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by the appearance of Carlisle, Emmett, and Rose.

They approached me with a notepad and pen, and asked me to write down my information. Reluctantly, I wrote down my work and class schedule for Emmett. At the moment, I would humor them. It would be nice to have the constant company. The thought of being alone right now was unappealing. Edward was _gone_. And I was all _alone_.

**A/N: As I said above, there will be a new chapter very soon that picks up right where we ended here. I hope you enjoyed it :) Please leave a review with your thoughts and questions. Oh! And by the way, I had my baby, her name is Allica Claire Henderson. She was born on January 26th. And a week ago I just had my gallbladder removed, soooo that's why I've been absent for a bit. Thanks for being patient guys!  
**

**If you'd like, follow me on Twitter. My profile has a link, or just look up LauraHilary. Thanks!  
**


	17. Chapter 17

**I Do Not Own any of the characters from the Twilight Saga. I do however own this plot :)**

Remember this is unbeta'd, so there may be some errors here and there. Feel free to let me know if you find any, and I'll try to fix them ASAP.

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 17**

It was decided that I would be staying with Emmett and Rose for a couple of nights. She was there at his place most of the time anyway, so it was just easier for all of us. Emmett drove by both of our places so that we could get some clothes and toiletries. When we arrived at the guys', well Emmett's house, I took in a deep breath. The thought of being there without Edward was hurtful. I was almost afraid to walk inside. Rose noticed my hesitation at the door and pulled on my arm gently.

When I entered the foyer area, I had visions of Edward and I sharing our first real embrace. He'd told me how he felt about me then.

I hurried into the living room, desperate to rid my mind of those images. But changing rooms did nothing. Memories of Edward and I staying up all night talking, falling asleep on the couch, or holding each other close as we watched a movie, danced through my head. A heavy feeling settled onto my chest. Faintly I heard the sound of Rose and Emmett climbing the stairs. That made me wonder where I was going to sleep. The thought of sleeping on the couch didn't help my melancholy state. I refused to even think about Edward's room. I'm not sure how long I actually stood there, rooted to the spot in the living room. I must've been in a trance, only snapping out of it when someone entered the room. I turned to find Emmett standing clad in his flannel pajama pants and a cutoff t-shirt. His face held a questioning expression and I could only shrug.

"I told him he was doing things wrong…but he wouldn't listen." He said.

"My mouth opened and closed a few times before I could speak.

"What do you mean?"

"When he told me that he was leaving, I told him it was not the right way to go about the situation. He thought that he was ruining you because of the pictures."

"Ruining me?" I asked out of confusion.

"He said that he was no better than the guys in your past. The ones that used you."

"But that's ridiculous!"

"Edward also blamed himself for his dad's health. He blames himself for not being there, and…"

I cut him off, "And it's insane! He's so masochistic. I'll never understand how he could think that way." I said, shaking my head.

Emmett's body seemed to sag, as if there were a heavy weight on his shoulders. He looked just as defeated as I felt.

"Bella, when Edward first came here, it was rare to see him smile or even talk. Jasper or myself would invite him to hang out with us. He would always say no and then hide in his room. We tried introducing him to chicks, but he would pretty much back away and run. It wasn't until the night of my party, did he actually crack a genuine smile. And it was because of you. It just kills me; I didn't try hard enough to make him feel at home. I mean you came in, and after just a couple of hours, I could tell that his mindset was changing. But I see now that I did it all wrong. I tried to show him the wrong side of this world. All I did was make him feel uncomfortable here constantly. It makes me wonder if I helped push his decision the other way. I mean what if the things I did to make him uncomfortable, was what swayed his decision? It just kills me."

I gave Emmett the most reassuring smile that I could muster, and grabbed his hand.

"Em…you are not what made him decide to leave ultimately. Edward thinks you're great. Sure taking him to a strip club and Hooters was probably a tad…much. But he left because of me, and there's nothing we can do about it." I squeezed his hand and then let go.

"He loves you."

"But none of that even matters anymore. He's gone Emmett."

"Dammit don't you see it? Not until you came around did he live, or laugh even. Don't be a fool Bella; he is madly in love with you." He said, sounding the most passionate that I'd ever heard from him.

I began running my hands through my hair, but stopping when I realized where I'd gotten the habit.

"Things were just too much for him. I'm not part of his world." I sniffled. "And apparently he doesn't want to be apart of mine."

Emmett grimaced at my words. "You're just going to give up then?" He asked.

"Haven't you ever heard the saying 'If you love someone then let them go?" I asked bitterly, knowing that there was no way that I'd ever be able to truly let go of Edward.

"It's a stupid saying." He sighed, putting a large hand on my shoulder. "Look, you don't have to figure all of this out tonight. Why don't you try and get some sleep."

"Where should I sleep?"

"You could sleep in Edwa-" He stopped after a glimpse at the look on my face.

"Okay or the couch is fine. Oh or there's Jasper's old room down the hall. His old bed is still there." He offered.

I nodded, "I'll take Jasper's room." _There are no memories there._

"Alright. G'night Bellaroo." He kissed my forehead and started to walk away.

"Night Em." I whispered as I began to make my way towards the bedroom that I'd be occupying.

I opened the door and took in the surroundings. The walls were a seafoam green, and the bed was tall with a black frame. In the corner there was a rubber palm tree plant. The whole room felt very calming. I desperately hoped that I'd be able to get some sleep.

_Two hours later._

I tossed and turned, wondering if sleep would ever come. My eyes stared at the ceiling above, making pictures out of the plaster. It was only a matter of time before thoughts of Edward crept back into my head. I thought about Emmett's words. Could I believe that Edward really loved me? He left so easily and in the most hurtful way. I needed proof. Before I could fight for Edward, I needed to know that he did truly love me. The next thing I knew, I was getting out of bed. It was like an invisible rope was pulling my body up the stairs. When I reached the top, I took a deep breath. It felt like I was preparing to dive into a deep ocean, not knowing when I would surface. Slowly I pushed open the door and peeked inside. Surprisingly, everything looked normal. I stepped into the room and looked around me.

His bedspread was slightly rumpled like he'd been lying there, staring at the ceiling.

My mouth turned up at the corner as I pictured Edward. He was always thinking hard about something. I then noticed that the closet door was slightly ajar. Pulling the door open a bit more, I saw that all of his clothes were still there. Of course he wouldn't need them where he was going. I wondered if he'd even taken his cell phone with him. I walked over to his desk and opened the drawer. His cell phone sat inside on the lower left hand corner. I frowned. It was almost like a confirmation that he wouldn't return.

As I tried to close the drawer, it stuck and wouldn't close. I pulled it out a little further, thinking maybe that it was just off of its track. I saw a little brown journal, and grabbed it before closing the drawer. I ran my hand over the rough leather. I bit my lip, wondering if it would be wrong to open it up. A journal was something private and personal. But one look couldn't hurt right? I opened up the small book and flipped past the first blank page. The next page read:

PROPERTY OF  
_Edward Anthony Cullen_

The paper was definitely Amish made. It was made by hand, and somehow very pretty. I turned the page and read the first entry.

_Oppression- exercise of burdensome, cruel, or unjust authority, power, control, or restraint._

_ I want to see the world. There's more out there than I can even fathom. What if I'm not destined to be here? What if I'm not destined to marry Jessica? What if there's something else out there, some else? But would I give up this life? Could I go somewhere completely new and succeed? I am full of questions, but inside I feel myself saying that I'm capable of doing any of the above. It comes down to this, what do I want? _

What I read made me sad. He'd felt oppressed? Though he'd never talked about the Amish lifestyle as if it were peachy, he'd never said anything truly bad about it either. It showed me that there were still some things that Edward hadn't shared with me. The entry in the journal had raised questions, but it was comforting to hear some of Edward's thoughts. I found myself lying back on the bed. A yawn escaped my lips as I closed my eyes, picturing Edward's arms around me. Then finally, sleep overcame me.

**~ oOoOoOoOo ~**

The next morning I was awoken by someone shaking my arm.

"Bella, it's time to get up. Your phone alarm is going off." Rose whispered.

I sat up, startled, feeling around for my phone which was vibrating. "Oh, um yeah I have a class at ten." I rasped out.

Rose looked at me with one eyebrow raised. "What's that look for?" I asked. "How'd you end up in here? Em said you took Jazz's old room." She said.

I nodded, "Yeah I did. I uh, couldn't sleep. Somehow I just ended up in here."

"It's understandable Bella. You don't have to explain." Rose said.

An hour later, Emmett was driving me to my class. It was one of the last places that I wanted to be, but there were only a couple weeks left of classes. Skipping was not a good idea at this point.

"I'll be sitting here waiting for you when you're done." I rolled my eyes at him. "You know you really don't have to stick around. I'll be fine I promise." He shook his head. "Nope. Not gonna happen. I'm staying."

"Suit yourself. I hope you get bored." I turned around and walked off, waving at him over my shoulder. "Bye Em."

Class was awful. I could barely keep my focus on the professor. My mind kept drifting to the leather journal that I'd found the night before. I pulled it out of my bag and flipped through it silently. I looked around the room, making sure that nobody was watching me. I came to another entry, and the way it was dated told me that it was right before Edward and I got together.

_I never realized that a person could feel this way, and not explode. When I'm around her, there's contentment inside of me that I never felt before. Just seeing the wind blow through her hair stirs something within me. I want to tell her all of these things, I want to tell her everything. But what if she feels the same way? That would make everything ten times more complicated. What if I decide to leave? I can't do that to her. I love her._

I hadn't even realized that I was crying until the paper in the journal became splotched with wet spots. He loved me. He put it in this journal, without the intention of anyone reading it. So it had to be real, right? The things he said spoke of love, not infatuation or just lust. I closed the journal, grabbed my things, and ran out of the class. I didn't care that I probably looked insane, running out of class, with tears streaming down my face. I exited the building, and carefully went down the concrete steps that led to the sidewalk.

"Bella?" A familiar voice called out. I turned my head and saw that Jacob was walking towards me. He had a huge grin on his face. "It's been so long. How the hell are you?" Jacob asked. Then he saw that I was crying, and hurried toward me. He put his arm around me, and pulled me to his chest.

"Are you okay Bella?" I sniffled, and shook my head. "Not really."

"What's wrong?" He asked. "It's just…Edward's gone. He went home, and I'm not really sure what to do about it." I sighed.

He didn't look shocked by my words, or even sympathetic. "Forget him Bella, he's an idiot. Who would leave someone like you? You're amazing." He beamed, as if very proud of himself.

"Edward is not an idiot. He had a choice to make, and he made it." I shrugged. "How about you come hang out with me. I'll cheer you up. I know the best medicine." He elbowed me gently.

"Er really? What would that be?" I asked, not really curious to know. He took my free hand in his and squeezed. "Bella, you've got to admit that we've had some good times together." Jacob said, and then lowered his voice. "We fit pretty well together too." His voice was husky, but it did nothing to me. He trailed our joined hands down my stomach, and only stopped just before hitting the zipper on my jeans. It made me want to throw up.

"Jake, I'm sorry but that's just not gonna happen." I shook my head fiercely. He pulled away, looking like he'd been slapped.

"What?" Jacob was extremely pissed.

"I just don't feel that way about you, you know? I've always just gotten the friend vibe from you." I explained. "You mean that I did _all_ of that for nothing? That's bullshit!" He yelled.

I was confused. "What do you mean 'all of that'?" I asked.

"For months I did nothing but do _everything_ I could to insure that we'd end up together. And now you're gonna tell me that you don't feel the same way? Hell no!"

"What is it that you did Jacob? I asked, now angry, but not sure at what. And then it hit me.

"You! You took the pictures!" I yelled. One thing after the next began making sense. "You were following me. Everytime I got a feeling that I was being followed, you showed up shortly after!"

He laughed darkly, "Yeah well all of those times that we were out together, your little boyfriend was with Tanya Denali, screwing around. I'm not the bad guy here!"

I curled my fists and started swinging, hitting him where I could. "Y- YOU ASSHOLE! YOU RUINED _EVERYTHING_!" I was crying again of course.

"Don't touch me bitch!" I felt two big arms wrap around me, trying to pull me off of Jacob.

"Whoa whoa whoa Bella. What's going on?" Thank God, it was Emmett. I turned around and hugged him. "Is there a problem here Jake?" Emmett asked. His face held a menacing look that I'd never seen before.

"He took the pictures!" I yelled.

Emmett's face darkened, and in that moment I felt almost scared for Jacob.

"Is that true?"

Jacob shook his head and smiled widely. "Man that bitch is crazy. I can see why the Amish freak left her. She's a good lay, but a crazy bitch." He shrugged.

Emmett looked down at me and pulled me from his body. "Bella, go and wait for me in the Jeep. Okay?" I didn't dare argue with him. I'd never seen Emmett that angry before. I only nodded, and then turned to retreat. Behind me, I heard the makings of a fight. I looked over my shoulder once, and knew that Jacob would be very sorry once the fight was over. I reached the Jeep, and climbed inside. My body was slightly shaking, and my fists hurt a little from hitting Jacob repeatedly. I wasn't sure what to do, so I grabbed my cell and dialed up Rose.

"Yellow?" Rose answered cheerfully.

"Rose, it was Jacob. He took the pictures." I said quickly. "What? Where are you? Where's Emmett?" She asked.

"Emmett is kicking Jake's ass. I'm in the Jeep. He told me to come wait here."

"Oh my God are you okay? What happened?" Rose asked, worry lacing her voice.

"I'm a little shaken, but I'm okay."

"As soon as Emmett gets back, tell him to come straight home. I'm calling Carlisle. And Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't worry, Emmett _will_ make him pay." She assured me before hanging up.

Several minutes later, Emmett came barreling towards the Jeep. He climbed in and turned it on. The tires squealed as he peeled out into the street.

"Rose wants us at home!" I managed to say, though my stomach felt like it was still back at the spot where we were parked.

Emmett nodded. He had a bloody lip, but that was all I could see that was wrong. "You okay?" He nodded again.

"Um, who won?"

"Not Jacob." Emmett smirked. When we made it to the house, Carlisle's car was in the driveway. We walked inside and Rose launched herself at Emmett.

"Are you guys alright? What happened? Tell me what happened!" Carlisle appeared and his face was full of concern. "Are either of you hurt?" He asked.

"I'm fine dad. But you may want to check Bella. She was hitting Jacob pretty hard." His mouth turned up at the corner.

"Bella was hitting Jacob?" Rose asked. She looked shocked.

"I got out of class and he stopped me. He was propositioning me. And um, well I turned him down. He wasn't very happy about it, and started going off about how he did a bunch of stuff to insure that we'd end up together. I figured it out about the pictures. He didn't deny it when I accused him. Instead he said some things about Edward and Tanya. He's the one who was following me too." I told them. My voice was surprisingly steady. I felt so shaken from the previous events.

Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder. "Bella, are you going to go to the authorities about this?"

I thought about it, and couldn't decide what I wanted.

"Honestly, I'm not really sure right now. Jacob deserves to be punished but…I don't have the energy to go after him. I think Emmett took care of it for now."

"Maybe we can figure out a way to go after him without involving the police." He said. "In the meantime, Emmett it looks like you need a stitch or two on your lip."

"Ah c'mon Pops! A butterfly Band-Aid will work just fine." Carlisle gestured for Emmett to follow him. "Bella, let me know if your hands are bothering you." He said before leaving the room.

At that moment, Alice burst through the front door. "BELLA!" She threw her tiny body into me, causing us to both fall to the floor. For being such a small person, she really hurt.

"Ouch. Uh hi Alice." I said as I rubbed the back of my head. Jasper walked over to us and smiled. "Sorry, Alice forgot her Ritalin this morning." He pulled both of us up off of the floor.

"Sorry Bella, I'm just so glad to see you. I was so worried about you! Rose called me and I immediately hung up and came over. Are you okay? Did he touch you? Did he hurt you? Do I need to kill someone?" She asked, taking no breaths in between each question.

"Yes I'm okay. Yes he touched me. He didn't hurt me, I hurt him..er Emmett did. And no, you don't need to kill anyone, yet." I answered.

"He touched you? Why I oughta.." She began.

"Breathe Alice!" Jasper and I both said at the same time.

She blew out a breath and nodded. "I'm good, I'm good."

"I'm fine, really Alice. Emmett took care of the ass kicking for now."

"Can I talk to you Bella? I have some things I need to tell you."

"Sure? Where do you want to talk?" I asked.

"The living room is fine." Alice said.

We walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. Our bodies were angled in such a way that our knees were touching. Alice was eerily calm, especially considering that she'd just been a hyper mess.

"He told me to watch out for you. He said to make sure that you're happy. So that's what I'm going to do."

"Alice…" I began.

"No just please listen. You're both stubborn, and you're both so damned insecure about each other. I'm not going to sit around and watch you wither away with sadness. See, he has this idea that you'd eventually move on without him. But you won't. He's it for you, and you're it for him. All of this is just ridiculous. So that's why I did what I did." She reached for her designer bag, sitting at her feet.

"What did you do?" I asked, realizing that it was the second time today that I'd had to ask someone that question.

She pulled out an envelope from the bag and handed it to me. I lifted the flap carefully, and pulled out three pieces of paper. They were tickets.

"Plane tickets?"

"One of those is for your flight to Missouri and the other two are the return tickets for you _and_ Edward."

I leaned over and hugged Alice. I tried to put a lot of meaning behind it. She was telling me to fight for Edward. I wanted to, I really did.

"Thank you. Really, I don't think I could have afforded these on my own. I'm not sure if I would have ever even taken the step to buy any."

"Bella, you're family." She shook her head, like there was nothing else to be said.

I sat there for a minute, just thinking about the day in awe. So many things had happened.

"Bella? Are you just going to sit there, or are you going to go get your man?" Alice asked. Her perfectly arched eyebrows were scrunched together.

"Alice, as much as I'd love to go all romantic comedy on you, I can't. I have two weeks left of school. I also have work, which I can't just drop that either. I'll go in two weeks."

Her face fell. "But but...but a lot can change in two weeks." She pouted.

"I'm sorry, but I have to take care of myself too. I've worked too hard in school just to mess it all up now. And I need my job."

"Okay okay. I know I'm sorry. It would have just been so freakin' cute if you would have gone right now." She sighed.

I patted her leg and thanked her for the tickets, before heading towards Jasper's old room. I planned on promptly moving it up to Edward's room. Though it would be exasperatingly slow, I would wait two weeks before going to find Edward. I just hoped that it wouldn't be too late. I prayed that it wouldn't be too late…

**A/N; So she's going to go after him...in two weeks. lol. Well guess what, as long FFn isn't being a fail again, the next chapter should be up within TWO DAYS. It's EPOV. Hope y'all enjoyed. Remember to Review and Recommend. Thanks so much guys!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey everyone! This was supposed to be out last night, but it was my birthday so I got a little busy lol. Anyway, This is Edward's POV. I know a lot of you are angry with him, and I can see why. But really, put yourself in his position. He's a good guy and he loves Bella. Okay, now in this chapter you'll be introduced to his mother and father. They both have accents, so don't be thrown off by that. Edward and some of the other youth do not have accents. I've noticed in my research, that many of the Amish youth do not share the accents anymore. Interesting! Oh and one more thing before I let you read, I once again urge you all to check out The Outsiders: Amish Teens on YouTube. It's put into different parts, so you just click through as each video is finished. It's so cool to watch, and see the culture firsthand. The part I watched the other night...the boy ran away and he just reminded me so much of Edward in how he felt about leaving. He missed his family dearly, but he just COULD not stand to be in the Amish life anymore. Okay, that's it. Please enjoy!**

**PS: I put a link on my profile, to the banner for this story. Also I have Twitter, my screename is LauraHilary. There is a link on my profile as well.**

Unbeta'd

**EPOV**

As I sat on the plane, waiting for it to take off, I mentally berated myself. I'd been a huge jackass to Bella. I wasn't even angry with her. I was angry at me. The pictures, the letter, it was all too much and I just exploded. For a week I'd hid from her. I was afraid that I'd say something regretful or do something regretful. I'd done both.

So there I was running away. Or was I going back? I'd been running away in the first place, so now what was I doing? I cradled my head in my hands as a million thoughts ran through my head.

"Ungh." I groaned.

As I thought of Bella's face, the temptation to get off the plane coursed through me. She'd looked devastated when I said that I was leaving. And then I told her that I wasn't sure if I would come back or not. The thought of never seeing her again killed me. I wanted to go back to her, I truly did. But I wasn't sure what was waiting for me at home. If my father was in bad shape, I'd have to stick around for awhile. I couldn't just abandon my mother in this time. I should have told Bella I'd come back. She would have understood what I needed to do. But instead, I behaved like an immature child. She'd probably never take me back.

That thought had me twisted up inside. The urge to run back to her hit me again. But that time, the pilot came over the intercom and announced that it was time for takeoff. It was like my saving grace, and personal hell all in one.

My flight landed in Kansas City International Airport late in the afternoon. I flagged down a cab and prepared myself for the hour and a half long drive. We'd just hit the outskirts of Stanberry when I saw a familiar black horse and buggy trotting down the side of the road.

Most of the buggies looked the same, but this one had a smiley face sticker on the back. That buggy could only belong to one person. A grin stretched over my face and I yelled stop to the cabby. She threw on the brakes, looking panicked at my sudden outburst. "What the hell!" She followed my gaze to the buggy and shook her head.

"Hun, they don't like to be messed with. You'd best not bother. They especially don't take too kindly to people who ask for pictures." She explained.

I smiled and threw an obscene amount of money into the front seat of the van. It would more than cover the fare while leaving her a generous tip. I pulled my bag out with me and ran towards the trotting buggy.

"Hey!" I yelled. "Hey can I hitch a ride?"

A guy with shaggy, sandy brown hair and blue eyes poked his head out of the little carriage. His eyebrows were knitted at first, but when he saw me, they smoothed out. He grinned and promptly pulled at the reigns.

"Well if it ain't Edward Cullen himself!"

I chuckled. "Riley Biers."

He jumped out and we did a man hug sort of thing.

"What are you doin' back here? Everyone's been talkin' like you ain't gonna return!"

"All of that's still up in the air. I'm not real sure, to be honest." I sighed.

He clapped me on the back and gestured toward the buggy.

"Well c'mon then. Let's get you home!" We climbed into the small carriage and Riley tapped the horse with the reins "Giddyup now." He said.

The horse took off at a slow trot and the buggy began to move. It was strange being back in one of them. The pace was incredibly slow and a little frustrating. But it was sort of nice to be back in that element. I'd missed the simplicity of it.

Riley looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "Heard you met a girl." He smirked.

I thought of Bella and my stomach clenched. Swallowing back the pain, I rolled my eyes. "You heard that eh? What's the talk on me?" I asked playfully.

Riley laughed and shook his head. "Well, there's lots of talk Ed. You know how it is." He continued, "But the main thing is that you met a girl and you weren't comin' back." Not wanting to think about Bella, I changed topics.

"How's Jessica?"

Riley looked at me with his eyebrows knitted. "Hm?"

"I asked you how Jessica is." I stated.

"She's uh, she's fine." He said in a quiet voice. Something was off with his reply but at the moment I didn't care.

We trotted along for another fifteen minutes, until finally we reached the familiar dirt road, leading the way to our homes. I looked around, taking in the rolling hills. Everything was green and bright. The sky was bright blue, with thin white clouds streaked through it. I'd missed Missouri and its simple beauty.

"Whoa." Riley said. The horse came to a stop in front of my home.

I stared at the white, two-story home that my father had built by hand. I was hesitant to move. It felt like the moment I stepped out of that buggy, and went into that house, that everything would change. Riley squeezed my shoulder and smiled encouragingly.

"You're gonna be fine." He said. I nodded and reached for my small bag. I climbed out of the buggy and turned around to thank Riley for the ride.

"Thanks for the ride dude." I said. Riley raised an eyebrow at me and smirked. "Dude?"

"Yeah." I chuckled. _Jasper and Emmett had rubbed off on me more than I had realized. _I thought.

I headed towards the place that had been my home for most of my life. It was strange to be back, and it was even stranger than it was strange to be back. When I got to the door, I didn't know whether to knock, or just go inside like I'd never left. I stood there, wondering what to do. I wasn't sure if I was welcome any longer. I raised a fist to knock, when the door swung open, revealing my mother.

"Edvward." She breathed. Her accent was more apparent to me since I'd been gone so long. She pulled me into a hug, squeezing tightly, as if she was afraid I'd disappear.

"I didn't think you vwere ever coming back my son." "It's good to see you mother." I said. 

Her green eyes sparkled with tears as she studied my face. "You have changed." My mother said sadly. "Come inside."

We went inside, and I took in everything around me. It hadn't changed in the year I'd been gone. I should not have been surprised, but I was. My mother put on her apron and paused to look at me before heading into the kitchen.

"I'll make some coffee. You must be tired after such a long journey." Her eyes shifted to the ceiling and then she looked back at me.

"Your father is resting. I have been serving his meals in bed in hopes that he'll heal faster." The worry was evident in her voice. She looked older, and more weathered than I remembered.

"How bad is it?" I asked. "Edvward, I…I have felt so helpless. It hasn't been easy around here. He cannot get around. Physical labor is impossible, and nothing is getting done. I vworry about our finances."

The guilt began to take over me. If I hadn't of left, they wouldn't be worrying about any of that. Though it would have been hard, I would have been able to do most of the work needed to pay the bills.

"I'm here now. I'll take care of it." I said. My mother looked at me like I was God in that moment.

She walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. "My son."

**oOoOOoOoOo**

Two weeks went by and I worked every bit of it, except for the few hours that I slept and ate. I also thought about Bella constantly. She haunted my dreams, causing me to wake up with a stomachache that had nothing to do with illness. I thought about writing to her, but I didn't know if it would do any good.

I'd seen Jessica around since my return, but she always seemed to avoid me. I didn't know what it was about, but I really wasn't concerned. Then there was Riley. When he wasn't busy with his family's own farm, he'd do his best to help me out.

My father was semi-pleased with how the work was being done. It wasn't to his standards, but as long as it was being done right, he was satisfied. Things were tense with my father. Our first meeting when I returned wasn't great.

_Mother fixed father a plate of food, and set it on a wooden lap tray. She poured a glass of fresh milk and set it beside the plate. "Edvward?" She asked. I stood up from the table. "Yes mother?" She picked up the tray. "I'm taking supper to your father. Vwould you like to go vwith me?" I picked up my cup of coffee and drank the rest. "Sure." I nodded. I took the tray from her and gestured with my head, that she go up first._

_We walked into my parents' bedroom where my father was sitting in bed. He stared out the window with a hardened expression on his face. He looked over at us, his glance settling on me, and then looked away, turning back to the window. My mother took the tray from me and set it on the bed beside him. "I'm shocked that you had the courage to return after those pictures." He said, still not looking my way. I let out my breath slowly. I'd been prepared for him to bring up the pictures. "I'm sorry you had to see those, father." I said. He turned back to look at me, anger flitting across his face. "But vwhat do you expect vwhen you gallivant around vwith sinners and a whore?" His words felt like a slap across the face. "Don't you ever call Bella that. You know nothing about her. Nothing!" Father straightened up and glared at me. "You listen to me. I am your father and you vwill respect me!" I bristled at that, "Then show me some respect too!" He pointed his finger at me, "Only vwhen you earn it!" My mother ran over to father and tried to get him to lay back "Please Edvward, calm down." She then looked at me with a pitied expression. I took that as a dismissal and left the room._

Since then, we hadn't discussed the pictures. I knew that they were both avoiding it, just glad that I was back. I was sure that they thought I was back for good. I'd never said otherwise. All I wanted to do was help them at that moment. If that was the last thing I could give them, then I would.

Over the past two weeks, I had thought about the pictures, and the situation that I had put Bella in. I still blamed myself entirely, but I realized that I'd made decisions about our relationship without Bella's input. I'd categorized myself as one of the many guys that had hurt her. Though it was unintentional, it made me angry at myself. I'd wanted to avoid that from happening from the beginning. If I had just been a little more honest with my feelings and thoughts, things may have gone very differently.

I was starting to see how my upbringing affected me. Feelings were not usually shared, and most of the time, you had to be secretive about things. The Amish youth have to be especially discreet with the things they try. While some communities may be lenient, mine was not. There was no room for experimentation or taking a personal journey. It was absolutely suffocating.

While I was gone, I missed my mother. I even missed my father. But in my time away, I found myself to be truly happy. When I allowed myself to be happy, then I was. Bella was a big part of that, and I owed her for that. She showed me exactly the kind of man that I wanted to be. I wanted to take care of her in every way possible.

Lost in my thoughts and revelations, I continued at my work of planting the fields. It was hot and I was tired, but in this world it doesn't stop you. The wind blew around me, and I stopped to enjoy the breeze against my face. My shirt was soaked in sweat, but as much as I wanted to take it off, I didn't. Instead I unbuttoned the front of my shirt, but left it tucked in. Behind me I heard my name faintly being called. I turned around and saw Jessica approaching me. She wore a white bonnet, and a dull blue dress. Her face held a shy smile, and she waved at me as she approached.

"Edward." She nodded. "Jessica." I replied. She sighed and dropped her gaze. "It's nice to see you."

I stared at her until she looked up and our eyes met. "Edward, I am very sorry about the letter. I…after it was written, I felt so guilty. I was asked to do it, even urged. But Edward, it was so wrong. It was manipulative. Our parents were so set on us marrying and I agreed. I thought that it would only be right if you came home and that we married."

I held my hand up, "Look Jessica I understand that, but…"

"No please let me finish." She cut in. "I thought it would only be right if you came home and that we married. But we never had _anything_ between us. The feelings were never there. While you were gone I started thinking about how if we married, that was it. There would be no turning back. I want to be loved Edward, and I want to love someone in return. That's why, while you were gone, Riley and I…we became close. We didn't mean for it to happen, but you know our past. It just happened. I feel things with him, that I didn't know were possible. He tells me he feels the same. I just want to know that it's alright with you. I want to know that you aren't angry with Riley." Jessica finished. She once again dropped her gaze to the ground.

No wonder Riley had looked freaked out when I brought up Jessica before. No wonder she'd been avoiding me since my return. I was relieved.

"Jessica, you have my blessing." I said. I gave her an encouraging smile.

"Edward, I'm so…I'm glad to hear it." Jessica's face lit up. She was pretty' and ultimately kind and honest, and in that moment I realized that our life would have been okay together. But it would have lacked many things. My life would have lacked one huge thing. Passion.

"Thank you." She said and then kissed my cheek. "Whatever you choose, be happy Edward." She grabbed my hand and squeezed. With a gentle smile, she walked away. _  
_  
I watched her walk away, feeling a bit freer in that moment. Life _could_ go on without my existence here. I felt my face curve into a smile. Another breeze blew past me, and the hairs on the back of my neck pricked. I took in a deep breath, and the faint scent of strawberries and freesia filled my nostrils. The scent was both familiar and shocking. I turned around, having the feeling of being watched. What I saw stunned me.

Unless I was hallucinating, Bella stood about two hundred feet from me. Her hair blew around her face, covering it at first. When the breeze let up, and her face came into view, I saw heartache and pain. Her face was contorted into a mask of sadness. I began to walk towards her, and as I did this she began to take steps to back away. Seriously wondering if I was dreaming, I called to her.

"Bella!"

**Authors Note: Okay guys, EPOV! There aren't many of them, but I really enjoy writing them. Next up is Bella again. I'm not sure when I'll post, but I have a laptop now so it'll be sooner than later! Remember to review and recommend! Thanks for reading :)**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Hey everyone! Here it is! I'd like you all to meet my beta wheather79! She's amazing-and is currently going through chapter by chapter and correcting everything. So if you'd like to read the story in a beta'd version-here is your chance. I just posted a new version of chapter five, and will be continually posting the edited versions as she fixes them. Thanks for sticking with me guys and I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Chapter 19**

**Seattle, WA**

**BPOV:**

The past two weeks had gone by painfully slowly. It wasn't that I hadn't kept busy, but Edward had occupied every thought in every moment. I was set to leave in two days and panic was wreaking havoc on my brain. I was barely functioning and coffee was the only thing keeping me going. I'm sure that it didn't help my anxiety.

Alice had gone with me to my place to help pack for the trip. I told her nothing was to be too revealing. I was going to an Amish settlement and my clothes would be outlandish enough as it was. I didn't see what all she had packed, but I trusted her to do as I had asked.

Carlisle still had me staying at Emmett's house. He wanted to be sure that Jacob wouldn't try anything. As much as I hated being under everyone's watchful eye, it gave me a small bit of comfort. Jacob was very big and I was very small in comparison. I still hadn't forgotten the way he pinned me against the wall at the infamous party where Edward had gotten drunk. I'd chalked up his behavior to drinking before, but now I knew that he was just a psycho. Of course, Rose was pissed that I didn't go to the police. Carlisle had told me that he would take care of it, and I trusted him to do so. I was confident that whatever he was doing, Jacob would pay.

On top of everything else, I constantly rehearsed what I would say to Edward. I wasn't sure what I was walking into in the first place. Would he be angry about my showing up? I'd only seen an angry Edward once… well twice, if you include the time he kicked the shit out of James. The other time, however, was still fresh in my head. I never wanted to be on the receiving end of Edward's anger ever again. What if he'd already moved on? I pictured Edward standing in front of an altar with Jessica, whose face was blurry. What if he'd decided that I wasn't worth the trouble? Jessica was the easier choice. Then again, when did Edward ever choose something just because it was easy? But maybe he was tired of everything being hard. Ugh, I just didn't know.

"Hey Bells," Emmett said as he entered the living room.

"Hey Em, what's up?" I asked, mindlessly flipping through the channels.

"You're leaving the day after tomorrow, right?"

"Yep," I said quietly. "Cool," he replied.

I turned off the T.V. and set the remote down beside me. "Is there something you wanted to say?"

"Yeah, it's just… When you're there, will you please let Edward know that if he comes back, that he has a home? What I mean is, he may give up one home, but he'd be gaining another. He has all of us and we're his family. He's not just a relative, he's like a sibling." Emmett looked down at his folded hands.

I could tell that it was hard for him to say something like that. It wasn't that he didn't mean it, but Emmett was not a touchy-feely guy. I put my hand onto his and squeezed, "I'll make sure that he knows."

Emmett nodded his head and smiled at me before getting up and leaving the room. It was weird to see him so serious. It was like he'd grown up a lot in the past three weeks. It made me happy, but I definitely didn't want the goofy behavior to end. Goofy Emmett was amazing, and I loved him for it. I grinned to myself, and then got up and went to bed. I needed a good night's sleep since I knew that the night before I left would be restless.

**oOoOoOoOo**

The day before I left had me feeling chaotic. My brain tried to come up with different scenarios about my reunion with Edward, and each one was completely different. In one of them, I pictured Edward running towards me, scooping me up and kissing me silly. We would then rush into a nearby barn and make love in a pile of hay. _Jesus Bella, get a grip. _In another scenario, I was being chased by angry Amish folk holding pitchforks and fire torches. It was safe to say that I was both scared and insane at that point.

Carlisle and Esme had invited me over for lunch that day, and I graciously accepted. I knew that Carlisle would want to advise me on things I needed to know about the Amish community. Esme would play mom, of course, and try to make me feel better.

Rose dropped me off around noon and I made my way to the front door. It swung open before I could touch the knob and a woman around my own age moved past me. I turned around to get a better look at her. Her brunette hair fell in waves, and she was dressed rather conservatively for as beautiful as she was. She looked back at me, and her expression was one of paranoia. I tried giving her a small smile, but it only caused her to turn away and walk faster. A green sedan pulled up to the house and she quickly got in. _Weird. _

Carlisle appeared at the door and glanced at the car backing out the driveway before looking at me. "Afternoon, Bella."

"Hey Carlisle. Um, who was that?" I asked curiously.

"She's helping me. I'll explain later, but first I believe Esme has lunch ready."

I nodded and followed him into the foyer, and then through the living room and dining room. It was completely empty.

"Ah, we must be eating in the kitchen today. After all, it's only the three of us," he muttered. We walked into the kitchen where Esme was stirring something in a huge pot. She wore a floral apron and her hair was pulled back neatly into a bun.

"Bella! I hope you're hungry!" she exclaimed cheerfully.

"I'm always hungry for your cooking, Esme," I said, meaning every word of it.

A small table was set for three by the kitchen window. Carlisle was already seated, looking eagerly at his wife. She gestured for me to take a seat, so I did. I unfolded the napkin by my plate and placed it across my lap.

"I really meant it when I said that I hoped you were hungry. I've made chicken and dumplings, homemade rolls, creamed corn, and green beans."

"Wow… you'll have to roll me home after eating all of that. I can't wait," I laughed. We filled our plates and ate in a content silence. After we'd eaten most of the meal, Carlisle cleared his throat.

"Bella, are you nervous about your trip tomorrow?" he asked before taking another bite of dumplings.

I swallowed a bite of my roll and nodded. "Yeah, but mostly the arrival is what I'm worried about." Just thinking about showing up unannounced and seeing Edward made my stomach knot up.

Carlisle took a sip of his iced tea before replying. "He'll be surprised to see you, yes. I think it will be a pleasant surprise though," he smiled.

"Now, I just wanted to fill you in on a few things. From the things you've heard from Edward and me, the Amish may seem like bad people. This is not the case, I assure you Bella. The rules are strict, and it can be suffocating for someone who has hopes and dreams bigger than that world. It is not a life for everyone, but the Amish are good people. They can be some of the most honest and humble people that you'll meet. My brother Edward is very different from me. He never saw the point of leaving, or even thinking about it. To him, that was the way our lives were, and they shouldn't change. He was very bitter about my leaving, as you know. I think he is the only one you may have any difficulty winning over. Elizabeth will be kind to you, this I know for sure."

Esme sighed. "I'm very envious of you, Bella. I've always wished to meet Elizabeth," she said wistfully.

"Maybe someday you will, dear," Carlisle said. I watched as he placed his hand over hers and squeezed.

"What will I say when I get there? Do I just go and knock on the door? How do I even find my way there? I'm not sure if I can do this." I felt my panic rising.

"Calm down, Bella, you'll be fine. I'll write down directions. I doubt anything has changed much. When you get there, just knock on the door and ask for Edward. Trust me," Carlisle said kindly.

And I did trust him. That thought reminded me of the situation with Jacob. "That reminds me, what happened with Jacob?" I asked.

Carlisle wiped his mouth with a napkin and laid it down in front of him. "I'm still working on it. The girl you saw leaving just now had some information for me. I've been doing background checks on Mr. Black. In high school she filed reports against him, claiming that he was stalking her. He denied all accusations. According to Bailey, the young lady that is helping me, they went out on a few dates. She realized that she didn't have any romantic feelings for him and let him know. After that, he began showing up in places where she was. They were always random places where she wouldn't have expected him to be. Bailey began to date someone else, and the boy encouraged her to turn Black in. It apparently did no good though as all charges were dropped."

My body seemed to go numb. Her situation felt eerily similar to mine. "W-why does Jacob do it?" I asked.

"Well, I'm not exactly sure, Bella. In your case, I think maybe he moved onto you from Bailey. You reminded him of her and he felt like maybe this time he wouldn't lose. But he did, which led to all of the other things he did. Just my opinion, I'm not a psychologist," Carlisle explained.

"So, basically he's a narcissist with a bruised ego?" Carlisle nodded.

"What a douchebag," Esme muttered. Carlisle and I looked at her with wide eyes. "What?" she asked.

The rest of lunch was spent discussing where Esme learned the word 'douchebag.'

**oOoOoOoOo**

The next morning, I woke up feeling hung over despite the fact that I hadn't had anything to drink. My head ached, my throat felt like sandpaper, and my eyes burned. It was five in the morning and my flight was set to take off at seven. Rosalie was coming to take me to the airport, so there was no time for procrastination. I rolled out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom to shower. I was ashamed at my lack of attempt to look nice, but I had a long flight ahead of me. Getting dressed up seemed pointless.

I made my way downstairs, and found Rose sitting at the island, sipping a cup of coffee and clicking around on her phone. She glanced up at me and clucked.

"You're_ really _going to wear a band t-shirt and blue jeans, Bella?" she scoffed.

I folded my arms and tried to stifle a yawn. "Yep," I said nonchalantly. I went over to the counter and grabbed a clean coffee mug. I took the glass carafe and poured the hot liquid into my cup.

"Please tell me you at least brought a change of clothes for after the flight." Rose now had her hand on her hip. She was being serious.

"Who are you? Alice?" I teased. She rolled her eyes and looked back at her phone. "You ready to go, grump?" I asked.

"Yeah, grab some breakfast and then we'll go," she replied, not looking at me.

I went to the pantry and grabbed the box of Pop-Tarts. _Score! Blueberry muffin flavored._

"I'm ready. Let's go," I said as I held up the shiny foil package that was my breakfast.

I threw my suitcase in the backseat and climbed in the passenger seat of Rose's compact car. Rose started the car and we were off to the airport. On the way there, I concentrated on eating my breakfast. Every once in a while I would look out the window, watching the blurring of cars and buildings as we moved quickly past them. I tried not to think about what I was about to do. It made me wonder when my life had become such a soap opera. I, Bella Swan, was about to jump on a plane to go and get my Amish boyfriend, whom I wasn't even sure wanted me anymore. _Drama!_

We arrived at Sea-Tac right on time. Rose pulled up into the drop off lanes, and stopped me just as I began to get out. "Bella, wait."

I turned and looked at her. Her face wore an understanding expression, coupled with her knowing eyes. "You may look calm on the outside, but you're a mess inside."

I could only nod silently to confirm what she'd said.

"You're going to be fine, Bella. No matter what happens, you'll be okay. You need to know that." She nodded once, ending the conversation.

"I'll call you when I land," I said, as I scooted out of the car and I grabbed my bag from the backseat. Before walking away, I stuck my head back in the car. Rose looked at me questioningly. "Thanks, Rose." I knew that she understood that I was talking about more than just the ride to the airport.

I made my way through security and boarded the plane. It felt like we waited forever, but take-off finally came. I had the unfortunate luck to have a little boy sitting directly behind me. He kicked my seat the entire flight, making it impossible to take a nap. The flight was long, and when we finally landed in Kansas City, I was exhausted. After retrieving my bag, I went into the restroom and looked myself over. I looked absolutely terrible. My hair was frizzy, my eyes were bloodshot, and my skin looked horribly pale. I splashed cold water onto my face and dried it with a brown paper towel, hoping to wake myself up. I quickly brushed through my hair and applied some cherry lip balm. I almost squealed with joy when I remembered that I had redness relieving eye drops in my purse. I decided that I looked presentable, and put everything away and headed outside. My phone beeped just as I exited. It was a text from Alice.

_Your rental car should be waiting outside for you. You're welcome ;)—Alice_

I closed my phone and looked around. A few yards away, a short, middle-aged man stood holding a sign that read 'Bella Swan.' I walked towards him and gave him a friendly smile. "Hello, I'm Bella," I introduced myself.

He nodded and pulled a form out of his pack pocket. "Of course, I'll just need to see your driver's license. Then if you could sign this to show that you received the vehicle."

I pulled out my license and handed it to him. He glanced at it briefly, nodded, and handed me the form. I signed quickly and gave it back to him. He handed me the keys and I began to walk towards the small gold car behind him.

"Ah, miss? The vehicle you're renting is right there." He pointed to the next vehicle over. It was a truck, a giant blue truck. _Oh jeez, Alice. _I didn't know then that the truck was only the first of Alice's little surprises.

**oOoOoOoOo**

I climbed into the behemoth of a truck and pulled out my directions. One set was a printout from MapQuest; the other was directions from Carlisle. I set the latter aside and pulled away from the curb. I drove without stopping until I hit a small town named Maryville. I drove down Main Street until I came to a gas station with a sign reading 'Shop N' Hop.' It was a little grungy looking, but I figured it would work for what I needed. I walked inside, heading straight for the row of refrigerators. I quickly grabbed a Pepsi and made my way to the counter to pay. The cashier was an overweight, older lady with gray hair. She was smoking a cigarette and set it down when I handed her my money.

"Maryville seems like a nice town," I smiled. The cashier raised an eyebrow.

"Well, where abouts are you from?" she asked. Her voice was rough from smoking.

"Washington," I answered as she gave me my change.

"Warshington? What brings you here from Warshington?" she asked curiously. I bit my lip to keep from laughing at her pronunciation of Washington.

"A boy," I sighed.

The corners of her mouth lifted and she smiled slightly before picking up her cigarette and inhaling. "Good luck with that, honey."

I muttered a quick "thank you" and headed out the door. I climbed in the truck, took a quick sip of my drink, and grabbed Carlisle's instructions. I had around twenty miles to go before I would be in Stanberry. When I arrived there, I would turn onto a back road, and after a few miles I would find Edward's house. The thought of which had me reeling. I felt sick knowing that I would be basically invading his territory within the hour. If my presence was unwelcome, then I would be driving back to the airport shortly. I took a deep breath and pulled back on the road.

The scenery was completely different from what I was used to in Washington. I was surrounded by rolling hills of crops all around, wind turbines, and the trees were very different from those back home. It was open and beautiful.

I arrived at the turn in no time, and began to hyperventilate a little. The road was a mixture of dirt and gravel, creating a cloud of dust behind the monster truck that I drove. About a mile down the road, I passed a horse drawn buggy. My jaw dropped, and the realization of my surroundings hit me.

I glanced at Carlisle's directions again and saw that I was only half a mile from my destination. My stomach coiled tightly and my throat felt like it was closing up. Less than a moment later, I drove up to a two story, white home. I could tell that Amish lived there because there were no power lines around, and everything was bland and simple looking. _Too simple._

The minutes passed as I tried to compose myself. My whole body seemed to tremble as I sat contemplating what to do. I pulled the rearview mirror down to check my reflection. I looked okay, definitely not perfect, but when was I ever? I took a deep breath and pulled the handle on the door. Slowly, I climbed out of the truck. It was if my feet had heavy blocks attached to them. As I stood in front of the house, I looked around, wondering what I should do first, where I should go. I decided that I should just knock on the door.

I walked up to the porch and stepped in front of the white painted door. After taking a few calming breaths, I knocked on the door. It felt like an eternity, but finally the door swung open, revealing an Amish woman. She was dressed in gray and had a matching bonnet that covered most of her hair. Only a fraction of brown hair peeked out in the front. I looked into her eyes and knew that I had the right house. The stunning green orbs were the exact shape and shade as Edward's. It took my breath away.

"Can I help you?" she asked. Her voice was kind but curious.

Being the fidgety person that I was, I stuffed my hands into my back pockets. "Uh… Um yeah, is Edward here?" I asked softly.

She lifted a weathered hand and pointed to my left. "He is in the field vworking. I expect you'll find him there."

I nodded and whispered "Thank you," before turning and walking away.

Looking around, I didn't see Edward. I walked straight until I came to the bottom of a hill. Everything around me from there on was crops with trees randomly scattered throughout. I turned my head, searching for some sign of anyone around. In the distance, I saw two Amish people - one was male and the other female. I moved closer to them, and saw that the male had shockingly bronze colored hair. _Edward! _My mouth grew into a smile.

As I approached, I saw that Edward seemed to be in a serious conversation with the girl. I watched as the girl began to smile and a look of admiration came over her face. She moved toward him and kissed his cheek before turning and walking away. Edward stared after her with a grin on his face. He looked so goddamned happy. I felt sick. Edward _had_ moved on.

A breeze blew across my face and I could feel the warm tears running down my cheeks. I stared blankly as Edward turned slowly around and met my gaze. The shock on his face was evident. It was then that I began moving backwards. I took one last look at him and began to retreat as quickly as possible.

I heard him call out my name, but kept running. I didn't need to hear his excuses or apologies, or any pity at all. All I wanted was for Edward to be happy. If he'd chosen to stay Amish, I'd respect that. My legs began to tire, and my body seemed to slow itself down. I could hear his footfalls approaching behind me. He was in much better shape and could run so much faster. A few seconds later, I felt his hand gently wrap around my arm. I jerked away, crying out in a slightly whiny voice. "No!"

"Bella, look at me!" Edward pleaded as he turned me around to face him. He pulled me close, so that I was eye level with his chest. He was sweating, and his shirt was unbuttoned in the front, exposing his defined chest and abdomen. I looked up at his face quickly before lowering my eyes. His face and hair also had a slight sheen of sweat on them, making him glisten. I tried not to swoon at how good he looked because it only made it hurt that much worse. I absolutely hated the fact that I was incredibly turned on by how he was dressed. Edward looked so _sexy_ in Amish clothing.

"Are you going to look at me, Bella?" he asked quietly.

"No," I said defiantly. I didn't want to see pity in his eyes.

"Look at me," he said firmly.

All of my self-control vanished as I gave in. My eyes moved to his, and what I saw made me want to cry. Fire and passion blazed in his eyes. I moved my mouth to speak, but no sound escaped.

"Why were you running away?" he asked softly.

Instead of answering his question, I responded with my own. "Was that Jessica?"

He nodded slowly. "Yes, it was." My heart clenched at his words. _Thought so._

"Are you happy, Edward? That's all I want for you is to be happy. No explanations needed, okay? Congratulations on your marriage, or your upcoming marriage" I said dully. I really hoped I didn't sound as pathetic as I felt.

"What?" he asked, looking confused.

"She kissed you. I…" I trailed off.

"No! No, she was thanking me!" he exclaimed.

"What? I..." I shook my head stupidly.

"She wanted to make sure that I was okay with her and Riley. They are together now." My eyes widened.

"O-oh!" I said, but it sounded more like a sigh of relief.

Edward pulled me flush with him, and I looked up to see him smirking. He put his mouth to my ear and whispered, "You're the only one for me Bella." His breath tickled, causing me to shudder.

"Come on," he muttered. He grabbed my hand and led me towards a big white barn. We walked behind it and he pressed me against the wood of the structure.

"No need to give my mother a heart attack," he said quietly. I gulped loudly.

Edward lowered his face to mine and kissed my lips lightly. "There's nobody else, Bella. There will never be anybody else. You're irreplaceable." And then he kissed me hard. The fire and passion that I'd been missing since he'd left roared through my veins. Our lips moved together fluidly, and then our tongues met, and the fire in me burned hotter. Minutes passed by before we finally broke apart. We stared into each other's eyes as though we were making sure that the moment was real, and that it wouldn't all disappear.

"Bella?" Edward asked.

"Hm?" I replied dreamily.

"Do you want to meet my mother?" 

"I sort of already have, but not formally," I said.

"Let's go," he smiled, our hands clasped together while we walked to the house. We needed to talk, of that I was sure, but for the moment, our reunion was like a high.

**oOoOoOoOo**

"Mother, this is Bella. Bella, this is my mother," Edward introduced us proudly.

I smiled shyly at Elizabeth Cullen. Her expression held curiosity and something that looked like fear, yet kindness shone through.

"It is nice to meet you, Bella." She extended her hand toward me. I reached out and took it. Her hand was soft but it had a rough texture to it. I squeezed gently before we both let go.

Edward cleared his throat. "Bella has come a long way, Mother. I hope that we can be hospitable?"

Mrs. Cullen looked between the two of us before answering. "That is fine. Bella you can take Edvward's room. Edvward can sleep up in the loft in the barn."

"Thank you," I said quietly.

"You must be hungry, Bella. Supper vwill be ready vwithin the hour," she said.

Edward smiled brightly at me. "Should we go get your things? You did bring some stuff, right?" he asked.

"Yeah, it's all in the car out front," I said.

"Let's go."

We walked out front, our fingers occasionally grazing each other. I led Edward to where my truck was hidden. It was obscured by a hill, and parked in the ditch. Edward stopped a few feet away, looking stunned.

"This is what you drove here?" Humor lit his features.

"Mm-hmm," I replied.

"This thing is huge. You're so tiny," he teased. My dirty mind began formulating comebacks, but I held my tongue in case we were overheard.

"Yeah, well Alice is the one who arranged it, so blame her," I shrugged.

He smiled again. I climbed up the side of the truck and started pulling my suitcase out. I felt Edward holding me steady to keep me from falling. It felt like his hands were burning holes into my thighs. Again, I tried to shut my dirty mind off. Edward took the suitcase from me and we made our way back towards the house.

"We need to talk, Edward." I said, giving him a sad smile.

"I know. After dinner, we should have some time." He returned the sad smile.

Dinner time was a mixture of Heaven and Hell. Elizabeth Cullen's cooking rivaled Esme's, and that was saying something. Her bread was just as amazing as Edward had said it was.

Then there was the hell part of it all. Edward's father had decided to come down for dinner for the first time in weeks. When I saw him, I was shocked at how much Edward resembled his father. The hair, the chiseled features, they were definitely father and son. Unfortunately, he and Edward were nothing alike in the personality department. Edward Senior was cold and callous. He'd done nothing but glare at me from the time we were introduced until the end of supper when he returned to his room upstairs. There hadn't been much talking at all during dinner. I'd wanted to keep from saying anything offensive or weird. I wondered if they, or at least Edward's mother, felt the same way as I did.

Aside from the glaring, I could see that Edward Senior was really ill. His skin was a sickly pale color, and he had dark purple circles underneath his eyes. His body build looked like it would normally be strong and lean, but currently looked as if he'd lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time. I wondered if he would ever recover.

After dinner, Edward and I took a stroll around the grounds. We found ourselves sitting beside a pond that lay just on the edges of their property.

"So…," I started.

"So…," Edward repeated.

"It hurt when you left, Edward," I stated honestly. "It felt like everything we were before was a complete lie." I looked at his face and studied the tortured expression he wore.

"I am so sorry, Bella. I was a jackass for leaving the way I did. My mind was just so messed up. I was in sort of a rage, and I just blew up. Those aren't excuses though. You deserve so much better than that. I'm ashamed of myself," he admitted.

"I wish you would have come to me, Edward. You've got to let me in. Secrets will do nothing but destroy our trust in each other. I always want you to be honest with your feelings."

"Bella, when I saw those pictures I felt disgusted. I felt I was no better than James in that moment." Edward closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Are you kidding me? It wasn't your fault, Edward - not even a little bit. This could have happened to anyone. Out of all of the guys that I've been with, you've never once used me. I wouldn't be here if that were the case."

"I should have been more careful with you though. I let my lust take over and all else went out the window. If I would have just paid more attention…" he trailed off.

"Shoulda, coulda, woulda," I said. "We can't go back and change anything now."

Edward sighed. I could tell he was thinking about everything that had happened. He felt guilty. It was written all over his face.

"I just wish I could figure out who did this."

I gasped at his words. Once again, I'd gotten so swept up in my emotions for Edward that I'd forgotten about how real and sick the picture situation actually was.

"I know who did it, Edward," I whispered.

His eyebrows formed a 'v' shape as my statement sunk in. "Who?" he breathed out.

"Jacob," I said. I watched Edward's face transformed with anger, then disgust.

"That _dog_ was behind all of this?" he spat. "Is he trying to play some sort of sick game?"

"I've been staying with Emmett and Rose for a while now. Carlisle had Emmett and Jasper taking me everywhere. He was worried that something else would happen," I said.

Edward's eyes were wide and his face contorted in pain. "How did you find out it was him?"

I rubbed my hands over my face before I launched into the details of my run in with Jacob. I could have sworn that I heard Edward growl when I recalled all of the nasty things Jacob had said to me after Emmett had shown up. I then told him about the girl Bailey that Carlisle had been talking to and his theories about the situation. When I was done with the story, Edward looked like he was about to blow his top.

"When I get a hold of that bastard…" he muttered angrily.

I wrapped my arms around Edward's waist and laid my head down on his chest. I could hear his heart beating erratically, and his breathing was accelerated. I squeezed him a little tighter and he seemed to calm down. The tension in his body eased. He let out a breathy sigh and then kissed my head.

"Do you forgive me, Bella?" he asked. I looked up into his face and saw the guilt and sorrow he felt. I knew that he realized the mistake of how he left. To some, it may have seemed as if I was forgiving him too easily, but the truth of the matter was, I couldn't hold on to any anger or resentment. I knew Edward saw the mistakes and ramifications of his leaving.

"I forgive you, Edward," I sighed.

"Thank you, Bella," he whispered. We sat in the quiet for a few moments more, listening to the sounds of the crickets chirping and the cicadas singing.

"We better get back, Bella," Edward said regretfully.

Together, hand in hand, we walked to the front of the house. At the edge of the porch, Edward stopped us. "I'll leave you here, okay?"

I nodded and moved to hug him. It felt as if we were being watched so our affection was kept to a friendly hug and a kiss on my forehead. "Goodnight, Bella," Edward whispered before walking away. I waved at him and then made my journey inside.

Mrs. Cullen stood by the staircase in her bedclothes. She was dressed in a long, Little House on the Prairie-like nightgown. It was plain and very conservative. "Vwould you like me to show you vwhere you'll be sleeping, Bella?"

"That'd be great," I said politely.

I followed her up the stairs and down a small hallway. Edward's room was the last on the left. It was just as he described and I went straight to the window that looked out over the hills of crops and trees. I could only imagine how beautiful the view was during the day.

"I hope this vwill do," Mrs. Cullen said. She looked slightly insecure; as if she was afraid I'd be disappointed.

"This is perfect. Thanks for everything, really," I said sincerely.

She smiled happily and began to retreat. I moved towards my suitcase but before I could reach it Mrs. Cullen popped back in the room.

"I am sorry, I forgot to tell you. Remember to extinguish the candle before you go to sleep, please," she said.

"I'll be sure to do that! Um, Mrs. Cullen? Where's the bathroom?" I asked.

"Please call me Elizabeth," she smiled. "The bathroom is across the hall."

Mrs. C—er… Elizabeth left the room and I made my way to the bathroom. I was so thankful that they had indoor plumbing. I'd imagined an outhouse. My nose scrunched up at the thought. _Yuck. _

After I'd relieved myself, I went over to my suitcase and unzipped it. I started to dig through, searching for my pajamas. Nothing was coming up though so I dug deeper until I pulled out something black. It was a black lace corset and a matching thong. _Alice! _She'd packed lingerie for my pajamas. I threw the corset down and crossed my arms. _What the hell had she been thinking?_ Reluctantly, I began pulling off my clothes and put on the ridiculous ensemble. When I got back to Washington, she was going down.

I hurried over to the bed and climbed underneath the sheets. They were clean and soft and smelled like the outdoors. They needed to invent a dryer sheet with that smell. I cuddled up to the pillow and closed my eyes. The silence was peaceful, that is, until I heard movement outside the window. My eyes widened and I sat up as the pane started to move upwards. I pulled the sheet up to my chin and gasped.

A shadowed figure hopped into the bedroom. A scream began building in my lungs, but before I could unleash it, the person spoke out.

"You awake, Bella?" It was Edward.

"Oh my God, you scared the shit out of me!" I whispered.

The covers fell around me, exposing my lacy corset. Edward's jaw dropped and his eyes darkened. "Bella," he whispered.

"Alice packed for me. This was all that she packed for me to wear for bed." I bit my lip, feeling a little embarrassed.

"You look beautiful," he murmured. "Come here."

I pulled the sheet from the remaining part of my body and stood up. As I walked over to him, I could feel his eyes boring into me. When I reached him, I looked up and was taken aback by the passion and pure love in his eyes. His hand lifted to my face and traced my jaw before coming to my lips. His thumb stroked over my mouth, causing my lower lip to gently quiver.

Edward bent his head towards me until we were nose to nose. "The things you do to me. God Bella, do you even know what you do to me?" He kissed me with so much passion that it pushed me backwards. I felt the back of my legs hit the bed, and I fell onto the mattress. Edward lay down on top of me, carefully to keep his full weight off me. I could feel his prominent bulge, and I almost moaned out loud, but thankfully caught myself. I quickly slid out from underneath him and scooted back to the pillow.

"Edward, we _can't_!" I whispered.

"Why not?" he asked, smirking all the while.

"Because… _because _your parents might hear!" I shook my head at the image of his parents walking in while we went at it.

"We'll be quiet," he smiled.

"You're being unusually forward tonight, Mr. Cullen."

Edward pulled himself up closer to me and kissed me again. "I missed you, Bella." I could see the pained look in his eyes, and I wanted to take it away. I gently took his wrists and placed his hands on my breasts. He kneaded them over the corset top, before trailing his hands down my sides. He reached around my back and pulled at the strings, until it was loose around my chest. I grabbed the fabric and threw it to the floor. Edward brought his hands down to my black lace panties and hooked his fingers into the sides. Within seconds, they were on the floor with the corset.

I kissed him again, feeling the heat building inside of my body. My legs involuntarily began rubbing together. Friction, I needed friction. Edward recognized my need and brought his hand between my legs, his long fingers stroking my sensitive folds. He slipped two fingers inside of me, and began gently pumping in and out. It was the first time that Edward had ever touched me there, and I loved every minute of it.

"Ed-ward," I breathed. "I want you, all of you."

He removed his fingers from me and I rose to my knees in front of him. We kissed fervently as we both worked on taking off his clothes. When his shirt was gone, I ran my hands over his bare chest. His hard labor had paid off, giving him a strong and muscular body. His suspenders hung at his side as I tugged at the waist of his pants, trying to push them down. He deftly unbuttoned the fly and slid them down quickly, along with his undergarments. I gasped as I took in the sight of Edward naked before me. It felt like the first time all over again. I wrapped my hand around his erection, feeling the velvety smoothness that was Edward. Slowly I stroked him, earning a groan from within his chest.

"Let me feel you, Bella," he whispered. I looked into his eyes and nodded. I lay back on the bed as he moved closer to me on his knees. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he placed his hands under my bottom. I shuddered as I felt him press into my entrance.

"Home," Edward murmured.

I looked into his eyes as I whispered softly, "I love you, Edward."

"I love you, Bella." He began slowly thrusting into me. I brought my legs tighter around his waist as we rocked together. Stirrings of pleasure were coursing through my body, and just as I thought I would burst, Edward lowered himself on top of me. I reveled in the feeling of my breasts crushed against his hard chest, our legs tangled together.

I started to move against him again, our hips meeting thrust for thrust. He pressed his lips to mine, and when our tongues met, the warmth in my body spread like wildfire. We hit our orgasms together, and the connection between us made me want to cry. It was like our bodies were trying to reiterate that we belonged together. We fit together like pieces to a puzzle. Our movements slowed, and Edward sweetly kissed me once, twice, three times, before pulling out of me.

We laid there until colors of purple and pink streaked through the morning sky. Edward eventually moved and slid to the edge of the bed. "I have a lot of work to do before breakfast." I pouted as he pulled his clothes on. He smiled and then leaned down to kiss me. "But I would much rather stay with you. Get some sleep, sweetheart. I'll come get you when it's time for breakfast." I nodded.

"I could get up and help you with the chores," I offered.

"Go to sleep, Bella," he said. "I've got to get out of here before I'm seen. I love you." Edward pressed a chaste kiss to my lips and made his way over to the window where he climbed out. I stared out at the sky for a few moments before making my way beneath the covers and falling into a dreamless slumber.

**A/N: Please review and recommend! I love hearing your thoughts guys!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Authors Note: **Hey guys! Well here is the next installment. Here's just a little note before you read, remember that Edward's parents have German-Amish accents. I decided not to emphasize that with the 'v' in front of the 'w' this time. I felt like it was a little bit distracting. So just keep the accent in mind when reading those POV.

I'm a little nervous about this chapter and hope that it will satisfy you all. I welcome all reviews and opinions!

Also, if you'd like to follow my on Twitter, my username is LauraHilary or there is a link on my profile. Thanks and enjoy!

**Beta'd by the wonderful wheather79! I just love her! **

**Chapter 20**

**BPOV:**

It sounded far away, but someone was calling my name. I groaned, feeling almost hung over. For a moment, I wondered if I'd dreamed up everything with Edward. My heart began to race as I tried to remember who I'd slept with last night if everything else hadn't been real.

"Bella," a velvety smooth voice buzzed into my ear. I shot up, my eyes flying open. A gasp escaped my lips.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you okay?" The voice sounded concerned. I looked over and saw Edward perched at the end of the bed; his hand lay over my leg. I sighed in relief as reality hit me. I'd slept with Edward last night, and everything was real. _Thank God._

"I'm okay," I assured Edward as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

"Breakfast is ready," he said. I looked down and saw that I was still completely nude. I pulled the covers up quickly.

"Y-your mom hasn't been in here, has she?" I asked. He grinned and shook his head. "No, but I had to fight my way up here. She thought it was inappropriate for me to be in a bedroom alone with you."

My eyebrows lifted in surprise. "She saw the pictures, right?" He nodded. "Until someone is married, being alone with the opposite sex is always inappropriate to the Amish." He rolled his eyes.

"Well, I guess I should get dressed so that we can eat." I slipped out of the bed and walked over to my suitcase. Behind me, Edward moaned. I turned around to find him ogling me.

"I-I think I should wait out in the hall, Bella. It wouldn't be a good idea to go downstairs in my er… current condition," Edward said, his cheeks a bit flushed.

I smiled and turned back to my bag. I heard him blow out a breath and then slowly retreat from the room. I threw on a pair of jeans and a red, short sleeved t-shirt, did a quick brushing of my hair, and then went over my teeth with the toothbrush I'd packed.

I found Edward leaning against the wall in the hallway. He gave me a chaste kiss before we began our journey downstairs.

In the kitchen, Elizabeth stood at the stove, adjusting a small stainless steel pitcher. The smell of coffee and cooked meat filled my nostrils. On the table lay a plate full of hot biscuits and a tray of sliced ham. Elizabeth turned around and gave me a nervous smile.

"Good morning, Bella." Her voice was quiet and gentle.

"Good morning. It smells wonderful in here," I complimented.

"Thank you. Would you care for some coffee?" she asked.

I answered immediately. "I would _love_ some coffee." Elizabeth pulled a cup from the small cupboard nearby and went to the stove. She took the stainless steel object and poured coffee into the cup. I could see the steam rising from it as she handed it to me. I blew on the coffee a bit before taking a drink. I couldn't suppress the moan that escaped me. It was that good. "Mmm. So good," I groaned.

I looked over at Edward and saw that one of his eyebrows was raised. Elizabeth sat down and folded her hands in front of her. At first, I didn't understand what she was doing. When I saw that her eyes were closed, I realized that she was about to pray. Edward's eyes were closed as well, but his hands weren't folded. A second later, he extended his left hand out towards me. I folded my hand within his and he squeezed tightly. I then closed my eyes.

Elizabeth began praying, "Lord, be with us through our day as we try to live our lives as you would want us to. We thank you for the food you have provided us to nourish our bodies. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen."

Upon opening my eyes, I saw Edward reaching for the plates of food. He filled his plate with what I called Emmett-sized portions of food. I smiled when I thought about the reason that he was so hungry.

"Edward! Please save some for Bella and me," Elizabeth lightly scolded. Edward smirked to himself.

I took a biscuit and some ham and placed them onto my own plate. It was, of course, delicious.

"I'll be out in the field again today, Mother. I'm almost done with the planting," Edward said.

Elizabeth nodded. "Today is when I usually wash clothes, but a storm seems to be approaching. I wouldn't be able to hang them out to dry. I think today I will do some baking instead," she replied.

"Bella loves to bake. Maybe she could give you a hand," Edward suggested. My eyes darted between the two of them. I wasn't sure what to say.

"Are you sure you don't want my help?" I asked him. I'd hoped that I would be able to spend a little time with Edward. I was also curious to see what exactly he had done every day before coming to Washington.

Edward smiled. "Trust me, Bella; you don't want to come with me. You'd be bored to tears," he tried to assure me. I wanted to tell him that any place with him would be more than exciting. Then I realized that maybe that was the problem. _I_ would distract _him_.

We all finished eating, and Edward stood up to leave. He cleared his throat. "Well, I guess I better get started. Looks like the storm will be here soon." His eyes darted down to me. "Walk me out, Bella?"

I nodded and stood up. We walked through the front room and stopped in front of the door. Edward wound his hands around mine and looked down at me lovingly. I couldn't help the pout that pushed its way onto my lips. Separating from Edward, for even just a few hours seemed impossible now. He must have noticed my bottom lip slightly jutting out because he grinned.

"Hey, I'll only be gone a few hours. After the fields are completely planted, the majority of my work will be done. Then I'm all yours." He let go of my left hand and brought it up to my mouth. As his finger traced along my lips, I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face.

"That's better," he said and reached over grabbed his hat from the coat rack. Edward leaned down and kissed me lightly before turning around and walking out the door. He flipped his hat onto his head and looked back at me before going down the porch steps. "I love you," he mouthed sweetly and walked out of my view.

**oOoOoOoOo**

Back in the kitchen, Elizabeth and I began making several loaves of bread. She patiently taught me every step, and by the time they were in the oven baking, I felt confident that I could make a loaf by myself at home. I began to think that maybe that was the whole point. My thinking was confirmed when Elizabeth offered me a slice of the warm bread with freshly churned butter on top.

"This is really good. Edward was right about your bread making skills," I complimented.

"Now you can make it for him, and he will have a little taste of home," she said wistfully.

I wanted to cry. Elizabeth Cullen was letting go of her son because she knew that it would make him happy. I suddenly wished that my mother had loved me enough to want that kind of happiness in my life. That thought made me miss Charlie. I made a mental note to visit him soon after going home.

Edward had been gone for about three hours now and I began to wonder how he was doing. I bit my lip, hesitant to tell Elizabeth that I wanted to go see him.

"Do you think Edward would want a glass of water?" I asked timidly.

Her mouth turned up at the corners, and it was clear she knew what I was up to. "It is very hot out. I'll make a glass of ice water for you to take to him," she said, making no attempt to hide her smile.

A few minutes later, I was walking towards the fields with a large Mason jar filled with ice water. I finally spotted Edward close to the barn. He was coiling a rope, using his arm to loop it around and around. He looked up and gave me a crooked smile when he saw me approaching. I grinned back at him. Above us the sky rumbled, indicating that the storm was upon us.

"Hey," Edward smiled as he finished with the rope.

I replied with a quiet "Hey," and held out the jar of cold water. "I thought you might be thirsty."

Edward took the jar and held it to his lips. He took a long drink before pulling it away and wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. "Thank you," he said, leaning down and kissing my forehead.

"You're welcome, Mr. Cullen," I said flirtatiously. Raindrops began to fall slowly, drip-dropping onto my skin.

Edward looked up to the sky, squinting into the brightness. "It's about to pour. We better head inside," he said. I turned in the direction of the house but Edward started walking in a different direction. The raindrops began falling harder with each passing second. The droplets were chilly and I shivered.

"C'mon!" Edward yelled.

I grabbed his outstretched hand and held on tight. He pulled us toward the barn. Mud splashed all around us as we ran, but we finally made it to the front of the building. It took a minute, but soon enough the door was unlatched and opened. Edward brought us inside, where we took shelter from the rain. Inside the barn, the air was warm and musty, and had an earthy smell to it. My eyes widened as I took in everything. Tools hung on several sides of the walls, bales of hay were stacked in the far right corner, and in the front was what looked like antique farming equipment.

"Where are all the animals?" I asked, sniffing the air. "It doesn't smell that bad in here."

"We have a stall down the way. That's where we keep the horses and the two cows we own. This is mostly for tools and such," he explained.

I nodded, and then noticed the ladder leading up to a sort of balcony. "Is that the loft?" I asked.

"Yep. Wanna see it?" he offered.

"Sure," I agreed.

I walked over to the ladder, with Edward following closely behind me. I took hold of the rung above my head and placed my feet on the ones below me. Slowly, I began making my way up the ladder. It was a little shaky, and it made me nervous.

"Don't worry, Bella. I'm right behind you," Edward assured me.

Soon enough, I had reached the top. I climbed over the ladder and stepped into the loft. There was hay everywhere. It was very small, and there wasn't much to see. Edward stepped up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Not much to see, huh," he guessed.

"It's kind of cool actually. It would be a nice place to read," I said. He nodded. "Or take a nap. I've done that before too."

I moved away from him and went over to a particularly thick stack of hay and plopped down. "Are you planning on sleeping here tonight?"

Edward came over and sat down beside me. He lifted his arms behind his head and leaned back. His eyes landed on me, and he gave me an ornery smile. "I don't know, I guess that all depends on if a certain someone leaves the window open for me or not."

I laughed. I liked how light his sense of humor was. "You're different here, Edward," I stated.

He lifted a piece of straw to his mouth and began to chew on the end of it. "Is that good or bad?"

"It's good," I quickly assured him. "I just mean, you're so easygoing here. Usually you seem to think so hard about everything." The smile slowly faded from his face before he responded.

"I'm in my comfort zone here. I know how I'm supposed to act and what's expected of me. It's all I'd ever known before going to Washington," he said quietly.

I climbed onto his lap and grabbed a hold of his face. "Does that mean you want to stay, Edward?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No, I'm going back. It may seem like this life suits me, but it doesn't. I don't want this life," he said honestly.

I thought about his words for a minute before responding. "You just seem so much happier here, Edward. I've never seen you so carefree. Maybe you were right to come back here. Maybe I just needed to see it for myself. You are so much better than me. It still seems too good to be true that you would even want me." I felt myself getting emotional and I hated it. I'd taken an easy, light moment and filled it with despair.

Edward grabbed my chin and turned my face look at him. "Bella… what did I do to you? I really messed things up when I left, didn't I? Bella Swan, you're _all_ I want. Wherever you go is where I want to be, and trust me, I wasn't always like this here. Even before you arrived I was miserable. The only thing that's making me feel so… free is that I know exactly what I want for once. I'm leaving here Bella, and it makes this a lot easier to endure knowing that it will all end soon."

My voice was no more than a whisper when I responded. "Won't you miss your parents?"

His expression turned contemplative. "I'll miss my mother, yes. But I do plan on visiting again someday, whether my father or the community likes it or not."

He sighed before continuing. "My father, I love him but I just cannot adhere to his domineering ways. No matter what I do, it will never be good enough. I've just got to accept that. I'll be okay without him."

"But you, Bella, I'm not okay without you. And I can promise you now that I'll never walk out on you willingly ever again." He gave me a nod that was filled with finality.

His stare was intense with pain and regret. I wanted him to forget it all, for there was no point in holding onto a memory that didn't matter to me anymore. I believed every word that he'd spoken. Compassion and desire burned through me for the amazing man in front of me. I pressed my lips against his softly, and began running my tongue along the entrance to his mouth. Our tongues met and moved together in sync.

"Put your arms up," Edward said softly. I obeyed him and silently lifted my arms above my head. He carefully peeled my damp shirt from my body, exposing my plain white bra. "Beautiful," he whispered.

He gently flipped me from his lap, onto my back. The hay beneath me felt a bit scratchy, but in that moment I didn't care about anything except the man hovering above me. We kissed softly as he removed my shoes and jeans. Edward pushed his suspenders from his shoulders and they fell to his sides. His fingers swiftly began to unbutton his shirt but I stopped him immediately.

"L-leave it on. Please?" I begged. He nodded, looking a bit confused but he did as I asked. However, his hat was quickly thrown into the corner.

Edward shifted his hand down to the fly of his pants, and pulled out his pulsating erection. I pulled him down on top of me and wrapped my legs around him. His eyes bore into mine as he pushed into me. I bit down on my lip, afraid of the noises that would escape my mouth. My arms wound around his neck, then slid down his back. Each thrust was slow with a thought, a feeling behind each one.

It was the closest I had ever felt to Edward. There was something about this particular time that would stick with me forever. Whether it was the look in his eyes, or the sweet declarations that he whispered into my ear with every climax, I didn't know. If it weren't for the itchy straw, and an interruption, it would have been absolutely perfect.

Down below, I heard the barn door open unexpectedly. It was still raining rather hard from what I could hear. Edward and I both looked at each other. His face held confusion, while mine conveyed my fear. My body went cold and numb as the sound of footsteps came towards the ladder.

"Edward? You up there?" an unfamiliar voice called out.

Edward visibly relaxed and let out a sigh. He pulled me against his body and wrapped his arms around me. "Yeah, I'm up here, _Riley," _he said, the last part more for my benefit. "Do you need something?"

"I came by to see if you needed any help, but I got caught in the storm on the way," Riley said. "Is someone up there with you?"

Edwards chuckled. "Um… yeah."

Riley audibly sighed. "O-okay, well, I'm gonna step outside for a minute." A second later, I heard the barn door shut.

My mouth dropped open and I shook my head. "Oh my God, that was so embarrassing!" I exclaimed.

"It could've been worse," Edward shrugged. "Riley won't tell," he said confidently.

"We really need to be more careful about where we do this. It's already gotten us into trouble once."

Edward grimaced but nodded his head. "Yeah, I know." He kissed me sweetly and whispered that he loved me. He slid out of me and straightened himself up, and then threw on his hat. I went around collecting my clothing, feeling a little gross. I ended up using my underwear to clean up the lower half of my body. After slipping on my jeans and shirt, I began looking for a place to stuff my panties.

"They'll fit in my pocket better," Edward said. I raised an eyebrow at him. "I'll give them back," he huffed and then rolled his eyes.

I tossed him the panties and smiled. "Nah, that's okay. You keep them."

His cheeks flushed, but to my surprise he muttered, "Okay. If you insist…" He promptly stuffed them into his pocket and we began our way down the ladder.

Outside, the rain had finally let up. It was now just a light misting, and the air felt a bit humid. A guy I'd never seen before was standing against the side of the barn, casually smoking a cigarette.

"You smoke, Ri?" Edward asked curiously.

Riley dropped the stub of a cigarette and put it out with his foot. "Meh, occasionally," he shrugged.

As we moved closer to him, I noticed how attractive Riley was. His shaggy, sandy blond hair and blue eyes made him almost resemble a surfer. Riley looked at me and then back at Edward. "So _this_ is Bella, huh?" he asked.

"Yes, this is my Bella," Edward confirmed proudly. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him.

"Well, it's nice to finally meet the girl that could bring out the wild side in Edward Cullen. I thought I'd never see the day," Riley teased.

"It's nice to meet you too, Riley," I smiled. "Although, I think he was pretty rebellious even before me."

Edward rolled his eyes before kissing my forehead. "Are things well with Jessica?" he asked.

Riley's cheeks slightly flushed at the mention of her name. "Uh, yes, really well. In fact, we're getting married."

Edward grinned. "Congratulations! When is the big day?" he asked.

"In two days," Riley replied quietly.

Edward's eyebrows raised high on his forehead. "Two days? That's… that's crazy."

Riley nodded in agreement. "Jessica is… we're going to have a baby." His voice was quiet. I couldn't help but notice the shame in his voice. It reminded me of the Edward I met long ago.

Edward just smiled warmly and held out his hand in front of him. "That's great. I'm happy for you both. You'll be a great father." Riley took Edward's hand and shook it firmly.

"Thanks," Riley said. "You'll be one of my attendants, right?" he asked.

"Of course I will," Edward nodded.

"Great," Riley smiled. "Well, I better get to it. I'll see you later. It was nice meeting you, Bella," he said before leaving.

When he was out of sight, I turned to Edward. "Wow, pregnant! I can't imagine having a baby right now."

Edward nodded. "It happens a lot here. The Amish don't believe in birth control."

"Do you?" I asked, wondering if he knew that I took it religiously. Edward looked at me for a minute before answering.

"I think that people should be able to do whatever they want in that aspect," he said thoughtfully. "Do you believe in birth control?" he asked.

"I take the pill, though, we probably should have discussed this a long time ago," I laughed.

"I'm glad you do, Bella. We'll have kids someday when we're ready, preferably after we're married," he said.

I warmed at his words. Edward wanted kids with me. He wanted to marry me. A bubble of happiness emerged in my stomach and all I could do was grin.

**oOoOoOoOo**

The day of the wedding arrived, bringing sunshine and heat. The ceremony was to be held during the late morning, and afterwards there would be a feast. Elizabeth was providing the homemade ice cream and had worked on it the whole previous day. She'd even let Edward and I have a taste, and smiled while we licked our spoons clean.

Edward looked delicious in his black suit. It was nothing like the suit he'd worn at Alice and Jasper's wedding, but he looked amazing all the same. Luckily, Alice had packed a simple dress for me in my suitcase. I slipped it on and was pleased to see that it wasn't at all revealing. The dress came to my knees and was a deep green color. I paired it with some simple black flats and was satisfied with the whole ensemble when it was said and done.

Initially, I was hesitant to go to the wedding. Not only was I not Amish, but I was a stranger to everyone around. It wasn't really Jessica and Riley that I was worried about. No, they were just happy that they hadn't hurt Edward with their relationship. I was worried about their families, and Edward's neighbors, _and_ the whole community. Edward had convinced me that my presence there wouldn't cause a problem.

The wedding was within walking distance. According to Edward, an Amish neighbor uses his barn for church gatherings, weddings, and many other community events. When we arrived at the big white barn, my stomach tied itself into knots. I immediately became self-conscious and began to smooth out the invisible wrinkles in my dress. Edward's arm around me tightened and I looked up to see him smiling down at me.

The inside of the barn was beautiful and it was obvious that it was well cared for. All around me, men in suits and women in their Sunday best dresses bustled. Everywhere I looked there was smiling faces, the sound of children giggling, and the buzz of excited chatter. It was like any other gathering I'd ever been to, except for the Amish clothing, the horse and buggies, and the… well, you get the picture.

I could hear bits and pieces of the conversations around me. It seemed that people were suspicious of the timing of the nuptials. Most of the weddings in the Amish faith occurred in the fall, after the harvest. Everything was a little backwards, and they all noticed it. I felt a little badly at the thought, but I was a bit glad they were all focused on that scandal, and not on Edward's non-Amish girlfriend. We weren't completely ignored, though. There were many glances and stares of curiosity. Nobody outright glared at me, which is what I had expected. Many people had waved at Edward. Some seemed surprised to see him; others were not the least bit flustered.

People began sitting down on the simple wooden benches. There were about ten rows on each side, and I had tried to convince Edward that I would be sitting at the very back. Instead, I ended up sitting in the third row, on the left side, right beside Edward's mother.

Edward stood beside another man, whom had a short beard. He wore the same suit and hat as Edward, and by the color of his hair I wondered if he was Riley's brother. Riley entered from the right side of the barn with a nervous grin. He shook a few hands before taking his place near the altar where his two attendants stood. A couple of minutes went by before two young women appeared. They wore simple dresses, one of which was a lavender color; the other was a muted yellow. Neither wore any makeup, and their hair was piled underneath simple white bonnets. Jessica then made her entrance. She was dressed in a light blue, with a matching bonnet. Her face held a shy smile. She beamed when her eyes fell upon Riley.

They came together, but did not touch. They both sat down on the front bench, followed by their attendants. I was confused, but not for long. An Amish man, whom I assumed to be the preacher, stood up in front and began a sermon. He went on for quite a while, and I felt my mind begin to wander. My eyes then found the back of Edward, and I stared at his exposed neck. He must have felt my burning gaze because he turned around and caught my eye. He winked at me and I bit back what threatened to be an embarrassing giggle. I was infamous for laughing at the wrong time.

"And now let us sing 'Das Loblied.' You may rise." The preacher took a harmonica from his pocket and began playing a tune. Everyone around me stood, and began to sing. I rose as well, feeling a little out of place. Nobody read the words out of a hymnal, it was all from memory. The song seemed to last for what seemed like ten minutes, but finally it was over, and we were asked to be seated.

"Now, if the bride and groom will come forward with their attendants…" the preacher began.

The ceremony was surprisingly lovely. There had been no flowers or decorations to encase the moment, but I could see just how much Riley and Jessica loved one another. At the end of their vows, there was no kiss shared. I wasn't too keen on that part as I was a firm believer in the saying "seal it with a kiss."

It was then time for the feast, and I was looking forward to it. After the long service, my stomach was growling at even just the thought of food. All around the women cleared out of the barn, and the men began bringing tables inside. They set them up neatly in rows, and slid the benches against them.

Edward came up beside me and wrapped an arm around my waist. "Hello, my love. Are you ready to eat?" he asked. I nodded a little too eagerly and he laughed. "Me too. I have to go fetch the ice cream for my mother. Want to come?"

"Sure, let's go. And uh, let's hurry," I said hungrily as I inhaled a whiff of what smelled like fried chicken.

Outside, Elizabeth was digging through a rather large basket that contained the ice cream scoops, biscuits, and other items that I couldn't see.

"Mother, we'll just run up to the house and grab the ice cream," Edward told her.

"Thank you, Edward, that would be nice," she replied distractedly, still digging through her basket.

Someone across the yard yelled for Edward, and he turned in that direction.

"Hey Edward, could you give us a hand?" It was Riley's other attendant, the guy I'd thought to be his brother. Edward started to tell them that he couldn't, but I stopped him by patting his arm lightly.

"You go help them. I can go get the ice cream. I saw where your mom put it," I said.

"You sure?" he asked.

I nodded to reassure him and then set off towards the Cullen' home. I went up the steps and through the front door, silently wondering how I was going to carry three tubs of ice cream by myself. I envisioned myself arriving back at the wedding feast covered in melted ice cream. _At least Edward would be pleased. _

When I walked inside, I saw that Edward Senior was standing by the fireplace, staring at the distant wall. I began backing up, hoping that I could go back outside without him noticing my presence. My foot stepped on a creaky board, giving away my presence. Almost immediately, he looked over at me with a glare.

My mouth opened and closed as I tried to figure out what to say to him. He scratched his beard before turning back and looking at the wall. I stood there dumbly, wondering what my next move should be. Finally, I began walking again, intending to go to the kitchen. When I was halfway there, the angry voice of Edward Senior rang through the quiet house.

"What kind of magic do you use to keep my son so entranced?" he asked coldly.

I froze and looked over at the older man. At our first meeting, he looked so much like my Edward, but now I noticed all of their differences, not their similarities. The man before me looked like he'd never smiled in his life. His brows had a severe shape that made him look harsh and angry. I wondered how someone as sweet and kind as Elizabeth could have ever fallen in love with such a hardened man. I thought again about the words that he had just spoken, and tried to come up with an answer.

"I wasn't aware that love was magic," I said meekly.

Edward Senior walked slowly to where I was standing. His jaw was tight and his mouth was rigid. "Only a whore could make a man look at a woman that way," he huffed.

His cruel words pierced my heart. I felt warm tears spring to my eyes. There seemed to be a lump in my throat, preventing me from speaking. He moved closer to me, until I could feel the fabric of his clothing against my arms and his breath on my face.

"I want to know what you do to make him worship the ground you walk on," Edward Senior said in a softer voice. The change in his demeanor gave me whiplash. I looked up and noticed his eyes had darkened.

"W-what?" I stuttered. Fear began to trickle down my spine. I couldn't believe this was happening.

In the back of the house, I heard a door slam. The sound of boots against the wooden floors clunked around until it reached the front room. Edward's glorious face appeared in the door way. His face went from pleasantly curious to defensive almost immediately.

"What's going on here?" he asked.

I quickly moved away from Edward's father, until I was safely beside Edward. He wrapped an arm around my waist and I was instantly comforted.

Edward Senior scoffed at the sight of us. "Your behavior is disgusting. I am ashamed to call you my son. You are leaving your home just to be with this whore? God does not approve, Edward! You will burn in Hell for your sins!"

I flinched at his words. My whole body seemed to shake and my knees felt weak. Edward's hold on me tightened.

"You don't even know Bella. You don't get to talk to her that way. You don't get to tell _me _what to do anymore. This is my life, and I'll live it how I damn well please. I'm so _sick_ of being made to feel ashamed for everything I do! I have a long life ahead of me and I want to live it to the fullest …with Bella. She's it for me, whether you approve or not," Edward spoke passionately.

Edward Senior's face had turned beet red. I'd never seen anyone so angry before. I wasn't sure if the fear I felt was irrational or not.

"Get out! Get out now!" he yelled at us. Edward pulled me toward the stairs, and we ran up together, hand in hand.

"I said get out!" he shouted again.

As soon as we entered Edward's room, he let go of my hand. His cheeks were flushed, and his breathing unsteady. "Gather your things as quickly as possible, Bella," he said through gritted teeth.

I didn't dare argue or say anything at all. I began throwing anything that wasn't already packed into my suitcase. Edward did the same, stuffing everything he could into his small bag. When I was finished, Edward held out his hand and grabbed the handle of my suitcase.

"I'm going to carry our bags, Bella. Just stay close to me, okay? When we get outside, will you get into the truck?" he spoke quickly.

"O-okay," I said breathlessly. Edward nodded once and we began our way towards the stairs. I walked as closely to him as possible without causing him to trip. Downstairs, Edward Senior was still yelling. His face was almost purple.

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! YOUR DISGUSTING BEHAVIOR IS NOT WELCOME HERE!" he screamed.

We walked straight to the door and outside. Edward's boots were loud against the porch, my flats made a quiet scuffling noise. Seemingly out of nowhere, Elizabeth came running around the house. She looked panicked with her widened green eyes.

"Edward, wait!" she pleaded.

"Go to the truck, Bella. I'll be right there," he urged.

I did as I was told, for I wanted to give him a moment with his mother. What if it was the last time he would ever see her? Behind me, I could hear her weeping. I turned my head as I reached the bed of the truck.

"Please forgive your father. He does not understand," Elizabeth begged.

"I love you, Mother," Edward replied, and then brought her into a tight embrace.

"Please Edward, stay in touch with me. I cannot bear to lose you," she cried.

"I will, I promise you. Take care of yourself, Mother," he vowed quietly. After one more hug he released her, and picked up the bags from the ground. Edward made his way to me quickly and threw the bags into the back. "I'll drive," he stated simply.

I climbed into the truck and buckled my seatbelt. Edward got in behind the wheel and buckled up as well. He looked a little confused with the setup of the truck. It was very different from his Volvo in Washington.

"The gear is up by the steering wheel," I pointed out. He nodded and turned on the engine, then put it into drive. He made a U-turn, and we were on our way down road.

Not long after making it to the main road, I felt as if I would cry. There was a lump in my throat, my eyes felt heavy, and my breaths were short and labored. Soon enough, the tears began to fall. Edward must have heard me because he looked over at me curiously. He saw the tears and his face morphed into concern.

"Bella?"

I could only shake my head. It felt as if I might become hysterical if I spoke. Edward pulled the truck off to the side of the road. He unbuckled his seatbelt and scooted over to me, and wrapped his arms around me.

"Hey, hey, hey. Shhh. It's okay, Bella. I'm here," he comforted. I buried my face into his chest and he ran his fingers through my hair. "What happened back there, before I walked in?" he asked.

I looked up at him through swollen eyes. I didn't know what to say.

"He… He… I think…," I stumbled to speak through uneven breaths. I tried to calm myself so that I could speak without stuttering. Edward needed to know what happened. "I think he wanted me to…," I couldn't finish.

Edward must have understood what I was getting at because he immediately stiffened. "Bella, tell me exactly what he said." His jaw clenched and unclenched over and over again.

"He… He called me a whore. He wanted me to… to show him what I do to make you want me the way you do." I cringed as I said the words. Edward held me tightly until I was able to calm myself.

"You are not a whore, do you hear me? And he is no better than the man he accuses me to be from the way he treated you."

I wiped my eyes with the hem of my shirt and sighed. "I'm sorry, Edward. It's just been a really long, emotional day."

He kissed me on the top of my head before scooting back to the driver's seat. "Sit by me?" he asked. I nodded and scooted over into the middle of the seat. I laid my head down on his shoulder and closed my eyes. Edward pulled the truck back onto the road, and we were off to an unknown destination.

Thirty minutes later, Edward turned the vehicle off into a rest stop. Apparently he wanted to change out of his Amish clothing, and into the outfit he'd worn on the way to Missouri. I waited in the truck while he changed in the men's facilities. He came out wearing a dark green, fitted t-shirt and dark blue jeans. It was almost weird now to see him in normal clothing. I grabbed a pair of jeans and a thin hoodie from my suitcase and changed inside the car as we drove down the interstate.

I tried to wrap my head around how much things had changed in such a short time. I almost couldn't fathom any of it. When I'd woken this morning, I had no idea that the day would take such a terrible turn. Edward's father had basically propositioned me in the most disgusting way possible. I'd witnessed an Amish wedding, the union of Edward's best friend and the woman to whom he was formerly betrothed. Edward had left his home, his mother, his entire world, to live a life with me. My life was officially crazy.

"Are you still hungry, love?" Edward asked.

"Starving," my stomach rumbled as soon as I replied.

In a town called Platte City, we stopped at an IHOP for pancakes. After we ate, we drove a little farther until we reached the Kansas City International Airport. Edward parked the truck in a spot that would be easy enough for the rental company to find. Our next task was to get our hands on a set of tickets to Seattle. Two hours later, we were boarding a plane and preparing to take off towards home. The flight was long and turbulent, making it impossible to sleep comfortably.

Hours later, we tiredly made our way through Sea-Tac airport and into a taxi that would take us home. When we made it to my apartment, we both seemed to look around us and sigh in relief. Not long after our arrival, we both collapsed into the bed and slept soundly in each other's arms all night.

**A/N: So what did you think? Let me know in a review and I'll try to get back to you guys this time. FFn has been a fail lately. ;) **


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Here it is guys! We're winding down the story here (but don't worry, still plenty of action ahead). After this I think there will only be one chapter left, plus an epilogue. Now I wouldn't set that in stone because I may decide while writing the next that I need another one to tie up the loose ends.**

I'd like to thank my beta wheather79 for all of her hard work. She doesn't get paid to do the work that she does but she so deserves to be!

As always, enjoy the chapter my lovelies. If it weren't for you all, I don't think I could have gotten far with this story. Thanks 3

**Chapter 21**

**Seattle, WA**

**EPOV: **

I awoke to a pounding noise. It reminded me of a hammer hitting wood. For a minute I thought I was still in Missouri and possibly under a roof being repaired. As I became more conscious, I realized that someone was knocking at the door of Bella's apartment. A frustrated growl made its way out of my mouth as I looked over at Bella's digital clock. Seven o'clock in the morning is not the time to be banging down someone's door. I glanced at Bella and saw that she was sleeping peacefully through the loud racket. Lucky girl.

Finally I rolled out of the bed and groggily went to answer the door. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes as I opened the door and revealed an excited looking Alice. She squealed as she jumped into my arms.

"Edward!"

My balance was off and I stumbled backwards. "Hi, Alice." My voice sounded scratchy and low. "Is there something you need?"

Alice's lower lip jutted out and quivered. "Aren't you glad to see me?" I sighed and nodded.

"Yeah Alice, of course I am. We didn't get in from our flight until late. Sorry I'm such a grouch." I scratched the stubble on my jaw and made a note to shave later.

Alice's face scrunched up and she shook her head. "I'm so sorry that I woke you, Edward! I've been stopping by here every day and checking to see if Bella was home. I guess I didn't think about what would happen if you guys were actually here… and sleeping." She chuckled at her words. "I just… a part of me was afraid that I'd never see you again! I'm glad to see you." Her head ducked a little and I was surprised to see her blushing.

I couldn't help the smile that broke onto my face. Bella had told me that my family missed me a lot and sent their well wishes, but it was still nice to hear firsthand. _My family_. I wasn't alone and would never be.

"It's fine, really. I'm glad to see you too. Although I don't know how the heck you're so chipper at this hour," I mused.

She returned my smile. "I'll get out of here and let you get back to sleep. Will you have Bella give me a call sometime today?"

"Sure thing," I nodded.

Alice turned and left the apartment and I shut the door quietly behind her. Seconds later I crawled into bed and wrapped my arms around Bella. I was never able to fall back asleep, but I kept myself still against the woman I loved. I couldn't help but inhale her sweet scent and nuzzle my face against her silky hair. She just felt so good to hold and I didn't want to let go. Eventually she woke up when the sun shone onto her pale face, enhancing the visible freckles scattered across her nose.

"Good morning, my beautiful girl," I whispered into her ear. She opened her eyes and yawned.

"What time is it?" Her voice sounded gravelly.

"Nine," I replied.

"Ugh. I wish I could have slept longer. Have you been up awhile?"

"Yeah, since seven. Alice came by."

Bella's eyebrows rose and she sat up. "Seven? Damn, that's… way too early."

I nodded in agreement. "What do you say we get dressed and grab some breakfast down the street?"

After Bella agreed to breakfast, I got up to get ready. I went into the bathroom, intending to shave. When I looked into the mirror, I was hit with the knowledge that I didn't have to shave unless I felt like it. I wasn't married but now I could grow a beard whenever I wanted. I wasn't Amish anymore. I was no longer just a boy pretending to be part of the modern world. I was Edward Cullen and I was allowed to be whomever I wanted. I couldn't keep myself from smiling. Absently I began stroking the stubble that lined my jaw and wondered briefly what it would be like to have facial hair. I wondered if Bella would like it.

Instead of shaving, I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I noticed a bottle of hair gel on the vanity that belonged to Bella. After a quick sniff to make sure that it didn't smell feminine, I squirted a small amount into my hand and began to work it through my hair. It didn't take much but I achieved a style that I liked. My hair had always been a little unruly, but now it was done in such a way that it looked stylish.

I found a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt in the closet. I'd left several articles of clothing during my sleepovers so there were a few things to choose from. When I was completely ready, I exited the bathroom and immediately saw Bella digging through her suitcase. Her head was down but she began talking to me.

"I cannot find my toothbrush, dang it! I must have left it. I guess we'll have to stop by the drugstore on the way home," she grumbled.

"Okay, good. I have a few things to get myself," I said.

Bella turned around to face me and gasped. "You look different. You look the same, but different." Her eyebrows were scrunched together as she looked me over.

"I used a little bit of your gel. I hope you don't mind." I began to wonder if I looked bad.

Bella bit her bottom lip, which was something I found myself liking.

"No, of course I don't mind, Edward. You look great." She gave me a kiss on the cheek and stalked off to get dressed.

A half an hour later, we sat down at a café and enjoyed pancakes and several cups of coffee. Bella and I decided that we would go by Carlisle and Esme's after breakfast. I needed to pick up my car and when it came down to it, I just wanted to see my aunt and uncle.

We briefly stopped at the pharmacy and picked up a few things and then caught a cab to our next destination. I noticed Jasper's car in the driveway which meant that Alice would be nearby. With our hands joined, we opened the door and walked inside.

Alice and Jasper were in the living room on the big sectional sofa. She was lying on her back reading a magazine, with her feet on Jasper's lap. His nose was buried in a history book. Bella and I shared a grin and then simultaneously cleared our throats. The couple looked up and their faces lit up. Alice sat up and ran over to Bella, throwing her arms around her. Jasper stood up as well and came over to greet us. We did a man hug sort of thing before awkwardly moving away.

"What are you guys doing over here so early?" Bella asked as she hugged Alice.

"Our place is getting painted. Alice is going to _decorate_," Jasper said, his voice rising in a high feminine pitch. Alice glared at him while he grinned cheekily.

"Where are," I started to ask before I was cut off by Jasper.

"Kitchen," he said and nodded in that direction. Alice pulled Bella over to the sofa while Jasper and I headed to the kitchen. Before we got too far, I heard Alice say, "Okay, you have to tell me everything! I want every single detail!"

Jasper clapped me on the back and sighed. "Women."

In the kitchen, Esme stood at the stove stirring something in a large skillet. Carlisle sat at the breakfast bar sipping something from a mug and scrolling through his phone. By the way he was dressed, I could tell that he either just got off of a shift or was about to start one.

"Look what I found," Jasper teased.

Esme turned around with a curious look on her face. Her eyes met mine and she gasped and ran over to me. "Oh Edward, I'm so glad you're home. We missed you so much." Her arms around me were warm and comforting. "I didn't know if I'd ever see you again."

"I'm not going anywhere," I said softly.

Carlisle walked over and hugged me once Esme finally released me from her tight embrace. "It's good to see you son," he said.

_Son. _

Carlisle was like the father I had always wanted. In that moment, I wished that I had left Missouri a long time ago. I wondered if I would have met Bella sooner. I wondered if it would have saved her from the years of self-hurt that she endured. My thoughts turned to my mother and a pang of guilt coursed through me. Would she have been okay without me?

"I was so worried that you would waste away while you were gone, but look at you all muscular and such," Esme exclaimed. I laughed and felt my cheeks burn at the word 'muscular.'

"My mother made sure that I was well fed. In fact, I probably gained a few pounds," I blushed.

"How is your father?" Carlisle frowned.

Just the mention of my father angered me. I'd always known my father was extreme but it was like he'd gone off the deep end. Not only was I pissed off, but I was shocked and disappointed. He propositioned my girlfriend and entertained the idea of cheating on my mother. On the trip back home, Bella had tried to reason that maybe he had been trying to get a reaction from her -that maybe he wanted to prove that she really was the whore he thought her to be. I disagreed but it bothered me that we would never know the truth.

"He is… the same, or worse. I guess I don't really know. He stayed in his room most of the time while I was there," I shrugged.

"I've been thinking and I'm almost positive that it's congestive heart failure," Carlisle said in his professional voice. "I wish I could know for sure."

I could only shrug my shoulders in response. It didn't seem like the right time to tell him that his brother forced himself onto Bella.

We stood silently for a moment before Esme asked where Bella was. I told her she was with Alice, and then she excused herself to go and find them. Jasper walked over to the stove and lifted the lid on the skillet and then began to stir whatever it held.

"Come to my office with me, Edward?" Carlisle asked. I nodded and followed him down the hall to his office. We both sat down and made ourselves comfortable.

Carlisle crossed his leg over the other then absently tapped his finger on the wooden desk. "So here's the thing. I've got several pieces that would be helpful in the Jacob situation. The problem is that I'm not sure how long we've got until someone lets him know what we're up to. If we're going to take action then it needs to be soon, very soon."

"What have you got? Bella filled me in on the Bailey situation. I can't see how that would help us though. That would end up involving the police, am I wrong?" I questioned.

Carlisle nodded. "Precisely, Edward. Thankfully I have several other things that we can use. Although in the end, our knowing about Bailey will help us," he said, before standing up. I watched him as he walked around his desk and opened up a side drawer. His hands held up a thick yellow envelope that looked bumpy and worn.

"I've been talking to some of Jacob's roommates, past and present. At first some of them were hesitant to talk to me, or share anything for that matter. Luckily, money talks when you're dealing with poor college students," he smiled.

Slowly he opened the envelope and pulled out a black VHS tape. I'd seen a few in Emmett's movie collection, but most were DVD's. Carlisle walked over to a small television and inserted the tape into the VCR beside it.

The screen was black and fuzzy at first. All I could hear was loud rap music with angry lyrics and a girl laughing. Suddenly, the tape was as clear as if someone turned on the lights. I saw Jacob Black and Tanya Denali sitting on a worn couch. It was the living room from the party that I'd gone to with Bella.

Jacob was messing around with something on the table, crushing something. I could see a small razorblade in his hand, and a dollar bill in the other hand. Tanya took the dollar from him and rolled it up until it resembled a tube. There were two white lines on the table - one was in front of Jacob; the other was in front of Tanya. I didn't understand what was happening until I saw Jacob lower his nose to the coffee table, plugging one nostril with a knuckle. He snorted the powder until the line in front of him was gone. Tanya followed suit and used the rolled up dollar to snort her line.

Carlisle stopped the tape with the remote in his hand.

"That's only the beginning of the tape. The rest documents more drug usage and alcohol abuse, and then there are some things you and I would rather not see. Trust me," Carlisle said seriously. "I'd say it's enough to cause many problems for Jacob."

I shook my head, wondering why Jacob Black was so stupid. "Then why would he allow it to be filmed? Why would Tanya allow it?" I asked.

Carlisle shrugged. "I don't know the answer to that. My guess would be that this is not the only film of him doing something that the public is not supposed to see. Jacob Black is cocky. He thinks that he is invincible when it comes to his behavior. In my opinion, it seems that the young man has never had to pay the consequences for anything in his life."

I nodded in agreement.

"So what do you say, Edward? Do you think that this video surfacing would be enough punishment for Jacob?" he asked.

I contemplated it for a moment before gesturing to the large envelope. "What else do you have?"

He emptied the contents of the envelope onto his desk. It was pictures, and lots of them. I sifted through and saw that they showed really nothing different than what the video did.

"Wouldn't it be easier to just put the pictures somewhere?" I asked.

"The problem with pictures is that he could claim they were edited to incriminate him. He could claim that it's not really him. With the video, it's solid. You can plainly see that it is him. The lighting is just right and the angle is good. There is no denying it with this tape." Carlisle pressed the eject button on the VCR and the tape popped out. He waved it around and smiled. "I can put this on a disc in five minutes, and have it all over the internet within an hour. Although, I'd have a friend do all of that for me. He would make the IP address untraceable. We don't want Jacob putting this back on us."

I wanted to tell him to do it right away, but I didn't feel I should make the decision alone. Bella was a part of this whole mess and she deserved to have a say in it all. I told Carlisle that I would let him know the decision as soon as I discussed it with Bella.

**oOoOoOoOo**

We left my aunt and uncle's house and drove to Emmett's and my place. Inside we found Emmett eating a large sandwich and Rose sitting a few feet away staring into the television. Bella cleared her throat and they looked over at us. Rose looked shocked, before she stood up and launched herself at Bella. Emmett merely refocused his eyes onto the sandwich in his hands, and swallowed what was already in his mouth.

"When did you guys get back?" Rose asked in a hushed tone.

"Last night," I said. Bella nodded and looked over at Emmett.

"Well, you're being awful quiet over there, Em," she said.

Emmett glanced at Bella, then at Rose, then back at Bella before replying. "Sorry, I didn't know if I was allowed to speak," he said.

Rose rolled her eyes at him and then whispered, "C'mon Bella." They quickly made their way out of the room. Bella looked back at me with an eyebrow raised. I just shrugged.

When I heard Emmett's bedroom door shut upstairs, I sauntered over to the couch and sat beside Emmett. "So," I said.

Emmett looked at me pointedly then shook his head. "So what?"

"What's your problem?" I asked.

He sighed and rubbed his face. "Sorry, dude. Rose has just been bitching at me all day. Apparently I can't do anything right."

"Is everything okay with you guys?"

Emmett shrugged. "It was perfectly fine just a few days ago, and then suddenly everything I did annoyed her. She went from being my awesome Rosalie Hale to a complete psycho. I asked her if I did something and she wouldn't answer, so _then_ I asked her if she was on her period. Not only did she tell me no, but I also got slapped for that one. I don't even freakin' know what's going on."

"Dude…" I trailed off, not sure what I should say.

He shook his head. "Just… whatever. It's nice to see you back man. You're back, right? For good?" he asked.

"For good. I'm no longer Amish," I said, the last few words more to myself. The concept was still so new to me and I was having trouble grasping it.

"Good. I'm glad my brotha," Emmett said in a funny voice. He immediately dove back into devouring his sandwich. Crumbs fell everywhere, and there was a large glob of mustard on the side of his mouth.

"No wonder," I mused.

"What?" Emmett asked through his mouthful of food.

"No wonder Rosalie is pissed at you. You're a pig," I chuckled.

"Whatever, man," he replied and then turned back to watch the T.V.

Quite a bit later, Rose and Bella emerged from the hallway and they both looked like they had been crying. I scrunched my eyebrows and sent a concerned glance to Bella. She gave me a small smile. Rose looked nervous and fidgety.

"Emmett?" she called quietly. I'd never heard Rose speak in such a soft tone.

"Yeah, babe?" he answered, never breaking his gaze from the T.V

"We need to talk," she said, this time her voice sounded ominous. Emmett noticed the change in her voice and his head snapped to her.

Bella gestured with her finger for me to follow her. I took her hand and we retreated upstairs into my room. It was weird to be back.

"What was _that_ about?" I asked.

Bella shrugged. "Girl stuff." I nodded as if I understood.

"So, how does it feel to be back?" she asked.

I looked around the room and took in my surroundings. It felt like home, but at the same time I knew that it was only because Bella was with me. She was my home. This was just a room with a bed and a desk.

"I missed it," I told her honestly. Suddenly, I remembered my cell phone that I'd left inside the desk. I made my way to it and slid the drawer open.

"I hope I didn't miss any important phone calls," I joked. I looked up at Bella and saw that she had a nervous expression on her face. "What is it, Bella?"

She blew out a breath and ran a hand through her long hair. "I… I was here while you were gone." Her poor lip was being chewed to death by her teeth. "I opened your drawer and looked in it. Well, actually I sort of went through it. I took your journal," she admitted. Her cheeks were bright red and her eyes held guilt and a little bit of fear in them. I realized that she thought I would be angry.

"Did you read it?" I asked. Bella nodded slowly, looking like a child who had been caught stealing.

I sat the phone on the bed, then walked to her and caressed her cheek. "That's alright love. I left you with a lot of unanswered questions and doubt. If my journal helped you at all, then I'm glad that you found it."

Every time I'd written in my journal, I'd done it with the intention of getting my feelings off my chest. Most people would talk to their best friend but I didn't have that, or so I'd thought. After the events of the last month, I'd come to see that Bella was both my best friend and girlfriend. She was always patient with me, accepting and forgiving. All were things that I didn't necessarily always deserve.

Bella looked up at me sheepishly. "I liked reading your thoughts. It made me feel like I understood you a little bit better. The first entry really got to me." She wrapped her arms around me and laid her head against my chest. I held her close and felt a smile on my lips.

"How about from now on I just talk to you about that sort of stuff instead of you having to go and find the answers from a book," I suggested in her ear. I felt her squeeze a little tighter and I ran my hands up and down her back soothingly. My body began to respond to the feel of her body against mine. Before I could react, my phone began buzzing.

"Well, aren't you going to answer it?" Bella asked.

I shook my head and looked up to meet her eyes. "It's Carlisle. I know what he wants."

She looked at me questioningly. I blew out a breath and began telling her everything that Carlisle and I had discussed.

"So, what do you think? Should we give Carlisle the go ahead?" I asked. She crossed her arms and sighed.

"You know I know what Jacob did was wrong, but it's in my nature to feel sorry for people. I can't help but think that something must have happened to him to make him behave the way he has. But the other part of me loathes him for what he did. He followed me, spied on me, on us. He lied to me and he did a lot of things with the intent to hurt you. It all ended up hurting me too. I'm so torn Edward. I've always hated that whole 'revenge is sweet' thing."

Her expression was a mixture of anger and confusion. I could see that the decision weighed heavily on her. Bella chewed on her lip and paced the room for a few minutes. Finally, she stilled and faced me.

"As I said, I'm not a fan of revenge; however, justice needs to be served somehow. So I've made my decision," she nodded as if to convince herself that she had indeed made a decision. "I think we should do it." She gave me a nervous smile.

"I think you… I think _we_ made the right decision. I'll let Carlisle know." I immediately began clicking through my phone and pressed send on Carlisle's number. It rang twice before he picked up.

"We made a decision," I said simply.

"And?" he asked curiously.

"Let's do this."

**oOoOoOoOo**

One hour later, the video of Jacob and Tanya was plastered everywhere. People were posting it on their Facebook pages, messaging it on their phones. Bella said people were even tweeting it. I wasn't sure what she meant by that one. Anonymous e-mails containing the video were sent to Jacob's family, his boss at the bar, and his baseball coach.

The next morning, Carlisle let us know that some of his sources told him that Jacob had been fired from his job. Apparently his baseball scholarship was in trouble as well, but nothing permanent had been decided. Things weren't going well for Jacob Black. I relished in the thought that for once he may be feeling the heat. I also wondered if it would cause him to feel remorse for what he'd done to Bella and me.

As much as I enjoyed the thought of Jacob squirming, I was ready for the whole issue to blow over. I was ready to really start my life as a normal guy. That's why I left Bella home that day and went out searching for a job. I figured it was time to start bringing in my own money and put it towards something with Bella. I wondered if she would consider getting a new place with me instead of us just going back and forth between our current homes.

While I was out, I came across a construction company that was hiring. It seemed to be the perfect job for me as I had grown up constructing homes, using tools in my carpentry hobby, and just working around the farm. The company was well respected and built homes and businesses for some of the wealthiest people in Seattle.

Two hours later after a long interview and meeting a few people, I left with a job. I pulled my phone out of my pocket with the intention of calling Bella. When I looked at the screen, I saw that she was calling me.

I smiled and picked up eagerly. I couldn't wait to tell her the news. Before I could say hello though, I heard yelling coming from her end.

"YOU'VE RUINED EVERYTHING, YOU STUPID BITCH!"

My face paled. It was the voice of Jacob Black.

**A/N: *Ducks* Yes I left you with a cliffy. But you know what? I hardly ever do that so it doesn't bother me. ;) Please review and recommend! Oh and if you aren't following me on Twitter, you should! My username is LauraHilary, or you can go to the link on my profile page. Thanks!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

**Seattle, WA**

**BPOV:**

"So, what is my uncle like? Is he a DILF?" Alice asked excitedly.

I cringed at the meaning of DILF. Edward Senior was most definitely not a dad that I'd like to… well, you know.

"No. He was kind of an asshole," I said, putting it mildly. "Ew - and you shouldn't be using DILF in the same sentence as someone you're related to."

She scoffed. "I know, but like does Edward resemble him at all?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, in terms of looks he does resemble him. The bronze hair and facial features come from his dad; however, he got his eyes and thankfully his personality from his mother."

The space between Alice's eyebrows scrunched together and I watched the creases form on her forehead. "Did something happen, Bella?" she asked.

"Yes Alice, it did. No, I don't want to talk about it right now," I snapped. Immediately I felt bad. Alice had been a very good friend to me. She made me go to Edward, hell she made all of it possible. She deserved a lot better than the grumpy attitude I was giving her.

"Sorry, Alice. I will tell you eventually. Right now I just want to forget about it, you know?" She nodded.

I hated to see such a happy person frown so I pushed her gently. "Um, and I hate you for packing lingerie instead of real pajamas! What the heck were you thinking?" I smiled when she laughed.

"Hey, I thought Edward would like it better than those ugly SpongeBob pants. I swear Bella, sometimes it's like you don't want to get laid," Alice shook her head mockingly.

"I was in an Amish community. What if it would have been like "Little House on the Prairie," and we all had to put on our nightclothes and then gather around the hearth for a bedtime Bible story? I would have been wearing see-through clothing! That wouldn't have gone over well."

"Edward would have loved it. Heck, maybe his dad would have lightened up a bit," Alice joked.

"Ew, Alice. Just…ew," I cringed as I remembered the words that came from Edward Senior just before we skipped town.

Alice gasped. "Oh, did you get to ride in one of those Amish contraptions?" She snapped her fingers as she searched for the correct term.

"A buggy?" I rolled my eyes playfully. She nodded. "Yes, the day before we left he took me for a ride. It was cool but definitely too slow for my taste."

Esme entered the room with a large smile on her face. She wore an apron so I knew that she'd been cooking.

"Bella, it's good to see you back. We missed you both." She gave me a warm hug and I embraced her. It was nice having someone like Esme around when your own mother didn't seem interested in having a relationship with you.

"I missed you guys too," I said as a blush appeared on my cheeks.

Esme sat down on the couch between us, smoothing the creases of her pants as she did so.

"So Bella, tell me everything that happened while you were there," she said.

"Everything?"

**oOoOoOoOo**

After visiting with Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, and Alice for most of the day, we headed over to Emmett and Edward's house. It was nice to be back with Edward in tow. I'd practically lived at their house while he was gone and to have him back just made the world feel… right.

When we went inside, Rosalie and Emmett were sitting on the couch watching T.V. The tension between them rolled off in waves. They sat way too far from each other, and neither one of them looked at the other one. It was weird. Rose had a slight frown on her face, but it was immediately erased when she saw us.

Emmett's attitude towards Rose surprised me. His words, "I didn't know that I was allowed to talk," definitely surprised me. Yep, they had been fighting. It seemed pretty serious.

Rosalie took my hand and led me up the stairs. I was curious as to what had gone down between the lovebirds. While they had always been feisty towards one another, they never really fought. When we made it into Emmett's room, Rose sat down on the bed and folded her hands together. I observed her face and realized that she looked tired and a little pale.

"Is everything okay, Rose? Things seemed a little tense down there," I said.

"So how was your trip, Bella? I want to know everything that happened," Rose spoke calmly, ignoring my question.

"That's clue number one that something isn't right. You're ignoring my questions. Come on, you would never let me get away with that," I told her. Her lips pursed before she gave me a tight smile.

"You're right," she sighed, before standing up and pacing the room. I watched as she picked up articles of Emmett's clothing and threw it into a laundry basket. "God, he is such a slob."

When her eyes met mine, they were glassy and I noticed that the corners of her eyes were smudged in black. Rose ran the back of her hands underneath her eyes to wipe away the stray tears.

"Rose… talk to me," I said and led her back over to the bed where we sat down. She took a deep breath and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before beginning.

"Emmett and I have been fighting a lot. I've been feeling so off and I couldn't figure out why, but then Emmett asked me if I'm on my period. I was so mad at him for asking because in my opinion it's seriously rude for a guy to ask that question just because a girl is moody. But then I realized that he was sort of on point in a way. This is my normal time of the month and Bella, it hasn't come."

"Rose, what are you trying to say?" I asked, though I knew exactly what she was getting at.

"I don't know, Bella. I haven't taken a test or anything. Maybe it's stress. That could be why it hasn't come yet. But then what is up with all of these symptoms?" she shook her head.

"You need to take a test. Like now," I nodded.

"I have one," Rose said quietly. "It's in my purse. I didn't want Emmett to freak out, especially if there is no reason to." She stood up and reached out to me. "Will you stay with me while I take it?"

I snorted. "I'm not watching you pee on a stick; however, I will join you after that," I said lightly. Rose cracked a smile.

"Bella, this is the worst time to laugh." She gave me a mock stern look.

Four minutes and thirty seconds later, I stood in the bathroom with Rose. I squeezed her hand as she lifted the test from the vanity and gazed at the plastic stick.

"Holy shit," Rose whispered. Her face held a look of shock and a bit of amusement. She handed me the stick before she cupped her mouth with her hands. I looked down and saw a dark pink plus sign in the window.

"Rose, you're…" I trailed off.

"I'm pregnant," she said in a far-off voice. "Oh God… oh God. I'm going to be a mom. That means Emmett is going to be a dad. Shit. Shit, shit, shit! He cannot be a dad. He can't even pick up his clothes off of the floor. And Alice, won't she be upset that she didn't get pregnant first? I mean, she did get married first. Ours will be the first grandchild and…. Oh God, Esme! She's going to be so pissed. No, she's going to be… she'll be so excited. My mom will be pissed. I'll have to hear 'Rosalie Louise Hale, you aren't even married. You don't even have a job.' That's going to be a fun conversation."

I smiled softly at her. "Everything will be fine. Everyone will be so excited, Rose. I'm even excited! As for your mom, you can tell her to shove it. Graduation is in like four days, there is no need to worry about not having a job. You'll find a great teaching job and then you'll get maternity leave when it's time to have the baby."

Rose blew out a breath and paced. "How am I going to tell him? Do you think he'll be mad?"

I didn't know how to answer her. Emmett was a great guy that had a lot going for him. He loved Rosalie and it seemed that it was only a matter of time before they got married. I didn't think he would be mad, but I didn't think it was my place to say whether he would be or not.

"I don't know, Rose, but I do know that he loves you. That's all that matters," I said.

"I can't imagine not doing this with Emmett. If he were to break up with me…" she trailed off. Her face had paled even more.

"Then Esme would kick his ass, as would the rest of us."

Rose smiled. I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed. "I love you. I'm here for you. 'Kay?"

"Thanks for being here, Bella. I guess I better tell him now."

"Let's go." I stood up and held out my hand. Rose grabbed it and we went downstairs together.

**oOoOoOoOo**

Edward and I gave Rose and Emmett some privacy by going upstairs to his bedroom. It felt nice to be back there together. He immediately asked what was going on between Rose and Emmett, but I knew that it wasn't my secret to tell. I muttered that it was girl stuff and he let it go.

After an awkward conversation with Edward about reading his journal, his cell phone began to buzz. He stared at it for a few moments while it continued to vibrate.

"Well, aren't you going to answer that?" I asked.

"It's Carlisle, I know what he wants," he said.

Edward explained to me about how Carlisle had obtained pictures and video of Jacob participating in illegal activities. Tanya Denali was also in the pictures and video which gave me a large amount of satisfaction. She was involved in the whole debacle and deserved to be punished as well.

I was happy that Edward has decided to wait and ask for my opinion on the situation. It showed me that he'd learned his lesson from the mess that Jacob had created. Instead of making his own decisions for our relationship, he was now consulting me.

A part of me wished he would have made the decision though as it was such a huge one to make. I had to think about everyone involved. Jacob, without a doubt had done a ton of wrong. He'd followed me, followed Edward. He took pictures of us in our private moments. Jacob had humiliated Edward and his family, and I was now marked as a whore in their eyes. But did he deserve this type of revenge? The video would most likely destroy his reputation. He'd done it to me, but could I do it to him? I thought about the anguish Jacob had caused Edward and the sadness that I felt when he left me. My answer was suddenly clear. I didn't even have to think about Tanya. She'd never been my friend and from day one all she'd done was try to take Edward. There was nothing else to think about.

I'd spoken my thoughts aloud to Edward as I paced back and forth. The look on his face betrayed him and I saw that he was worried that I would say no.

"I think we should do it."

"I think you… I think we made the right decision. I'll let Carlisle know," he said as he picked up his phone and dialed Carlisle. I zoned out for a second as I thought about what was going to happen.

I snapped out of my daze when Edward said, "Let's do this." A chill of something ran down my spine. It felt very much like dread and I could not understand it. I swallowed it down and instead turned my attention to Edward.

I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my lips to his. The familiar feeling of fire sent itself through my limbs as the kiss deepened. In a matter of minutes, our clothes were thrown onto the floor and our bodies lay against each other on the bed. Eventually the feeling of dread ceased and I was able to concentrate on the way Edward moved inside of me.

It wasn't until an hour later that we pulled away from each other. Carlisle had let us know that the video was out so we went online to see if anyone was talking about it. I opened up my Facebook page and saw that three people had already shared it on their wall. Comments like "LOL. That asshole had it coming to him," were a dime a dozen. On Twitter, several of the people I followed from school had tweeted the video. I finally clicked one of the links and watched it. I knew that Jacob would be in serious trouble if anyone important were to see it.

Edward and I went to bed at my apartment that night with a feeling of contentment.

**oOoOoOoOo**

The next morning I awoke to find Edward dressed and sitting at the dinette table. He was wearing a nice pair of jeans and a button-down hunter green shirt. In front of him sat a half empty cup of coffee and an open newspaper. His hand held a red ink pen and I watched as circled something in the newspaper.

I yawned which alerted him that I was awake. He turned around and smiled at me.

"Good morning, Bella," he said.

"Morning," I rasped out. "You're up awfully early."

He chuckled and then lifted his coffee cup to his mouth. "Unfortunately, my body is still on Amish schedule."

I just nodded since my brain was still too sleepy to say anything intelligent. I got up and gave him a kiss before going over and sitting in the chair across from him. Edward gave me a wink and then stood up to get me some coffee.

"Here you are. I expect you'll be ready to have a conversation within the next five minutes," he joked and handed me my coffee.

Five minutes later I was indeed feeling more awake. I watched him as he circled things over and over. Finally he stopped, knitted his eyebrows, and then tapped his pen in the same spot over and over.

"What are you doing, Edward?" I asked.

He rubbed his forehead and sighed. "Looking for a job."

"Oh," I said simply though inside I was practically bursting with excitement. Something about him looking for a job made the fact that he was staying real. It felt cemented.

"Did you find anything in there?" I gestured to the newspaper.

"I found a few things. There's one in particular that I'm interested in but it doesn't seem likely that I would get the position," he said, once again tapping the same spot on the paper.

"What is it?"

"It's a construction job for a well-known company here in Seattle. It says they pay generously. I have a lot of experience but I've never done it with an official job title. It was just part of the lifestyle. I'm not sure if that's enough."

I took his hand and squeezed gently. "You should go for it. If they say no, well then there are a ton of other jobs out there," I encouraged.

Edward stood up from his chair and then pushed it in. "I guess I should get going before these jobs are gone." He walked over to me and kissed me before whispering, "I'll see you later, my love."

"I love you," I whispered back.

He grabbed the newspaper and began his way to the door, but his phone began ringing loudly. "It's Carlisle," he mumbled.

"Hello?"

He said nothing for a few moments but his face brightened as he locked eyes with me. "Thanks for calling Carlisle, we appreciate it. Thanks for everything. Yeah, I will. Okay, talk to you later." Edward pressed the end button and dropped the cell phone into his pocket.

"According to Carlisle, Jacob's not having a good morning. He's been fired from his job, and his baseball scholarship is in jeopardy."

I nodded. "I wonder if he'll feel bad for what he did to us."

Edward gazed at me, smiling softly. "You have too much faith in Jacob."

I only shrugged because I knew that he was right. I always tried to see the good in other people.

"I'll let you know if I find something," Edward said. "Wish me luck?"

I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Good luck," I said before kissing him. "You don't need it though. You've got this baby." He gave me a soft kiss before heading out the door.

After he was gone, I found myself feeling restless. He'd only been gone for five minutes and I already missed him so bad that my stomach hurt. I thought about texting him, but then shook my head at how lame I was. "Geez Bella, get it together," I said aloud.

I poured myself a bowl of my favorite cereal and had another cup of coffee. I then took a long shower and got myself ready for the day. Edward hadn't texted me yet so I decided to do some cleaning to distract myself. The feeling of boredom made me happy that soon I'd be working again, and after graduation I'd find something full time.

I thought about graduation and jobs while I scrubbed at invisible specks of dirt. Edward had gone to school for almost two semesters and he was nowhere near graduating. Would he continue to go to school, or would he choose to work in something like construction? If he decided not to go to college anymore, I wouldn't be upset. Edward was a hands-on kind of guy.

My inner pervert snorted.

Edward had grown up working on a farm and building things. That's what he knew so shouldn't he stick with that? Whether he finished school or not, I knew that he would work hard. I knew that I would be proud of him.

My phone buzzed and I shot towards it hoping that Edward had good news. It was Alice. She wanted to know if I felt like updating my wardrobe. I shook my head and smiled as I typed a quick 'no' back to her. I sent another message with an invite to come over.

I definitely needed someone to distract me.

There was a loud knock at the door. I wondered if it was an overexcited Alice with the itch to shop. I peeked through the peephole and saw Jacob standing on the other side. My breathing picked up and my heart started racing. I quietly moved away from the door and wondered what I should do.

"Bella," he called in a sing-song voice. "I know you're in there. I know you're there alone. Lover boy left hours ago."

Edward. I raced over to the bed and grabbed my phone. It was then that I heard the lock on the door click. I turned around and saw it swing open.

Jacob sauntered in with a smug smile on his face. He held up a silver key and laughed as he waved it around. "This was just too easy. I mean, I had planned to break down the door but as luck would have it; your dumbass boyfriend has a faulty keychain. I saw it fall on the ground and I immediately picked it up. Coincidentally, it worked perfectly for your door. Isn't that great?"

My mind was screaming at me but I couldn't seem to work out what I should do. I hid my phone behind my back and then looked around me for a place to run. I glanced towards the bathroom as I tried to calculate if I could do it before he reached me.

"Ah-ah-ahh!" he sang out. "Don't even think about it."

"What do you want, Jacob?" I asked breathlessly. I hated that I felt so weak and defenseless, but Jacob was huge and there was no way I was going to try and anger him further.

"You know exactly what I want, Bella," he said in an ominous voice.

"No, I really don't, Jacob. Just please leave," I begged.

He rolled his eyes at me and clucked his tongue. "I'll leave after I've gotten what I want."

My whole body began to shake at his words. "And what exactly is that?"

"You," he said simply.

_Oh God, please let someone come here. Please let someone find us before Jacob hurts me._

I wasn't stupid; I knew exactly why Jacob was there, but something inside told me to play dumb as long as possible. I also wanted answers. _Why? _Why did he take those pictures? Why did he want me so badly when I made it clear that I wasn't interested in him? That thought seemed to shake something in me. I tried to remember a single moment when I'd directly told him that I wasn't interested. I hadn't. I went on a date with him, let him kiss me, and then suddenly I was with Edward. Even after he knew that I was in a relationship, I'd still hung out with him. To Jacob, it was like a game. I was something to be won, and Jacob did not like to lose.

"Why did you take the pictures? What is all of this about?" I asked as calmly as I could.

Jacob laughed and it sounded wrong. "I had you first Bella, and he stole you. I don't like when people touch my things." He walked towards me and I backed up until I felt the wall behind me.

Shit.

Jacob closed the distance between us. He was so close to me that I could feel the air whooshing from his nostrils with every exhale.

"That first night we met…" he trailed off and then laughed. "I knew you were different, Bella. I couldn't believe how compatible we were. That night proved how compatible we were physically. Then after our date, it just closed the deal. We're perfect for each other."

I shook my head at his words. The anger for everything he'd done, for everything I'd experienced in the last few days built up. The pressure was comparable to a volcano getting ready to erupt.

"Don't you remember how it felt, Bella? How good we felt together?" His breath tickled my face.

"All I remember is thinking that I wished I was fucking Edward. Not you," I seethed. Jacob's eyes shot to my face. "And the whole time on our date I was thinking about him. I went straight to him afterwards!"

Jacob slapped the wall beside my head and a squeal escaped my lips. I peeked over and saw that the wall was cracked. What if that had been my face?

"You think I don't know that you went to him? I followed you Bella, I saw where you went!" he spat.

At this point, I was getting sick of his stupid game. I just wanted it to be over, all of it. "Just tell me why!" I yelled. He clapped a hand over my mouth to shut me up.

"I didn't do it to you, Bella! I did it _for_ you, for us! I had to get him out of the way!" he shouted. "And then you had to go and leak a video that ruined everything, including us!"

He sighed loudly and gritted his teeth. He raised his hand above his head and I knew that he was going to hit me. Thinking quickly, I pressed the call button on my phone and then hit it again. Edward was the last person that I'd talked to so I knew he would be under the recent calls list. I prayed to God that he would pick up and hear what was happening.

"YOU STUPID BITCH! YOU'VE RUINED EVERYTHING!" he shouted. His hand came down swiftly, but stopped right beside my face.

He laughed when he saw me wincing. "You think I would hurt you, Bella? You have it all wrong." He backed away from me and put his hands on his hips. "Why would I hurt you? Though, you were a very bad girl." Jacob gave me a menacing grin that seemed to stretch from ear to ear. "I'm sure you're wondering how I know that it was you who released the video. It wasn't that hard to figure out really. Edward's uncle can pay people off all he wants but it'll never compare to an excellent blow job."

"W-what? You?" I stammered in shock.

"Not me, stupid. Tanya," Jacob scoffed. "All we had to do was question all of my buddies. The few that seemed guiltiest we investigated a bit more. It seems one of them had just made several expensive purchases. After Tanya did her thing, he spilled. Literally, I guess," he laughed at his own disgusting joke.

"You deserved it, Jacob. Every bit of it! I don't care that you found out it was us. One way or another you were going to get what was coming to you!" I yelled.

Jacob pushed up against me again and grabbed my jaw. "Listen here!"

That was all I heard because behind Jacob, I could see that the door to my apartment was slowly opening. Alice quietly snuck in to my horror. She made a 'sh' gesture as I tried to warn her with my eyes. I saw her stand directly behind him with a determined look on her face. Jacob continued to yell but was frustrated when he realized that I wasn't looking at him.

"LOOK AT ME!"

My eyes shot to his and he continued his rant. I couldn't see Alice anymore, but I really hoped she'd brought someone with her or had a rational plan. A few seconds later, that hope was crushed.

Alice charged Jacob and flung herself onto his back, her arms wrapping around his neck. Jacob barely even flinched before he flexed his arms and threw them into a backwards motion. Alice flew off of him and hit her head on my dinette table. She lay on the floor motionless.

"No! What did you do to her?" I tried to get around Jacob but he pinned me against the wall again.

"Get. Your. Fucking. Hands. Off of her!" A familiar voice rang out before Jacob was pulled back by his arm. Edward!

Jacob laughed and took a swing at Edward. "Do you seriously think you can fight me, dude? This is gonna be hilarious." The look on my boyfriend's face was murderous as he ducked to miss Jacob's large fist.

Edward threw a punch, hitting Jacob square in the jaw. "Agh!" he spat.

"Edward! No!" I screamed as Jacob launched himself at Edward.

At that moment, Jasper appeared. He took in the scene around him and then shouted, "Oh God, Alice!" He fled to his wife and ran his fingers through her hair. "Baby? Are you okay, baby?"

I could only pay attention for half of a second before I turned back to Edward and Jacob. Punches were being thrown, my furniture crunching beneath their bodies. My head was spinning. I didn't know whether to run to Alice or to try and break up the fight in front of me.

"Jasper! Is she okay?" I asked frantically.

He nodded and I noticed how pale he looked, how afraid he was.

"I-I think she's coming around!" he said. "Call the cops," he mouthed. I bit my lip and pulled out my phone and quickly dialed 9-1-1. Suddenly the phone was being ripped from my hands and I looked up to see a bloodied Jacob in front of me. My phone was then thrown across the room to where it hit the floor and the battery popped out.

"Nice try, bitch."

Edward took advantage of Jacob's distraction and punched him in the side of the face, hard. Jacob stumbled to the side and Edward hurried towards me.

"Are you okay, Bella? Is Alice okay?" he asked as he wiped the blood from his mouth.

"I'm fine, she's- Edward, watch out!" I screamed as Jacob ran at him from the side.

Edward pushed me out of the way and I fell onto the bed. More punches were thrown and they were moving so fast that I couldn't tell who was winning. I heard myself screaming for them to stop, but they just kept going. Grunts and sounds of pain filled my ears, but then they were being pulled apart. Large arms wrapped around Jacob's body, locking his own arms at his side. Emmett pulled Jacob back and towards the door. Carlisle had a firm grasp onto Edward's shoulder. I rushed over to him and threw my arms around his waist. I saw him grimace from the pain and immediately I released my hold on him.

"Are you… are you okay?" he asked, partially out of breath.

I nodded quickly, and then looked over him and took account of his physical state. I was horrified at what I saw. His right eye looked swollen and I knew that it would be black before the day was over. A small trail of blood trickled down the left side of his mouth. He had several cuts on his cheeks and forehead, and his clothes were disheveled and ripped.

"Where did Emmett take Jacob?" I was worried that Emmett would get hurt as well. Carlisle cleared his throat. "Emmett will be fine, Bella. The police are on their way."

I groaned. The police were now involved. Wasn't the whole point of this thing to keep the police out of it? If we'd just gone to the police in the first place, then maybe Edward and Alice wouldn't be hurt right now. Alice.

I looked around the room but didn't see her or Jasper anywhere. "Where's Alice? Is she…"

Carlisle nodded. "She's conscious." I blew out a breath of relief though; something about Carlisle's casual answer bothered me a bit. It was almost as if he were holding back any real emotion.

"What…what happened, Bella?" Carlisle whispered. Edward's eyes met mine and I took his hand.

"Jacob found out that it was us. He and Tanya found out that it was us and I don't know exactly what he had planned but I know that he wanted to hurt Edward through me."

Shock flooded Carlisle's face. "But I paid that young man very well. I even had him sign a document stating that he would keep quiet or lose the money."

I sighed. "Yeah, but apparently sexual favors can cancel all of that out."

The two men glanced at each other. Carlisle looked troubled.

"I'm so very sorry. I… I never even thought about that. I should have done something to prevent that type of thing." Both Edward and I tried to reassure him that it wasn't his fault. "Though I've been here for a very long time, I grew up Amish and sometimes that makes me very naïve to things like that."

Edward nodded in what I assumed to be understanding and sighed. "All of the times I had to work on that project with Tanya, I never realized what she was doing. That last time she'd convinced me to come into her room. If I wasn't so blinded by that, I would've never even gone in there. I would have known what she was trying to do."

I shook my head at them. They thought it was their fault when really it was mine.

"Guys, if anyone is going to take the blame it should be me. I never straight up told Jacob that I wasn't interested. This is my fault. I'm also the one that didn't go to the police in the first place," I said.

Carlisle shook his head. "You're not to blame, Bella. When he saw that you were with Edward that should have been enough. Jacob is to blame for all of this. Right now, let's go talk to the police and set things straight."

"What should we tell the police?" I asked and bit my lip nervously. Though my father was a cop, law enforcement always made me feel nervous. Speaking of my father, he would absolutely kill me if he knew that I didn't go to the police in the first place.

Carlisle scratched his chin while he thought about how to respond. "I think you should be honest. But really it comes down to what you want to happen to Jacob?"

"I just want this to be over. I want Jacob to stay away from us."

"Then you'll need a restraining order. The both of you will." Carlisle looked at Edward and then back at me. "Are you ready?" We both nodded and walked out of the apartment and then outside into the parking lot.

There was an ambulance and two police cars parked in front of the building. To the right, a banged up looking Jacob was being restrained by a cop. I couldn't help but feel smug at the fact that he looked worse than Edward. Emmett stood at the back of the ambulance and I assumed that Alice and Jasper were inside. The second cop approached us and introduced himself.

He was tall and thin and had dark skin and brown eyes. He had a stern look on his face but he gave us a polite smile which softened his expression somewhat.

"Hello, I'm Officer Sam Uley. I'm going to assume you're the other half of this little party?" he asked.

Carlisle cleared his throat. "This is Edward and Bella. They will be more than willing to share their part of the story with you. I'll be over there," he pointed to the ambulance. "Officer Uley? I'd appreciate it if you'd keep that young man over there away from my family. He's dangerous."

Officer Uley nodded reluctantly. I could see that he took "innocent until proven guilty" seriously. I gave Edward a look to convey my thoughts. He looked concerned.

"Okay, Edward, Bella. If one of you could please tell me what happened?" Officer Uley asked. Edward nodded at me to start. I bit the inside of my cheek while I wondered where to begin.

"Jacob—that guy over there. He broke into my apartment," I began.

"So your boyfriend here beat him up? Unless he was threatening to hurt him you should have just called the police," Officer Uley said in an accusing tone.

Edward stepped toward the policeman. His teeth were gritted and his eyes were narrowed. "Didn't you just ask her to tell you what happened? You heard one line and assume that you know the whole story?"

Edward pointed over to Jacob. "That dickwad over there broke into Bella's apartment while she was home alone. I got a call from her cell phone and could hear him yelling loudly and threatening her. I walked inside to find her pinned against a wall. Alice, the tiny girl in the ambulance, was on the floor unconscious. Do you think I was just going to stand there at the door while we waited for you guys to arrive? If you want to know what happened, then listen to what she has to say!"

Officer Uley huffed as he held up his hands. "You need to back off sir or I'll have to cuff you. If you're done yelling at me then Bella can tell me her side of the story."

Edward just nodded, looking agitated all the while. My eyes were wide as I looked at him. "Dickwad?" I asked out the side of my mouth. He cracked a small smile from his bloodied lip. "I heard Emmett say it once. It seemed appropriate."

I smiled back at him and then looked at an irritated Officer Uley. "Okay, so as I said Jacob broke into my apartment. Well, sort of. He had a key," I mumbled.

Edward's face scrunched in confusion and hurt flashed in his eyes.

"I didn't give it to him," I said to both Officer Uley and Edward. "He'd been watching my place for a couple of hours, I guess. When Edward left this morning, his key fell off of his keychain. Jacob took it and that's how he got in."

"What did Mr. Black say to you when he entered your apartment?" the serious policeman asked.

"Well, I asked him what he wanted. I also asked him to please leave. He told me that he would leave when he got what he wanted. Me," I answered. After a few more questions, I told him the rest of the story. By the time I was done, Officer Uley looked more sympathetic to me. We were told to relax for a few minutes while he talked to the other officer and Jacob.

We walked over to the ambulance to see how Alice was doing. She sat on the back edge of the vehicle with an ice pack on her head, held on by Jasper. Her mascara was runny and she looked paler than usual.

"Oh, Alice!" I hurried over to her. I gently grabbed her hand and looked into her face. "Are you okay?"

"I haven't been crying, I swear! It's just, you know when you hit your head and it makes your eyes water? That's why my mascara's all runny," she blurted. Jasper pursed his lips but I saw a smile trying to break through.

"What did they tell you?" I asked and nodded towards the two EMT's talking to the police.

"It's a concussion," Jasper said. "Thankfully, it's minor. She could have been more seriously hurt with what happened."

The EMT's walked over as we were standing with Alice and Jasper. One was an older woman with greying hair, the other a young man with bright blue eyes.

"Hello, I'm Joyce and this is Garrett. The officer over there asked us to check on a young man named Edward. I'm assuming that's you," she said as she nodded towards Edward.

"Yes, ma'am," he replied and tipped his head slightly.

"Why don't you come inside the truck with me and I'll clean you up a bit," she said.

Edward followed Joyce inside, while Garrett tended to Alice. Jasper stood beside me and shook his head.

"That stupid girl. Stupid, beautiful, crazy, brave woman," he muttered. I smiled to myself.

"I'm sorry that Alice got involved in this," I said softly.

"Alice is a go big or go home kind of girl," he said. I nodded in fervent agreement.

"Hey, where did Emmett and Carlisle go?" I asked.

"Em went to go get Rose or something. Carlisle went to his car to call the family lawyer." Jasper looked at me from the corner of his eye. The word lawyer made my stomach twist. I wondered if I should call my dad and tell him what was happening.

I saw Officer Uley make his way to me and my heart started racing.

"Bella? May I have a word?" He looked at Jasper who quickly excused himself.

"S-sure," I stuttered nervously.

Officer Uley cleared his throat and then rubbed the back of his neck. He looked uneasy. "Right. Well, Jacob is telling us a different story. He said that you gave him the key and told him that he was allowed to use it whenever he wanted."

I immediately began to protest but he held up his hand. "He also said that you had invited him over since Edward was gone."

I growled. I literally growled. "Jacob is lying!"

"Have you ever dated him or anything like that?"

"No! We, uh, slept together one time and I went on a date with him after that. But he knew that I was dating Edward. HE KNEW! What about Alice and Edward's statements? They told you what they saw. He had me pinned against the wall in a threatening manner!"

Officer Uley looked uncomfortable again. "Look that's the thing; he claimed that it was a sexual thing. That you were happy about it until your boyfriend got home."

I shook my head and crossed my arms over my chest. "I think I need to talk with someone before anything else happens," I said quietly. I wished that my dad was there to tell me what to do. I'd have to settle for Carlisle for the time being.

"Look Bella, you seem like a nice girl. If there's anything else you need to share..."

I shook my head. "Not right now. I, uh, I need to talk to someone."

He gave me a tight lipped smiled and turned to walk away. After a few seconds, he turned back to me. "For the record, I believe you," he said and then continued to walk back towards the other police officer.

Hours later we were at the police station going over our statements and asking more questions. It seemed that we would have to go to court over the whole matter because Jacob Black was denying the entire thing. The only thing he would say is that I was cheating on Edward with him. Carlisle turned the pictures over to the police and we had to answer even more questions which really just turned the whole thing into an even bigger ordeal. It was horrible.

When we were finally told that we could go home I wasn't sure whether I wanted to cry or celebrate. We were all tired, but I also didn't like the fact that we could possibly have several court dates and more questioning ahead of us. Rose texted me letting me know that she and Emmett were on their way to the station.

I sent a quick text letting her know that we were leaving so their coming really wasn't necessary. Immediately she texted me back telling me to stay put in all caps. I wasn't sure why but I decided to listen to her.

We were all in the lobby of the police station when Jacob Black exited from one of the rooms from down the hall. I felt Edward begin to move forward so I grabbed his hand and squeezed. He stopped but I could feel how tense he was.

Jacob sneered in our direction which didn't help the situation at all. His face held a Cheshire grin that exuded cockiness. He really thought he was going to get away with it all.

"Let's go." Edward spat. He had his hand on my lower back and nudged me gently but I stood firm. Rose and Emmett hadn't arrived yet. "Not yet." I whispered.

Carlisle cleared his throat, "Bella it would probably be best if we left now. We don't want to cause any further issue."

I shook my head, "Rose texted me and said they were on their way here."

"We'll see them at home." Edward said.

"No, she was really insistent. Can't we just wait for another minute?" I asked.

Edward and Carlisle exchanged a concerned look.

Jacob began to leave but before he could get out the door, Rose and Emmett rushed in. Another man stood behind them. I couldn't take my eyes off of Rose though. She looked horrible. Her hair was lank and a little greasy looking, and her face was as pale as a corpse. Her eyes were bloodshot and she just looked altogether sick.

"Rose," I breathed. "Are you alright?" I was a little concerned. What had happened to her?

"I'm fine. I would have been here sooner but I've been puking my guts up all damn day." She said. Emmett rubbed her back soothingly. She rolled her eyes at everyone, "What? It's fucking morning sickness. Get over it." I looked back at Edward and Carlisle and saw that their eyes were wide. Carlisle obviously had not heard that he was to be a grandfather yet. It would have been funny if the rest of the day hadn't happened.

"Anyway," She started. "I think I have just the solution for this whole thing." She waved her hand back and forth. Jacob began to leave again but Emmett stopped him.

"I think you'll want to stay for this Jacob. I've got something to say." Rose said. She looked back at the older man behind her and held out a hand. "This is Jason Jenks, a family friend."

The man nodded his head in greeting. His hair was made up of gray, tight curls, and his face was friendly but tired looking. "Jenks here is a private investigator. I've had him follow Jacob for the last few days. He owed me a favor." She said nonchalantly.

Jenks looked over at Jacob and gave him a smirk.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"When you got back I gave Jenks a call. I had a feeling that Jacob would try something once Edward was back. I'll let Jenks take it from here."

Jenks cleared his throat before speaking. "Jacob Black engaged in suspicious behavior from the time I began tailing him, until today when I saw him enter Miss Swan's apartment building. Being in the business that I'm in, I have quite a few tools that help me out with my job." He began to dig around in his pocket until he pulled out a small tape recorder. "Now this is obviously not what I used but this will play the tapes that I have. There is some audio that I believe will completely change this whole situation. Not that it's my place to decide or anything."

Jacob's mouth hung wide open. He looked truly shocked that he had been followed. I wanted to rub it in his face to ask him how it felt. Jenks pressed a button on the tape recorder and the sound of static filled the air.

After a moment I could hear a deep voice speaking.

"_Shit Tan I don't know what I'm gonna do. He's back. Why the hell would she go and get him like that? We're meant to be." _

A feminine voice then answered him.

"_Why do you even like her Jakey? She's not even that pretty. Why does Edward even want her? I mean, he could have had me!" _

I rolled my eyes at Tanya's words. Beauty would only last for so long.

"_Shut up. You don't even know her." _Tanya huffed loudly and I could almost picture her pouting like a child. _"I did everything for her. Those pictures weren't supposed to bring them closer together. It should have ripped them apart. Damn, seeing them together hurt like hell. At least I got to see Bella naked again though." _Jacob laughed at the latter part of his sentence. I felt myself blushing at the mention of my being naked.

"_Fuck, Jacob. Rina just sent me a text saying that there is a video of us online. You didn't tape us fucking did you?" _Tanya sounded more annoyed than angry.

_"Nah none of that." _

Jenks fast forwarded the tape a little and then stopped. "_Shit. How did someone get that tape? God dammit we're gonna be screwed!" _

Jenks stopped the tape recorder and his mouth formed into a tight smile. He looked over at Officer Uley and a few others that stood nearby. "I have much more audio and I even have video."

"Shit." Jacob muttered. I could only smile at him smugly.

A tall blonde officer walked over to Jacob and pulled his arm at the elbow. "We'll need you to come back here with us now."

Officer Uley told us that we could go ahead and leave. He said that if he had any news or questions that he would give us a call. Jenks stayed behind to talk to the police. We all headed out to the parking lot of the police station and headed towards Rose and Emmett's vehicle. Carlisle was parked nearby.

I took Rose's hand and asked how she was feeling. "Shitty." She answered simply.

"You're amazing. I can't believe you did all of that for us. How come you didn't tell any of us?" I asked.

"I couldn't take the chance that someone would find out. It would have ruined everything if Jacob would've gotten wind of it." She replied. Her face began to look overly pale again. Her hand shot to her stomach and she closed her eyes.

"I didn't even know about the whole thing." Emmett said. "She only told me earlier between puking her guts out and toilet flushes."

Suddenly a loud screeching sound filled our ears. I looked over and saw a gold Mercedes swinging into the parking lot. When I looked a little closer I saw that Esme was the driver of the vehicle.

"Ez?" Carlisle called out as she exited the vehicle.

"Where's the young man that hurt my babies? I want to have a word with him!" She shouted.

Carlisle was instantly at her side. "Now honey we've taken care of it. There's no need to get worked up."

Esme shook her head quickly. "Carlisle, Alice is at home lying down and she looks just awful. Who would do that to a woman? And Edward, where is Edward?" She looked around until she spotted him.

"Oh god! Edward, are you okay?" She rushed over to where we stood and began touching his injured face.

"I'm fine Aunt Esme, really." Edward assured her.

Esme puckered her lips and stomped her foot. "I still want to talk to that young man! How dare he hurt you! How dare he hurt a tiny woman like Alice!"

Carlisle was at Esme's side once again and he wrapped his arms around her. "Maybe you can someday soon. But for now I think we all need to get home."

She nodded looking defeated. "Alright, but I want everyone to come over for dinner. I'll make comfort food. I'm thinking fried chicken."

I saw Emmett's face morph into excitement, whereas Rose's twisted into a grimace. Seconds later she was on all fours dry heaving.

"I thought Rose liked fried chicken!" Esme exclaimed.

Carlisle clapped her on the back. "She does my dear, just not right now. Come, there's something I need to tell you."

It was the end of a long day and we were all tired. That evening we celebrated Rose and Emmett's news and Edward's big achievement. For once, it felt like everything was coming together. There was no black cloud looming ahead.

Officer Uley called my cell phone and let me know that Jacob confessed to everything. Apparently Jenks brought enough evidence to the table that there was no denying that Jacob was involved. His lawyer advised him to confess in hopes of getting a lighter punishment.

I felt lighter than I had in a long time.

My next accomplishment was big, huge, and mind blowing. I was about to graduate from college.

**A/N: Ahh can you believe that the next chapter is the LAST CHAPTER? Of course there will be an epilogue but still! :P What do you think about everything that happened? Did you love it? Did it suck? Review and let me know please! Oh, by the way…I'll be updating again either tonight or tomorrow sometime. Look out for it! **


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

**Bella's POV**

The sun shone bright on the day of my college graduation. I closed my eyes and smiled as a breeze blew around me, causing my lightweight sundress to flutter around my legs. I felt a warm body press against my back, and strong arms wrap around my front. I leaned in and took in the familiar smell of Edward.

"You better watch that dress. I wouldn't want any of the other men here to see what you're wearing underneath. That's for me only." He whispered into my ear.

I grinned and turned my head to look at him. "I can't believe how many people Esme invited."

Esme had taken the liberty of throwing a graduation party for not only Emmett, but Rose and I as well. It was a nice gesture and I appreciated it. I recognized a few people here and there, but most had to be people that Carlisle and Esme knew.

I scanned the crowd in search of my dad but didn't see him anywhere.

"Have you seen Charlie?" I asked. The last time I'd seen him he was perusing the snack table with a beer in his hand.

Edward chuckled. "He's drooling over Carlisle's grill and giving him pointers." I rolled my eyes and I imagined my father running his hands over the shiny grill.

"I guess I know what I'm getting him for Christmas next year." I said.

"I could build him one." Edward said seriously. He'd only been working his job for two days and he was already obsessed with building things. Though he'd been building things his whole life, there were limitations to what he could do before.

"Maybe so." I replied quietly.

I turned myself in Edward's arms until I faced him. He kissed my forehead and then looked down into my eyes. "I'm very proud of you. You know that right?"

I nodded and then kissed him softly. I closed my eyes and ran the day's earlier events through my mind. The accomplishment that I felt when I walked across the stage was amazing. I opened my eyes and found Edward gazing intently at me. "What?" I asked curiously.

"Come with me." He said and gently pulled me to the side of the house where the beautiful garden and bench was located. I was reminded of the night of the New Year's Eve party when James followed me outside. I remembered how Edward swooped in to save me. It seemed as if he'd had to do that a lot since we'd been together. Despite what had happened the last time we'd been in the garden area, I still loved it. It was so calming and beautiful.

We sat down on the pretty little bench that graced the garden. I felt myself smiling and I looked over at Edward to see that he was once again giving me an intense look.

"I love you Bella." He said.

"I love you too Edward."

"If it weren't for you Bella I don't even know if I would be here right now. I mean, not because of what just happened but, I think I would have left a long time ago. I was lonely and miserable before you came along. To be honest I've been the both of those things for a good part of my life, though I don't think I really realized it before. Every time I try to think of my life before you I can't even…I can't imagine. The way you make me laugh until I can't breathe surprises me every time. Do you know that nobody has ever made me feel the way I do now? I never want to be without you." He said.

I felt a little breathless when he was finished. Edward always knew how to make me smile. He made me feel important.

"I never want to be without you either Edward." I smiled. His face turned serious and I watched as he moved from his seated position on the bench, to a kneeling position on the stone pathway in front of me. My breath hitched as I watched him reach into his pocket. He pulled out a small wooden box and held it in front of me.

He swallowed thickly and I could see that he was a bit shaky. His lips moved soundlessly before he finally spoke.

"The first time we sort of met, and you ran into me, I was blown away by your beauty Bella. Your kind, warm eyes drew me in. I wanted to tell you all of my secrets and I wanted to know everything about you. And then that night at the party when we talked I knew there was something special about you. You've been it for me from the very beginning Bella." He took a deep breath then exhaled shakily. "Will you marry me?" His eyes locked with mine and I felt my heart squeeze almost painfully. I could literally see the love in his eyes. A feeling of warmth spread throughout my body and happy feeling shot up from my stomach into my throat. Edward opened up the wooden box and I gasped when I saw the beautiful ring inside. It was a beautiful antique ring with a large white diamond in the middle. It was old-fashioned which reminded me of Edward.

"Yes!" I half whispered, half shouted. Edward's nervous mask disappeared and a cheek-to-cheek smile took its place.

He pulled the ring from the box and slid it onto my finger. I bit my lip to keep myself from grinning embarrassingly. We stood up together and Edward pressed his lips to mine. I kissed him back and tried to show him how happy I was.

We stood like that for a while before deciding to get back to what was partially my party. On the walk back to the backyard I stared at the ring happily. It was so beautiful and sparkly and…it tied me to Edward. I loved it. My _fiancé_ must have noticed my admiring of the ring.

"Did I do okay with everything?" He asked shyly.

"Um, yes! That was the perfect proposal Edward. Seriously, I'll never forget it." I said while smiling.

Edward's cheeks flushed. "I wasn't really sure what to do since my way of growing up didn't really do things the same way. Jasper gave me advice and made me watch YouTube videos."

"It was perfect." I said again and kissed him on the cheek.

As we drew closer to the throngs of people I spotted my dad leaning against a table and watching us. When we got closer he pushed off of the table and walked toward us.

His eyes darted to my left hand and then back up to my face. He turned to look at Edward and shook his head.

"Well it's about damned time!" Charlie exclaimed. My forehead scrunched in confusion at his outburst.

"What? Ever since Edward here asked for my blessing I've been waiting for him to ask." He said.

I looked up at Edward. "You asked for his blessing?" I smiled.

"Of course he did. He's an old fashioned kind of guy." Charlie grinned. "I respect that."

Edward's cheeks flushed again.

"Congratulations you guys." Charlie said and pulled me into a hug. He extended his hand to Edward and they shook hands. "Thanks Dad." I said. "Thanks Charlie." Edward said.

"Oh come on now, none of that Charlie business. It's Dad now." Charlie joked.

Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie approached us. "What's going on over here?" Alice asked. Jasper looked between Edward and I knowingly. Rosalie stood with her back against Emmett and he gently rubbed her belly.

"Nothing." I said quickly.

Alice suddenly gasped ridiculously loud. She bounded to me and lifted my left hand in to the air.

"You guys are engaged? OH MY GOD, FINALLY!" Alice squealed in a terrifyingly high-pitched voice. Jasper and Emmett gave Edward congratulatory bro-hugs. Alice gave me a tight hug that admittedly had me gasping for air. Rose gave me a gentle hug with a pat on the head.

"Hey you aren't bothered by this right?" I asked Rose quietly.

She shook her head and squeezed my shoulder. "No, I'm not at all Bella. I want Emmett to propose to me when he's ready, not because I'm pregnant." I was pleased to see she didn't look sad about it.

Jasper and Emmett both gave me their brotherly hugs and congratulations and then we all walked back to the patio to get some food. Alice did the honors of announcing that we had an announcement. I was surprised when Edward actually told everyone that we were engaged. He looked happy and proud and it felt like my heart would burst to see him look that way because of me.

I couldn't wait to get home with him. Well, actually Emmett and Edward's home. My place was still a wreck and we didn't want to be there for the time being. A couple of hours, and several congratulatory hugs later, it was time to go home. We hopped in the Volvo and pulled out of the Cullen's long driveway. When we got to the house we walked in casually and quietly. Once inside the foyer it was like a switch was turned. We gravitated towards each other like magnets. Our lips slammed together forcefully and our bodies melded together like cement. Edward swept me up into his arms and carried me up the stairs, our lips never parting.

A minute later I was pressed up against the bedroom door. I lifted Edward's shirt from his body then wrapped my legs around his waist. I felt how hard he was and immediately reached my hand down to rub him.

"Oh god Bella." He breathed. "You have way too many clothes on."

I lifted my hands for him and he gathered the fabric of my sundress in his hands and slid it up my body, discarding it onto the ground once he'd removed it. He moved us onto the bed where he pulled off my panties and bra. His jeans and underwear were quickly kicked off and then he was on top of me.

Edward settled himself between my legs. "I can't wait until you're my wife." He whispered. I mashed my lips to his again and feel my emotions running high. I'd never cried during sex, but in that moment I felt as if I would. Suddenly his tip was at my entrance and after another second he pushed in. Our foreheads pressed together as our hips met thrust for thrust. It wasn't long before my stomach began to tighten. Edward must have known because he sped up his movements.

"Bella," He said in a strained voice. "I'm...Oh.."

"Oh fuck." I whispered. We came together and it was intense. I couldn't wait to marry Edward. I wanted to spend every night in his arms, and wake up to his face every morning of forever. I wanted to have children with him; I wanted to experience everything a married couple should experience together. Tears pricked at my eyes, and a few ended up escaping.

"Are you okay baby? Did I hurt you?" Edward asked, still on top of me.

"No I'm just…I'm really happy Edward." I said. He tucked my hair behind my ears while giving me a crooked grin.

"What?" I asked when his crooked grin grew wider.

He shook his head from side to side. "Nothing, really. I was just thinking about the look on your face when you ran into me that day after class. Those big brown eyes were as wide as saucers." He chuckled.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Okay Mr. Typewriter."

Edward reached his hands down to my sides and tickled me. "That's not funny." He said in a mock-stern voice.

"Actually it is." I laughed.

"I don't think it's so funny. I ended up using a computer to type the darn thing. In fact, I got one of the prettiest girls on campus to teach me how to do it." Edward said.

"Well she's a lucky girl." I joked.

Edward leaned down and kissed my forehead. "I'm a lucky guy."

"Whatever happened to that essay competition? I never heard anything from Professor Andrews. I could have really used that scholarship money."

Edward was quiet and I could even see in the dim light that he looked embarrassed.

"Edward? What is it?"

He looked me in the eye and then dropped his stare. "I won."

I put my finger and thumb on his chin and turned his face back to me. "That's awesome Edward. I wish you would have told me! I'm proud of you."

"I love you Bella." He whispered.

"And I love you."

_****_

**A/N: *Sniff* It's over. It's really over! Well, not really. The epilogue is up next. I can't give you an exact date but I would like it to be long and detailed. Plus add my two year old, 6 month old, and a hubby who works a lot…well it's difficult to write. Please be patient with me! Thanks for sticking with me guys. Oh and one last question: Would you rather the epi be in BPOV or EPOV?**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N **Hello my lovely readers! I am so very sorry that I never got the epilogue out to you all. I had so much trouble writing it, and that was because I felt like I needed to say a lot. As in, there were so many details that I wanted to include, but would have been way too long for just an epilogue.

My life has changed so much since I finished this story. I left the Twi-fic world for a long time. It's been refreshing. I have returned to this story with a new state of mind. So, on that note, I have an announcement to make. I will be writing a sequel to this story, instead of an epilogue.

I've already written enough for at least two chapters. The story will probably only be around 12 chapters, but it will be enough to really tie up the loose ends. I hope to post what I have written very soon! I would love for you to join me in the continuation of Part Of Your World. The whole gang will be back, and you'll get to see how their lives are going! I can't wait! Also I would like to thank each and every one of you for reading this story, and reviewing. I really appreciate it.

Laura


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